V3noms

I completely forgot I was a Tom Hardy stan until recently when I watched The Bikeriders and remembered oh yeah there's my white boy. Bikeriders' story focuses on back in the day when motorcycle clubs weren't about being crime organizations filled with rapist nazis, when it was just about wholesome family fun. Bikes and riding them and that's all :) Tom plays like the leader of a biker gang that is definitely not racist or evil in any way and he's so fat and grumbly and I'm watching like oh right this is my man how did I forget my fat :( Him being obese and incomprehensible and grumbly with dry DSLs completely distracted me from the fact that the movie is kind of lame and hollow and unintentionally fake-seeming (why is not-Academy Award nominated Mike Faist on screen for like five minutes just sitting in a corner nodding while holding a microphone?) and most egregiously how the movie is literally about how Tom's character is in love with Austin Butler's character but like it's not even acknowledged? Or do I need everything spoon-fed for me? No what I need is for gay sex to happen when a movie has nothing else going for it, otherwise why am I even here? Bikeriders ended and it was like it never happened, but deep down my Hardy stan era had been reactivated, only I had no material to feed the beast growing inside of me. He's like...not in anything I want to watch lmaoo. Months later, I eventually settle for Taboo, which is a tv show where Tom plays inexplicably a mixed raced lightskinned son-of-a-witch who is, and I'm not joking, straight up called the n-word with the hard r by another character whose white skin is the same sickly inbred english pallor as Tom's?? Other stuff happens like a watered down Wuthering Heights esque "romance" between Tom's character and his sister? And that's not even like interesting at all. And I'm demented and usually go up for that kinda thing but like I couldn't have cared less? And I felt that way about the entire show. The only saving grace was Tom walking around in like a top hat and trench coat looking well-fed with chapped lips beating people up and that satisfied me and kept me going but then there would be scenes without him in it and I'm like um, noo.. And that nightmare continued with Venom.

After Taboo I'm like okay what's the next Tom thing and there wasn't anything. I don't consider any of the superhero projects "real" things so if I'm stanning sum1 I won't be like yeah sure I'll watch them in Avengers 23: Protocol Mossad - Save Gaza from The Evil Browns or whatever bullshit made-up thing. If I watch one of these superhero bullshit things it's on some bleak like last resort type shit. It was either this or that movie Tom did where he played Al Capone and I don't have the stomach for that right now so Venom it was and honestly maybe I should've just watched the Capone thing and then killed myself immediately after idk.

The Venom movies are...well, they're not really movies. They are spectacles and not...like, captivating ones. There's nothing here to really care about--literally the only draw is Tom Hardy with this fake, shitty American accent talking to himself as some obnoxious alien gloop thing. I don't think stanning is ever this serious. I started to second guess if I actually was a T Hard stan or really about this stan life. It was rough. I felt like passing away from the first second of the first movie to the last second of the incomprehensible ~end credit sequence~ of the final nonsense film. God turned their back on me as I struggled through these "films" just to watch some beefed up white boy who refuses to moisturize his beautiful soup coolers, banter homosexually back and forth with CGI gloop, that is also just...himself?.. This is how I know we're in end days. Not all that other crazy shit going on in the world - no, me actually sitting through these three movies as my soul screamed internally to finally be released to the black nothing. We're probably actually in Hell, I think, because why am I not dead? Why is it all still going on? Venom gets sucked back to his home planet but I'm still here imprisoned in the nevernever, watching the Irving B Severance gloop get to do romance scenes with Tom Hardy instead of a real live human being. I mean, it could all be worse? What if I was like a Ryan Reynolds stan or something? I really need to keep things in perspective because I'm too cowardly and squeamish to actually off myself so I just need to start looking on the bright side of things. One good thing about the Venom "movies"? Um.........................they don't have Ryan Reynolds :)

Literally me less than one minute into watching the movie. But look at my little princess, so fast alseep, he looks so peaceful :')

Enjoy it, Edward, because soon your butt's gonna be filled with goop and it's gonne be real deep inside of you and you'll never be able to get rid of it, not until movie 3 anyway and I'm pretty sure they were not-subtly teasing that the goop would maybe be back in the future maybe for like a 100th Spiderman Webiversary movie or something so stay toon..

