I watched the Globes and took notes like a cool person II

I just very briefly watched some of the globes red carpet coverage and immediately I wanted to melon ball my eyeballs out. They're interviewing Clooney and Amal and omgmmg. The interviewer person is like HEY GEORGE REMEMBER LAST YEAR WHEN TINA AND AMY MADE FUN OF YOU FOR NOT BEING MARRIED OR SOMETHING And then she's like NOW YOU'RE MARRIED. And then Clooney is like WELL I CERTAINLY DIDN'T DO IT JUST BECAUSE THEY SAID THAT and he laughs but that sort of laugh where it's only coming from the mouth but behind the eyes all you see is rage. I can't deal with these celebrity interview things, they are soooo awkward. And I don't even like Clooney, but I just can't. He looked seriously pissed lol omg. At least Amal is like the most gorgeous person ever. One of them, calm down. 

OMG ARE JAKE AND MAGGIE EACH OTHER'S DATES??? No, I'm not still watching Red Carpet. I PUT IT ON MUTE SO THAT COUNTS AS NOT WATCHING IT. oh boy, there are going to be sooo many caps tonight. THERE BETTER BE.

Edward Norton is still hot but he's like jowly now, right? Am I into the jowls???? Fuck I'm just glad he's nominated for something. PLEASE HAVE A LEGIT COMEBACK. No, I know you didn't go anywhere. But...a little bit you did? Like, were you fifth billed in that Jason Bourne remix with Renner? ehhh

So, still totally not watching this red carp cov. VIOLA IS SOOOOO GORGEOUS. She had on that cute ass pink at The People's Choice Abortion (WHICH I ALSO DID NOT WATCH) and now she has on this beautiful red. It really blends well with her skin tone. The whiteys will try to keep up BUT THEY WILL FAIL. Except Tilda if she comes. And Marion. Is Marion coming? PLEASE MARION BE HERE. Ugh, I feel like she wasn't nominated for anything. This is bullshit, Marion should be nominated every year just for being alive. Come on!

Seriously. These "interviews". They ask Patricia Arquette some vaguely deep question like "Did you see yourself in the film" and Patricia is like I SAW EVERYONE GET DIVORCED AND HAVE KIDS and then the interviewer is like [too short beat] "Patricia Arquette. WHO ARE YOU WEARING?" So cringe-y. Can't. 

And Matt, that newsperson whoever, just tried to make a joke about having a prosthetic nose??? #haha

OMG WHEN CARSON DALY WHO USED TO BE ON TRL TALKED TO JANE BEFORE RICKY. You can tell Ricky was legit offended. I can't even imagine being in a longtermy ass relationship with him lol omg #feel4ujane

O h s h i t David Oyelowo's voice. Does he...sound exactly like my childhood doctor? Now i'm uncomfortable. That dude used to feel my stomach? What medical test is that, my guy? 

Um, the actual Globes

------------------

deep slam @ The Interview. Is it a slam if it's true? That movie looks like gar-bage. 

FRANCES MCDORMAND. 

slam @ Brits doing ~aMeRiCAn ACCents~~. Yes.

WES ANDERSON OMG HE ACTUALLY EXISTS.

Yes more Clooney slams. Even better than last year. I hope he's just straight up shot in the face next year. #fingerscrossed

Farrell or Firth? NO BRAINER, FARRELL. Get that king's speech shiz out of here. 

NORTON OR RUFFALO? Jowls.

Yes, Cosby slam. SO MANY SLAMS. lol Tina's impersonation. It's like, racist? Or am I talking about when she did Tyler Perry? #cringefacemixedwithpleasedafterpoopingface??

Lizard King....this shit is awkward, right? Like, I thought this was planned...but Jen can't do improv? And Lizard King is sweaty and talking while she's talking oh goddd

omg JK Simmons told ppl to shut up and I feel like they got upset really quick???? AMAZING. YES, MILES SHOUT-OUT. 

JLO AND JEREMY YES MY DREAMMSMSMSMSMS. OMG JEREMY LAUGHING YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!! IS JEREMY DRUNK??? I LOVE HOW HE BLATANTLY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT READING THE TELEPROMPTER PROPERLY. lol why do I think someone has to be drunk to not give a shit about the globes???? 

