The People vs O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story

Everything about the OJ trial was obscene. This made me really angry to watch, like are so many people genuinely this stupid? When Marcia wondered why the jurors were even there I had the same question. They literally sat there for like a year with one fixed thought in their mind that they never shifted from even with all that fucking evidence laid before them? And then that fat idiot put up the black power fist after they were dismissed? How is that okay?? I am flabbergasted. And people still are on some OJ didn't do it type shit. Okay, so who did??? This is super-upsetting, but at least his ugly ass is in prison now. Or is he out? Um, I hope not, clearly he's a degenerate. Like all this dude did was throw a football and people made him out to be some sort of God? This is so crazy to me. He didn't even like black people! This is embarrassing.

I'm assuming this series was made by white people? That's good because they clearly decided OJ was guilty lol and filmed the series from that viewpoint. The way Cuba (I'm just now realizing his name is Cuba) played him as being obviously guilty and then all those close-ups of Robert Kardashian's sad-sack face feeling ~weird AbouT STuff~*~. Can we talk about this dude? So...the series paints Robert Kardashian as a bit of a moron. Or maybe that's just how I interpreted it. I get he was OJ's friend for twenty years, but some stuff is not adding up. 

1. I don't believe anyone could like genuinely be OJ's friend. It's really hard for me to understand how people don't see immediately past ~charming~ types. Especially good ol boy, pat on the back, cigar smoking, let's play cards and golf types. And especially, if they are black lol wtf. Also, 2. it seems clear to me that everyone knew OJ abused Nicole. Now these are Hollywood types, and it appears Nicole was maybe a party type wild child a little bit? Not sure, but if she was friends with Faye Resnick and Kris Kardashian, then... So MAYBE they saw all the drama in the relationship as just, some shit that was happening with the crazy Simpsons. But you still knew he abused her. So if it turns out one day he's been accused of her murder, how is that a stretch for you to believe?? 

Robert was getting on my nerves. Like a bit I was feeling bad for him, but he spent way too much time asserting OJ couldn't have done it, only to late as hell start asking questions. And then he lowkey seemed mad scared when he made his ~realization~. Girl, bye. I don't know what Robert could've done once he switched over his thinking. Like I doubt he could've stood up in the middle of the trial and shouted that OJ DEFINITELY did it, but maybe he could've done something? Idk, I feel like the show wanted me to feel sympathy for him and I did because he was played by Eeyore-faced David Schwimmer, but he should've cared more about defending Nicole and fell back on all that OJ love, especially since he was like the one and only suspect, um, ever? And they had all that evidence? And OJ tried to run? And he clearly did it??? 

BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT, like, all the Kardashian shade? It weirdly mainly seemed to be aimed at the kids, and, like, mostly Kim? Or am I wrong? lol. Because 1. they did not shade Kris the way I thought they would. Idk if it was because she was (oddly) played by one-note ass Selma Blair or what, but they did not go in on her at all. Not that the Kardashians besides Robert Sr. needed to be focused on at all, really, but it was weird how they made a point to sort of make these finger-waggy judgments at the spawn of Robert. That scene where he was in the restaurant telling them it was more important to be a good person or whatever than to be famous and they showed Kim like, looking away and not listening? Lol, why shade her so thoroughly? It was strange, but funny. But what's the deal with the Kardashians? Like their black guy thing? It seems really pointed considering they're linked to this specific trial. I wonder if lowkey the show was trying to say this could happen all over again? That's super-awful, but like, maybe hilarious? Let's move on! 

Let's talk about my bae Shapiro. Lol, no, I'm mostly joking. I thought Travolta was really funny as Shapiro, who was a mess and a half. I was dying at him trying to get a plea deal and asserting they'd lose the case. Honestly I'm annoyed because I feel if Cochran had never come on, they would've lost lol. OJ's coon ass didn't even want him, whyyyyyyy. But whatever, I loved Shapiro, like him throwing OJ under the bus when they did that press conference after he escaped. Yo, but this is so crazy to me that all this mess happened. Like he was really out on the freeway in that Bronco with a gun to his head. And people like watched it on TV like a sports show? And then were rooting for him? I feel depressed. 