To establish that Eddie and White Wig Lady have like a really deep, special bond and an out of this world fantabulous relationship that would be really devastating to them and us the audience if they were to ever split, the movie opens with them doing like this really awkward and staged pillow fight. You know, how soulmates do. That's like the number one thing people deeply in love do they whack each other lamely with pillows. Theirs is truly a love like no other it'd be a huge shame if they were to ever break up it'd be really sad and meaningful and not forgettable or an insignificant plot point at all :(

This is how I smooch my boo that I'm deeply and indescribably in love and lust with. This is really getting me in my feefees, you guys. When will I ever have a love like this it seems like such an unreachable, impossible goal. This, here, is so beautiful, so rare.

So Eddie is like a journalist or something *starts passing out from my total lack of interest* Uhh yeah. He...does reports or something. Apparently in this universe he's well known for his journalistic efforts. I am not familiar with the comics so don't know any of the lore of What'shislips. I'm pretty sure this character was played by Topher Grace in Spider Emo? And I haven't watched that since I was like 17 lol but wasn't Topher's character like an unlikable douchebag? Eddie's kinda bummy but he's so lovable and huggable and I'm pretty sure that's wrong but I totally refuse to reasearch so let's just move on and get this shit over with :)

Ed and Anne go on a date and there's a weird moment where they're both going in for a kiss and it's so awkward and uncomfortable gOD PLEASE MAKE IT STOP. They have no chemistry at all it's so funny why is Michelle Williams even in this put her in some fucked up indie movie and stop wasting people's time smh

Wait this was actually cute and the only time I think Big Baby and White Michelle Williams look even remotely believable as a real life couple and honestly this is really giving more drunk caretaker who has fallen asleep on some invalid rich housewife whose bedpan he's been hired to swap out periodically. But...at least it's something

PLEASE

The villain in Venom 1 is a Pakistani twink named Carlton Drake (?) who's like some rich, psychotic dude who owns a company and I think the goal is saving the world I think with science or some shit but Carlton is going about it in some evil way because he's like some rich arab and we all know they only do evil lol. I am a little confused by a villain origin story telling the same story that all the other superhero bullshit movies tell. The main guy is the good guy and he's fighting bad guys. Um, isn't Venom supposed to be the villain? So...shouldn't he be doing the bad stuff? Again, I do not know the lore here so maybe I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure that's what these Sony movies are about: telling the story of the villains...so why is it just the same story that they give the superheroes? Like this shit is boring! I don't want to see Eddie/Ven be good or avoid doing bad like let them go crazy. Even the fake deep Joker movies at least show Arthur like be a bad guy even when they heap all this shit on him so you feel bad or whatever but they at least make it obvious why he's the villain (at least in movie 1, I am not watching a Joker musical neither Joaquin nor that Italian can sing please be serious before I blow all this shit up). Like I just don't get it. And then Carlton Drake aint even interesting lmaooo like yall really be making anything

Ok so I was just going on an unhinged rant a second ago about how Eddie is not even the villain in his villain origin story but he does something really insane by going on his gf's computer and stealing info from confidential files to use to expose Carlton Drake which ends up getting both Ed and Anne fired from their jobs which was really fucked up and he didn't have any justification for it, in my opinion. It'd be one thing if he hadn't betrayed Anne to do it because there's nothing wrong with exposing Carlton obviously he's evil but why blow her whole life up, she didn't sign up for that so I guess that was arguably villain-coded behavior but I'm pretty sure that's like the worst thing he does? That's just like regular guy not-great shit like a villain should be dropping babies off a roof like what do y'all not understand?

