Chilly Scenes of Winter (1979)

So this entrance in the #SideNiggaChronicles is a nice little gem. Can we talk about how this movie gave me a John Heard Thing? Should...anyone have a thing for the dad from Home Alone? Gonna go ahead and guess probably not. But it's happening so let's just move on!! 

I really love Chilly Scenes of Winter/Head Over Heels. For several reasons. 

1. It just like randomly has Gloria Grahame in it? Gloria Grahame is one of my fave old timey femme fatales. Mainly because she was never really a femme fatale. She looks and talks like a cartoon, but is still beautiful and super-entertaining to watch, so it looked like they never really knew what to do with her. And I just love that pretty much. It was random as hell (to me) seeing her here playing John Heard's character Charles' mom. And she's just so Gloria Grahamey in the role. I think we're introduced to her when she calls Charles telling him she's going to kill herself and then him and his sister go to her house and rescue her frail body from the tub. She looked simultaneously super-old and youthful all at once and was batshit crazy and like I said very Gloria Grahamey and this movie is just already hitting the spot immediately I don't even need any of the other great bits, but you give them to me anyway. Like, 

2. Mary Beth Hurt's character, Laura, whom Charles ~falls in love~ with. Okay so, I don't even know if it's a love or lust thing here with Charles. Because Laura has like frizzy, krimped hair and just a pile of split-ends for bangs and looks like she gets all her clothes at the supermarket, I guess it has to be love. However, he's asking the broad to move in with him on their first "date", which isn't even a date. They just go to Laura's sad apartment and sit on her mattress, the only furniture. I guess it's love @ first sight for Charles and he just knows what he wants. He's nuts, but let's move on to how Laura was like never giving him anything. 

So I related to Laura as the female ~romantic lead~ because, though I've never even really been close to being in a relationship if that is not obvious from this hellscape of a blahg, I imagine I'd be kind of like Laura? She was quite detached, and like an antithesis to Charles's sort of needy personality. She was kind of like...ummmmmmmm Give Me Space. To be fair, Laura is just separated from her husband. You have to wonder why she would go on a date with anyone after a very recent separation, but especially someone like Charles. But Laura is hard to read and this is what I like. I have no idea where her head is at. It's almost like the movie makes us be Charles. I don't want to be Charles, he's unhinged! But we are Charles. I'm sitting up here simultaneously getting my life from Laura both highkey and lowkey going the fuck in on Charles at all times, while also kind of being like...Man, Laura's a fucking bitch lol. But then Charles would say how he wanted to rape her or some weirdo shit and I'd get over that latter feeling EXTRA QUICK. 

Laura didn't tend to explain herself too much. Or, she didn't unnecessarily speak when there was nothing to say. She seemed like if she didn't have the answers, she'd say she didn't and that was that. Which was not enough for lunatic and needy (Pisces??) ass Charles. I like that in one of the few scenes where we're actually getting an ~explanation~ or some sort of backstory from Laura, she says how she married her husband because he was nice to her. And he didn't have too many demands. If she wanted to work she could, if she didn't she could stay home. Seemed he left her alone for the most part. When she was saying this I understood how a man like that could be appealing. Charles says how maybe it's because he doesn't really care and I thought that's why maybe Laura couldn't make it work with her husband and also felt for myself how that type of attitude would initially sound great but then of course over time wouldn't you kind of want your husband...being in your business? Or else is it even really a relationship? You're kinda just roommates without the intrusion and concern, I think? But I also liked how Laura kind of clearly explained why she was choosing her husband over Charles, saying that...she felt she deserved someone like her husband, and that a dude paying attention to and loving her so...thoroughly like Charles would make her feel like a fraud. I just related a lot to everything she was saying but it made me feel weird, like that time I understood everything in The Bell Jar. Gotta make some changes...

3. Speaking of needing to make changes, I really loved John Heard in this and I solidly stanned him for a good, like, two years after the first time I saw this film. Had me watching all kinds of crazy shit cuz of this loaf of Wonder Bread. Cutter's Way was okay, but I think there was a movie with Goldie Hawn and J.Heard was trying to kill her? There were a lot of movies like that I think...? Oh, and Cat People. Lowkey I was into Cat People but I don't want to talk about that so let's just focus on my bae Charles okay!!! :'(

I think I liked Charles because he was very ~intense~. I always imagine I'll end up with some crazy type of dude like this. Just because I'm so opposite to all of that, I think, and my main thing is I want to be entertained (need to stay alone forever), so like, a guy like Charles would be really entertaining for me personally. What would make me leave would be him being all up in my business, oh and stuff like "jokingly" threatening to beat me. Yeah, it's a neaux 4 me dawg. But I am def into the intensity. It's...funny to me. Like it's a little made to be that way in the movie, but that's how it would be in real life, as well. To me. Some people would not...agree lol. Like...chill with all that. But I think it's cute. But it would get old maybe. Definitely it would to someone like Laura who has a whole family and isn't in the state of mind to be dealing with bs? Like she has a daughter. A stepdaughter which barely counts, but still! 

But John Heard was so kewt in this! A cute thicq boi. Kind of wish...the government would make it illegal for me to watch movies. This is a book, right? I kind of want to read the book, just to see if we get more Laura, and a better ending? I hate the ending. According to utube comments where I watched this because I have NOTHING, NOTHING!, when this movie first aired on HBO it had a different ending where Charles is running and the movie ends with him running into Laura? Instead of him just running into a never-ending pit of despair?? 

YOU KNOW WHAT MADE ME MAD BUT ALSO I RESPECT LAURA FOR THIS? Was towards the end when Charles comes to her apartment after she's left her husband and puts the ultimatum on her like Choose Me or It's Over type deal. I respected both of them here, actually? Because Charles was acting like a little bitch the whole movie, so he finally gets his chess up and tells Laura he won't be waiting around for her to call him. Tell him if she wants to be with him or not. Then Little Miss Savage just stands there and doesn't say anything smfh lol. I love that they have the woman not giving in. I love it. But I think they make a cute couple and should get married and have babies and open a diner! What's your damage, Laura? lol, damn. But nah, Charles is pretty overbearing and like, just is non-stop existing lol. But he looks so kewt and thicc in his sweaters, why u being like this?? You have bangs, Laura! BANGS!! 

