ER has stolen so much from me...

I've never really been a hospital show girly. I think there were like 2 months for sum reason when I was a teen where I was inexplicably into Grey's Anatomy and one of 3 ppl in the entire world who shipped Izzie and George. Needless to say that was a very low, dark period of my life from which I have never emerged. So present day I'm clocking into Da Pitt on whatever HBO is calling itself these days. I was going to ignore The Pitt like I do any and all doctor shows. The only one recently I acknowledged was This Is Going 2 Hurt because it starred one of my fave eternal twinks Ben Whishaw and also it's only like 5 eps so an easy binge. 

The only reason I watched The Pitt is because I fell under the spells so-called taste makers~ on the various social media sites I lurk were casting over me. They kept screaming Da Pitt! Da Pitt! And I was like okay well what's happening there. I am very susceptible to their demonic manipulations. The Pitt is cute. A cute girl. After I binged the season I was like hmm need more doctor show fix. The spell was complete. Sort of. Cuz I wasn't sure. I saw a viral vid of that dead-eyed curly haired woman who plays a nurse on the show talking crazy about black people some time ago and was like whew! thank god I've never seen any of her projects lol and felt really happy that I've never watched ER and thought I was on the right side of history but then I was Pitt Pilled and my resolve began to weaken. Still I wasn't sure because I loved how tortured and traumatized and old and haggardly Robby was but then I see his actor moving like an animated rag doll in gifs from ER and I'm like idkk... lol.

What got me was two things 1. People posting gifs of how hot Eriq La Salle is on the show and 2. People insisting that Carter's arc becomes really excruciating and demented eventually and with patience you will be rewarded with him turning from a human-sized muppet into the most cursed man on Earth and so I was like okay yay :) 

So I binged really fast at first but then like with most binges of shows with a thousand seasons and a million episodes I began to feel burnt out. Imagine being a real person. They don't know what getting "burnt out" from binging a rote medical drama even is, like that's not even a concept to them, it would never occur to them to ever think or feel this. 

Currently I am stuck on season 11. I have been fighting through this season but with not much umph; like I'm trudging through quicksand or a sinking bog or something. It's bad for me. I just recently tried to watch an episode where Gallant, whom I like, is returning from Iraq or some shit and I'm like yay but then I cut the ep on and see him in military fatigues and I felt sick, I felt I could not go on. It was either kill myself or exit out of the screen and so I did the latter because the former is scary and seems like it would hurt really bad and I'm sure I'd bungle it anyhow. 

Instead of just not continuing to watch the show like anyone who's mentally stable would do I was like hmmm how do I force myself to get thru the rest of these episodes? Do crack? Summon a demon to possess me and then the demon can watch the episodes for me? Those seemed too annoying/complicated so I landed on restarting the show from the very beginning to screencap stuff and turn my journey into a blogging experience to give me a reason to push forward. Which still isn't a good option. I'm choosing to rewatch Hathaway and Clooney episodes over just ending my life (or just not watching the show and not doing any of this???)? Y'all will never understand the mind of an Aquarian with several Capricorn placements in all of the worst places to have those placements. Do not judge me, just be thankful you aren't in my position.

Are we meant to think Doug Ross is some big sexy stud or something? He looks like if a monster from Men in Black was given a horse tranquilizer and a little bit domesticated to be an unpaid worker slave as a means to drive down wages for actual real human beings? Lowkey am I a lesbian? Because later the show gets Luka and everyone is like omg he is so hot and I am like um he looks like a vampire from Transylvania? I honestly think it just speaks to how many ugly to mid looking white men are allowed to be placed in front of our faces on these screens. Like if the likes of a lughead like Clooney is being boosted as Mr. Sexy Face it's really bad for y'all chalks.

Idk if I just hate women but I really can't stand any scenes with Mark's wife. Honestly it's prob just shitty writing for female characters that we see in everything or maybe no it's just that I hate women because I'm also one of those people that despises Skyler White lol so maybe I have some stuff to unpack (I won't.) But it really gives big *skips ahead* energy when she has scenes and when I first watched I was just begging for her and Mark to please break up it was so unbearable my god.

