keir dullea, gone tomorrow: A Throuple of Twunks (2024)

Guadagirly clocking in with my incoherent thoughts concerning the tennis throuple movie. Only Big Luca can get me to watch a movie about sports. He got me to ship that blonde middle-aged cannibal with a sickly, emaciated Victorian-era twink in CMBYN, he got me on Team The Suspiria Remake is better than the original, and he even got me shipping straight up people-eaters in Bones and All like it was some cute adorable romance, so I really don't know why I ever doubted he'd get me to care about some damn tennis twunks (I initially did lmao. Was *positive* I would not like Challengers because it was about sports but I learned never to doubt The King)

Anyway here's a bunch of not-illegal screenshots I took while watching the movie so I could add my idiotic, mush-brained commentary to them :)

I have no explanation for why this is the 1st screencap. Literally was sitting here with my hands hovering over the keyboard completely frozen in place. ...What do y'all want me to say?... Anyway, I guess now is as good a time as any to proclaim loud and with my chest that I am Team Patrick, which I don't even think makes sense because this is a movie about a throuple like it's not really a love triangle in a Team Edward/Team Wolfboi sort of way where you're like rooting for who's gonna get with the bland white girl at the center, like all three of them have their part to play in the 3sum but idk I just feel like Pat be getting played + disrespected and becuz he has that cute, shit-eating grin Tash and Art be thinking he don't got feelings or something lmao like y'all hurting my boy (he's a grown middle-aged man with long dick and balls pleaz!)

Why is my man laying in bed like this with just a panty on?... And please understand when I say "my man" I do not mean that Art is my man my man my man. Art can choke, actually. I do not like that haggardly man. Very evil and sinister. Something Mormon-coded about him idk

Was Art getting turned on when he was doing physio? Like was he having flashbacks to when Pat used to be impregnating him out on the courts back when they were Fire & Ice?

Exactly, Tashi! Laughing @ Art looking haggardly even in the mockups

Why does Art have the face of a 1940s newspaper reporter who gets wrapped up in the underground crime world because of a story he's working on and he ends up falling in with some dame whom he tries to white knight but she ends up backstabbing him because she was evil all along (a woman and blonde)? Also why is Art somberly bathing in the light coming off the window as if he's been held captive in an underground bunker for years and this is his first taste of sun in a long, long time? Maybe that's marriage, idk. Or maybe that's just having a job, which, like, so #real

*sniggers*

Tashi leading the 3sums w/ Art + Pat if this movie wasn't afraid of being scary and upsetting. And don't get me wrong, i loved the movie, but I have some complaints, mainly that I wish it was more explicitly gay (where's the blowjob scene where Art breaks down sobbing????) and also that there should've been at least 1 full-blown 3sum between the three like hello what is this movies for middle schoolers era we're in??? Anyway, huge fan of the film, btw LMAOOOOOOOO

Tashi affectionately brushing Art's wig to the side. She really loves that creature :')

Sad that Lily has a mom who only cares about tennis and a dad who only cares about toupee shopping and appeasing his scary wife and another dad who's a hobosexual bum who can't even remember her name :( At least Lily has her white gramma <3

Lmao Art's face when Tashi reminds him that he's a tennis player. It's so funny that Art was the least talented but ended up becoming the superstar. How realistic, actually. Even funnier that I'm pretty sure Art cares the least about tennis out of the three like Tashi's mom prob cares about tennis more than this dude lol his life is really sad but it's what he deserves :)

If this were a horror film (it is kindasorta) this would be THE SHOT

Me and my gay husband (manifesting...)

Me lmao

He loox so cute here.. I really feel like I'm in the trenches being a Patrick Zweig Lover + Defender. It feels like a deep sickness..

These elderly gays are literally the audience when it comes to Pat lol. I'm the little gay who thinks Pat is kinda cute despite his musty hobo aura :/ Y'ALL are the mean bigger gay slapping me in the back for being a bird. Whatever, we all about to explode anyway so who even gives a!