But can we talk about that blind dude working at the concession stand? And barking at Charles to tell him what he was buying. Honestly? The true star of a film filled with a bunch of random, eccentric stars in their own right. Like almost everyone here was a star to me. Even Sam's bum ass, or that chick who worked in Charles' office. Maybe even Charles sister. She had a funny line but I forgot it but I remember it being funny maybe and she has Star~*~Quality. Watch the actress be dead smh. Anyway, 10/10 would recommend. Honestly it's more an 8/10. But just round up, don't be a bitch. Don't be a Laura. 

I Saw the Devil (2010)

I Saw the Devil is one of the greatest movies of all time. Like every time I watch it it's just perfect. Okay, but...sigh, can we talk about how the last time I watched this I saw this film as a love story? Like, before I'd always ship Soo-hyeon and Kyung-chul like ironically, or for a laugh, because, UH, one man is looking to seek revenge upon another man for brutally murdering his wife? And I'm not even looking at it as a love story like...because Soo-hyeon is looking to avenge his wife's murder and that's maybe romantic, but more because this whole revenge thing is...kind of erotic?? Especially since it's such a good match and thrilling competition smh. I'll just say I think it's erotic instead of a love story so they don't arrest me. 

So the movie starts with a woman in her car during a snowstorm, I think? I believe her tire went flat? Tbh, I don't remember, which is wild, because I've seen this like 11 million times. But my memory is really bad because I'm always watching shit, so like put one thing in, push one out. Pretty sure that's how the brain works!! Anyway, the woman in the broke-down car calls her husband who is in the Korean FBI or something, Soo-hyeon. What was really wild to me is how apparently it was his wife's birthday and he was at work, and also that it seemed he missed her birthday last year as well? Um, you're a deadbeat and that's why your wife was murdered. 

Lovable murderess Kyung-chul approaches Soo-hyeon's wife's car and offers to help her and I'm pretty sure she locks her car door which means nothing because this nigga is an actual savage. And not a "savage" like some fledgling instagram thaught who has a Spotify playlist with just "Needed Me" and "B*tch Better Have My Money" on it. Like, a jungle savage, except he's been assimilated, and is also the anti+christ. So, like, locked doors mean nothing to him. Fast-forward to Soo-hyeon's wife getting extra-murdered. 

Kyung-chul has some creepy serial killer's lair with a drain that he can wash all the blood down and it's just so cliché. 

Fast-forward to Soo-hyeon taking like two weeks off work so he can find his wife's killer and seek revenge. He didn't know it was Kyung-chul at first, so he goes through like 3-4 other dudes who were listed as suspects. They were criminals for other shit, so we the audience don't feel uncomfortable when he's like beating them with wrenches or bike helmets or shit even though they're not his wife's murderer. Also, it's just an extremely lit vibe. The violence is expected, and encouraged. 

So the movie is already completely lit. Kyung-chul is such an incorrigible piece of shit, the shit is almost charming. Nah, he's a demon, but he brings that fire from hell with him to light this motherfucking movie up. And then Soo-hyeon is wearing this fucking leather bubble jacket or some shit zipped ALL THE WAY UP TO HIS MOTHERFUCKING NECK and just tearing the shit out of niggas like it's some sort of version of Grand Theft Auto that is solely about killing niggas who are in your way as you make it to the nearest porta-porty because you eternally, really have to shit.  

Once Soo-hyeon finds Kyung-chul, you're already tired. Like, shit, it's just getting started?! But we're off to the races with Soo-hyeon basically repeatedly almost killing Kyung-chul but pulling back at the last minute, so he can keep playing with him. But my thing is: he keeps Kyung-chul alive out in the streets so he can keep fucking with him, at risk that he will continue to harm others, which, um, he does? 

At a certain point Kyung-chul gets tired of getting his ass beat, so he decides to come back at Soo-hyeon. See, this is why I wasn't feeling Soo-hyeon not killing Kyung-chul right away, because it's clear this nigga is a demon with zero fucks to give. You cold-blood murder people, you don't give a fuck. Soo-hyeon can act like he dead inside all he want until Kyung-chul comes after people he cares about. Dumb! Stupid!

But, I guess?, Soo-hyeon gets the ~last laugh~ with him tying Kyung-chul up and, like, attaching his jaw to the doorknob of a door so when his family opens it his head rips off or some shit. The end is almost anti-climatic. Because you can't actually avenge someone's death. They're, like, in almost every case, going to stay being dead. So. Plus, Kyung-chul had no real feelings and kills people just to be doing it. He doesn't even seem to have a John Wayne Gacy-esque backstory. He be killing niggas how some people scrapbook. Just some weird shit to fill the time, tbh. 

But anyway, this movie is mad erotic, and no one can ever take that from me. There's recorded evidence - receipts. Don't you dare try to deny it when it's sitting here staring right back at you! Don't even try it!!  

Notorious (1946)

Why are people always going on and on about Casablanca when Notorious exists? Are they similar and is this fair? Kind of-y and yes. They both have Ingrid Bergman, they're both black and white films (smh), and they both have to do with...international espionagey type ish? Tbh, I 100% forgot what Casablanca was even about, but I will never forget how motherfucking DRY that shit was. 

Notorious extra-wet! (Please take my blog from me, I am begging you!!!). This is lowkey an almost perfect film, no? Yes. First of all, I love Hitchcock. Not everything he's done (I ignore most of the Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly collabs), but when he gives me something, he really gives me it. Even the films of his I don't like--for instance, Vertigo--have a lot of intriguing elements and I love how he experiments with a bunch of different styles and filming techniques. Def a special director. I also appreciate him giving Cary Grant something to do for once. I love Cary Grant. But he's like always playing "Cary Grant"? The Devlin role isn't even a turn-up type of role, but it was def a deviation from the roles that made CG mad famous. And this might be my fave Ingrid role? It's between this and Autumn Sonata. She's mad vulnerable and charming in this. In Sonata she's horrible and like, Swedish. Still can't decide. 

Wait, let's get into this though smh. So Ingrid plays a woman named Alicia Huberman. She a thot!! Oh, and her dad is some schemey...idk, international...mafia-type war criminal?? Girl, idk...anytime I watch a movie like this with like spy stuff and big bad rich guys or whatever, I zone most of that out and focus on simple shit like shipping the main characters, even though I don't too much know what all is going on with them. Such as with Notorious. But look: I have seen this movie roughly 12,000 times. Still have no idea. Maybe Alicia's dad was a communist. This movie has an awkward scene where Dev plays a recording of Alicia speaking to her father and Alicia, German or some shit, goes on some prideful spiel about how pro-American she is, and how she will never betray this country to aid her father in his, I guess, anti-American schemes. It's so extra lol.  

