Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So every time I see Andy Samberg I think about that episode of The Eric Andre Show where he started going off on Eric because he called him unprofessional or told him to get his shit together or something and was like "How do you expect to get work in this industry" something along those lines I'm ruining it blah, and Andy popped off like "I'm doing better than you!" and still to this day I have no idea if that was acting or real but I think it was real like it was so organic and Andy Samberg is so fucking mediocre in every way except for his amazing comb teeth, that it just seems like he'd be insecure enough to be acting a straight fool on some twelve-minute long Adult Swim monstrosity/life-saver. 

So anyway, I don't like Andy lol. I used to be into The Lonely Island back in the sole year I decided to do college, like Barbie trying on one of her career outfits. It was like, okay, yesterday I had on my construction hat and Barbie™ Timbs, today I'll put on my Barbie™ College Sweater and Barbie™ Trademarked Frat Boy Rape Preventer/Chastity Belt. And like of course I never went to class. I was in my dorm all day binging Netflix and Hulu, and watching shit on utube, etc.

I wasn't even really, really into The Lonely Island, I mostly just thought Jorma was cute. I was way more of a College Humor bitch and like obsessed with Jake & Amir or Ace & Jocelyn or whatever. But The Lonely Island snuck in there somewhere and thus so did Andy. I think he was on SNL by that point and I was really into several...or like three things he did I think. For some reason, that "Iran So Far Away" video, some other video I can't remember????, annnnd his Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals skit. So I guess I thought he was funny? But I started watching SNL more around that period and I realized I lowkey did not like him? There was just something...very flatline about him. Also there were so many more talented comedic actors and writers (lol) and etc around him that he just stuck out as mad mediocre. Also he's married to Joanna Newsom and that's MY wife, not his! 

Anyway!!!!!! when he left SNL I was like "good", but then he got B99. When I first saw the trailers for the show I was like  "ugh, gross". There was so much focus on him and it looked mad unfunny and lame as shit. Idk what made me give it a try. I guess good reviews? Chelsea Peretti? Prob Chelsea Peretti? I think I was listening to her podcast around that time and getting really into her kill me :')? Idk, but Chelsea is bæ so it was def a motivator. Also the show was getting a lot of good reviews. This doesn't really mean anything, but if a show I initially was grossed out by starts getting positive hype it makes me want to watch it despite my initial mountain dew code red eXtreem disgust. 

So I started watching it and I pretty much liked it. Obviously I love Gina and die anytime she isn't on screen? I love Gina, I lovvve Boyle, he is so cute and I just feel like...fully realized as a character maybe? I just feel like his characterization goes mad deep lol and I just love him. Boyle is bae. Who else? HOLT, OBVIOUSLY. Holt is ultra-bae like Andre Braugher fucking kills me with his deadpan and blank (blank) face like literally any of his scenes and lines are everything I could ever need? And please end my life when there's scenes with just Holt and Gina lol like can they just be the show or no we're not doing that FINE. 

Ummmmmm. Okay. Sooooooooo. I started watching this back in 2013 or whatever when it first aired and I think I watched the whole of the first season, and then for season2 I kind of fell off. I don't think it's cuz I lost interest, it's just I am always watching so much shit on so many different platforms that I get distracted, lose focus and attention, etc, so I fall off shit a lot. Like if this is not the most first world problems ass non-problem. But it happens. Like I still need to finish recapping Peep Show, I need to see like two seasons of Rectify, gotta finish Oh My Venus, gotta watch the last seaz of Penny Dreadful, gotta finish The White Queen and Mad Fat Diary, gotta force myself through the last seas of Girls, still haven't watched the series finale of The Borgias,  have like two seasons of Bad Girls Club I half-finished, haven't seen The Mindy Project since like 2014 or some shit even though it was one of my fave shows lol le sigh like it's a mess. And b99 was just one of those shows that got lost in the sauce pleaz delete my blog @blogspot, thanx. 

But recently I scammed a free Hulu trial and I've been wasting it ENORMOUSLY. But I have tried to get back into b99. I made the mistake of starting it from the beginning. Kinda wished I had just came in on where I left off but I forgot where, so...I just started all over. Regret, regret, because it was kind of lame the second time around. Don't get me wrong this show is funny, but not that funny. Like when I watch a comedy show I want it to be REALLY funny. Like b99 can be, but it's more haha, than me crying tears like I would if I was watching something horrible like It's Always Sunny pleez. Or Veep. Veep be killing me. Peep Show slays my seoul. American Dad. Curb Your Enthusiasm...other stuff I can't remember because I feel mad pressure to remember it like literally no one ever asks me to write or do any of this smh. 