LMAO does Pat think he's some sort of baddie? lmaaaao (he is kinda). The way his little smirk did not work at all and he had to go sleep in his car lmaooo sweetheart dimples don't pay the bills I fear :( (I WISH smh)

me when my tummy hurts

Sandwich look nasty as hell. Dunkin, was this the best y'all could do? This was y'alls time to shine! Embarrassing me!

Queenie is better than me because Patrick would've got none of my disgusting ass sandwich. I woulda sat there and ate the whole thing right in front of his hungry face. But I'm just evil and nasty like that - Art-coded, if you will.

Why did I initially think this was from Pat shooting up heroin lmao? But I think it's actually from maybe Tashi abusing him? lmaoooo. Honestly I still have no idea. Hmm maybe learn to PAY ATTENTION. I could do that, but what if zoning out instead?

It's Art looking even more elderly in the flashback scenes for meeeeeeeee

..What r y'all baggets doing? Y'all know other ppl can see y'all right? Like a whole bunch of people...

Patrick impregnating his queen from the bottom. Patrick Power Bottom? *kills myself with a hand grenade I swallow like a fish oil pill*

Back to back and Butt to Butt is seriously SICK AND DEPRAVED

Wait this was so cute. Wasn't Pat saying something like he only plays his best when he's with Art? Idk something gay as hell like that. Art is gooped and gagged. Why he gotta be so repressed and in denial? He pissing me off 4 real...

Art being a gramma's boy explains pretty much all that sinister shit he got going on

Literally me when Tashi sashayed out in the white tennis fit. But literally why are you grasping your friend to support him through the erection y'all *both* got cuz a lightskin studfemme just stepped to the scene? This movie should be shot and killed and ground down into the glue they use to build Boeing airplanes

They so excited for their lives to be ruined by a lightskin. Honestly, same.

Why is Jaboukie one of Tashi's biracial siblings?

I heard about this racket line b4 watching this movie and so anticipated there being a scene where Tashi, natch, fucks Patrick with a racket. Imagine my motherfucKING SURPRISE when nothing even CLOSE to that comes to pass. Lmao what did I think this movie was going to be when it literally had a mainstream release in theaters lmao (I thought it was gonna be the lightskin stud fucking the 2 funny looking white boys with various harshly-angled sports equipment THAT'S WHAT!)

Tashi white girl dancing to Hot in Herre. Y'all didn't even need to show us her chalk mom y'all coulda just showed us this scene..

Fun Fact: Pat says "oy" here cuz he's a jew and Art says "oh my god" cuz he's a lizard person wearing a zipped up skinsuit

Why did Pat look sad here when Tash asked Art about Stanford? Was it him being sad Art would be going away to school? Or was he upset it seemed Art had the advantage in the moment with Tashi because they both had something in common with them both going 2 skool? Perhaps both? Perhaps kill yourself?

Tashi's black dad!! *crowd cheering sounds*

Hmm, the way he looks at Pat here was so... Like that's his man for real. I hate Art I think he a demon straight from the depths of hell but it's so cute please :')

This is Pat literally asking Tashi why she's attending college lmao. Idk, boy, for an education? He really think having goals + aspirations is for the poors. Well, guess what, idiot?

Wait Art is kinda qt here. Why am I warming to him? I gotta remember that's how *they* get you, and I WON'T be GOT!!

This diva. Sitting up there looking like Ellen Barkin about the face

Tashi says she doesn't want to homewreck Art + Pat's little situation (stop lying) and Art's response is just to say that they don't live together???? I think she meant more, like, in a metaphysical sense, but why would he even say that???

The must emanating off this little fucknest of Art + Pat's has the equivalent radiation levels of like 30 Chernobyls happening in a row. By GOD. But very real for musty teenage white boys. However, unrealistic that Tashi would show up, see the room, and stay for even one single second. But I guess we must remember she's a white mom biracial and maybe just doesn't have the capacity to understand the severity of the situation, the literal danger her olfactory glands are in even standing within a twenty mile radius of this contaminated area. Honestly, Big Tash being a white mom biracial explains 1/3 of this story. Art being a grandma's boy explains another third, and Patrick having a big dick without a forever home makes up the last third. Everything makes sense in the end.