There's just a random "six months later" thrown in like thirty minutes into the movie. It means nothing and why is Eddie still just a big lipped regular white man um isn't he supposed to be getting sodomized by a symbiote do y'all plan to get around to that anytime soon orrr???

The real queen of Big Ed's life: random Asian lady clerk from the corner store. No they literally have a million times more chemistry than Ed does with Anne, even Eddie and that random homeless lady have more chemistry and it shouldn't have to matter now that Eddie and Anne are broken up but they drag out their ~connection~ for the rest of this movie and into movie 2 (god help me) and it's supposed to matter to us and it does not at all and you can even see it not mattering to the actual characters on the screen and it's like what are we even doing here?

Eddie is fat and unemployed for 6 months but still can afford this big apartment in San Fran of all places. There's a must of fundie in the air. Honestly Eddie being a trust funder explains everything cuz literally who is even a journalist still these days and then you wanna live in San Francisco solely eating off some little news stories here and there? Bro doesn't even have a sponsored podcast! Movie 2 unserious for me

Okaaaayyyyyy *leans in*

They're all just standing around watching this transient who was lured into the experiment under false pretenses violently pass away? And something insane like this is happening and it reads so ho-hum anyways on the screen. These movies are terrible lol

Dan Veep shows up to play Dr. Dan Anne's Man in Venom 1. It means nothing but I a little bit was shipping him with Eddie? Idk I just felt like Dan perked up a little anytime Eddie was on the scene. He's so me but like you're in a relationship you're taken fall back you don't have the juice nor stamina to even handle all that so relax

Me if I was captured against my will to be utilized in human trials where a symbiote is released into my cage and prodded to enter me anally and probe my bones and soul.

If this whole movie was just Eddie getting possessed by the symbiote in the first minute and then the whole rest of the running time was him adjusting to having the symbiote penetrate and fill him I would have little complaint. I liked the scenes where Tom Hardy was just like eating ferally and drinking like an animal. They had something there but they just let it slip through their stupid lizard fingers. Nothing new 4 Hollyweird

Me passed out after that goodt symbiote deep dicking

Nooooooooo, homeless lady! :( #RIP #socialcommentary

Me the week b4 my period (and also all the rest of the month #mentallyill)

He's BALD and he wants to kill Eddie for his REMAINING SCRAPS OF HAIR

There's like a twenty minute chase scene in the middle of the movie? Isn't this series about a symbiote anally-entering some thick-backed power bottom-coded luscious-lipped yt man? This movie should just be Possession except this time they show us in uncomfortable, graphic detail all the gross weird tentacle sex. What does Hollywood not get?

Why is the lens flare the diva of this scene? And how tf did Bill Burr survive all that? Can't stand baldies always wanting to survive everything they get on MY NERVES!!

Freaky frog ass symbiote!! Please RELAX!!

This negro is really freaky PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. Like have some couth, have some CLASS!!

But seriously the freakiness of the symbiote is making me uncomfortable but not in the way I like but at least it's here? Because b4 when it wasn't I was too bored even to kill myself it was like I was just sitting as nothing surrounded by nothingness but now at least Eddie has something to play off even if it is some weirdly horny demonic lizard goop...

It's so funny in these movies when a beast appears and they just have cops and the military shooting at it. Like yes America yaaas guns but um can we at least try to figure out what the creature even is? Like we're not gonna start with tranq guns? Just straight to killing it? I mean, I guess. It is pretty freaky and needs to die so fine. But if we're going that route where's like the explosive stuff? Guns, for a 50ft tall freaky beast? Don't pull up if y'all not finna take this shit serious

Broooooooooooooooooooooooo

Guys, remember when Riz Ahmed was in Sound of Metal... :(

Me during the most feral period of my ovulation cycle

Eddie and Venom have a break up scene five minutes after meeting? Mind you it was blasphemous interspecies comingling any damn way. But stop it guys don't fight :'(

Why is the crisis actor who plays both Bill Burr and the smashing pumpkins guy still alive like these balds REFUSE TO DIE!!