But anyway I don't be like guffawing or screaming or whatever while watching B99, but it's still funny. Uhhh this show is done by those Parks & Rec people, no? I had this same kind of unexplainable issue with Parks & Rec, too, where it was like, for me, funny...but also not?? Not in the way I want a comedy show to be? Also the saccharine-ness of Parks really irked me lol. Like April & Andy was weird?? How they kept trying to make Ann happen?? Uh and a bunch of other stuff. I think maybe I have an issue with optimism? I mean, yeah, prob - I'm a Negative Nancy. I like fucked up dark shit where characters only get progressively worse. Or they start out really bad and just stay that way and it's funny cuz they shit? 

Positive comedy does not wholly bother me, it just does not completely keep my interest, and even trying to binge the series on Hulu I started getting bored. Like midway through my ~binge sesh~ I decided to watch Loiter Squad. And now I kinda want to check out Please Like Me, and Difficult People. Idek if they will be more interesting to me than b99, it's just the point is that I am not interested in b99. Or as much as I need/want to be? 

Also I hate that Jake is kind of the focus? I don't like Samberg and I don't like Jake lol and I espesh kinda want to vomit @ his little will they won't they bs with Amy. I only barely care about Amy. I hate when shows try to do a romance thing with characters I don't too much be fucking ever really thinking about like that. I was way more interested in the scenes they didn't show with Boyle and Linetti getting together lol like. And then fine, even Jake on his own I'm like...enough. Give me more Holt, give me more Gina, more Boyle, shit even more Hitchcock and Scully in the background saying concerning shit. I like Diaz but her shit gets old, so I don't need more of that. Don't need more of Strong Man Daddy Terry. But def more of Gina talking about Richard Dreyfuss "hunkered over eating dog food". Sigh, I might need to continue watching just for my bae. Like I need more excellent and soul-crushing one liners such as this. I don't want to completely give up because this show has a lot of pros but sigh it's like if you're not fully into it... Idk, maybe I'll go back I really love Gina but anyway can Chelsea Peretti get her own show or?? Omg what if she and Jordan did like some shitty sitcom about their life PLEASE AMERICA PLEEEEEEZ STOP PLAYING GAMES I WANT THISSS NOW!!!! 

Hot Tub Time Machine 2

Was this sequel even remotely necessary? Nope!! But when I first heard about it, I got excited? Lol, sad.

So I really liked the fir--Wait. Really liked? Ionoboutalladat. I def enjoyed myself pretty-mostly while watching the first movie, though I'm almost certain if I rewatched it today I'd be like "lol heh...". Like I'm thinking back to it and all that GREAT WHITE BUFFALO and all that shit and I just know that would be annoying and mostly non-funny. Also none of the lead niggas do I really care about except maybe Clark Duke but tbh I feel Clark has been coasting on the magnificence of his background extra work in Superbad, and the beauty that was Clark and Michael, for far too long. Like is he even really that funny, or do he just look like a lesbian serial killer? Wait, I'm forgetting Sex Drive. Sex Drive is in the same league of Hot Tub Machine in that it is a movie I initially thought was pretty funny but if I rewatched it now I'd be like lol alright that's enough. But anyway and in conclusion, Clark Duke looks like a lesbian serial killer.

So in the first movie I didn't really see it for Craig Robinson (I never do, being fat and black w/ an afro is not enuf lol step it up), Rob Corddry (eh), or John Cusack. I kind of care about John Cusack but sometimes he be lookin like Michael Myers and also he's pretty one note. I don't mind actors who are the same in every movie if their sameness is appealing. I feel John's is...usually, mostly, sometimes lol. He was alright in HTTM. Like he isn't overtly funny, he's more dry or whatever. I wonder why he didn't come back for the sequel I thought he was gonna pop up @ the end but he didn't lol. Super awkward but lol I doubt anyone cared he was missing from this. But I also love the shade of him being like check no juliet to this. Especially when I read some article on him once saying he wished he had money to buy paintings lol but he doesn't. Like he was counting on that Edgar Allan Poe thing he did to make a lot of money (lol, John, an Edgar Allan Poe dubstep remix?? cum on), and if it did he would buy some painting he'd been admiring for a while. I mean, I guess coming back for the sequel of this wouldn't have made him that bank. But how does he know? Idk, but I'm fucking SCREAMING.