It's so cute how when we first see Carter everyone is like watching him from afar and making fun of how stupid he looks :') I had no idea this muppet person would become a Character of All Time 4 Me. I'm saying this tho right now only having reached to season 11, maybe he does something insane later that will remove him as my fave but I can't really see that. Maybe if he does something really deranged to Kem like tell her to dye her hair blonde before they can get back 2gether. *prays I explode before I get to the episodes where their arc is concluded and they don't end up 2gether*

Felt like removing all my skin when Doug was smiling and trying to be all ~charming~ with this woman and she wasn't having it at all. Imma really need y'all to stop hyping him up because he's not stuntin the way he thinks. God he makes me SICK!!

Carter is like a cartoon to me (affectionate). It's so funny how I hate Doug but love Carter when they both are giving off similar uncanny alien-in-human skin vibes. Idk maybe it's because they hype Doug like he's the Mr. Big of the Hospital plus Degloved Batman and also like White Shemar Moore all in one whereas with Carter they make it seem like it's something deeply wrong with him and he acts all surprised when someone likes him or is nice lol idk

Fake ass snow. Shit looks like toilet tissue

Okay..

Imagine a world where Hathaway never recovered from her suicide attempt. None of the terrible shit that's happening in the world would be happening now. Or it'd all still be happening but only in like Quebec and only Quebecois would be affected and all of the rest of us would be happy and free :)

Unfortunately we're living in the bad place so Hathaway wakes up from her coma and the demonic portal opens, damning us all to eternal purgatory yay <33

What are they doing back there? I definitely need it to be known I'm a big time Barter Truther. Why are they...the way that they are?? There is zero chance they were coded to be homo for each other (tho I do wonder if Carter is intentionally written to have like a crush on Benton cuz why is he doing any of that??) but they are just so gay. Maybe the actors are gay idk lol but they are always all on top of each other and looking deeply in each other's eyes and standing cock to cock in every scene and it's like what do you expect me to think? Nothing normal is happening here. But there's quite literally no chance the show intended for anything even a little bit gay to be going on between them. Pretty sure it's supposed to be a cute little mentor/mentee older bro lil bro type dynamic I guess but that's just not what I'm seeing on the screen. Idk tell the actors to act normal and then I won't think criminal thoughts about their characters *shrugs*

Carter is like a long, strange woman to me <3

There's no way he's a real person. What even genre is he supposed to be. How did this creature get made? We see Carter's hot mom and not hot dad later in the series and it's like oh so that's who made this but it really isn't adding up. It's giving sinister secret adoption storyline teas. Maybe they explore this in the seasons I couldn't force myself to watch because something's not adding up

Y'all aren't serious. Y'all are actively at work right now. Pretty sure a patient is dying or some shit and y'all are staring deeply and lustfully into one another's eyes. Carter is such a frothing sub for Benton it makes me feel genuinely homophobic like stop that!!

The strange white creature with mop hair and a sweaty face glazing his Mr. Black Man. I know someone wrote illegal erotica about them in the nineties I need to go find some :/

Mark's wife giggling after she's caught at his job trying to give him a blowie jay? What's funny? Everything she does fills me with murderous rage. Literally why are you tryna suck dick in the bathroom at a hospital? They make it seem she just HAS to kiss on Mark's little weewee because she's excited about passing the bar exam I think like huh it will never be that serious what do you even gain as a woman from sucking dick what do you mean you were so excited about a career accomplishment that the first thing you thought to do was put your tired white people lips on a bald man's penis????

Carter's taking a dookie in the bathroom and Doug's suss ass and Bald Glasses are looking over the top of the stall to peep on him? Um, it's giving workplace harassment? #Callthepolice

Carter STAYS syping on Benton and being all up in his conversations. It's so monitoring spirit coded. I hate this scene tho because Benton is made to look stupid here eventho I don't think he ultimately was wrong - I just don't want him to be embarrassed in front of his beta, that's just not right.

Not the neponephew Clooney slutting out his elderly aunt for his lil rinkydink doctor show. Like she should be getting neglected in a nursing home not forced to slave for her significantly less talented nephew's TV show where he's not even like THE lead like he's only part of an ensemble

Standing taint to taint in the middle of the work day plus everyone can see y'all #Okay

Not stay close. Does he even need to be saying this. Carter is like ???