It's their lack of hair that makes them evil and impossible to kill I'm convinced!

???????? Why when the symbiote goes into a woman does it become...like, sexy? Also what is going on? Why would anne even take the symbiote into her body like i am not helping eddie lmao he isn't even her man anymore and even if he was still why would she help him in this way she literally took an alien life form into her holes and let it penetrate her organs to do this???

Like 40% of these movies is just Some Shit thrown up on the screen

Like what am I even looking at??

?????????????????????????????????????

There's like a big incomprehensible fight between Eddie and Carlton Drake in symbiote forms and then they switch to human form and it's so lame and tired lmaoo I'm not even sure if that was supposed to be a gag but I thought it was funny

It's also funny to me how Eddie has no chemistry with anyone he's supposed to to make the story matter. Like there's no real connection between him and Carlton Drake so when this big fight happens you're just like okay... and then Carlton Drake dies and it's like so anyways... Lmao like there is no real storyline with any stakes. It's just shit happening and then the movie ends and it's like nothing even occured. It's like going to a buffet but all they have to eat is cotton candy and you indulge on that for hours and then after if you're not in a coma from sugar shock you're just like hmmm I need like actual food like not even anything crazy maybe some carrot sticks and a cup of water like just ANY sustenance is fine. I feel like these movies are made to break you down to a grain with no hopes or expectations and there's something interesting there, in the motivations for why the movies are made, and that's cute but it'd be better if the interesting thing was what was actually happening on the screen :) That probably should be the main goal :) Sighs, at least we get to look at Tom Hardy. Hopefully they make him grosser and fatter as the movies get worser :)

At the end of movie 1 there's like some milquetoast wrap-up scene between Ed and Anne. They lack so much chemistry and energy you would think Tom H and White Michelle filmed their scenes in separate studio booths and their final interaction was simply stitched together from those two separate performances. Why is it so nothing? There's nothing between them it's so funny it's like they were coworkers who worked on different floors for years who occasionally ran into each other on the elevator and that's the extent of their relationship but even in that case I think the coworkers would have more chemistry than Eddie and Ann with an E do like I assume these movies are essentially made in a lab you would think with every tiny little detail being pored over they would have chemistry on a lock. I'm honestly starting to suspect these movies are being made by chatbots and every decision maker in Hollywood has a literal rock where their brain should b--*"Venom" by Eminem clone #3726 starts abruptly playing loudly over my unhinged ranting. Cue cut to white. Symbiote gloop starts forming in the ugly shape of Woody Harrelson's stupid face*

Oh this is unfortunate. The man harassing Eddie's Asian store clerk grandma girlfriend is an illegal immigrant from Down There who's probably a member of one of those scary murderous cartel gangs run by psychotic, deranged trans divas with chiclet veneers. This isn't the best look for #their cause. #StopAsianH8 #ClosetheBorders #BUILDTHEWALL #AdamandEveNotAdamisEve

One of my more recent rock bottom moments was subscribing to Starz streaming service (??) simply to gain access to Venom 2: Let Dere Be Ugly Interracial Love. Literally wtf is Spartacus House of Ashur? I have never heard this ONCE. Y'all really be watching anything *stares into the screen as someone who could've been doing something meaningful and productive with their life but instead was watching Venom movies that they literally paid to watch on purpose like not 2 much not too much*

Why is it so dark? Turn them MOTHERFUCKING LIGHTS UP!!!!