Ok so Alicia a ho whose father is a terrorist I guess. Devlin is a judgey ass FBI or CIA type dude assigned to recruit her to help them in pro-American FBI or CIA type schemes. I guess!!

Why is Devlin so judgey of Alicia's thottish ways? lol. That's such a huge plot-point...but we don't even see Alicia ever thottin it up. We barely get a good suggestion of her being a ho. But even if she let the whole of the USA run through her German ass, why Devlin care so much? Then he be side-eyeing her drinking lol. But like, even more, why Alicia care so much about what Devlin, a man she barely knows, thinks? I guess cuz they auto fall in love but because they come from such divergent parts of life there's like all this resentment and jealousy for whatever reason? Idk, but their chemistry is lit.

OK. Alicia's father is sent to prison for his possibly terrorist acts, blah blah, Dev recruits her for an assignment in Brazil? to nab one of her father's business associates. They think Alicia will be the perfect person to infiltrate because 1. she a ho, 2. her daddy and that connection, and 3. she a ho. The CIA/FBI type outfit Devlin works for wants her to ~befriend~ this dude named Alexander Sebastian, who...was maybe in cahoots with her dad? CAN WE AGAIN go over how I have seen this movie 200,000 million times and have NO IDEA what is going on or why they want Alicia to do what she's doing??? WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE SAND?! Lowkey? I feel like Hitchcock was like imma write a ~sexy spy thriller~ and just make random shit up but because I cast Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman everyone will be distracted and won't ask questions. WRONG! (Nah, mostly right. Moving on!!) 

So Alex is played by Claude Rains. I believe this is the first Claude Rains movie I had ever seen. I love him now, but for years I hated him because of this movie. He's so...snivelly and creepy to me here. i.e.: master class acting, obvi. 

Alex has had a crush on Alicia prob since she was a little girl with his creep ass, so when Devlin and co. throw Alicia in his path, it's a go from jump. Can we talk about how by the time Alicia hooks up with Alex, she and Dev have a full blown romance already going on? When Dev initially recruits Alicia, he's not aware exactly what her assignment will be. (Right). Then he finds out his boss wants Alicia to twerk on Alex's d til he spills all his commie criminal secrets. Dev gets all upsetty because they're asking his bae to bend over and spread her buttcheeks atop Alex's head and colonboard him into confessing his misdeeds. But he barely protests? 

When Dev tells Alicia what her assignment is, she asks him if he came to her defense, saying something about how Alicia, a ~changed woman~, would never do something like that? Dev says how he figured it was up to her to decide. I see both sides? But I lean more towards sympathizing with Alicia because Dev is so...hard with her. Like damn chill!!! He be going the fuck in lol, like, chill out!!! Do you love her or nah?! lol, like, enough. When Alicia says later how she wouldn't have taken the assignment had Devlin told her he loved her just once, I believe her. But ah well!, he doesn't, fast-forward to Alicia smashing Alex for like 3 seconds and he get sprung and ask her to marry him and now she got to live with him and his creepy ass mutter. Nice job, Dev! Weigh! 2! Geaux!! 

So right away weird shit is going on @ Alex's crib. There's a dinner party and one of the guests, Emile?, gets upset over the sight of a wine bottle. Fast-forward to him getting offed lol. I love the guy, I forgot his name? Joseph? The way he was talking about how he was gonna kill Emile was so funny, and how he alluded to doing this sort of thing before, but last time he twisted his ankle? Please.

Fast-forward 2 Dev and them telling Alicia to find out bout that wine. She has to get the key to the wine cellar. Never in my fucking life would I be doing all this dangerous shit if it wasn't, like, completely mandatory?? Which it isn't for Alicia?? It doesn't even make sense why Alicia is doing any of this? Her father was the one being called to account, no one was checking for her in that area, so I don't understand why she feels she has to work for the American Spy People? I could see if it was in exchange for her freedom or a lighter sentence, but there was no sentence and she was already free?? If you tell me this binch did all this cuz she thought Devlin was cute, then...fine. Fine. That's...sigh, a good enough excuse for me. Moving on! 

Alicia gets the key and then arranges to have a party at the house so Dev can come over and they can rummage through the wine cellar. Alex doesn't want Alicia to invite Devlin because he thinks she's in love with him because her doofy ass could not be more obvious about it. However, Alex, far doofier, accepts her excuse that she's inviting Devlin to rub her ~happy marriage~ in his face and get him to ~get over her~ once and for all. Smh. Writing this movie out makes it sound mad dumb (it is lowkey) (but mostly I am mad dumb, so a mad dumb person writing about something, anything...) 

So! Alicia and Dev are digging through the wine cellar and shit and find some of the wine bottles filled with sand. (Uranium? I don't know!!!!!!). CAN WE TALK ABOUT how Devlin's thick, clumsy ass knocked that wine bottle down? NIGGA ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO BE INCONSPICUOUS?? Making mad noise! And his dumb ass mistake get Alicia almost poisoned to death! Smh

But blah blah Dev rescue her at the end. lol, why did I skip all that with the poison and party and glorious scene at the end when you can see Joseph fucking READY to kill Alex. He just looking for an excuse to get rid of his ass lol. Everything from the party, to the poisoning, to Alicia making her illness look like she was drunk to Devlin, to her realization that she was being poisoned, to Dev getting worried about her absence, to him swooping in to snatch her up and the way Alicia is looking at him so happy even though she is half-dead, to Dev saying she'll never get rid of him again, to Alicia saying she never tried to, to them walking down the stairs, to Alex taking FOREVER to look like he was pretending to assist Dev with Alicia, to Devlin shutting that fucking car door on his ass, to the movie ending, is perfection. This whole movie is perfection, really, if you ignore mad non-sensical shit and don't ask why Alicia would put the key back when it was obvious Alex would notice it was missing and if it was suddenly put back obviously she was the one who took it :') 

Liteskint vs. Darkskint Niggas: The Movie (2015)

So ultimately the lightskin niggas won in The Perfect Guy (2015). Right? Because Michael Ealy got way more screen time than Boring Chestnut. Also, and hopefully this is a spoiler alert, Morris gets killed first. Yeah, sure, Michael's character was a piece of shit, but is it really losing when you're getting more camera time and probably more money and one time you dated Halle Berry? NO. 