I've never liked Johnnie Cochran. I like barely know anything about him, but I'd see him in the news and he looked like some hustling church pastor, and I don't like that look. I always gave side-eye to those types who'd be out there "repping" black people. Something doesn't sit quite right. It's like people now who call themselves activists on Twitter. I feel people who are truly making change, you don't hear about. They're not giving extra press conferences on television, and making themselves into a flashy celebrity. But maybe that's how shit gets done. Or, at least how a circus is created. 

So I never knew Johnnie had a past history of domestic violence. So of course he doesn't give a shit, he ~relates~ to OJ. Though I know lawyers aren't like, allowed to have morals - you just have to service your client. But like Johnnie really wanted this case and completely ignored the whole OJ DEFINITELY murdered his wife thing, to make it about race. Like he was promoting himself more than anything. Look at what Johnnie can do for black people. I'm highkey upset. Maybe I wouldn't even be so disgusted if the way he ~lawyered~ wasn't so appalling. It was like all stunts and bullshittery. And the jury is compiled of common simpletons, who are all dazzled and shit. I liked the episode focusing on the jurors, and the boredom prison they're placed in while they serve, but ultimately showing that did nothing to explain how they ended up voting Not Guilty. Them not having TVs in their hotel room doesn't explain why they were won over by that pitiful The Glove Doesn't Fit showcase. OJ was CLEARLY DOING THE MOST to make it look like the glove didn't fit!! I mean!! This isn't a joke, this is real life and two people were murdered but carry on with the histrionics, I guess. 

So obvi I'm Team OJ Did It, so I'm Team Marcia and Chris. They are my babies and I want to protect them. Leave Marcia alone about her ugly ass hair, and stop calling Chris an Uncle Tom! They want to protect the people and get justice for Ron and Nicole, you know, the people who were fucking stabbed a million times in cold blood????? Yeah, them. A part of me feels Marcia and Chris bunged this whole thing, but maybe I need to consider the time this case happened, right around the Rodney King riots, no? So Marcia and them thinking this is an open and shut case, not realizing how fucking political this was about to get. Never mind the fact that OJ was a celebrity. And this took place in LA, non? So, not so open and shut. 

I felt awkward for Marcia that she was leaning so heavy on Fuhrman's testimony. As if that would really matter in the grand scheme of things, even before it was revealed he was a Nazi. CHRIS TOLD HER ASS! Marcia was being hella a white feminist. Also I feel they probably should've stunted back at Cochran. But Marcia particularly felt strongly that the evidence was there, so what else. Which yeah, you would think. But Chris would be like, ehhhh idk, and she'd just dismiss him. It was clear she was not totally aware of everything she needed to aware of. Like having no idea how she'd come across with her hair and attitude, and then thinking black woman would in general identify more with Nicole than OJ. She was proved wrong on these things, but didn't take it serious enough for me. Like, oh shit, I gotta reevaluate my whole game plan. The only significant move she made was hiring someone black on her team, but she barely listened to him. I still feel they had a pretty strong case, especially when they made their closing arguments. If I was on the jury and initially was Not Guilty for whatever reason besides inescapable stupidity, their speeches would change me over. I actually thought Johnnie's closer was pretty weak. If the glove doesn't fit you must acquit? Nah. Nahhhh lol like, you really thought you was doing something. Those jurors were fucking morons. I thought my bae with the glasses and hair was gonna come thru but she voted Not Guilty and I had to force myself to stan for The Demon, whose punk ass was bullied into voting with majority consensus. I thought her ass was sposed to be good at gathering jurors' edges?? She's a FLOP! 

Acting-wise, mostly everyone was very good. I really loved Travolta as Shapiro lol. Like, please. I hope Travolta starts playing more douchebaggy type characters now. That's a real look for him. Sarah Paulson, I love. I just love her. She's great and I hope she keeps getting put in everything. Sterling K. Brown FINALLY got a come up. The first time he stood out to me was on this show that got immediately cancelled on FX about an eating disorder support group or something called Starved, I think? And ever since then I would see him and go, oh that's that black dude from that terrible show where someone ate a brownie out the garbage. But now he has a name! lol smh. I loved him as Christopher Darden, I just wanted to cradle him in my arms and breathe my hot breath on his glasses and clean them off with my t-shirt that is full of grease, so I have wasted everyone's time, ultimately.