YES, FARGO! lol calm down oh god I'm about to max out my caps (this isn't a thing, but it should be) Wait, is Martin Freeman not here? ugggh he's too cool for the globes and he has a life and stuff probably. WHY. 

OMG NO JEREMY STOP PRETENDING YOU'RE STRAIGHT. Straight dudes don't refer to women's breasts as "globes". #can't

Exactly, Billy Bob. But also you're probably racist, right? Like, you can't talk for longer than a minute without saying something racist, right? lol

Is this....is this Movies Wow person thing...racist? It is, right? And it's not even funny so....................... #cringe #nopleasedafterpoopingface #teamkoreans #butonlysouthkoreansletsbehonest

DON CHEADLE SAID SOMETHING TO EMILY BLUNT WHAT WAS IT OMG THIS IS LIKE THE END OF LOST IN TRANSLATION INSTEAD I ACTUALLY CARE THIS TIME

lol why is everyone standing up clapping? I entirely ignored everything he said. #noregrets

Edie Falco is really cute, right? I need someone to tell me: yes or no, she is or is not cute. 

Oh, shit, Jane the Virgin won. I've only seen three eps of that show but let's just address how the true star of that show is obviously the mom. But Jane is cute, so, I guess. 

"Thank you God for making me an artist" oooh boy

GABY FUCKING HOFFMANN BETTER BE HERE, THAT'S ALL I KNOW. No Gaby, so I don't care. Eventho I def need to see this show. But, ugh, Amazon Prime. 

PRINCEEEEEEEE! ARE U FUCKING KIDDING MEEEEEEE AND DOES HE HAVE A BLIND PERSON CANE OMFFFFFFGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOODDDDD

oh boy Common is extra as hell

Chrissy Teigen is really cute. That's all I got.

Both Katie Holmes' and Seth Meyer's names should just be "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

I can't w8 for Bomer's Monty Clift movie. If it's good I can't wait to rave, but I semi-super hope it's terrible so I can lose my mind complaining. ALL CAPS.

OMG MATT JUST WON. lol srsly lose a bunch of w8 ALL THE AWARDS. Who should've won was Joe Mantello. But he wasn't even nominated becuz Hollywood is super basic and I guess that's why I'm sitting here watching this shit. #someregrets

*Ricky squee* NO, SAY STUFF!!! omg i love him. 

AMMMMMYMYMMYMYYYYY!!! If a child abuse scandal or something horrible like that happened with Amy I'd still love her. Prob, I'd love her even more. #lesbihonest

omg Jon Voight slapping Colin Hanx a lil???????? #teamchet

oooooh Kate Hudson looks cute. 

Special tribute to George Clooney??????????????? *Tommy Lee Jones face* lol did I just hope he gets shot in the face earlier up there? Earlier in the notes??? At least it's not fucking Jodie Foster. But oh boy...I bet Clooney'll make some long ass awkward speech right? So, worse than Jodie because at least she's vaguely interesting. And she's friends with RDJ and acclaimed racist Melly Gibsons. Who is Clooney friends with?? It's already been proven he doesn't actually hang out with the Jolie-Pitts, so I've got nothing. BORING!

No, omg take this North Korean person joke thing away. I HATE IT. Wait - is that Margaret Cho? *Walter White's horrified face*

Yo, Alejandro Iñárritu can def get it. Let's go, let's do this. 

Can Get It, Part deux: Jane Fonda.

Oh, shit, slam @ men in comedy. #yep

How the fuck did William H get a nom for Shameless but not Emmy? HER NAME IS EMMY. Okay, yes, this is the Globes, SO I'LL DIRECT MY CAPS AT THE EMMYS WHO ALSO DID NOT NOMINATE HER. #thefuck?

LUPITA AND COLIN! #dreamship???

I'm looking over these notes and wondering: 1, am i bi-polar? Like, do I have a serious mental problem? (Yes) 2, why don't I just get a Twitter? (cuz Twitter sux and fuck 140 characters) 3, no I def have a mental problem 4, oh well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ADRIEN BRODY!!!!! ugh I loved him in Grand Budapest. I'm so glad he still gets invited to these things *condescending smile*

ooooh, I think I want Frances to win for Olive Kitteridge. She was amazing. But J Lange!! ugh, idk

hmmm Maggie won. She was good, but...not better than Frances. I'm not mad though, I didn't even know that fucking show got nominated for anything so...cute. 