So let's talk about this movie. Or maybe not? lol, um, I thought it quite basic. Sanaa plays a woman named Leah who is dating Baldis who cares what his character's name was Chestnut. Blah Blah, Leah and Bald split because Leah wants a family but Bald won't commit. I don't know if it was just me, but when Leah revealed she and Bald Nuts had only been dating for like two years and she was all like WHERE IS MY RING?! I kind of rolled my eyes? I don't know, I don't feel...it's any way out of reason to expect marriage after two years of dating, I just felt how dramatic she was being indicated they'd been together for like a decade or something. But then the movie had her saying shit like MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING AND I AM 35 AND DECAYING!!! No, she didn't say those things, but basically, and this script could not have been more regular. 

So Leah and Bald break up. Who care. Wait, when did Leah meet Carter Ken Doll for the first time? I think the first time they met was before she and Bald Head broke up. Leah goes to buy coffee--Oh my god can we talk about how her little iced coffee cost nearly four dollars? This is me. This is how I watch movies: focusing on stupid shit. But like, you can get a medium-large at McDonald's for two dollars. Or a really big one like that at DD for the same price. Just sayin'. 

So anyway omg, um. Carter is there while--Can we talk about his name? It's not introduced until later, but he is so obviously insane if not at least your typical liteskint lunatic and/or tragic mulatto™. But that's later! Right now! At this coffee shop! Sanaa acting like a silly broad. Because ol' blue eyes offers to pay for her fifty dollar beverage, and homegirl is SHOOK. Shook, bitch! Stuttering and fluttering like she nearing fourteen, not forty. And I just thought this movie was silly. However, I know bitches be like this. Bitches would maybe trip over a lightskint lucky charm such as Michael Ealy, but honestly? Michael lowkey looks like...he has something missing lol. Or like lowkey he looks like he was born under a bridge? Like he's cute, but there's some human pieces not all quite there. He a lizard. 

So Leah sees Clayton Brigsby or whatever again after she and Jabril or whatever his name was break up. She sitting alone at some bar after a business meeting or something gets cancelled, and some drunk white dude starts harassing her. Leah shuts him down okayishly, but uses the ol' "I have a boyfriend" excuse. Luckily, Carter not yet crazy but you've seen the trailers so come on shows up to play imaginary boyfriend. The drunk dude fucks off; Leah gets all souped and invites Carter to have a drink. He points across the bar to say he was in the middle of a business meeting. Leah gets all disappointed, and then I guess Carter ~feels sorry~ for her, and they end up having drinks? Can we just talk about how lowkey highkey desperate this movie tried to make Leah look? Like she's mad beautiful - she can have anyone. What's the tea?

So fast-forward to Leah and ol' boy gettin' hot and heavy. It's kind of hot? Like when (especially when) they fuck raw in the broom closet at a rave lol, but...we all saw the trailers, so we know this shit bout to go extra-left.

Leah takes the bae to meet her parents. Her mom and dad seem real booed up, so maybe that's some backstory to why Leah is not necessarily desperate for a relationship, but clearly values having that sort of consistent love and support? Okay, fine. Leah's dad is not feeling Cartwright right away, but then The Bluest Eye reveals he has tickets to the Dodgers or whomever and the dad's panties are off! 

Like immediately after this cute little visit at Leah's parents, Carter nearly beats the shit outta some dude for talking to Leah at a gas station. 

Okay!

I feel like a lot of chicks...wouldn't have deemed this a dumpable offense. Especially if you could explain it away like maybe Carter thought the guy was harassing Leah. But at the end of the day, he savagely beat that dude and probably would've killed him had that white dude not come out with a gun. What a strange...sight to see a redneck Chalkasian threatening a Negraloid with a gun and he's the one who looks better in the situation. Smh, do better Bright Eyes. 

Leah is like, so totally over Carter after this. She's done. She's so freaked out. She barely considers having dinner with him so he can ~explain~ himself. What I started to like about the movie as it went on was how Leah would stand her ground on things. I do not feel like the typical bitch wouldn't have given this dude multiple chances, and I liked that they didn't write her character like that. But can we talk about that one white friend of Leah's who told her to give Light Tyson a chance to explain himself? That's a bitch who wants to see you fail. And she had bangs. 1. Never listen to a #FFFFFF and 2. a #FFFFFF with bangs. 

But Leah wasn't having it even when he was trying to explain himself. She was just like noooooooooooooo we're over. Then he had some little tantrum. Leah was still like nooooooo, lol, so his pissy ass start harassing and stalking her. I forgot all the stuff he was doing, but he gained access to Leah's house because he knew where she kept her key. Because she showed him. Good.

Carter works for securities or something? In data breaching or some such? Honestly? If I met a man who told me he did that for a living I would chuck him the deuces. I assume all men are crazy. If you're going to date a man, be dumb and make that mistake, it comes down to you deciding what type of crazy you're willing to deal with. Me? Definitely not someone good at computery hacker shit. Like what if my hacker bae hacks into my Bing searches and sees all the times I look up "cysts" or "how horny is too horny?". Maybe Leah didn't care about this because she isn't a freak? Sigh :( 

So Carter does a bunch of hacky hacker shit. Also he steals Leah's cat. Leah isn't fully aware of everything he's doing, but he's also sticking to some old-fashioned stalking, calling her a million times, etc, so she heads to the police. They're like...we can't really do shit about this. It's crazy that stalkers have to literally, like, kill you for any sort of action to take place. Super cool! However, Leah is able to get a restraining order on Carter. It's great when it's served to him at work. His boss is just like...go home. lol, would this really happen? Carter works at some corporate office building, I just assume these messy dudes have shit like this happening to them all the time. But idk, maybe it's cuz he's doing the white boy look way better than any of them ever could. His Abercrombie tan doesn't come out a bottle and they're mad about it! Oh well!!!!

Leah gets back with Bald and honestly no one cares. It's so funny because it's like a full hour or so into the movie when he comes back lol no respect.

Can we talk about? How? When Leah and Bald are having dinner at the restaurant, Carter comes in and Leah gets shook, so Morris goes over to choke out ol' boy - that this is just fine with everyone? Remember when Morris yelled at concerned dining patrons to SHUT UP!!!? lol. Is it OKAY for Morris to go buckwild because he is darkskint and no1 wants to see, like, Steph Curry throw down? Honestly? This. This right here is colourism. This is what people are talking about. This shit right here lol. I am...disgusted.

I didn't like how Morris looked all smug, like suddenly the problem of this crazy boy stalker was solved because he choked him a little bit one time. You think cuz you bald and got a deep voice somebody supposed to be scared? Boy, bye! Like...literally bye, because Crazy Eyez Killa crazy eyez killz you. And honestly? Honestly I felt bad for Leah because that was her bae, but shit happens. Can't dwell on the past!! 