I actually quite liked Schwimmer as Kardashian. I don't know what Kardashian was like or if he nailed it, but I was really caring about his simp character, so I feel Schwimmer did something. Acting stand-out for me was Courtney B. Vance, but that's most likely because he got to play this quite out-sized and specific character. Also I think Cochran is the only one I like, really know. Or, I've seen him all the time and know how he presented, and I think Courtney completely embodied his persona. It was almost like watching the real one. I felt extremely disgusted lol. Good job! 

Honorable acting mention to my Canadian bae, Bruce Greenwood? I just always love him, please let's move on! God, I have no idea who played Ron Goldman's family, but they were effective. I felt so bad for them, omg at the end when the baby Chris like hugged them crying. PLEASE ALL OF THAT WAS TOO MUCH. But wow when the dad was going the fuck off when Marcia had her first meeting with him. That was intense and amazing. The chick who played Ron's sister, I assume? She barely had lines but she looked so sad and distraught all the time and was entirely nailing it. They were great but now I feel weird being like GREAT JOB PORTRAYING UNSPEAKABLE GRIEF! *thumbs-up emoji*!!

I would say Cuba Gooding Jr. was an acting weak spot. I like Cuba sometimes, but I am not sure he was really giving me OH JAY. But to be honest, I've only seen like photos of OJ, I don't know if I have seen him in action too much. So I don't know how he really was, but people were talking about him like he was maybe suave or something? Cuba was giving me none of that. His version of OJ was like someone's crackhead uncle sober for a few hours so he can go to his grandma's funeral and get some scrimps at the repast lol like idk what was going on. Also, Cuba does not have a football player's body. It would have been more impactful to see some big, bloated bitch sitting up there and wondering why he would think to ever put his hands on a woman. Cuba did at least do a good job of making OJ unlikable, but then it was weird because it was like, why does his family stay around, why does he have any friends or supporters? Idk, man, I mean, Chris Brown still has a lot of fans. R Kelly... numerous other horrific losers. I guess gen pop just has nothing going on upstairs. That's nice. 

This was a crime of passion. Why would Colombian drug lords or whatever angle they were trying to sell cut Ron and Nicole up like that? Unless it was a message to OJ. But pretty sure they only found the blood of those three individuals at the scene, so no. OJ felt some type of way about Nicole smashing Ron and killed them, plain and simp. Remember when he started crying as Chris detailed basically that happening, after his daughter's dance recital? Why was he crying?? Come on if I was on the jury I would be completely convinced, this is insane.

So at least two people are dead from OJ's defense team. Karmic debt. F. Lee Bailey got his ass disbarred or some shit and Shapiro testified against him smh & lmao, annnd what happened to Shapiro? Seemingly, nothing, so side-eye @ lowkey bae. Marcia and Chris wrote books, no? And I think they were successes. I'm dying that they both basically quit. Wait but I need the tea on their romance? How'd it go down?! (No, and Gross.). I am the most disturbed about OJ's younger kids. They just...gave them to him? I wonder if they ever suspected him? Imma assume they was like Michael Peterson's children of the corn and keep it moving.

So this American Crime Story idea is VERY lit. As of now, I am not as excited about the Versace story as I was about this one, but one positive is I know way less about that one than the OJ case, so it'll be enlightening in the very least. And it may be turnt. I think Penelope Cruz is in it? That's bae, so we'll see. I REALLY want them to do the JonBenét case. Because that will be a fucking disaster, and I need it. Or maybe I need to get my life together? No, I'd rather watch TV. 

---

The People vs O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story

Video Girl (2011)

Sigh, where to begin. I saw this movie on Netflix and read the description and very quickly added it to my queue. I love ratchet shit. No, that's a lie. Like, I can barely stomach the odd Love & Hip Hop episode. What I like is...badness. Things that are...trash. Ratchet is like...depressing bottom of the barrelness, I think. Trash is like...what is this? That's what I like, to just go: What the fuck, who would write/produce/create/publish this? Huge fan of having that feeling. Def thought I'd have that feeling watching Video Girl, and I was right! 

There's a trash scale, though. I love high-quality trash, like Mommie Dearest, in that vein. Video Girl is def on the other end of that...scale. It's not even really super-bad (it's pretty bad), it's just kind of blah. Like, whilst being shitty, it's lowkey whack and boring lol. Definitely wasn't exploring anything new. It was like A Star Is Born meets BET: Uncut or something. Does that sound intriguing? It's like...weirdly not. 