So The Mask of Michael Myers Except Black Hair's replacement was Adam Scott, who played...John's character's son or some shit, right? Adam Scott was like the only thing I liked about this? I love-ish Adam Scott lol. Like I never don't like him? Not even in Tell Me You Love Me. Does anyone remember that show, like did anyone watch that? I feel like I was the only person who watched that mess and honestly maybe that's the case because HBO ctrl+alt+deleted that shit extra-quick. Like, HBO renewed Looking. Musta been nary a nigga watching Tell Me You Love Me. Lol it wasn't a good show so that's fine but Adam played kind of like a douche and he'd do these scary-aggressive sex scenes with the chick that played his wife in the show or at least that's how I remember it. They were trying for a baby but in like a disturbing, and extremely uncomfortable way? Like how bout neither of you be parents but instead be punted straight into the sun? Anyway, buy Tell Me You Love Me on iTunes. 

So lol anyway what happened in this mess? I, sigh, don't even care or know. Rob Coddry's character Lou made Lougle or some mess so in the future he's mad rich and crazy and long story short someone shot-guns him in the dick blah they get in the hot tub time machine and go back in the past in an alternate...dimension or timeline to stop his killer from killing him blahdy blah blah this movie is too stupid, and poorly envisioned for you to then be getting on my nerves with some geek ass alternative time line bs. Like idk how long Clark was talking that nerd shit but I was like GIRL IF YOU DON'T! Like the movie is already unfunny enough and then here go some Star Trek bs smh. 

I don't even feel like talking bout all that went down but it was mad ridick, and not in a good way. A handful of laughs escaped admittedly and I wanted to die and cry when they did :') Imma need for comedies to not to be like this anymore, going forward. I don't mind lazy but can you maybe be lazy in a better way? This shit was just rolling over to your nightstand half-asleep at four in the morning to jot down some ugly dream you had and then that's the script, no revisions or edits or multiple drafts, just dat. There's gotta be...less shit. Reduce it by at least...25% going forward, okay? It's not 2005, we can't be doing this anymore. Good job on doing a bad job. Good job on being below mediocre but yet they still put your shit in theaters. That's commendable in conclusion. 

Drag Race All Starz II

Um, OKAY.

So last episode they sent bae Alyssa home. Lol okay I'm feeling some type of way about them feeling some type of way about Alyssa. It feels like some of the queens (PHI PHI) are mad cuz Alyssa is like mad popular and a fan favorite, and no one be checking for their asses like that the way they do Alyssa? ESPECIALLY not Phi Phi's bitch, hatin' ass. 

Look I am just, like, so over Phi Phi. I remember her from her season being a hatin' ass, irritating ass bitch and I was over it then and I'm def over it now. Idk how you can be over something you were NEVER fucking here for or into, but bitch I found a way. And miss me with her whole ~~I'm here to show America that I have changed and have more to offer~~. She is so...tired. And insecure and jealous af in my opinion and like it's gross and weird? Why can't you just live in your specific drag, you know? Why do you have to be hatin' on everybody else's? Like let them do them and you do you? Like she be feelin some type of way about drag that isn't even the type of drag she do?? Like her hatin' on Willam and Sharon back in her season when they all doing entirely different drag imo. And here she go feelin' some type of way about Alyssa...like, she's doing her own thing. You do your creepy cosplay shit and she do her funny, gif-able Alyssa shit like damn can she live. 

I just...cannot stand Phi Phi lol like it's irritating. I don't condone all that death threat shit apparently some Drag Race fans had for her ass, like that's doing the most--WAIT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW DETOX ASS ALMOST HARASSED THIS AMBIGUOUSLY RACED HO ENTIRELY OUT OF DRAG? I'm skreeeeeming. And then Detox sitting up here like lol yikes my bad!! And then had the audacity to be agreeing with Phi Phi when she was bitching about how the judges be letting Alyssa slide with sloppy drag like Bob the Drag Queen's ass didn't win the whole entire bitch last season doing just that BUT OKAY STAY MAD!! STAY MAD!!! 

I agree with Alyssa's way of thinking concerning the eliminations. I agreed with her choice to keep Katya over Ginger. Okay Katya had one meh week but when you consider her overall, she's way better than Ginger, imo. Her schtick is funnier and her drag just in general is better. I woulda sent Ginger's round ass home, too, like. And I fucking thought she shoulda won her season so like almost no shade but I just think Katya is better lol she just is. Lol wait was Katya in Ginger's season I'm screaming ej ejdmjmdimd. But anyway I agree with her staying. I feel like the girls were feeling some type of way because imo Katya is a threat to them and Ginger isn't really. Like is Ginger really making top 3 out of all of them? Nah. But Katya feasibly could. 