Me when I'm watching any second of these movies that doesn't have Tom Hardy talking to himself on the screen. Like get serious

The villain of movie 2 is called Cletus Kasady... (???) Mind you, is not ~*~the villain~*~ SUPPOSED to be Venom???? Like am I just dumb like is it me??? (yes and probably)

Oh, Miss Mamas is a real freaky diva (encouraging)

I wonder if these movies though are supposed to be like an allegory (doesn't all the way know what allegory means) for dealing with schizophrenia. Eddie is always walking around yappering to himself and they'll occassionally have people be like "What was that?" but they don't do much with it, imo. I feel these movies would be better if they really showed Eddie struggling being possessed by this entity but mostly he's fine and it's just like a lighthearted buddy romp and hasn't seemed to have fucked up his life all that much? I feel like being possessed with a symbiote should've put Eddie on the streets as one of the colorful San Fran home-free citizens but he keeps his big apartment and is mostly fine? Missed opportunity to get real fucked up with it but okay.

One thing about me: I do not like Woody Harrelson. I can't even say if he's a good actor or not I just know I don't want to watch him. There are definitely actors who give me a way bigger ick than he does--I would put him in the Moderate Ick category, but that's enough for me to think many dark and hateful thoughts anytime he's on screen. So it's great he's here! In this movie I don't even want to be watching :)

So movie 2 is about some serial killer who is about to be executed but...idk he wants to get out and reunite with his black queen or something? Sighs, please can a symbiote come out and just freakily eat my head off like what did I do to deserve this (you literally chose with your own free will to watch these movies and then for some reason write about it on your mentally ill blog???)

For a movie where people keep talking about carnage this and that you'd expect like a nonstop 90 minute bloodbath but it's not that? (It like definitely should be). I feel like there should've been some really grotesque kills from minute one to minute done with that kind of title. This movie was just some murky, muddled nonsense same as the first. At least Big Ed had his boo Venom with him all the time unlke movie 1 where Ed was alone in the world, none of his holes filled with black goop until like forty minutes into the "movie" so...at least we have that *sighs my last breath*

Me when the movie tries to have a scene without Tom Hardy's presence lmaoooo like why do you think any1 is here don't piss me off or something very dark and dangerous is going to occur..

me when me watching the movie keeps happening

Why did they have this old lady say she was 39? It's giving anti-Asian Baddie propaganda. Trying to throw dirt on the stereotype that azns don't crack til they're 70. Did Stop Asian H8 mean nothing to y'all?

I have no idea what is happening here. And that's like 83% of these "films"

Ole girl upgraded from Loser Eddie to a surgeon with a questionable hairline. You would think, with those surgeon paychecks in her purse, that miss thang could also upgrade her wig game. Maybe she's spending Dr. Dan's money on more important things, like a buyout of her contract so she doesn't have to appear in movie 3 :)

Big Ed goes to meet Anne in movie 2 I think at the same or a similar restaurant to the one they had a date at in movie 1 when they were still together and ~in love~. They straight up acknowledge here that the scene is awkward, but the dynamics and energy are IDENTICAL to the scene from the 1st movie where they were supposed to be happy and fine??? There's no way real actual alive people are working on these movies. I think all the Venom "films" are just a materialized projection of Tom Hardy's depraved, cartoon consciousness

Vennie screaming NO! when Anne revealed she was engaged lol. Sorry but Ven is so funny he makes me giggle (mind you it's just Tom Hardy's thick-lipped ass talking to himself in a stupid voice) (*stupider voice)

*has a crush on Venom voice* Ven was so funny 4 being like UGH and calling Anne's ring gaudy, mind you no one is asking HIM for HIS hand in marriage. He thinks because he has that freaky goop thing going on and that long ass lizard tongue that the girls should be dropping at the knees by his feet but that hasn't happened. So I see why sis is bitter and pressed

Sir, you're 48

Ew why is he writing like that.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh don't make that face

Swirl Nation UP? *shakes head emphatically no*

Please Venom is so funny *giggles like a school girl* *starts drooling from mental illness*

Wait guys what's the tea on Eddie's daddy issues? Did he have a mean dad? That honestly explains sooooooo much *mean girl voice*

Lmaoooooooooooooooooo exactly!