If I were really weird (I'm not????) I would write Maggie/Jake erotic fanfic. Also, if I could imagine Jake having heterosexual sex. Nope, before you ask, not even in an incestuous scenario. Not even squinting and imagining Maggie as a boy. Maybe if Sarsgaaaaaaaard is standing crying in the corner. Def if he's weepily, slowly jacking off. OKAY, IT'S HAPPENING. 

I feel like if anyone is the "complicated woman" in Maggie and Peter's relationship it's Peter. *Jake Gyllenhaal face*

The Affair won but................................................................. at least I get to see cute shots of Diane Kruger getting all excited and kissing up on her beau. But srsly, The Affair annoyed me. But I didn't see any of those other nominees so I can't say shit. Maybe it was the best out of the other four shitty-looking shows???? I would've been okay with Ruth getting a nom/win, tho. She's perfect. UGGGGH. #conflictedfeelings #youdoknowshowslikehannibalandrectifyexistright?????

WAIT. HOLD UP. I THOUGHT BEN AND ROBIN BROKE UP??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? AND OMG HIM LIKE STARRRRRING AT HER REALLY LONG AND HER IGNORING HIM? OMG I'M READING SOOO MUCH INTO THAT!!! He is going to kill her. Omg I can't wait, scandals are fun!

George Clooney's friends: The Good Wife and Don Cheadle. I love Don Cheadle, but there's no way he gets an invite to Lake Como, so that doesn't count. And who the eff cares about Julianna Margulies? Well, a lot of people, I guess. BUT *Katy Perry voice* NOT ME!

Oh god seeing Sam Rockwell is just making me depressed that fucking George Clooney is being honored with a lifetime achievement award. A lifetime achievement award for what? Being consistently mediocre? #gag Ugh they're giving me Tilda and Vera and they're all soooooo much more important than him!! INFURIATING.

OMG William H rubbing Felicity's back a lil. I entirely forgot they were married. lol I love how I am not paying attention to this speech at all in any way. He seems to be trying to do jokes?? Also, is he throwing shade? But in like a smug White Guy way? #blah

ew omg him talking about love I WANT TO DIE OMG THIS IS THE WORST. He just used the word "alchemy". I just.........

oh! Ruth was nominated! OKAY lol. OMG RUTH WON! Good, she's great on The Affair. But ugh I so wish her character wasn't into Noah because he sux and should be dead :)   lol I love how her speech is maybe a little obnoxious? #iloveit

omg Michael Keaton's speech. At first I was like: omg this is long and weird. And then I realized this is probably his first big award moment and omg when he said his son was his best friend. This was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Omg I almost got emotional. Like, I almost felt an emotion. #progress

I reaaaally need to see Foxcatcher. I'm so excited for Carrell's creepiness. His "...Mark." in the trailer. *Danny Castellano voice* "Chilling". 

OMG GRAND BUDAPEST WON. WES ANDERSON IS GOING TO SAY STUFF!!! MAYBE EVEN RALPH?!?!?!?! lol omg this Grand Budapest win may be my fave moment of the night. lol is that sad? But Goldblum and Schwartzman and Fiennes all on stage and Wes doing "jokes" in his Wes way and ugggggggh the only thing that was missing were ZERO AND AGATHA. Come on! Suddenly, my worst moment from the night. *Zero face*

I love Julianne Moore but I'm not tryna see Still Alice. It looks really try-hard. And Kristen Stewart appears to have more than zero lines?? Less than zero times will I be watching that mess. 

*Edie Falco face*

Oh shit Gwyneth Paltrow looks really cute. #apocalypsenow

Hmm Eddie won. I'm excited for his speech but it's prob gonna be extra posh and obnoxious. Me, always at him: At least he has on that amazing suit. 

*Jake G not winning face*

omg Eddie called Felicity a "formidable actress". So posh and sooooo true. Can't w8 til Felicity blows up next year. RIGHT?!

omg what the fuck kind of conversation were Jake and Maggie having?!!?! THIS IS ALL I CARE ABOUT AND ALL I WILL EVER CARE ABOUT.

Wow, I'm really ready for this to be over :)

True star of the night: This random old guy who gave money to Dickie Linklater to make Boyhood. 

omg, Margaret Cho. #why??