The autistic excitement I get anytime they have a scene where the characters have to go up on the roof to receive something from the medicoptor (Is that a word?) #No

Benton yanking Carter around like a ragdoll in the hallway. He don't even need to be doing all that. Like I'm pretty sure it's not even one of those scenes where there's a big emergency and everyone's rushing around, he's just gripping him up just to do it mostly *sighs*

Carter all in Benton's convo with his hot surgeon arch nemesis. Like not even trying to subtly catch the tea just nose all wide all in their conversation. There's something maybe weird about this rich white guy always all in the business of his way less rich black colleague but maybe it's not a weird racial or class thing maybe its just a Carter having demonic lust for Benton thing but then even his lust might be some weird fetish but because it's my ship and I refuse to ship anything with icky racial implications I'm just gonna act like it's just Carter being his weirdly-socialized due to centuries of inbreeding richie rich boy self and we're just gonna move on :)

Carter all up in Benton's business AGAIN #it'sgettingweird

Bumping pocketbooks all up in the middle of the hallway with my platonic work bestie

My man my man my man *shakes head*

Thank god Eriq La Salle was in this because there's almost no chance I would've started the show if he wasn't in it lol. But now I'm thinking how he leaves eventually, leaving a huge dark hole in the show and in my heart and also how I managed to make it to season 11 (despite his glaring absence) and got stuck and simply could not stomach the thought of watching one more episode. And now I'm pretty sure Carter is leaving the show soon. What I'm gone do once I reach that point again? Maybe kill myself? Probably the world will be fully exploded by the time I make it back around to season 11 so I'm just not gonna worry about it :)

Carter is like a mosquito at Benton's ear. Their dynamic is so cute I'm gonna scream. It's so funny how when I did my rewatch of the season their dynamic was pretty much the only thing I wanted to see. The way I was skipping whole storylines like Mark and his wife, Susie and that hag crackhead sister of hers, Hathaway everything - like wow thank god for Barter scenes because simply I would be acting like this show did not exist and moving on with my stupid simple life if we're keeping it buck

Hathaway is so embarrassing. The way she's jealous over Doug paying special attention to a patient thinking that must mean it's some lusty big boober broad only for him to be like um, she's twelve -__-. Is she stupid?? Mind you Doug is a PEDIATRICIAN so how THE FUCK is the patient going to be some big honking honker sex bomb when they are all LITTLE KIDS! Are you DUMB?! I really can't stand her and agree with her decision to try to kill herself but of course she was too goofy to even accomplish that. *deep sigh*. Mind you the patient was some poor black racial stereotype and we were supposed to think Doug was like a woke version of Batman or some shit because he helped her get medicine instead of, you know, LETTING HER DIE! Wow such Hero. Dough is SO SEXY and COOL. This show should be abolished retroactively.

*skips ahead*

Loved how they tried to make Smoke a thing. Splice? Smokey? something.

Susie literally cringing as that psycho situationship of hers was like trying to massage and kiss her neck in the middle of the work day where everyone could see? His character was sooo... Idk good riddance to bad rubbish. Or am I being too harsh cuz clearly he was like a little cracked. He's white so I don't really care *sorry not sorry voice*

Susie's psychotic situationship shouting at Malik. Anyone who comes for Malik gon' feel it, trust. But can we talk about how gorjous Malik is? Can't believe they never made him a main character and forced him to date quite literally everyone in the hospital like why did John Wells and co refuse to make him one of their little dolls?? It's giving racism limits creativity type teas #idk

My favorite irrelevant character from the entire show is this random featured extra who is not feelin' Doug's pussy nor bussy AT ALL. He is me and I am HE!

I hate when they have characters in TV/movies, usually women, eating out of Chinese food cartons. They be using chopsticks too looking white as hell and anorexic as fuck slurping down lo mein noodles like bitch I know you don't be eatin' no damn chinese food don't piss me off. Then sometimes they wanna show the refrigerator with the chinese boxes just loose and open all in the fridge (usually this is for characters who r like slobs or cops or whatever). This is an irritional thing to hate and if I had love in my life I wouldn't be writing this blog at all <3

They will have Carter on here saying anything: I was a wrestler; I used to ride ponies like some little lord fauntleroy character in dressage shows; my sick brother dying of cancer used to physically and verbally abuse me; my sister who will never ever be mentioned again lives in Sweden :) And you know what, sure. I honestly could see Carter as a wrestler tho. I can't see him as athletic but I can certainly see him being way too eager to roll around tussling on the ground with other men so yeah sure

Why did Benton's mom say Carter's people used to own her people????