Leah knows Cauterized Wound killed her bae, but she can't prove it to police. So they're no help. Oh, also can we talk about how Carter killed the neighbor lady and barely anyone cared? No, because I aint care neither. 

I liked how Leah was turning up on Carter at the end of the movie. Like when she ran up on him seeking out his next victim (A WHITE BITCH!!!) and put all his Listerine Poured in the Toilet Bowl Blue Colored Eyes ass business on blast-off. She was like MURDERER! And I got my life. Most of this movie was Bad and Shouldn't Have Happened, but I did like that Leah got all tough and bad ass on that ass. So that was nice. Like how when she killed the shit out of Carter at the end, then showed up to the precinct with the murder weapon like "I'd like to report an intruder". Yes, bitch!!!!! Then that mostly-useless detective asked Leah if she was okay and essentially she was like Yeah, I'm good! Bitch, me too tf!!!!!! 

Cyberbu//y (2011)

This movie was hella dumb. Like anytime I'm on Tumblr and I see that screencap of Tyler, the Creator's twitter saying something how cyberbullying doesn't exist you just need to log off or something (but like more horribly put and in ALL CAPS), I roll my eyes because that's mad insensitive and dismissive and the internet is real life. But lol ummmmmm I kinda felt that way when I was watching this? Like, bitch, just log off??? 

Maybe because it was a cheesy ABC Family movie so I couldn't take it seriously?? So okay, this mess stars Haley Joel Osment's less ugly and bloated little sister Emily. She plays some high school bitch named Taylor. I watched this movie like two months ago smh so I forgot everything but...they have some Fake Myspace/Facebook type thing in the universe of this movie, where you can put up messages and videos or whatever blah blah.  

Taylor gets a message from some random dude on the Fake Myspace thing, and it's like obvious right away it's a Catfish lol smh. Omg I forget everything that happens I'm screaming. Someone...posts...something bad about Taylor on the Fake Myspace thing. Omg I am screaming because I am truly forgetting everything. Oh, I think the first thing that was posted was by her brother, right? Doesn't Taylor initially think it's the Mean Squad at school? So whatever her brother gets in trouble and that's brushed aside. But then...I think the Catfish dude posts something bad about Taylor and things spiral out with all this shit being posted about her on the site blah blah idfk lol I just remember thinking how dumb it was playing out in the movie. Like the minute I started getting harassed online I would just remove myself from it. Like okay people wanna play games that's fine and keep it moving. But I'm an Aquarius lol Taylor prob was some dramatic ass Gemini or Aries. Or like any Fire sign. 

Like she would be all up on the computer obsessing about the messages being written about her. And most of them were really cheesy, like, Canadian insults. Lol omg Taylor is such a kiss slut lol or whatever. I do think they started a rumor that she had the herp or something. I think the Catfish dude wrote that lol then Taylor's crush at school started distancing himself from her. Like in the beginning of the movie he asked her to homecoming or prom or whatever but then later reneged I wanted to scream.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW TAYLOR ALREADY BASICALLY HAD A BOO AT SCHOOL BUT STARTED FLIRTING WITH THAT CATFISH DUDE ONLINE, GETTING ALL HYPE? That's what her ass get! lol nah it's good to play the field when you're young, BUT LET'S DEFINITELY TALK ABOUT HER HATING ASS FRIEND, SAMANTHA, played by Disney icon Kay Panabaker. Can't name one thing I have seen Kay Panabaker in--WAIT, SUMMERLAND, RIGHT? SHE WAS IN SUMMERLAND? REMEMBER SUMMERLAND?? Lol remember Jesse McCartney? Is he dead? Sigh, I hope.

Would my blog be considered cyberbulling? There's truly no need to be coming for Jesse McCartney like that. What has he ever done to anyone? And Keith is one of my favorite movies of all time. Have you ever seen Keith? It's like Twilight but replace vampires with cancer. Um, and spoiler alert, btw...

Anyway! Smh, Taylor has this hatin ass friend named Samantha whom I pegged as the culprit behind the Catfish and the hate messages I think right away, before they threw that red herring of her brother in. I don't remember if this was supposed to be a mystery thriller lol with the audience trying to figure out who was anonymously disparaging Taylor, but I do know that it took a while to ~reveal~ it was Samantha. 

Samantha was hating so hard RIGHT A FUCKING WAY when the movie started because Taylor had a little thing going with Scott. Samantha was on some ALL MEN ARE DOGS type shit, telling Taylor that it was guaranteed Scott would eventually hurt her. Like damn, who hurt you? You're like fifteen lol like damn what's going on. We get some little backstory--Omg, like the tiniest glimpse of Samantha's life--and I guess she has a workaholic dad who doesn't pay attention to her? Ummmmmm lol, so? No, like, that sucks? But it's hard for me to understand...or like accept that's why this little girl is so bitter. Like she is out here acting like some fifty year old woman who's been ran through. Her character and backstory and everything didn't ring exactly true to me. But she's white, I don't understand white people lol so maybe it makes sense.

Samantha's dumb, hatin' ass drives Taylor to a suicide attempt and please understand about me that I was cackling at this movie THE ENTIRE TIME it was on, and yet? Not labeled as a comedy. Huh. 

It was so...funny to me when at the hospital Taylor's mom asked Samantha if she knew what was going on with her daughter, why had she tried to kill herself? And fucking Samantha acted like all this wasn't completely her doing. It was just entirely killing me how far she was going to troll her friend, so much so that she tries to take her own life lol like. Like it's not funny, but if you watch this, it kind of is??? Like she just kept it going. You're no one's friend. This bitch is on some complete psychopath shit, but I got a strange feeling from the movie that they were almost trying to sympathize with Samantha? Lol, no. Because this shit is real, and people really do kill themselves over stuff like this. Yes it was hilarious in the film, but in real life, I woulda beat Samantha's fucking ass for putting me through all that stress cuz her ass was jealous and weird. 