So Meagan Good (really cute, not the best actress but passable enough) plays some like shy bitch named Lorie. I think she's withdrawn because she got in an accident and is not really living the life she dreamed of, so is kind of down and not really feeling the social thing? She could just be shy in general, and then the accident and having to work with LisaRaye in that shitty antiques store sort of worsened it?? Idk.  

Lorie used to be a ballerina! But she can't dance anymore because of her accident, but never thee mind, she can just be a video ho! Plié on some rapper d and get that coint! (kill me).

How does Lorie end up--oh! She goes to the club with her sis or something, right? Right, and there she sees Haylie Duff (please) whom she used to go to school with, I guess? Haylie is like some cokehead groupie type and through Haylie, Lorie meets "Shark" (die), who is a producer of music videos. Can I just say I was disappointed that Shark was white? I went into this preparing to see a very black ass movie, but Shark being a white, and not even an exotic one, kind of threw me off. I was wondering if they were trying to make a point? Like all the whites in the movie (Shark, Haylie, and that dude who tried to rape Lorie) were all kind of devilish and predatory, yeah? So I'm wondering if that was done on purpose lol. Idk, I wasn't feeling it. I would have preferred this movie be like a mostly all-black thing. But I get it why you would have all the "bad" roles played by whites. But it made me less interested, sorry. Like imagine if Shark was played by Blair Underwood or someone really ugly and horrible but enigmatic like that? This shit would've been lit af. But eh then you would have had to replace Meagan no shade but some shade. Idk if she would've been able to keep up with Blair and then okay maybe that explains weak ass whoever played Shark. Fair enough. (pun intended??)

So Shark invites Lorie to a video shoot and I'm kind of wondering why her shy, introverted ass goes?? And then when she gets there, just agrees to be in the video? Lol what? AND REMEMBER WHEN LORIE'S SISTER WAS LIKE TO SHARK "I HOPE UR NOT PUTTING MY SISTER IN ONE OF THOSE HOOCHIE OUTFITS LIKE THESE OTHER HOES" AND SHARK WAS LIKE NO I GOT SOMETHING CLASSY FOR HER AND FUCKING LORIE WALKED OUT WEARING LIKE TWO PIECES OF FUCKING STRING???? Like, what? Like how do we go from being little miss shy to wearing a thong as a shirt and sexily dancing in some shitty rapper's music video? Like what a leap lol. 

So Lorie goes from some ratchet video shoot to becoming a huge video star. Are video hoes as stars still a thing? I feel that was a very late nineties to early-aughts sort of deal, but even then, no one really cares about video girls lol. Maybe they do in urban media? I'm bougie so I don't read shit like Bossip or Media Takeout or whatever, so maybe they are really more poppin than I think? But I feel like now "video stars" are like ~famous~ people. Sigh, idk, I don't fucking watch music videos lol. The last one I watched was maybe one of Zayn's? The video hoes in that video were...laser lights. Sigh, Zayn is such a geek. 

What was I talking about sigh. Oh, so Lorie ~~blows up~~ as a video ho, insert eyeroll. She only works in Shark's videos, though, and insert me going oh boy when this nigga goin' start snatching her ass up. Wait, before Shark starts doing a Rocky 4 all over Lorie's face and body (lol wait he never beats her up like that lemme chill lol), her sister dies. I thought the sister dying was mad extra and too cliché. But it did make me sad for Lorie because her sister seemed to be her only lifeline and it's like okay she dies so now Lorie has no one (except for Ruby Dee and her judging eyes), so of course she's gonna completely lose herself out in L.A. with no foundation or support. And like yeah I got in my feelings about it but also I was like this is mad...obvious. But it's cliché cuz it happens so sigh blah blah. 

So Shark becomes mad possessive. Idek if he becomes, he obviously always was, it just didn't come to light until Lorie started trying to branch out on her own, be in other people's videos, do acting, etc. Shark was mad lame for tryna hold Lorie back. When she was like you should be happy for me I was like yeah wtf. I don't understand the mindset of trying to control someone to the point that they're solely dependent on you. If you're in a couple wouldn't more income and opportunities be good for you both as a whole? Or is this some incomprehensible ass male ego thing? Idk, but it's dumb. And then him being all extra when she was tryna go out and hang with her "friends". Tbh, I kind of agreed with Shark disproving and trying to keep her from going out because 1. she had work in the morning and 2. her friends were pieces of shit? Who gave her drugs? So?? But like no! Lorie is a grown woman, so chill with all the wrist-grabbing.