Can Cletus just spill the tea and stop speaking in code??? Ngl if I find out Eddie was like abused by his dad I'm going on a shooting spree like I might talk shit but that's my little sweetie and he deserves the world - don't mess with him!

Bro, what? Wdym you've tasted blood before???

Me when Cletus thinks he's giving a cute little In Cold Blood tea. He is so ugly I want him GONE!! OFF MY SCREEN!!!

Me the entire time I was watching movie 2. My entire will to live was completely cleaned out of me pretty much from second one. It was just the most visceral sense of total loss of anything holding me here to this damned planet.

There was a scene where Eddie and Ven break up (again *rolls eyes*) and for like five minutes they're just saying yeah and no back and forth and that's kind of just it? Eye...eye don't know. But if there's ever a class action lawsuit, trust I'm signing up. Someone needs to pay for this

Should Ven be speaking in Japanese? You can't be talking like that Black Goop

Me when the Wheat Thins don't have enough salt

Eddie evicting the chickens was so cute but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :'( (I genuinely feel my brain deteriorated over the course of me absorbing these "movies" into myself)

Vennie's nigcel butt having the audacity to turn down bitches at the clurb? Sir, be serious for once. It always gave beggars can't be choosers, now.

This is so insane. I do love when the movies are explicitly just a homomance between Eddie and Ven and I like the little jokes and comments they make about how they're best butt buddies and that's pretty much the only thing the movies have going for it in regards to storyline or characterization and I'm not even a little bit exaggerating literally NOTHING ELSE that happens in these movies matter. No, it's not just me being a horrible black bitch like literally it's just true.

Ven gives an impassioned Stop Immigration Hate speech at the clurb? Sorry, but if illegal aliens is looking like gloop I'm not going to be on their side like sorry but no

Ven also literally comes out? I would say these movies gay bait but like, no it's canon Ven is a homo and up deep inside his boyfriend's anal cavities for the majority of the movies??

me taking a shit

Cletus' ugly ass rolls up on his black queen (I do *not* know her character's name omg) and he has like disgusting tentacles coming out of his back and she for some reason is turned on and thinks it's hot. I can't even say anything because if it was my preferred ugly white man I'd probably be the same way so let's just move on child

Cletus and his queen swear they're giving Bonnie and Clyde realness *frantically searches for a javelin to spear up through my asshole*

Cletus' queen was VERY REAL for referring to Eddie as "Brockalicious". Honestly she's so me that's why I'm not saying much lmaoooo

Yep *numbly nods in let's go ahead and wrap this up*

Cletus is such a loser. You caused all that "carnage" just because you wanted to be Big Eddie's bestie? Honestly, he's real for this so I'm not even gonna drag him lol

Eddie and Ven go on a baecation 2gether at the end of movie deux?? (This ACTUALLY HAPPENS??? And I'm pretty sure Ven tells Eddie he loves him?????)

Honestly these movies should just be like buddy roadtrip sex romps with a little bit of erotic parasite horror dribbled in for the demented girls (me)

Sure

????????

Thankfully, Tom Hardy emerges in movie 3 at his most grotesque and disgusting. He's so fat and sloppy-looking and just generally really nasty and rough looking and bad-bodied and I'm very thankful. Because woof, movie 3 is a dog! So I'm glad I had something to erotically ooze and smear over because I damn sure wasn't locked into the "plot". I'm not joking when I say every character is a total 1-dimensional cardboard nothing. I didn't even know you could do that in a movie. You just put a name on a nothing and call it a "character" (mind you I don't even remember any1's names lmaoo). By far the worst "effort" of the trilogy. If Tom Hardy doesn't start making real movies soon I'm going to find him, and I'm going to Do It*

*smile and wave politely :)

God, he looks so heavyset and gross (complimentary)