Alright, I'm going to watch Girls and Shameless siiiiiiiiigh

I watched the Globes and took notes like a cool person

So, I'm watching the tail-end of this Red Carpet coverage. Matt Le Blanc or whoever this news guy is just told us what the ~*~CELEBS~*~ would be dining on. Ribs and pear wine or some shit. He was all, IN CASE ANY OF YOU OUT THERE WERE WON--Let me stop you right there. NO ONE WAS.

And then Matt Damon came on and they were all like "YOU PLAY A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD. THAT IS CRAZY" and then Matt D said how he was telling the other Matt that it was "all CGI" and then he laughed but no one else did *crickets* God, and his fumble to recover. I love you Fat Damon (go back to being fat).

Just watched the most awkward interview with the best thing about Nashville Hayden P and omg these interview people are terrible. I feel so bad for these idiots. Also, jealous. I want Hayden Panitierejebemjduehe to be trying super hard to disguise her disgust for me. What a dream job, for real. 

Get this Winter's Tale shit in my life right now. Colin Farrell with Boardwalk Empire hair? YES, PLEASE. 

"WHO ARE YOU WEARING, CATE" Instead of asking this bitch what her fucking secret to life is. Wasted opportunity, idiot interviewers ;)

Kate Beckinsale is gorgeous. I wish I cared about her. At least she name dropped Daniel Brühl. Much respect. 

Carson Daly: "I was thinking about my simple, redneck family in the midwest whom I'm estranged from - THEY LOVE THE GLOBES CUZ THEY HAVE NOTHING ELSE" 

Tina looks gorrrrrrrrrrrrrgeous

Yes, that Tam Honks joke. ON POINT

Bradley Cooper got a chemical peel. Called it. 

Julia Louis-Dreyfus nailed it. All of it. Get out of here, Witherspoon. 

Omg, that Clooney joke. Donnnnnn nn ne. 

"I will never look at slavery the same way again" lol

Why am I more excited that JLaw brought Nick Hoult than that she won? Cuz I'm a bad person. Oh she just gave props to I Heart Huckabees. Yessss. Ugh, she is so cute. Plzzzz stoppp

I'm mad they made Jacqueline Bisset walk like a fucking 5k to get to the stage. I have no idea what just happened but this will probably turn out to be the "best speech" of the night. I need to know way more about Jacqueline Bisset now. Also...they fucked up the censors, right? Cuz "shit" definitely slipped through. Unless that's cool on network TV now like how "bitch" was approved back in 2008 or whatever. 

Ugh, Top of the Lake DESERVES SOMETHING, DAMN. No respect. 

"...Behind the Candelabra" *long ass bored clapping shot of Lorne Michaels* Like, BtC was good but not Top of the Lake good. Fucking ridick. 

OH MY GODDDD ARE YOU KIDDING YESSSSSSS. Elisabeth Moss soooooo deserves this shit. So happy! Finally. Ugh, calm down I want to die. Also, so rude that the TV people are relegated to the back. Like, so blatantly rude it's almost funny. It is funny.

"It's me, the garbage man." I knew he took that shit to heart. Love Matt soooo muchhhhhhhhhhh

I love how Margot Robbie thinks she's being like hazed by The Hollywood Foreign Press. That's actually really cute and awwwww.

BCRANST! (i h8 myself). Ugh he told Aaron he loved hiimmmmmmm. Hellllpppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Yes Aaron Paul giving me one more "Yeah, bitch" THIS IS ALL I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED

I hate Puff Daddy so much :')

Who is this Alex Ebert child? First of all, he is cute in like...a Devendra Barnhart type of way and that lil passionate kiss he laid on his woman or sister or whatever was also cute. What is this St. Bart's story? Also, is Alex Ebert just Ryan Gosling doing method? That is EXACTLY what is happening right now omfgggg

Anytime the camera is on Chris Martin he gets all weird. Like, I suspect he's a huge dork ball but doesn't want anyone to see. Like, we totally just saw you gigglin'. Stop frontin', Chris. 