I still feel Taylor shoulda just hopped her ass off the computer. Or opened another tab at least. Like I don't really have cyberbulling experience, because, no offense, I don't entertain that shit. Cyberbulling to me is someone hacking my paypal account or something lol like post all the hate messages about me that you want just don't fuck with my coin. What do I honestly look like caring if you write that I have herpes? Bitch, that just means I get the d!! (I don't at all smh). Taylor shoulda just kept it moving when the harassment first started, BUT, AND HOWEVER, what's important to remember is that everyone does not deal with things the same way. I am someone who does not get fazed easily which is not me bragging I think I just have a lot of chips missing in my brain lol, but others have different emotional and mental responses, so it's not exactly fair to be like Log Off! or Get Over It! or It's Not That Serious, There Are More Imperative Things To Worry About! or whatever the usual dismissive rhetoric is. Coming from a completely insensitive person lol like, people need to be kinder and more understanding, or the fucking Holocaust will happen again (wait, does this sound like I'm a nazi-Sympathizer??). Putting aside the whole genocide deal for a second, do y'all remember the horrid concentration camp garb? I'm not wearing, like, wool pyjamas. Seems scratchy and uncomfy. Let's not play ourselves like that!! 

Waitwaitwait!! BUT REAL QUICK CAN WE TALK ABOUT TAYLOR'S OTHER FRIEND THAT MULATTO OR MAYBE INDIAN GIRL AND HOW SHE STOPPED FUCKING WITH TAYLOR BECAUSE PEOPLE AT SCHOOL STARTED TALKING SHIT TO HER BECAUSE OF TAYLOR AND SHE GOT ALL SHOOK LIKE "THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!"??!,! I WANTED TO DIE THAT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY SHE CRUMBLED! 

This movie was really bad...

Moonlight (2016)

So I want to die? This was so beautiful and sad and I felt like throwing up the whole time while watching? All signs of a great movie, pretty much. 

So Moonlight is divvied up into three sections, right? Um: Little, Chiron and Black? So Little is about Little Boy Chiron and we're introduced to a quiet, shy ass boy who has like no one? So that's amazing. Just extraordinarily depressing right off the bat and I am so excited for tears. Chiron is being harassed by some kids and I want to go to sleep cuz I'm already exhausted. He hides in like a crackhouse or something and is ~rescued~ by Mahershala Ali's character Juan. Who like a little bit proceeds to adopt Chiron as his son?

My thing: Juan was mad creepy when he busted up in that crackhouse to get Little, right? lol that's all I could focus on. Like if I were Chiron I would've thot I was fin to get molested. I guess he kind of did because he like backed up lol. Juan was giving me weird ass vibes right off the bat smh I think it was the wave cap. He was wearing a wave cap, right, or did I just imagine one? I hope he was or imma have to get myself together in a myriad of ways. 

So Little's mom does drugs. When we first see his mom she looks kind of normal? I guess before the throughs of crack addiction have had their way with her? But anyway, fast forward to it getting real fairly quick. And who sells Little's mom crack drugs? Fun Fact: Juan!!!! So that's nice!

I loved the scene when Juan saw Paula like freebasing in a car and he came over like Judge Judy, tryna act all high & mighty and Paula got in his face like u tryna raise my son? Like bruh, you're a drug dealer? You're part of the problem?? But no you got this. I just really loved Naomie's performance and getting in his face and also Ali's reactions and nominations deserved, imo. The only false note I found was Paula being like "You see the way he walk, are you gonna explain to him why all the kids always kicking his ass?" or something lol I thought that was...kinda contrived. Not to be offensive (oh boy), but everyone grew up with the ~Little Gay Boy~ - Chiron isn't even close to being ~obvious~, imo. He just quiet, which doesn't equal Ghey. But maybe it's different in Florida lol smh deleet my blog and life :')

I truly wanted to die at the scene when Little asked Juan if his mom does drugs and Juan said yes and then he asked if Juan dealt drugs, and he could, like, barely answer. Like.................I don't like to cry lol, so. 

So we transition to Little as Teenage Chiron! Oh I forgot to mention Teresa and Kevin. So

1. Janelle Monáe is beautiful in like a weird way to me which is not a backhand compliment in anyway I just am extremely inarticulate obviously look at this purgatory of a fucking blog. But she has like, just a strange almost inhuman sort of look. Like a doll and a...cyborg princess lol idk. Clearly Janelle knows her aesthetic though as she's always playing it up and OMG she looked so amazing at the Oscars like girl plz. So excited to see her as like being a significant part of Hollywood and she was Beautiful in this and that's what I have to say about her lol.

2. SO TELL ME WHY I had no idea that the Kevin in this chapter was the dude who Chiron ~wrestled~ with in the first chap? Lol, like...I thought Chapter 2 Kevin was Hispanic?? Lol no? And Chapter 1 Kev was just ~regular black~?? And then they had André's Holland bougie ass playing him in chap 3 and I JUST DON'T KNOW if Kev was cast well enough or if I am just a sleepy bitch who isn't clued in more than 43% of the time at all times. But I had no idea this sort of sex-fiendy Kev of chap 2 was the same. Tbh, I didn't know like any of the kids' names besides Chiron lol I just...don't pay attention, but anyway, moving forward!!!   

So I really loved Ashton Sanders as Chiron. Killing me softly teas. He was just making me cry a lot. So that ugly dread head boi who kept harassing him was, like, clearly in love, or nah??? Why are you SO PRESSED??? Like you are so ugly and dumb. I was heated like Chiron is bothering nobody and honestly I feel like crying thinking about this shit again. You know what I'm really pissed about, though? KEVIN'S BETRAYAL!! You simp bitch! I mean, I guess he would've gotten his ass beat by Predator had he not done what he said? But I get vibes...he was just a following loser. I mean, not vibes, that was kind of made clear about his character. I get vibes there wouldn't have been retaliation against him if he hadn't've beaten up Chiron other than the dread boy and the other ~cool cats~ not fucking with him as much. Like, the fuck? 

We go from this beautiful romantic scene of Kevin jacking Chiron off on the beach, to him beating his ass up in front of a bunch of people and I knew some shit like that would go down and I almost hate this movie for pulling that shit???? AND LIKE MAYBE I DON'T ENDGAME SHIP CHIRON AND KEVIN???? 

Like okay so in Part 3 after Chiron gets out of juvie or whatever and has become a trapper because what the fuck else you 'sposed to do after leaving prison, Kevin hits Chiron up out the blue. The same Kevin who beat his ass--OH SHIT I AM FORGETTING THAT CHAIR SCENE. CHIRON WWED THE SHIT OUTTA PREDATOR'S BACK AND I WISH THEY MADE A CHIP THAT THEY COULD IMPLANT IN YOUR BRAIN THAT PLAYS THAT IMAGE OVER AND OVER IN YOUR HEAD ALL DAY EVERY DAY TO HYPE YOU AT ALL HOURS UNTIL YOUR HOPEFULLY UNTIMELY AND BRUTAL DEATH!!! So good. But it was like a real life version of that Redemption moment in a lot of movies where someone deserving of a major ass whooping gets it and you cheer and blah blah the end. Yeah cool except Chiron was sent to juvie?? And then he came out all ~hard~ and wearing grills? So.