Movie 3 has a random scene where Feddie (Fat Eddie) and Ven stumble upon a dog fighting ring which is of course run by a bunch of Mexican thugs. And so Ednom like...fights all the dudes. I don't really watch these type of movies so idk if this is just how they go but why does everything seem so random? They fight all these dudes and then it's like okay on to the next scene and nothing that just happened mattered at all. HUGE sure why the hell not vibes in all these "films" (derogatory)

Yeah, we get it, you're hispanic *rolls eyes*

Eddie asked the Mexican thug how his mother feels about him and the thug was like um she's dead and Ven was like OMG AWKWARD!! I'm starting to get a sick, sinking feeling this is what those obnoxious-looking Deadpool movies are like. I've been feeling superior because I don't watch stuff like that but I think maybe I accidentally have after all :/ (no accident about it, you watched these movies with great intent and knew what you were doing and had full control of ur faculties the entire time so just stop)

Eddie calling the thug sweetie? I feel like this is just how Tom Hardy talks lmao these movies are so bad

You can't be talking like that, Black Goop :/

Here go Mr. Freaky Frog. I'd bet my life Venom is a virgin. Too much demonstration; it's giving trying to prove something

???????????????

Me when they spin away from Veddie and try to show other characters and give them weak little storylines. What do you mean a random white girl had a romance with her brother and he was struck dead by lightning? Why the fuck are we spending time with the military? Who the fuck is this creepy hippie ass white family? No, I'm not actually interested, I mean get them all off my screen!!! (Not you, Christmas, you're safe)

me on my period Day 1

me when Juno Temple has lines

What THE FUCK IS THATTTTTTT????

So canonically Venom has a crush on Tom Cruise? Likely place for him to be..

This is mostly what all the Venom movies should be: essentially like a slaptick buddycom version of Possession. I'm so confused how that wasn't understood from the beginning

My thick diva looks so good almost passing away <3

I'm gonna be honest with you guys........... Idk wtf Knull from Klyntar is :/ Idk wtf is a codex. I complained through 3 movies about characters literally verbally explaining things with no finesse out of their mouths, like basic things like the active plot or background character details, but I genuinely needed a breakdown on all the Knull stuff. And I'm saying "knull stuff" but i don't even know what that means...like i don't know if knull is a thing or place or idea like idk. I say this movie has no plot and it doesn't but there's something happening and gun to my head ask me to even begin to explain and you're gonna have to shoot and make sure you empty the clip like please just end my misery thanks

This random guy stood out to me because he read all his lines like he had a turned-on vibrator stuck up his ass. I think it's always good to make an impression <3

The one time Eddie kills someone and it's a beautiful black queen? What kind of shit is this! I guess black lives DON'T matter. Not to Eddie thee Brockalicious. I rooted for you!

Sure

Why tf is Mulligan's symbiote all sexy and sensual??

It was so funny when Veddie rolled up to that campsite with the white family and Ven is like it smells like wet dog and sausamages *giggles* sorry he makes me laugh I feel sick like why do I love him i'm pretty sure it's just chatgpt :/

Please this was so funny he came across so creepy. But please understand I giggled like...three times (three times too many) the entire movie it really was a stinker and not stinky in like a sexual must sort of way, stinky like million-year-old dinosaur shit. Kill all of Hollywood

There's a really long scene where the white family sings like the entirety of a David Bowie song???? They have Eddie acting with pure hate and annoyance but still we the audience are forced to sit through the singing as well? I'm on board with Eddie torture but NOT on board with me torture. I *will* be signing up 4 that class action suit so hopefully that gets poppin soon before they just eliminate all of the courts and I can't get my coin

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

My little sleepy boy :')

Not Vennie trying to act like some sort of Fashion Killa when the hippie white man gave SHOELESS Eddie something to put on his gnarled feet. Very typical of a freeloading bum to be acting all bougie over handouts lol

Eddie's face when that white man started crooning to him lol. Everyone loves the doll :')

What was this here? They show us Eddie bumping into some random Vegas tourist and....that's it, just nothing? Why did he just bump into that guy he didn't say sorry or anything lol why did they show us that is that guy like Tom Hardy's side-dude and he wanted to give him a cute little cameo? I'm pretty sure he already did that with Stephen Graham, tho? Maybe he has multiple side dudes? Very lady luck is a fickle slut of him

So we're doing piss kink now? It's funny how these movies have all this gross kinky shit and it's not ever a little bit interesting or erotic or compelling I'm just like sigh okay next scene. It shouldn't be this way!