Wait. Is Chris actually smiling when the cameras are on him? MALARKY! #ilovecoldplay I wonder what he and Gwyneth talk about. Do you think they watch Homeland together and Chris has to say "your Carrie would be so much better. She'd be able to self-cure her bipolar disorder, for real" every time or he doesn't get his nightly hand job with the moisturizing gloves? 

I love how Rob Lowe is more beautiful than all the actresses (except for Jared Leto). 

#Team Olivia Wilde Dark Hair. Due to my obsessive consumption of Hulu shit I am forced to constantly see that Revlon commercial of her where she's whipping around on the street taking a pic of some random building. Her blonde hair is so garish with that fucking cough syrup grape looking ass lipstick. Dark hair for you forever thank youuuuu

...cannnnnnn RDJ just host all the awards? Also, it's HEDWIG. So. That joke was only okay because you're RDJ. LIKE I WAS SAYING CAN HE HOST ALL THE AWARDS?? (All the ones I watch, anyway. So, this and the Oscars. THANKS.)

YES, AMY! Finally some damn respect. For a super rich famous person. She is soooooo cute GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD

"I am on the chicken pot pie diet" I want this on my unmarked gravestone underneath "UNKNOWN" (So...not in any way unmarked) 

Kyra and Kevin are super sexy and stuff. I thought their daughter was Khloe Kardashian when I didn't have my glasses on. Now that I do...it is confirmed that she is indeed Khloe Kardashian. 

omg if Tatiana Maslany doesn't win...I will do nothing. BUT SHE BETTER FUCKING WIN. 

Hmmm. Robin Wright is perfect, tho. I haven't seen House of Cards yet so I can only be mildly upset that Tatiana didn't win because maybe...Robin deserves it? BUT TATIANA PLAYS LIKE FIVE PEOPLE! Robin plays one (as far as I know), so...

Robin just said "gaggle of characters". So good. And then they cut to her toyboy Ben Foster laughing. SO GOODER. 

Ooop, shots fired @ Shia LaBeouf. (I love you, Shia. It gets better~)

Are Jared and Idris friends? They totally touched each other in a bro way, right? Tiny little Brazilian bubble butt. This speech. BRADLEY IS SO UPSET THIS IS AMAZING. MORE CUTAWAYS TO HIM. More cutaways to all the men being jealous of Jared's prettiness. Ugh residual upsetness about Fassy not winning, though. 

Emma Thompson released all her fucks to the heavens. #much respeck. She didn't release her gorgeousness, though. Ugh, the hair the dress ALL OF IT. 

I will never get over Spike Jonze's voice. #dilf (he doesn't have any kids, right? I MEANT DIRECTOR) 

LAURA DERRRRRRRRRRRN. Yes, Citizen Ruth shout out. I always assumed Laura and her dad were estranged. LITERALLY FOR NO REASON. I just thought her and her mom were super tight so obvi that meant she never spoke to her dad. Why am I so basic? 

ANDY BROUGHT JOANNA! lol @ him winning for Brooklyn 99. He's the weak link on the amazing chain of that cast. (ugh @ me now). Aw okay his speech was nervous and cute. Nervous and cute prob cuz he knew he didn't deserve being up there. Noooooo let me stop being mean. I hope this means maybe the show will get more watchers? Prob not BUT FINGERS CROSSED. I want a season 2, dammit! 

NEVER END THESE MATT DAMON JOKES (lol @ Melissa pointing repeatedly into the audience) 

I love how Matt Damon is man of the night. Man of my life. STOP. 

"Belt noting"? YOUR LIFE IS OVER. YOU HAD ONE CHANCE AND YA BLEW IT! 

Wait, Colin Farrell is in Saving Mr. Banks? Now I have a reason to see it! No, I'm just kidding. Plenty of other reasons to force myself to struggle through that movie. Jason Schwartzman's nose is in that shit too, right? Two reasons. Or three. WINK (I mean cuz his nose is big and it counts as two reasons. I love JSchwartz I hope that is clear ugh)

Rob Lowe hates Amy Poehler, right? Two sassy divas on the same set? OF COURSE THEY BUTT HEADS. No, omg, he absolutely despises her THIS IS AMAZING I WANT GOSSIP FROM THAT SET RIGHT NOWWWW

lolomg they're playing "Stay" over this Labor Day trailer in a serious way. I need to see this hot mess immediately 

hmmm...should I watch this About a Boy series? Like, when I heard it was being done I thought "LOL", but that one commercial just now completely sold me. Cuz I'm a mensch. I just looked up mensch and it doesn't mean what I thought it meant. Keepin' it. 

