So what is Girls doing?

Has this show always been a fucking mess and I'm only just now waking up and realizing??? If so, I'm embarrassed for past me and my effusive praise because omg ugh. 

Now, I still enjoy watching the show...because all the characters are a fucking disaster and that's reason enough to watch anything. Um, up to a point, I guess. Like I'm not about to start watching The Big Bang Theory because someone has autism maybe and that's so hilar, because fuck lafftracks and lazy comedy and...ugh there are just so many bright colors on that show and I'm definitely not referring to all the white faces haha burn. But anyway, I love fucked up characters who don't have their lives in order and it seems like they never will. And that's like the whole purpose of Girls. But what's weird about Girls, as opposed to a show about fucked up people I really like, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, is that it's at least a little bit supposed to be rooted in reality, no? Pretty sure!! So...it's...been a wild and terrible ride watching these characters consistently be as horrific as they are but not be assassinated. Like, how has no one snipered Jessa? I love Jessa, but how has no one fucking shot her in the back of the fucking head??? Or Marnie??? Or anyone who puts their penis inside Marnie?????? Or, jesus, fucking Shoshanna. Are you telling me a human being like that can just exist on this planet of Earth completely and entirely unharmed by human hands? NAH, YOU BUGGIN! And, sigh, Hannahbal. What a deeply fucking unlikable human being all the time who no one has ever tried to run over with their car. Their uber buggie or whatever the fuck these kids are driving around in today. 

Hmm, but this isn't really about the characters' likablity, because none of these bitches have ever for one single second been likable and I've been a fan since day one for some reason. What's really getting to me is how...like worse and worse things seem to be getting for everyone and, it's not like, a joke?? It's just...sad and horrifying. But also lowkey boring?!!?!? And also it doesn't make sense, right?? Like situations they're in. 

For instance, Hannah! Hmm so she goes to Iowa, fails predictably, and just quits???? What?? Wasn't this writing program like a huge fucking deal? Do not tell me this stupid bitch just went to Iowa because Adam was having success in his acting career, because seriously that's what the fuck it's looking like. And don't even talk to me about when she quit the magazine job last season. So what if her other co-workers gave up on their writing careers? What does that have to do with Hannah?? Like, why did she think she'd end up like them when she is not fucking them and living her own life?????!?! Please explain thank you. So okay now we have Hannah, the writer~~, working as a fucking substitute teacher, not even a real teacher, having nothing to do with writing at all? UM, OKAY?!?!? At least the fucking magazine job WAS AT A MAGAZINE. And she was getting paid mad dollar$$$. HOW DO WE END UP HERE?? And how is this bitch not fired already?? Maybe she got fired last episode, but I can't tell. And yeah she's working at some sort of hippie-ish school, but still. I did really love that Maude Apatow getting a frenulum piercing scene - so, like, at least Hannah's irresponsibility gave me that, but jesus. Honestly I have no idea where the show is going with this bitch, and Hannah's dad coming out as gay is not a fucking storyline for Hannah. Bitch you're like 25...26 years old - WHO FUCKING CARES?!! lol or is this the point of...Hannah??? Like that she's super ridiculous and an idiot and self-absorbed and that's the point, guise. Uh huh. 

And do I even want to talk about this dad coming out storyline....??? Well, for one, I don't give a fuck about Hannah's parents. I think Becky Ann Baker is definitely one of the best actors on the show, but I couldn't care less about Hannah's parents scenes because I barely care about their daughter. Give me more Ben Mendelsohn as Jessa's daddy THANK YOU!!! PLEASE GIVE ME A SPIN-OFF OF JESSA OR JUST JESSA'S DADDY OR JUST A SHOW THAT'S ALL BEN MENDELSOHN THANK YOU!! UGH I REALLY NEED TO WATCH BLOODLINE BUT ALSO CAN YOU GET RID OF ALL THE OTHER ACTORS SO IT'S JUST BEN THANXXX!! Oh shit I just found out Sissy Spacek is in that shit okay! okay! turn up!!

..........Speaking of Jessa...lol UM. You know what, Jessa is on whatever path she...probably should be on?? Ugh, you know, she's the most interesting female character on the show to me and they just don't give us enough of her and that's so fucking annoying. Like, I want to see Jessa's sobriety journey. I wanna know how she met Mimi Rose and fucking Zachary Quinto's eyebrows. What is she doing when I'm being forced to watch Marnie and Desi scenes? Or being forced to watch Ray yelling at people on the street scenes??!? YOU CAN'T BE FUCKING SERIOUS WITH THESE STORYLINES WHEN JESSA FUCKING EXISTS AND YOU COULD BE WRITING MORE STUFF FOR HER?!!? Like, are you fucking kidding me?? I DON'T CARE ABOUT RAY RUNNING FOR FUCKING COMMUNITY MANAGER OR WHATEVER. THE. FUCK. omggggggggggggggg OH MY GOD!!! lol And