Why does Art insist several times that Tashi isn't coming to the motel? His whole vibe is that he has Tashi on a pedestal, right? And views her almost like some sort of untouchable goddess. Why would she lower herself to visit with the peasants? But another part of me was like...does Art lowkey not want her to come? I think it's mostly from nervousness: if she does, some sexy shit will pop off and he's a little gramma's boy ass virgin lol + super afraid, but also I think he can sense that Tashi joining him and Pat means that finally his sexual and romantic life will be ~activated~ and since he's Mr. DL in Denial obviously he doesn't want that. A lot of his character tho reads to me as someone who is completely gay, full stop, compared to Pat who seems genuinely fluid/bi, whatever. Art seems like a completely repressed gay man to me lmao so he lowkey doesn't want Tash to come cuz maybe he might see a booby and hurl. I could be reading him wrong tho and eventho I see him as 100% a haggardly homo I still ship him with Tash. I feel like I h8 Art the most cuz we are the same :/

Foot on the forehead is CRAZY. This shot is so hmmm, tho.

Pat legit scrunching his face up becuz Tashi mentions needing a scholarship. Like he can't even fathom that. Tho it could be he read her as like a little richie princess sort, maybe, so was just genuinely confused. My worst instinct led me to initially think Patrick was literally upset that Tashi would even need to consider something like a scholarship and i just *tears my scalp off*

When Art says stuff like this it comes across like he's genuinely asking and legit has no idea. He's like a poorly-wired Straight Guy Bot flailing for the right things to say and think. Divas down.

What does this even mean? You taught sum1 how to jerk off? What are you saying right now??

Pat really embarrassing my boy (he's not 'my boy' he's an old evil man) right now. Art should kill him with a sword

...what r y'all talking about right now?? .. It's so insane how Tashi is literally like sitting on the floor of their dirty ass motel room in booty shorts while they tell her they jerked off side by side 2gether when they were in middle school.. The way I would have jolted up off that floor and out of that musty room in a heartbeat. It must be the white mom biracialness of it all becuz I'm really not understanding

Pat adjusting his erection while looking at his grandpa boyfriend..

Pat talking about how a 12 year old was covered in semen..

Tash kissing Art 1st cuz he's the needy, ovulating one. Patrick is so patient, too, please i woulda started screaming lmao

All this and not a single scene of double penetration. Ok.

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (wut do u mean by this??..)

oop! Lip to lip with eyes fully open is making me feel a bit queasy..

Tashi's sexuality just being: Tennis lol

I love the way Pat says he hopes Art's grandma has a fucking stroke. Sorry, most romantic scene in the movie like u can try 2 fight me but guess what? You'll LOSE

Patrick gloating and celebrating over winning the match and winning Tashi's vagina + bussy...

Tashi tryna act like she's not excited Patrick won. Stop it, girl, that's YOUR MAN.

Bro has a full-blown erection in the locker room after a match? And why is Pat like all up in his panties staring hard as hell???

Me pretending to care about tennis so I can get the d lol

I feel sick

Tashi is so fake lol you knew damn well he was on a date when you sent ur parents upstairs ahead of you so you could hang back and wait for Patrick to get up and literally abandon his date to come over and banter with your BIRACIAL ASS. Smh this throuple runs my nerves

The hobosexuality of it all!!!

When you're so full of lust and angst and desperation you just start saying anything

Honestly, same :/

It's no need for y'all to be doing this... Nothing requires all of this..