I feel like last ep they shoulda sent...who was in the bottom? Roxxxy, Katya and...Alyssa? Was that the bottom?? Def maybe Roxxxy shoulda went home?? Like I love Roxxxxxy's runway but what else is she really bringing?? But I can see why they sent Alyssa, but that was her first time in the bottom and I believe that argument is valid?? Like?? 

BUT WHATEVER CUZ RU PLAYIN' GAMES!! Bitch when they showed them hoes behind the mirror I was like "Good". Lol. Not that I'm excited for whatever this bullshit is, I'm just souped Baelyssa is back and also that it seemed like she could hear them talkin' shit about her? Turn up time!!!! Please end my life but I'm ready. Who gon' win the whole comp tho? Alaska, right? She consistent as fuck. I literally spent Alaska's entire season not seeing it for her but now I kinda do? She's funny...so maybe. I mean I'd prefer Baelyssa to win and also I'd prefer if I'd stop calling her Baelyssa jesus christmas seek help

Wait can we talk about Adore real quick lol why her punk ass immediately go home like that smh. BUT ANYWAY I'M EXCITED FOR NEXT EPISODE LIKE I HOPE THESE BITCHES STRAIGHT UP BRAWL WHY THE FUCK AM I TALKIN IN ALL CAPS ANYWAY BRING BACK SHANGELA

John Boyega Is the New Magic Johnson

So I initially didn't know if I was going to watch Atlanta. I was like hmmmm is this some douchey black blipster bs?? And I decided yes it was but idk there's like a lot of black people, the most important one being my son and the love of my life, Keith Stanfield, so I was like okay whatever lemme watch this. And I almost decided to watch Catfish over this? Like an old episode of Catfish? But I only turned it on because I thought there was a chance it was a ~black~ episode but as soon as I saw a white bitch I clicked it immediately off and decided to watch the first three episodes of this and honestly I have no regrets. I am shocked and flummoxed, ngl. 

So this shit comes from Donald Glover, whom in my head I have a sort of like/hate relationship with. It started leaning more toward like recently when he grew that sexy ass beard, but then people brought up some weird possible Asian fetish shit with him lol so it went back to leaning more towards hate again but then I was like whatever maybe Donald is fake blasian and honestly who cares. Like I just couldn't forget those pics of him in a turtleneck and shorts carrying a grocery bag lol so tbh I forgave him of most of his sins and was like fine I'll watch his little show.

I like really like this so far?? I mean, it's kinda cliché with the whole rapping and drugs angle. But it also is set in Atlanta. It could be more cliché. This show could just be strictly about bussy-snatching and whoever straps NeNe Leakes' back on. Donald chose to focus on the second most cliché thing about Atlanta and that's probably thanks to his ~alternative~ pedigree. Don't do the most obvious do the second most obvious one cuz different~*~. 

Can we talk about Migos? lol, no - too soon. 

So anyway cliché! But fine, I guess? What else do people do in Atlanta? Are there lawyers there? Sure, but prob all the lawyers there sell drugs and make trap albums so honestly any show set in Atlanta would ultimately circle back to drugs and rapping and shit so what was Donald supposed to do? Give Keith Stanfield more lines??? Yes, that one. 

So D-Glove plays some nigga named Earnest Marks (omgruserious) and he's a bum and a loser but at least he still has that amazing fucking beard OH MY GOD. Apparently Earnest dropped out of Princeton or some shit and now he works at the airport and A-plus on that very specific Atlanta thing. Earn...also has a kid?? And a babymama?? But she's his...friend or something? He doesn't live with her and is technically homeless but sometimes she lets him stay there?? And they fuck sometimes I guess and she's all "tell me u love me" but he laughs and she gets mad????? 

CAN WE TALK about this awkward/weird ass relationship? So his bum ass just decided to have a kid? For some reason I was thinking the kid was planned but idk if they ever said in the show. Probably not because what kinda bum is like okay yeah let's have a kid with no kind of income or foreseeable future where, like, he has shit to offer his child?? The whole set-up is weird as fuck. And also...are we supposed to be shipping Earn and his babymoms? Because I do not. The chemistry is not there to me. Like ignoring how she thinks he's a total loser and terrible father - they're just not clicking for me. But...maybe a big thing won't be Earn's love life? But eugh I feel like it will be and I will getting more of this that I don't want :') But it might make for good tv down the line idk I'll wait.