Anyway, Shark dumps Lorie and honestly it's the best thing for her because it (inexplicably) sends her to rock bottom. She has her little fake drug overdose, gets harassed by Webbie (?) and, eventually, she decides her ass needs to go home. Wait, did she decide or was she kind of sent there after those garbagemen found her behind that dumpster? Idk, doesn't matter, she goes home! Does AA or something? Wears a headscarf, I think? Still has those eyebrows? Hooks up with that basketball dude whom she paid dust to when he was a bum but now she's ruined and ready to settle lol turn up. 

Anyway, let's talk about these "cameos"!! Or not? No, let's. So there were some ~famous~ music industry peeps in the movie. Angie Martinez's annoying ass, Melyssa Ford (lowkey the star), ummmm Bobby Valentino? It's so crazy to me how I used to love Bobby V for two seconds in high school and now he's mad embarrassing, four feet tall, and has an s-curl. But wait, he was always all of those things. Sigh I was such a mess in high school lol. My fave thing about Robert Valentino's cameo was that his only line was saying "wow" like twenty million times when Lorie came out in that tragic hentai girl meets little bo peep outfit with those fucking ridiculous dollar store ass extensions. Shark was like "Your hair grew!". SHUT YOUR WHITE ASS UP!! 

Juelz Santana was in this. Remember when I used to love Juelz and Dipset and all that mess? Sigh, have I always been a tragic embarrassment? Has Juelz? Oui et oui. What was Juelz's problem tho when he and Lorie were filming the video? I thought her taking his hat off was a cute little sexy thing lol but he was getting HEATED. He was all WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?! Isn't it like, flirty to take a nigga's hat off? No? I could see if he was balding and felt some type of way, but Juelz has a hairline. What was his deal lol. I mean, yeah, Lorie was drugged up, but who isn't? Why Juelz acting brand new. Keep it profesh, mah dude. He had the bitch kicked all off the set and shit. Team Lorie in this scene, she was making your video, like goodbye, son.

Hoobastank. Lorie "made it" when she got cast in a Hoobastank video, imo. She wasn't just a video ho, she was a video *danny devito voice* whore as well. And that's really beautiful, that she could cross cultural lines like that, become relatable to all people. #we'reallonerace #thehumanrace #alllivesmatter. #exceptforpdiddy'sihatehim

Anyway 4/10 would recommend just so you can laugh and judge like me. Anyway I am completely alone. Get guddy!!!!!!!!!! *cries until shits*

Neighbors (2014)

According to imdb triva for this movie, which I do not know why I am reading, Seth Rogen thought the baby eating the condom scene was so funny he laughed until he cried. I guess...........................that sums up this entire movie. Or, explains it? Like...that Seth Rogen thinks that's soo funny he's crying?? What is...what the fuck? I don't get offended by anything because I'm entirely fucking dead inside, and a baby eating a condom is not offensive or controversial or anything to me. So that's not why it's so unbearably non-hilarious to me. It's that it's 100% not funny at all?? 

1. I'm almost certain I've seen baby eating a condom scenes in another things. Like when I saw their baby eating the something while sitting on the grass, I automatically assumed it was a condom and said out loud "oh hah omg the baby has a condom in its mouth omg comedy ha". Like, not those exact words, but, like, that vibe, you know????

2. Um, when Jason Mantzoukas came in and was like "your baby has AIDS".

                a. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

                b. what doctor would ever do that??? Like, I get it was for "comedy" but no you're not even trying come on

                c. why...would Rose Byrne immediately freak out when he said that? If your baby was chewing on a condom that had AIDS-infected sperm or whatever in it...there's like no way that'd immediately show up on blood tests, right?? Don't you have to wait three months or some shit to see? Though I guess they have faster tests now?? But not that fast?? And also it wouldn't automatically be AIDS?? HIV first dummies???

               d. sorry this definitely could have been funny, you just didn't make it funny

               e. I hate this movie so much omg :') like all i could focus on was like the medical fucking inaccuracy of the scene omg :') please stop letting seth rogen :') make :') movies :') i think :') 

                f. like, I liked This Is the End, but for like...Danny McBride, who is always perfect no matter what, and James Franco, who is James Franco - not because of Seth Rogen, he is seriously insanely non-funny to me I don't fuckin' get it, b.