Taint 2 Taint in public is CRIMINAL

What is the reason for this? Y'all know other people is in the room, right? *stares with oogly-eyed homophobic rage*

Why does Patrick hold it dear to him??????? It's just some old gum?? Please and why did Pat even take it out of his motuht 2 tbegint with i feel sick 2 my stomahc

Pat smiling cuz he think everything a game

Art tried to think everything was a game but he learned QUICK AND FAST LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Me eating banana

The money shot *nods in lust and extreme self-hatred*

Art looked his most sinister here. You can see him plotting on stealing his bestie's girl and ruining Tashi's life and it is truly chilling

Why would Art say this?.. And I think it really hurt Tashi to hear it, too. Like what is the goal here? I feel like he just tryna fuck up Pat and Tashi's situation cuz he's one of them if I can't be happy NO ONE WILL types. Just nuts and nasty. I also sometimes feel like him saying "he doesn't love you" is lowkey Art tryna manifest? He doesn't want his boyfriend falling in love with another bitch idk idk. I *do* think he wants Tashi tho but like as a hag who runs his life so it's also like he doesn't want there to be real love between Patashi because if it is then his dastardly plans to split them make him like literally the devil and he doesn't want to think of himself in that way. THEE most grandma's-boy character ever committed to screen (derogatory)

Feel like he's talking about himself. Everything from him either feels like a projection or desperate bid of manipulation

Gay boy wondering why he doesn't feel organically obsessed with the hot and sexy lightskin like he feels *any* red bloodied American male would be #hmmmmmmmmmm

Boiled egg straight to the dome. If this not a lizard person then idk what is

Lmao in this scene when Pat cums to visit Art at practice or whatever there r like ppl in the background going who the fuck is this guy/he doesnt even go here lmao and I thought it was funny. Patty never beating the bum allegations

This is crazy.. Pat was looking at a poster of Tashi here, right? One of her Duncanator posters? He really wasn't vibing with that Duncanator shit and it's like not everyone's some shitty little rich boy SOME people have to work for a living. No idea how it would've worked if Patrick ended up as Mrs. Tashi Duncan lmao. Well it didn't happen because that wouldn't've worked at all lmao but I wish he could've gotten into the Duncanator thing more in like a cute supportive bf way and like joined her fanclub and wore the t-shirts and everything even if ironically like why was he so douchey about it?

I can't stand Art. Why is he asking Pat if he's seeing any1. Yeah, Tashi! You KNOW THAT. I hate him so bad *clenches my fist*

Tashi really would've made an honest man out of Pat in an alternate universe where he wouldn't have nastily rejected her genuine attempts to :)

Pat wondering if the wig is attached to the hat or are they two separate entities.

This is crazy.. And Art really is a snake and that is the understatement of the year smh. But why does Patrick think something is cute? Mans is about to snatch your girl and cast you to the outskirts for the foreseeable future, you better stop thinking shit is funny and QUICKLY!!

"That's what's missing from your tennis" - BLOOP! Didn't like that didya, old face?

He is so elderly and hateful. The idea Patashi calls themselves boyfriendgirlfriend makes him sick to his cold lizard belly. honestly same if I was art LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

Here Art is literally brushing the churro crumbs off the side of Patrick's head and face. I noticed the crumbs b4 Art started brushing them and was cracking up like why does Patrick eat like a toddler why are the crumbs all up the side of your head lmao and then for that demon Art to start tenderly brushing them away.. *curls up into a ball and passes away*

*glares homophobically*

She's literally smiling becuz Pat just got done taking a huge shit (with the bathroom door WIDE OPEN, btw) and now he's coming back to climb his shitty booty in the bed and start ta hunching on her. Tashi really loves this man down something serious. Starting to understand Art's sickness..

So cute :'(

I wish Pat would just accept Tashi for who she is: a mentally depraved white mom biracial who only gets turned on by tennis. You know this about her like why r u trying to change her? Either love her for who she is or GO

Why is he hating tho? Imagine talking to your girlfriend like this? The rich boy jumped out becuz he really thinks it's beneath him to like slut himself out for advertising money/support from brands (and he thinks it's beneath Tashi, too) but then fast forward 2 the future and ur slutting yourself out for room and board like make it make sense PLEASE!