Were they tryna soft-launch T Hard's Bond campaign here? I'm Team Josh OC eventho I'm pretty sure that was just some made-up rumor. I'd be on board with a freaky, grumbly Bond tho. I think there should be a Bond that scares the hoes. Yes, I know Sean Connery already did that, I mean there should be a Scary Bond that's actually attractive :)

I ship Veddie and 39 year old Asian store clerk in every lifetime <3

me sitting around doing nothing

me with like 93% of the white boys of the week (unless it's my preferred white boy lol)

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy see now this is what I'm talking about lol

Omg Eddie waking up and Venom's not there :/ *to the tune of Feeling Myself* killing myself, killing myself...

Okay, bye, RIP Mulligan? *waves lazily*

It's probably supposed to be funny that all the police and military can do is shoot at the aliens but as a watcher it's just boring like where are the explosions, where's the jewish lasers like I don't want to watch some idiot shoot dumbly at a celestial beast, I want to be ENTERTAINED. These aren't real movies with real storylines or characters so the least you can do is have nonstop crazy shit happening. I feel like the people who make these movies think that's what they're doing but they are sorely mistaken, tho I guess it doesn't matter if people are still going to watch anyway so whatever *eyeroll*

me when I see two white people in a row with colored eyes

It's so funny how Eddie has no one at all in his life except the symbiote possessing him so in order to give him a hero moment they have to throw this random family in that he barely spent time with or connected with lmao but it's like okay sure here's a little boy that Eddie can ~save~ lmao. Mind u he's supposed to be the villain like isn't this supposed to be a VILLAIN ORGI-*gets shot by random military NPC*

Bro.......

It's so funny how no one cares about this

It's actually severely fucked that Eddie is losing the only thing he has in his life like he has NO ONE. He has no love at all no family no friends nothing lmao. Well, not lmao. Very sad actually but pretty disturbing. Eddie is a WEIRDO

Noooooooooooooooooo :(

Lmao it was so funny how Venom covered his boo Eddie but left the military guy exposed to the acid bath lmaooooo

Okay..

Wait are we supposed to be shipping Christmas and the cuckoo bananas scientist lady? *starts snoring*

Omg Eddie waking up talking to Vennie and he's gone HE"S GONE!! Wait, I'm really sad. Mind you it just means Tom Hardy no longer talking to himself but when I had TWO Tom Hardys and now it's only one? *shakes head as tears befall my cheeks* No...

Imagine waking up gently, feeling freshly-fucked thinking you're bout to do pillow talk with your man only to find some creepy military guy sitting at your bedside telling you actually your man is done and dusted, you will not be seeing him again, and if you tell anyone about anything that happened the government will have you Epsteined (sent to Israel). Like wtf. I would just kill myself like what's the point. Like imagine having big pillowy lips but no man to share them with and also you have to live in horrible Israel. See now that's a villain origin story. Wait-

["memories" by maroon 5 playing]

I'm not joking, the end of movie 3 is just Eddie walking around depressed in New York thinking about all the good times he had with Vennie :/ I genuinely feel sick :( It was supposed to be the two of them TOGETHER :((((

*trying not 2 laugh because it's genuinely sad lol*

There's no way that's Tom Hardy

["one last dance" by tom morello and grandson playing]

What the fuck IS THAT???

Me after churning through all three of these terrible movies for a fat about the lips and hips Brit I'm finna unstan if he don't stop playing QUICK and I mean QUICK!!