AND SPEAKING OF MARNIE AND DESI. You're really whilin', show. Like, you're trolling us with this shit, right?? Their scenes make me physically sick to my fucking stomach lol you can't be serious. I. HATE. THEM. But I'm definitely a little excited to see how this engagement shit pans out. Like I want them to get married and I want it to be a glorious fucking disaster. I don't see them making it down the aisle, but knowing this show, there's a very good chance they might. And then like two episodes later they're divorced and Marnie's a lesbian now and some ambiguously Asian rapper is cast as her lesbian lover and they open a cupcake shop or some shit but Marnie doesn't know how to bake so real quick let's change it to just a coffee shop for the finale and who walks in to order but Taylor Swift doing a cameo as "herself" and she plays a "bitch" who's all like "where's the cupcakes?!"  and we all laugh until we fucking die. 

¿Shoshanna? Can you...can you at least give me domesticate scenes involving her and Jason Ritter? I like Jason Ritter, put him more in my face. Why are you forcing this Ray/Shoshanna thing down our throats? This ~friendship~ bullshit? Like why do they have to be friends?? I want scenes of Shoshanna trying to force herself on Jason Ritter as his trophy wife, as the queen to his cup noodle empire or whatever the fuck he sells. And what's going on with Ray being in love with Marnie? Is that...is that for real?? lol omfg PLEASE!!!

My fave boo Adam needs to be off this show. Now, before this season started, I was excited because I thought he was going to form a "friendship" with Jessa and they'd hook up. BUT NO INSTEAD YOU GAVE ME MIMI ROSE AND HER CLEAR, MAKEUPLESS FACE AND I JUST WISH THIS SHOW WOULD DROWN IN A FUCKING FIIIIIIRE!!! There's no purpose for Adam anymore, imo, and just let Driver go and be in a bunch of fucking terrible movies and just play that fucking song from Frozen I am seriously never watching that fucking movie thanks pop-culture for running shit so hard into the fucking ground it comes out the other side in China and then we can just do ironic memes of it forever and I never have to actually watch the thing because I can just look at the frog memes of it or whatever no thanx thank you. 

And, sigh, I'm so annoyed Jessa's being a terrible friend to Adam even though that's 100000% her aesthetic. Like, of course she got him and Mimi together so she could fuck Mimi's ex-boyfriend and try to get him to fall in love with her and kill himself or whatever her fucking plan was. God, why?! And was that teary bullshit outside the police station completely fake?! ugh Jessa I hate you but you're my...I have to like at least one of the girls and...it's not going to be any of the other way worse three options, so sigh you're my Beyoncé I guess ugh just why is life so tragic hmm?? 

Anyway, I think the season finale is either tonight or next week and I'm not excited because I know they're going to pull some shit. And not good "shit" like a Breaking Bad finale or anything like that. They'll just have everyone's lives being open fucking ended as shit, and there'll be like no Elijah. Which is exactly how Girls likes to roll and why the fuck am I still watching this shit. Oh I think this week I at least get some Gaby Hoffmann, MY QUEEEEEN, and I think she's giving birth so I'm very excited about how disgusting and horrible that'll be and hopefully there will be no Desi but lowkey secretly hopefully there will be, because I get bored hating all the other ones. My hate for Desi is seemingly new, and it's exciting. My hate for this show is also sort of new, but not exciting; I actually don't like coming to hate a show I initially loved. It's like having a break up or what I imagine having a break up is like what the fuck do I know about relationships haha :")

Girls: S3 Episodes 1 & 2

I'm so happy my baby is back! I mean, my life is sad. So, it's okay for me to be referring to a show as a fucking infant. 

I spent the last week catching up on season 2 so I could ~refresh~ my memory. I had different thoughts watching season 2 this time around. I initially thought the ending of the season was really cheesy and gross but also on purpose. Like, Hannah's romcom prince coming to save her. Which, is ridiculous because: Adam. But rewatching it I almost thought Adam coming to ~save~ Hannah was legitimately like sweet and romantic and touching or whatever. So, I was excited to see them as a for real couple when Season 3 opened. I'm just excited to see how they handle ~an adult relationship~. My guess is poorly. Like, Shiri Appleby's character totally read them to their graves and it was so accurate and I just expect nothing but a complete mess from these two crazy kids. 

Another thing I changed my mind about upon rewatching season 2 was Shoshana. I sincerely hated Shoshanna with a fiery passion. Now, I have no real idea why. Like, she's annoying...but so is every character on the show........... How come I love/like everyone else except for Shoshanna? Uh, turns out I don't. Maybe...I love her? WHHHHY. And Season 3 sexcapades Shoshanna? YES, PLEAZE. And she had some of the best lines last night when Jessa wasn't around. She read Ryan Phillippe's autobiography? Of course she did. Ugh, no, I love her now. 