Um, Trevante's Chiron also killed my body and soul??? K thanx. I looked up Trevante's birthday because I watched a movie and that's what you do after it ends and he is a part of #AquariusSquad and also we're the same age and we will never be friends because I hate every fellow Aquarius I meet so jot that down. But all Aquarius are really talented and amazing and you're jealous and will stay mad. Trevante better become big or imma feel some type of way about it. I can't decide whose Chiron made me want to die more: his or Ashton's? Tie? We'll say tie and they both better blow up. 

But anyway Chiron Final Form was making me cry like right away lol. Idky, maybe because I was already feeling sick the whole movie like okay when is Chiron gonna catch a break haha. I guess he kind of gets a break getting to be a trapper? Lol...no. I wanted to die when he got the call from Kevin. He was like immediately crying. HMMM BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW KEVIN IS A LOSER AND A BUM?? I want to, like, think of the ending being a happy one, but.................like Kevin is a loser and a bum lol. He thinks having a life is having a son he prob never sees and working as a "cook" at a diner and making like twelve cents a day. Also I felt some type of way about him

1. brushing over the shit he did to Chiron like it was just some little situation. Like he tripped him accidentally or some shit. "Sorry bout alladat" BOY!!!

2. Forcing Chiron to drink? Um, he said he doesn't drink???? I just imagine them together in a relationship and Kevin just dragging Chiron down. Like whatever okay Chiron is a trapper, but he could be better if he, like, met someone who could lift him up? What's Kevin supposed to do? HONESTLY! I feel like Chiron mad shy so he just attached himself to the first dude who wanted to do gay shit with him. Like, they aren't endgame at all, imo, but I still cried at the end whatever because Chiron got to get touched, but get touched by a bum let's not forget that I'm not forgiving Kevin I don't care if Chiron does!! 

Final thots:

1. What was that shit in Naomie's head in the final chap? Like I was bawling my eyes out, but maybe some of my tears weren't just from the emotions in the scene, but from disgust with how bad her old person makeup was? Moving on!!

2. Um, did Moonlight lose its cinematography nods? Mmmm ionoboutalladat. I watched this shit in Standard Definition because my bitch ass ipad aint have enough storage for HD and it was still beautiful as shit and was like a main character in the film but LaLaLand or whatever, I guess. I GUESS!!!! 

Oscars 2017

I've seen like two movies that were nominated lol. But that doesn't mean I don't have A LOT of opinions about the fuck all that is going on. If Blah La La Land wins (Which I DID NOT see), I'm going to...roll my eyes lol sike you thot it was that serious. But I def want Moonlight (Haven't seen, but WANT TO) to win because it just...should? Lol what if it's really bad and La La Land is uhmazing (doubt it)?? Idk who cares, but I took notes while watching because my life has no meaning. Turn up!!!!!!!!!!! 

So I have this red carpet pre-show shit on in the background............should I mute this? Why is Emma Roberts' crazy ass there? Lookin' just crazed lol. And now they have Leslie Mann on here and the interview guy told her 700 million people would be watching and she got all shook because she's presenting. Aint no 700 mili niggas watching this shit lol but I love Leslie she is so cute but white so prob racist lol.

Andrew Garf, my baby! I would die if he won but 1. Didn't see Whacksaw Ridge, so don't know if it's a good performance and 2. He won't? So. But he's amazing and I am so excited he's been finally nominated like he should've been all the way back to Boy A, BUT I'M SLEEP!! 

Wait I'm just remembering this bitch tried to drag Isabelle Huppert's outfit. How in one breath you gon' say French bitches have effortless, built-in style then drag her because she "underwhelmed" you? French style is all about understated sexiness like you sound dumb and she looks great smh I hate these red carpet losers

That little girl from Fences just said some cute shit and the interviewer dude paid her ass dust, I want to die this is so horrible...

THIS NIGGA JUST WRONGLY PRONOUNCED MYKELTI'S NAME AND THEN BROUGHT UP BUMBA GUMP TALKING ABOUT AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FILM. HOW????!! 

Terrence Howard's voice screams tiny, greasy penis.

AWWWWW Andrew Garf just awkwardly complimented the interview bitch I want to scream he is so cute and pure

John & Chrissy are mad annoying lol but cute but mostly annoying :')

Damien Chazelle is from Jersey, which is also where I'm from, so...I know he's a piece of shit. 

Loljk I loved Whiplash. I wonder if LLL is as good? Like Gosling is in it, but it's also...a musical. I like, maybe, three entire musicals lol so idk boutalladat. 

Denzel and his wife make me uncomfortable lol they always fighting. But anyway, Denze better win. Like Casey's rapin' ass prob will, but I hope veneers bae pulls an upset. 

Did you see Naomie Harris dragging her movie? lol is she a Capricorn? Lemme go check. Oh, a Virgo lol. Even worse, and makes super-sense!! 

I HATE Justin Timberlake. This is already SO FUCKING AWFUL!!! 

Is this the Grammy's bitch wtf

"I know you know this, Denzel" Boy, if u don't get ur cokehead ass off the stage...

I don't like Jimmy Kimmel. Lol I'm so sick how uninterested I am in mostly everything happening smh

I'm Mel Gibson's screaming internal rage smile waiting for the camera 2 get off my racist, crazy ass. 

They're referencing this Kimmel/Damon "beef" like everybody knows about this dumb shit..

Damn, drag this bitchboi...

Remember when that lady told Viggo every1 clapped the most for him? He was shook like u can tell he don't fuck with nobody lol it was so cute. 

Aw, remember when Dev was the ugly kid on Skins? lol. What a glo up. 

Yas first win for Moonlight which I haven't even seen!!!!!! :') Awwww he choking up so cuuuute pleeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzz

OJ Simpson, America's Sweetheart.

I love The Rock, but something seems lowkey wrong about him, right? Maybe it's the Hawaiian thing... lkijjnhbgbfvededtulonkmimoko

Yo, I've never seen Hamilton and never will, but........is it really a hip hopera about slaves? Lol ummm,m,mmmmmmmm

We at home don't care about the audience getting free snacks, but okay geaux aüf?? #hating&hungry

I really wanna see Arrival it looks lit and Amy is bae I just...hope she doesn't get fucked by an alien. #notready4that!!! 