               g. LIKE WE GET IT: YOU SMOKE WEED! Jesus could you be more white??

               h. COULD YOU?!

                i. i'm disgusted by these comedy films coming from the ~~~apatow~~ camp about like...boring suburbia life and parenting and how tough it is..........to not struggle with any major issues?!?!? that you get so wrapped up in what some lame ass frat boys are doing next door?? also, hello, if the noise is bothering you CLOSE YOUR FUCKING WINDOWS, MAYBE?? or, idk, at least get some goddamn curtains or some shit WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE IN MOVIES/TV WITH NO FUCKING CURTAINS OR BLINDS OR SHIT ON THEIR WINDOWS??? OR THEY HAVE THE WINDOW WIDE FUCKING OPEN WITH NO SCREEN IN BETWEEN JUST INVITING BEES AND FLYS AND BIRDS IN AND SHIT?? HELLO?? WHO DOES??? THIS???? 

               j. I was excited about: Jerrod Carmichael, Craig Roberts, HANNIBAL BURESS (chill omg), Dave Franco...and?? That's it, I think. I was excited for Ike Barinholtz, but no @ him in this movie. But I was happy my other various babies were in this even though they didn't really give me anything?? Like they at least had screen time so sigh ugh siiiigh I can't wait for Hannibal's comedy central show siiiigh and Craig Roberts and Dave Franco are in a bunch of other movies sigh I'll get over this I'LL GET OVER IT. Wow, but can we talk about how terrible that De Niro party shit was??? Uhhh so awkward and terrible lol. Or was that the point? Because their references were ~~~off~~~??? Ugh, please. And why did Jerrod have to be Samuel L??? Like were they too afraid of white face or what???? come on you weren't afraid to have Ike saying "nigga" twice SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, FAM?!? lol ugh

              k. You know who I wasn't excited about? Efron. Like, lowkey I hate him?? I honestly blame Charlie St. Cloud lol. Also his weird muscles. He looks like he should've been kidnapped into the Fast & Furious franchise. He's probably mad he hasn't been yet, tbh. LIKE DUH REPLACE PAUL WITH ZAC HELLO, HOLLYWOOD. Tbh, I'd probably actually watch one of those movies if Zac was the new Paul. loljk that's disgusting. But anyway Efron was actually....good here?? He had like random emotional scenes that were...idk, not bad? lol Not...super-terrible? Why am I forgetting he totally killed my soul in 17 Again and I loved that movie so much? Why do I hate him so much now??? Oh, right, weird Fast & Furious franchise body. Also that Charlie St. Abortion - seriously I could not have hated that movie more. WHY WAS IT RANDOMLY LIKE A HORROR FILM?? AND WHY DID HIS GHOST BROTHER HAVE SUCH A FUCKING SASSY CUNT ASS ATTITUDE? LIKE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING ARE?! 

              l. Some things in the movie were funny, but like accidentally. And I can't remember what it was I laughed at...lol....liiikkkkeeeeee

             m. It was awkward when Seth Rogen tried to get self-aware by referencing Kevin James movies. What are Kevin James movies, exactly? I think I've seen Kevin James in two...okay three movies: Hitch, Paul Blart, and Grown Ups, which I remember nothing from. People should reference King of Queens when they're trying to make a point about Fat Guy Little Lady stuff. Or slob husband, smart wife bullshit. That's like...that show is like the quintessential example of that. But...idk if Kevin's movies are...well, I guess. Because also I'm remembering that mess he did with Vince Vaughn where his wife was fucking Winona Ryder and she was like some horrible whore or some shit lol. But it's weird for Rogen to address that...cliché...and then the movie still be exactly that?? Though I guess Rose wasn't like perfect or whatever. But she's still way hotter than Seth and she has an Australian ac--LIKE SPARE ME THAT SHE'D STAY IN AMERICA FOR FUCKING SETH ROGEN. Foreign exchange your ass back to Australia and hook up with a Hemsworth bro, come on! Like she's fucking Bobby Cannavale in real life!! GIVE ME NEIGHBORS STARRING BOBBY INSTEAD, THANK YOU. NO, THANK YOU, THANKS!!!