Know who I actually really do strongly dislike? Charlie. BUT GOOD NEWS FOR ME AND EVERYONE, the diva who plays him left the show. In spectacular diva fashion I imagine. Like, he totally twirled out of a door. He totally did. So, no Charlie is great and I'm excited to see where they take Marnie now that he's gone. Marnie has always been one of my faves. Or, she was. Now that Jessa appears to be getting more screentime I can see Marnie falling back. ACTUALLY, I can see Marnie and Jessa battling for my heart this season. Marnie hates Jessa so I can see her doing and saying a lot of funny shit in some sort of bid to pull Hannah away from her. Speaking of Marnie: I sooooo need more scenes with her and her mom. I think Rita Wilson as Marnie's mom is pretty good casting idk. She's funny and I can totally see how Marnie came to be how she is. Also, Marnie Marie? That was really funny to me whhhhhhyhyhyhyhhy

LET'S TALK ABOUT MY BABY JESSA. FINALLY they are giving her some serious screen time. I loved everything about her rehab scenes. I sort of wanted her to stay there longer, but that would only have made sense if Jessa was committed to actually...rehabbing. I really need to know way more about Jessa. She figured herself out when she was five, she says. I wonder if that's true. Or, like, did she just stop caring who she was a real long time ago? ALSO, is Jessa actually an addict? I mean, I'm guessing they'll have something where everyone realizes Jessa really does have a lot of problems? Butttttt also I'm thinking...maybe they won't. Like, Adam will say something...but maybe it'll go nowhere. AND DOES JESSA HAVE PROBLEMS? Maybe...she simply just wants her nana to pay her rent?? Jessa has this really blasé attitude towards drugs. Last season she was all "heroin is fun, but it fucks your life up - also, I never injected". Like, she's only vaguely acknowledging doing heroin MIGHT be a semi-problem. But maybe it is only a semi-problem? Do we (like, society) have to make such a big deal about drug use if the people doing drugs aren't? Man, I don't know. Like, Shoshanna was all "Jessa can't be a drug addict she's glamorous and stuff" (I'm paraphrasing). But I totally agree with Shoshanna. She's like, cool. And we never see her really fucked up...so...she seems...fine...to me?

Remember when Hannah told that ~sad story~ about Jessa back in college and Shoshanna totally just dismissed her with "you're probably remembering it wrong, it was probably you who was crying"? That's sort of how I think a lot of ~sob stories~ go/are. People exaggerating, because real life doesn't fit into this cliche Chicken Soup for the Soul box. I don't know. I think I'm just struggling trying to figure out who Jessa is. Is she Hannah's version of her begging people not to leave her, is she Shoshanna's idea of her as someone who'll always be okay because she's easy and glamorous, is she that girl who cried on the swings in front of her dad, or in front of Hannah in the tub? TELL ME WHO SHE IS I NEED ANSWERS. Oh, probably she's all of those things and I just realized I'm trying to put her in a neat box like how I was complaining about people trying to do before uggggggh

Anyway, I'm super excited for the rest of the season. These first two episodes were really strong and fresh and funny blah blah blahahah. Here are some dumb bullet point notes about other stuff ugh:

-Loved Hannah not realizing the cup she was drinking out of was made of chocolate. But also, COME ON. 

-What the fuck is Hannah's book? Is it a collection of essays or...a novel? I really wish we could get examples of her writing. 

-Can I talk about that scene in ep1 with Adam's ex and her friend again? SO GOOD. So gooder when they realized it was THE Hannah who was standing next to Adam. Amy Schumer's "Were you in a rush?" DEATH. And Ray laughing. Ugh, everything was golden magical unicorn piss. 

-You know what I want to happen? I want one of Hannah's friends to fuck Adam. Cuz I'm forever about soap opera-esque storylines. Like, it could happen, right? MARNIE? Maybe? Probably most likely is Jessa. That would be great...but the worst person to do it in my opinion. I think Hannah loves her the most, so...Maybe I take my wishes back. Actually, no. Jessa fuck Adam plztnkyou

-Bob Balaban as Hannah's therapist. Dead. I love when he asked about what Adam makes out of papier-mâché. Just, that whole exchange. And then he wouldn't tell her his chant omg

-Shoshanna's friend lying about having had a blueberry red bull "with, like, a blue tongue" 

-SO MAD they didn't play a legit game of Truth or Dare. SOOOOOOOOOOOO ENRAGED

-No, but seriously. How is Ryan Phillippe's last name pronounced. Fila-pee, RIGHT? 

-When Jessa asked for a napkin after the lesbian threw coffee in her face and they were all like "no" "don't give her one" So funny omg

I'm done bye