Carter's face after she said it like honestly me because why did she say that. But if Carter's peeps owned Benton's peeps like are they fixin to dole out reparations or what? Does Carter think his criminal lust for Benton satisfies the debt owed? No shade but Benton gains nothing from being your object of obsession we're gonna have to start talking cash in hand, babe <3

This is so gay lovers coded here. So many of their scenes you can take out of context and make it look like one of those really terrible modern day gaybo movies they make for the smooth-brained TikTok crowd with the Instaface fillers actors. Like imagine ER in modern day they would at least gaybait really hard with them but then the actors would look really ugly and insane so I guess I should be glad Barter is imprisoned here in 1994 on super-straight (Kerry INNOCENT) super-strict ass ER

Why did they have my girl embarrassing herself over Benton? And Benton is gay as hell for not only turning her down but going out of his way to say he never even fantasized about sleeping with her. There's something so corny and geeky and sauceless about Benton that I noticed about him during the course of his time on the show like he has no game at all and is so weird with women. It's cute sometimes and other times kinda cringey (not in the Doug way), but ultimately thank god he's fine because he would get zero bitches if he was ugly let's be VERY CLEAR

Guys, remember Bob? The absolute, all-consuming silence as no one answers. I feel like they intended to take Bob further but they just dropped the storyline. She didn't interest me so it's not something I care about and I'm totally glad I wasted time even talking about it now <3

*starts turning into a werewolf*. Wtf. Pretty sure Benton is lowkey getting dragged by his brother in law here. Why do you look fine as hell while you're being dressed down? He's not serious.

Totally 4got Carter was invited to the Benton Family Thanksgiving. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I feel sick. They didn't show Carter awkwardly engaging with all of Benton's relatives. I was really watching this thinking we were going to get that scene? They show sooooo much random shit where it's like okay who cares. Like why am I at Doug's sugar momma's apartment watching them in bed 2gether like idgaf!!! Why am I seeing Doug dating this random hot single mom like sir kill yourself and leave that lady alone. Why tf are there like one million scenes with Susie's annoying trash sister like girl if you don't serve this stupid bitch a bleach milkshake and be done with the whole thing like how many scnees is it going to take for Susie to give her piece of shit stupid bitch sister a bleach milkshake like wtf!!! And let's not even talk about Nurse What'sherface and her tired ass fiance as if I give a fuck BE FUCKING FOR REAL!! But no there's no time for just ONE measly scene of Carter moving around like a physically and mentally disabled giraffe at Benton's mamma's house while all his family members look on in silent, homophobic judgment?!! I cannot believe this world is so stupid and so cruel

"Don't your parents want you at home?". Oh, sweaty :) I don't think those people even know Carter's name like no they are *chuckles* they're good actually

Why was Carter unzipping the pants of that transwoman who'd been in an accident. Like she was on the table for a second before he zoomed immediately to looking at her crotch. Like when have y'all ever done that?

Does any1 else speculate that this character faked her own death just to reappear as Carla(?)'s husband and Reese's stepdad in later seasons? What would be the purpose of her doing that? Idk for fun. Maybe she's an Aquarius? Carter was so shitty to her so maybe the gameplan was to ultimately seduce and steal his man Benton through Carla and Reese? No walk with me like this is a genius plan only the show didn't really follow through because he never ended up bagging Benton. But plans fail. That doesn't mean I'm wrong or need to be tested for schizophrenia. And even if I received a diagnosis it's not like schizophrenia can be treated so what would even be the point :)

Yuck what the fuck!!

Imagine trying to off yourself only to survive to come back to live a ho-hum whatever blah life with What'shisFace McWhiteGuy. Well, it's what Hathaway deserves. She's so humiliating it's hard to watch. And not hard to watch in an entertaining way, hard to watch like make it stop, don't put it on my screen anymore - that sort of way.