Diane Keaton is pretty hot...is my takeaway from all of that. No, I have a lot more Woody movies I need to see. So much I need Blue Jasmine and Bullets over Broadway. Purple Rose of Cairo, too. That looks interesting. 

This is sort of awkward that Diane is accepting this award in lieu of Woody. Is he just completely against these awards things? I guess that's cool. BUT THIS IS AWKWARD. To me. And toooooooo...a lot of people right now, tho, right? SHE'S FUCKING SINGING RIGHT NOW OMFG. Yall can clap all you want but Jesus has his arms crossed against his chest right now and he's shaking his lice-filled tresses at this mess and all you fakers are now dammed to hell 

I love how Liam Neesons just tried to do something cute with "this is Gravittty" and no one cared. Aw I feel bad for him. So cute. I can't wait to see that plane movie it looks dumb but good in that way that makes me shame-cry and then shame-poop because crying relieves constipation. #themoreyouknow

I love how Affleck always looks depressed. Why do I love that someone is suffering from a serious mental illness? Because it's Ben Affleck. If it were anyone else I'd be deeply concerned (lol no I wouldn't)

I would totally take herpes from Alfonso Cuarón, sooooo

Oh, shit. More love for Brooklyn 99 YESSSSS GIVE ME A SECOND SEASON PLEAAAASSSSEEERREE. Detective Diaz looks so cute in her blue dress and glasses ughdklvjen

"So, when we have Cheerios it's kind of like having breakfast with nana?" NO, YOU IDIOT, BECAUSE NANA IS FUCKING DEAD

omg Joaquin and his mommy

Did Leo really just win over Christian Bale and literally everyone else? SIGH, FINE. 

Joaquin throwin eye daggers - LOVE IT! 

I sincerely hate wrap-up music. It's not like it even works to move these niggas off the stage. Shoot off some Hunger Games cannons. Each second they go over someone in the audience is killed. *cannon sound* I AM A GENIUS.

oh boy. No acting wins for 12 Years a Slave. This is a joke, right? Lupita and Michael were fucking magic I CAN'T DO THIS (Did they do best actor? If Chiwetel wins that's cute but Lupita and Michael just brought it so hard and I am devastated a little bit. I'll wait to see how the Oscars fuck up before I go full blown shooting spree) 

I really need to see Rush. Niki Lauda seems like a super interesting character. AND DANIEL BRÜHL. "You look bloody good to me, man". So happy Chris said that. You're a cutie pie, Niki. Be confident ugh. 

WHO IS THAT HUMAN WHO JUST AWKWARDLY SQUEEZED JLAW HELPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEE

Bradley whispered some catty shit to JLaw and she guffawed. HELPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEE

Why is Bradley so orange? I cannot deal with him. (I love you, BCoop. It gets better~)

Wait. Is it pronounced BLANCHE-CHET? Like, is it just me or is Leo making her name sound super gross? I always pronounced Cate's name in a super soft like French-way. THIS IS IMPORTANT I NEED TO KNOW. 

Omg, Cate's Judy Garland reference. I die. 

SO HAPPY ABOUT ALL THE IDRIS CUTAWAYS TONIGHT. 

I really need to see Dallas Buyers Club. This is cute that Matthew won eventho I have no idea if he deserves to win. lol omg he did his "alright, alright". DEATH.

Do you think Robert Redford is thinking "The dude from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (my secret favorite movie) just won an acting award over ME - star of Barbra Streisand's vagina in The Way We Were????"

McConaughey and his wifey are super sexy HELLPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEE 

Finally, some 12 Years a Slave respect. Not the respect I was hoping for, but... Like, HOW DARE YOU NOT HONOR LUPITA AND MICHAEL?! But, okaaaaaaaay. Fiiiine. This is fiiinnne. Yes, shout outs to Fassbender thank you. Yes, Lupita. Bette Davis of America? Okay, fine. YES, SARAH PAULSON. 

Fassbender LITERALLY HIT Steve McQueen. What a dummy omg (I love you, Fassy. It gets better~)

Why am I still alive? Let's end this ~live blog~ on that note

:)