Viola better win, LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Oh. if Naomie wins that's cool, too. BUT #VIOLA! Okay???? Damn, Naomie just slayed that clip hmmmmm 

I wanna see Manchester by the Sea but I feel weird cuz Casey a rapist. Imma just say I'm there for Michelle......

MY LONGEST YEA BOI FOR VIOLA, TURN UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

She looks so good in that red, smh. Yes, Viola's dramatic ass speech bitch slay I love you pleeeeeeeeeeeeez

I'm only half-watching this. I think imma tune out until an Important™ award comes up again. Wait, but can we talk about how The Apartment is mad boring? I hate when they hype dry ass old films. Like, This is a Classic™! Just because it's black & white don't mean it's lit, but I'm sleep!!!! 

Neaux uhfence........but pleez stop performing the nominated songs...

Awwww Gael's a tiny bb, and Hailee gave me the ultimate bop "Hell Nos & Headphones". I approve of these two presenters. 

Yo, I lowkey...fuck with Dakota Johnson??? Mmmm, for now. We'll see we'll see...

I'M THAT ONE GUY IGNORING THE WHITE CELEBRITIES!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Okay so I'm peeping Jimmy making repeat weird comments about ethnic names......... like, your name is Jimmy. What the fuck kind of name is that white bwoy

The Big Lebowski being like xanax is kind of a good description. 

My baby Riz!! We doing big things!!!! (lol who is "we" i need to die) omg Riz making that awkward comment about robots replacing actors idc if it was written on the teleprompt bitch that is sooooooo him 

I tried to watch The Jungle Book on Netflix but I thot I made a mistake and it was like one of those bad movies, so I turned it off. You know those bad movies u just randomly find on Netflix like....what is this. But apparently it's a ~legit~ film? Lol I guess I will try again sigh

I hate Seth Rogen like it's MY FUCKING JOB. Okay? Okay.

Okay Michael J come out and cleanse my palate of Seth's ugly, unfunny ass thank you. 

NO THE APPLAUSE IS NOT FOR YOU!!! lol i h8 him, sew much......

omg kill me pleaz

So La La Land not sweeping and, honestly? I feel alive. Anyway keep in mind I have never seen this movie but I know it's whack lol I just know it! I feel this in my brittle, calcium-deficient bones!! But wait, what's up with Hacksaw Ridge winning shit? Is that a good movie? I mean, Mel kind of delivers as a filmmaker, so maybe? We'll see!! 

Sunny Pawar is my soul and essence. I love his answers you can tell he just wants Jimmith to just GEAUX AWAY!!! 

Those "Mean Tweets" were kind of funny and the one about Miles was completely spot-on, but can we stop calling everyone who makes a not completely positive comment on the internet a "troll"? And I say this as a Legit Troll™, you are ruining our rep just lumping every1 in, thank u!!!!

John Legend to me is like if Martin Luther King had become a crooner instead of a civil rights activist and I don't know if that's a compliment or insult or complinsult. And also to whom it would be that for. 

Yo, lol I had NO IDEA Timberlake's song was nominated for an Oscie. I thot this nigga was just onstage dancing and singing for no motherfucking reason lol smfh. Still, I remain DISGUSTED. 

Rest in peace to the greatest actor of all time (Prince), who starred in the greatest cinematic achievement there ever was or EVER WILL BE (Purple Rain). 

Neaux uhfence, but.........when is this going off??? 

I cannot wait for this Feud show. It looks really bad though lol. And Jessica Lange as Joan? Mmmmm idk, girl. I love Jessica BUT I DON'T KNOW, GIRL!!!! 

This We Bought a Zoo gag....MIGHT be funny. "It's so...effort-full for him." I'm....gagging, tbh. Yo but this drag of Matty is too accurate for it to be "just jokes" I'm starting to peep game on Jimmy Bwoy lol

Do y'all think Ben and Matt fuck? It's prob mad dry and...hard lol. But can y'all believe these lunkheads have Oscars for WRITING? What a world! 

Kenneth Lonergan...like he makes movies where I am just like, okay... Like they're simultaneously massive and small and overly-complicated but ultra-basic and dry and boring but kind of interesting ultimately because so many negative things come together to make you want to watch? Kind of like Nicolas Cage but in movie form? Idk. 

 

All these clap claps for Amy BUT WHERE HER NOMS AND AWARDS? Fakes!! 

I...can't believe this is still on. 

Yo know what I'm annoyed about? Manchester by the Sea spoilers. Like now I know what happened with Casey's character and it seems like a major plot point? But that's nice of everyone to spill the tea before I could see it!!!

Also, why is Hacksaw Ridge giving me The Pacific teas? 

If Denz wins I'm throwing up!!

Mood is Denzel not caring about Casey talking about I "taught" him how to act. Boy, I don't know you......

This sucks though, I used to be a HUGE Casey stan and this win tonight would've made old Casey stan me feel SO EXCITED. Why niggas can't keep it together so I can love their work without feeling SICK TO MY STOMACH? Is it so hard? Ugh. 

Emma Stone being nominated for Best Actress and they show a clip of her being...exactly herself. Everything is white in the world. Right, I mean. RIGHT.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDNPINGN EMR THIS BLANK ASS WHITE FUCKING NON-ACTING ASS BTICH IUST WON BEST ACTRESS I'M FIN TO THROW UP AND FLING MY VOMIT AT THE SCREEN!! 

Ok, so my bitch ass got mad when they called La La Land 4 Best Pic, so I muted my TV & went to pee only to come back to see Warren Beatty's old ass done pulled a Steven Harvey and bitch I AM CHOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM CHOKING AT THE THOT OF THE LALALAND CREW GETTING UP TO GET THAT MUTHAFUCKING AWARD AND THEN HAVING TO SIT RIGHT THE MOTHERFUCK BACK DOWN BITCH GLORY BE PRAISE TO GOD OR SOME SHIT I FEEL SO ALIVE. This is extremely sad of me lol I have seen neither of these movies but boy oh boy, I am so happy. Now I just gotta actually see this movie to justify my stanning. Also gotta see La La Land to confirm it's basic. I know imma like it at least a little bit tho cuz I'm a Gosling stan...so I need to prepare to be THOROUGHLY EMBARRASSED FOR MINE SELF. But all in all, 2017 is already extremely lit, let's go. 

Rest in peace Bill Paxton.