Carter was so awful towards this woman like why are you not even engaging while she speaks? Did he think her transness worked like cooties and if he had his mouth opened too much he'd accidentally catch her trans spores or something? Just terrible and then of course she kills herself immediately. Do I think that was Carter's fault? No, I think she was already trying to do that before she reached the hospital but like his reaction to her definitely didn't help her state of mind, or it didn't help in the right direction anyway. If you're a Carter Boymom this is one of the things that you just gotta block out your mind. This, him lowkey highkey being the reason Lucy got murked, and also the fifty-leven blondes he romantically pursues including his cousin's ex-wife I think?? and even when he dated Abby (BROWN HAIR) I think she had to get highlights to fit in with his usual type like it got to a POINT

Me whenever Doug and Hathaway interact, or when Doug has scenes with any woman he's romantically involved with or when Hathaway is on the screen at all

Referring to a patient as a she-male isn't crazy to you?? Sometimes I really shudder at how outdated some things in this show can be like our current day society is truly awful but the nineties wholesale should've never been allowed to go down

Me experiencing a minor inconvenience

The "she-male" kinda gagged Carter by killing herself in front of him and cursing him for the rest of his doofy ass life like okay #slay a little

Clooney tryna act *points and jeers*

He's really a cartoon to me. My special guy.

Imagine ever looking at a coworker in this manner. The way my face would be completely straight. Got nothing to smile about.

*skips over scenes where Doug is dating some sugarmama he clearly isn't feeling like that. Like why r u even alive*

Haleh kind of chewed gifting Carter a bowtie. I think she gives him suspenders, too. She's so funny and quite literally me. I understand her so deeply.

JUMPSCARE WTF!!! And the way they try to reboot this little entanglement~ later on when Susie 2 rises from the dead like YUCK. It gives sad aunt/special needs niece type energy between them like NO

Chyle *rolls eyes and skips ahead*

Benton and his sis are so husband-wife vibes to me. This is not even me incest shipping which I am not above doing AT ALL, they just have that vibe between them rather than a sibling one. Tell the actors not to have romantic chemistry, take it up with them I'm not the villain here.

So cute how annoyed he is when Carter walks in :') I wish the show had a Benton Teaches Carter How 2 Wash His Hands scene in every episode. Replace all the scenes where Hathaway tries to pretend she likes Trig or Tap or whatever with that thanks <3

Carter can't help but to feel up on his boo while he's in the middle of surgery. What was the thought process behind writing him this way, I'm just curious *hate crime voice*

He's like a Looney Tunes. This isn't a real human being (affectionate)

Me when Doug tries to spend time bonding with his hot girlfriend's kid. Chile stop wasting them people's time and mine ESPECIALLY

So it's canon that Deb* gave Carter an unnecessary colorectal exam??? I can't tell if I'm supposed to think this is funny lol isn't this harassment? Well, it's a teaching college right? Plus Carter deserves it for when his family used to own slaves. Benton deserves getting to make fun of him about this. Still, Carter should probably file a report. #uravictim

Where's my spinoff about the girly teen girl who beat her mother to death for wearing a dress she didn't like? Or at least some follw up eps. Soooooo much wasted time on Doug and that annoying chuckling he's always doing. Cut all that shit and give his screentime to miss queenie like let's try something I actually give a shit about for once

We're in the ghetto ratata. Should I think this is offensive? Why is the thug like eleven? Idk it's probably realistic that there are like middle school gangbangers in the world and especially in Chicago but idk it leaves a sour taste. However I'm here for the shock value of it all and I realize that yes I am part of the problem :/

Oh, no, that's not-!!

When Mark and Susan were briefly divorced at one point during season 1 it was so terrible. Mildly awful, let's not get carried away. Out of every "official"/unofficial entanglement between county staff members/students etc on the show Mark and Susan are quite literally the only couple that give me any real energy. And there are soooooo many entanglements but none of them really do anything for me chemistry-wise. Lots of couplings bring the drama and that's cute but I don't ship nor care about really any of them. But when Mark and Susie were beefing I was like noooooo (mildly) and let's not even talk about later when Mark does his love confession like I can't watch that again. But this show really dropped the ball with them like okay all that and they don't end up 2gether oh okay.