Tash heaping Pat with compliments + praise as a way of dissing him/breaking up with him was so cute and also so me that I got scared a little watching

You just fucked up your whole life right here. I love this scene, tho, it's so hot and sexy. I love when Tash and Pat banter and go back and forth like it just gives me the sizzle I REQUIRE. I'm still a throuple truther and throuple shipper tho - none of this works for me if I don't view it as the relationship is all three of them. I don't ship any pair but the whole triangle, let's not get it twisted.

Pat rejecting Tashi's coaching here only to ask for it decades later when he's at his bummiest. Kinda wish he'd been murdered :/

Gonna kill myself :)

Fighting with ur girl and then stealing her clothes is so.....................cute I'M SORRY!!

Who else up thinking Art called his abuela down at the nursing home and asked her to put a root on Tashi so she'd bust her knee and have her career effectively come to an end so then she'd need to go into coaching and then that would lead to Art offering her a position as his coach and then Tashi is beaten down enough at this point to consider taking him on as her wife and

He look guilty as hell. Y'all can't convince me Art aint do this. He DID THIS!

Guys hear him out... :(

*violently shaking my head as vomit spews to and fro*

Are you kidding me? Why can't I just be dead :(

Patrick gesturing to a blind person and saying "Are you blind?"

Why does Zendaya say this w/ the exact cadence she says "you gonna hit me?" to Ali in Euphoria season 2 in that scene if you know you know. Anyway Team Rue in that scene and Team Ali is a hypocritical hotep crackhead who needs to leave little teenage crackheads alone if he can't manage his emotions <3 Also #TeamCancelEuphoria

It's so insane how Tashi *doesn't* kill herself after her career ends (she jokes about this later). Like literally all she cares about is tennis, it's not a game like it's her life so idk how she made it thru those dark, dark days. I guess she was like ok there's other tennis things to do. I can coach, and also I can have sex with and procreate w/sum1 who can still play and like absorb their tennis playing thru my body and so it's kindasorta like the real thing :) No one has ever been more mentally ill

Why the only time Art has swag is when he's wearing blue jeans in the middle of Applebee's? I want him drawn and quartered.

Art is so submissive and breedable. I mean it in the slur way. He literally forces Tash into the dominant position here, which, like, she probably wants that but idk it just makes me hate him and want to rip his head off. Am I homophobic? Not any more so than Art is so it's fine <3

Doesn't even know her name. I wonder if Pat plays the hobosexual fuckboy character as like his penance for fucking up on the day Tashi had her accident. It comes across like what depression would look like for sum1 like him. Feel like he doesn't come back alive again until his two loves are back in his life and *puts a sawed-off shotgun in my mouth and immediately pulls the trigger*

Just kill him now, Tashi

Nice!

Me when the lightskin love of my life tells me to kill myself. Grinning ear to ear, no cares in my world :')

Clock it! And idky Tash even feels bad about lowkey hating Art cuz I highkey hate him and have felt not even a crumb of guilt. I guess cuz it's her baby daddy she gotta act like it's a big deal but Art is very hateable like he is the literal devil so you're more than fine

Does Pat not actually know his stepdaughter's name or is he just doing a bit lol

Messy. Everybody knows it goes DOWN in the A!

They're so boyfriendgirlfriend here. It's giving k-drama leads having a tussle in the middle of one of those weird korean neighborhoods with all the stairs. Wait why are they in this alleyway, btw. So seedy and like noir vibes mind u it's a movie about a bunch of rich tennis twunks and the biggest problem in their lives is who has the worst wig like please

Pat's bum ass in the background picking up a ciggy off the ground. Need him so bad *gets beheaded*

This is the first time they're seeing each other in years, btw

Art's evil, beady eyes shooting straight to Patty's weewee. I know what you are. I know what both of y'all are. Does the movie? Like show us one of the weird looking men getting impregnated. What does Hollywood not understand?..