            n. imdb tells me "Seth Rogen's wife" read the original script, which focused more on Seth's shitty friends, and said it didn't make sense that his friends would care about some fraternity war, change it to focus on his wife. NO ADULT HUMAN BEING PAYING MORTGAGE ON A FUCKING HOUSE WOULD CARE ABOUT THIS, but okay!! Lowkey I feel like she was trying to angle to play the wife role or???? lol 

           o. how did Zac & co. put those airbags in the chairs??? Asking for a friend.

           p. WHY WAS THAT PART WHERE ROSE BYRNE TOURETTES-YELLS "KEEP IT DOWN!" SOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING AWKWARD? I remember seeing that in the trailers and cringing every time, and like...prepared myself for that moment in the movie. Like, I was ready. AND SOMEHOW IT WAS WAY MORE CRINGE-WORTHY INT HE MOIEE?EE?V?EE? HOWW?WR,HWWYYWY???

          q. Chris Mintz-Plasse's....dick....around...Carlo Gallo's neck?? okaaaaaaaay, but why??? why do this?? 

           r. hmmm that breast-milking scene? Like, from a feminist stand-point lol...was I glad it was there? Was I glad Rose Bryne called Seth a fucking idiot when he dropped the breast pumping device?? Was I glad she made him milk her tits?? Yes, but wow do I not ever need to see that shit again :')

          s. so apparently the end scene where Seth meets up with Zac working outside of Hollistercrombiepastle or wherever was "completely improvised"? lol, I wouldn't brag about that if I were you!!!

          t. SETH ROGEN TAKING OFF HIS SHIRT IS NOT A FUCKING PUNCHLINE. lol i see it, i see it. ahhh. it totally is, though, just not the way he means it :')

         u. so I feel like these letters aren't properly aligned. I'm using a blogspot app to write this, for one. Yes they have an app, yes it's as useless and irrelevant as blogspot itself. wow watch they erase my entire irrelevant blog off their entirely irrelevant site lol. wait is it blogspot or blogger?? It's blogger, right? Yeah the app definitely says blogger. sii gh 

        v. I think i missed some letters? I had an inappropriately lengthy amount of time struggling to decide what comes after r. S, right? Like google is my friend. Except sometimes I don't feel like talking to him. Like he's really extra and...smug. You know? There's just no way I can google the alphabet and not be haunted by this for the rest of my fucking life; he'll never let me live it down. Fucking ads for Sylvan Learning Center at the sides of every fucking pornsite I visit. LET ME LIVE!!

       w. w comes after v, right? JESUS LORD RELEASE ME FROM THIS HELL CAGE

       x. I'm pissed at Efron over some new shit. For taking Max away from so many episodes of Catfish this season. Like, that Tyler Oakley episode was rough. Wow and the one with the Miss Teen USA bitch, OMG IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU WOW lol. Max would never make it about him. I did quite enjoy Angel Haze, though. She was funny and blunt. And I love how she kept saying things like "i hate liars" and "every relationship i've ever been in ppl have lied!!" lol she's gone through some shit, and i'm here for it. I'm here for her pain. This is an Angel Haze Pain stan blog. I also liked Alex Shaffer, he's a cutie. lol when Chitara was taking off her jacket to fight that bitch and he tried to step in lol omg. But Max is back I'm excited like he really needs to be there to chill Nev's extra ass out. And I really don't need any more footage of him shirtless in a fucking hotel room LIKE PLEASE! NEV, PLEASE!! STOP IT!!! lol remember when he was in the car and was like "so I just got back from yoga" WHY DO WE NEED TO KNOW THAT, NEV? JUST TELL US WHAT THE TEXT YOU GOT SAYS!! lol ugh he is so unnecessary.

        y. lol what else? I really want to for no reason get to z. 

        z. Remember when Zac went up to the AT&T booth? And he was like "what's AT&T?" or something? I couldn't tell if that was supposed to be a dig at AT&T's irrelevancy, or Zac's dumbness. I...thought it was a joke about how no one cares about AT&T..............but apparently that wasn't the bit? That scene, though, ended up OH YEAH I REMEMBER I LAUGHED AT THAT SCENE. It was like, for no reason, the funniest part of the movie I think lol wow this movie was absolute trash :') keep up :') the :') good :') w:") or:"))) kkk:")))))))