He's like an idiot to me

Why is there a snake. This hospital is so dang ghetto like what is this Jumanji?? I would never go to county I'd rather just bleed out and die

Me when there's Doug, Hathaway and/or Susie's sister scenes

I feel like they should've made CCH Pounder a villain on this show in the vein of Romano. Maybe the optics would be bad but idk if I have CCH Pounder on my show I'm going to go all out. They also criminally waste Ving Rhames and honestly a bunch of other really great black actors but lemme hush this them white people's show I suppose

Why are y'all speaking close and quietly alone in a dark room. Sighs, what do you even say at this point?

Me when Mark and his wife have another argument. #getdivorcedalready

That random plot of Hathaway trying to adopt a little girl with AIDS but she gets turned down because she tried to kill herself only like six months or some shit before. She's such a waste of time

*experiences a full-body dip in wellness*

Yo wtffff. The chest hair and gold chain combo is CRAZY. They're not doing this anymore, ANYWHERE. *falls into a deep depression*

I can't believe I rewatched this episode. Really dimmed my spirit irrevocably, so that's super cool!

When Benty snatched up Jeanie I thought hmmm, she should call the police, but also it was kind of hot? Thinking it was hot though is just across the board NOT ON, like his mother is quite literally dying just slightly off screen and also it's just weird for a man to manhandle a woman no matter how insanely hot they both are like it's just not the vibe unfortch

Aww, Benton's mama looked so cute when she was doing her hair I'm going to kwordddddd

Look @ this fagool covering his mouth to prevent alleged TB spores from getting in. It's so funny to see this pure idiot Baby Carter and laugh at him because he has no idea what's coming. It just makes me smile :)

Wait the backshot (pause) of the braided bun, okay eattttt

Why is Susie carrying groceries like she's in a cartoon? Honestly her and Carter should work, like on paper I could see why you would think they'd be a match *mean girl voice*

???????????????????? What do you even sayyyy, like what do you say to this???

Oh my gosh *starts sweating* Benton was really feeling himself on his first d8 with my princess Jeanie. A married woman, mind you. Kind of hard to watch them knowing what happens. This show really said DOWN with Lightskin Love like they weren't having it AT ALL. Like okay dang is it really that serious??

????????????

My Beautiful Benty shooting hate lasers at Carter because he thought he wasn't being serious about becoming a surgeon. It's so interesting how Carter misunderstands where Benton is coming from. I can't tell if I think it's cute that he's in such a panic over Benton's refusal to kind of outwardly assure him or should I side-eye him because I wonder how he'd be if he was working under someone like Mark, who granted is not as closed off as Benton, still I do think he'd be receiving basically the same treatment so idk but when I'm in Barter Ship Mode I just frame it as Benton being possessive and getting nervous about his quivering beta considering other options <3

Why did Doug call Susie "Big Susie"? Who has ever said that EVER? Susie was like????????? He is SO alien wearing human skin coded it's not even FUNNY! And all he has to do is chuckle and show a little tired ass dimple and no one will even question this creep. #whitemaleprivilege #alienswalkeamongstus #yallareunderSPELLS

Chuckled (NOT in the Doug way) when Carter was crashing out on his last day thinking he didn't get accepted into any program and Benton was like okay don't 4get to hand in your ID and lab coat lmaooooooo. Love how his withholding nature really tortures Carter. It brings me immense pleasure :)

Aw, Carter! *sniffles* I'm obssessed with how often Benton says Carter's name and how it almost always sounds like he's calling him a slur. I need an ASMR video that's just like 8 hours of Benton saying "Carter" over and over again. I know it exists lemme go look

Carter was so lame for writing a bad review for Benton but at the same time it's kind of romantic how upset he gets that Benton is just constantly emotionally and mentally torturing him without ever providing aftercare. Well, romantic might not be the right word. Nightmarishly erotic, maybe?...

Malik throwing that ass back, yes LAWD. Now I have to get going on my season 2 rewatch. I quite literally don't remember--*immediately recalls one hundred horrific storylines that I now have to watch all over again for no reason no one is asking me to do this but I do know if you scream when no one is around to hear it it cuts whole chunks out of the fabric of the universe, that's definitely the one thing I've discovered recently with chilling clarity and lord knows what the implications of that is going to be but I'm too sleepy to really care or kill myself so more ER here I cum ;)*