Oh my gosh.. *starts profusely sweating from distress*

Why is Art so obsessed with Pat's dick? It's getting weird. Like y'all are in a sauna. If there's ever an appropriate time for a man's dingaling to be swanging around it's NOW

Pat asking Art why he's so mad at him like EXACTLY. You were the one who stole HIS queen. Like am I missing something? Wait the time jumping around in the movie confuses me bad lol cuz did Pat fuck Tash before or after this scene? BEFORE right? But Art doesn't know...but he DOES know about Atlanta. or is this Atlanta? What if the lord just took me now? Tired of this shit

*tears my face into shreds* :)

He really thinks everything a game but it's not at all. Now tho I think I understand the timeline. Tell me why it's not even complicated at all like the movie is literally for babies if it's confusing for u maybe you should just swallow a tub of cyanide and trust I would if I like knew where to buy that without getting exploded by the CIA...wait maybe that'd be an even easier death? Hmm much to think about!

This is so romance coded omg. Why can't my three deranged tennis goblins just figure it the fuck out :(

He will NOT stop talking about Patrick's dingaling. Obsessed!

:( I wish Art could stop being completely evil for one second and tell his hairy musty man how much he loves and misses him like literally WHAT is his problem!!

????????

It's really sad how Art thinks he's too old to be bisexual but not too old to still be making his living playing sports. Get a REAL JOB!

It's crazy how this mirrors his interaction with Pat and now he wants to take the sub role and be validated like NO! He deserves so much pain and agony I HATE HIM!! I actually liked his breedable and submissive vibes in this scene tho idky. Usually I just feel like kicking him to death but this scene I understood the erotic appeal of his whole deal (literally WTF r u talking about??)

Now it's kinda giving 1970s corrupt cop vibes. Like one of those evil ugly cops bullying Pacino in Serpico. Put this weird looking freak in more movies cuz i'm tired of the botox and scary chiclet veneers. Just throw him in whatever to even out all that other anti-cinematic bullshit y'all got going on

Now it's giving Pat asking Tashi to coach him. Feel like this is from whatever MK Ultra torture they endured at boarding school because why do they both approach conflict the same?

It's so insane to talk to your wife in this position. I'm genuinely speechless.

Is Tashi massaging the injury or whatever he had on his neck? I thought this was really sweet and intimate? Killing myself TONIGHT!

Need Mike Faist to play like a priest in some erotic religious horror movie where he's the only virgin surrounded by nuns and bishops and shit getting fucked by jackals and beasts in the church basement on Satan Sundays or whatever. NEED IT. Thank god I'm not in charge of movie decisions tho lmaaaooo

Please STAND UP!!

Lmao Tash getting the ick. Manifesting reenacting this *exact* scene with my very own gay husband in the fewtch! *crosses fingers*

Me when I click on a youtube video covering a niche interest and they start speaking in Australian..

They back at it again! Y'all know what I like to see. There should be way more fighting scenes between them but the movie is already long as hell but like they used to make four hour movies and it was just four hours of pure racism, misogyny and technicolor like what happened to the good ole days lets pump these numbers up! This movie could use way more Patashi bickering scenes and like even one single dp threesome scene and at least one scene where Art and Pat do something explicitly gay and Art has a breakdown and we see him sobbing with cum dripping down his leg like do i have to do EVERYTHING?!

There should also be more Tashi abuses Patrick scenes. It's okay for her to do domestic violence on him because he's rich and white and has a douchey slutty smirk <3

Tashi spitting on Pat is very white mom biracial of her. And that's all imma say..

Oh, they getting freaky! We def coulda used more of this! (calm down?) and like...shot in the light where we can see all the details? (RELAX)

2nd most romantic scene. Tashi prostitutes herself to Pat to get him to throw the game and Pat has his humanity dismissed crudely YET AGAIN but he just gently kisses one out of his two tormentors lovingly on the head and doesn't even say shit like it's so *SCREAMS*

Y'all too elderly to still be doing this

Art glaring with darkness into the audience once he realizes what Patrick and Tashi did. If I was Tashi I woulda gotten up very quick and RAN out of there cuz he got that mass shooter, family annihilator look in his beady eye NO MA'AM!