Okay so let's talk about Earn being a bum! What's his plan? Why...hmmm. Didn't he just out of nowhere decide to become Paper Boi's manager when he saw a video of his on Youtube?? What the fuck was Earn planning to do before he found out his cousin made music?? Like was he just meandering about at the airport twiddling his thumbs waiting for a life plan to fall out of the sky for him? Well good idea because his non-sensical patiently waiting for his life to happen actually worked maybe and now maybe something is poppin off maybe but what the fuck bro you have a kid lol what t f u cq

So it's mad douchey of Earn to just show up to jump on his cousin's bandwagon, no? You haven't seen him in years but all of a sudden it's hey let's make money??? Like. Under no circumstance do I like Earnest lol. Like...bruh. If I was Paper Boi I woulda been like foh and he basically did but then Earn got his song on the radio so I guess it's all good. Fine. But I woulda kept paying him dust. Do his dusty ass need more dust? No, but he would be getting it. 

Can we talk about that jail shit? Loved it. It was kinda dreamy? Like Earn died and went to Heaven and Heaven basically is a jail...waiting room? Sounds legit. That scene showed a lot of ACTING, you know? And everyone was black and I just really loved it. Lots of characters. Actually, obviously, this whole show is just full of black and ACTING and ~*~characters~*~ and I am fucking living. Like this is great lol. Is the bar so low for me that all I care about is BLACK? Nah, because if that was the case I'd still be watching Empire. Lol actually.............DIDN'T I STOP WATCHING CUZ THEY PUT ALL THOSE LATINOS UP THERE??? No!! IT WAS CUZ OF BAD STORYTELLING!!!! AND SHITTINESS!! Atlanta has a ton of blacks and is like actually good?? Nice. Very nice but lemme not speak too soon but tbh I feel this show will only get better? I'm really excited. For now.

Can we talk about when Earn tried to order a kids meal? Few things:

1. There's this shit called the dollar menu.

2. Where do they tell you you can't order a kids meal? Lol that would never happen. And if it did you could just lie and say it was for a kid? I'm not at all speaking from personal experience constantly ordering kids meals even though I am a full adult halfway-human person :')

3. Also no one cares if you steal soda from the fountain, and certainly not the mop bitch. The mop bitch at any fast food place is too busy thinking of how she's gonna come thru later and shoot everyone up please believe she is not worried about you stealing fucking fanta when you only have a water cup lol come on

Can we talk about Earn's mom and dad talking about the turd he left in their toilet bowl? His mom fucking talking about he need to improve his diet and Earn asking her if she broke it up druncirncirnchrbfhbehc. I decided I loved this show just from that. When will I be released from purgatory?? 

Can we talk about bae Darius? UM HE IS AMAZING I LOVE HIM PLEASE GIVE BAE MORE LINES WTF. Like wtf he be talking about I am truly living. Him calling his gun Daddy is so #me and #iconic and I just want to know his entire backstory immediately but no whatever it's fine if you slow burn it I GUESS. Lol watch he turn out to be from rich pedigree or he manage like three Chipotles please I am dying here making up shitty backstory for him HURRY. UP!  

Can we talk about that weird intense ass dude telling Paper Boi if he doesn't make it or something he don't know what he'll do?? Lol wtf was he threatening him that was weird as shit. Can we talk about Paper Boi (no one reads this blog)? I feel like I like him? Like he seems cool? And I feel like I'm going to be feeling bad for him the more he blows up? Because he just raps to make money, right? But it's gonna be another thing when he's like a celebrity?? Idk how this'll go but I see him struggling with blowing up. But I wonder with him blowing up how Earn'll be. Fingers crossed his ass will be a fucking mess. Omg he is gonna be so awful I'm fucking excited lol

Wait but can we talk about this idea that Earn is a ~loser~?? Can we talk about how I keep asking if we can talk about something like you run this shitty blog you can talk about whatever you want besides what happened to David Miscavige's wife obviously that's off-limits but LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE! 

but sigh anyway kill me. I feel some type of way about Earn talking about winners/losers while holding his daughter in his arms. It was a little tone deaf to me? To me having a family is winning? Like that's cool? You have people that love you? Lol am I being super-sad? Idk like I would think being a dad would be a winning thing. And mos def should be a huge motivator for you in terms of making your life even better? Isn't it winning to even have that motivation? Idk it seems like Earn views winning as having money and this kind of superficial success of having like a visible, enviable career?? Which idk... Like if you don't feel you're winning now when you have some really good things, you're never going to feel like you're winning. Like I get where he is coming from but at the same time I wish he would be less obtuse?? Like at a certain point wake up? But I guess he's supposed to be how he is which is kind of...like a mess lol. Just a goddamn mess. Would I want to watch this if he had his shit together in literally any category? Yes because Keith Stanfield is in this and this is a Keith Stanfield stanfield blog. I'm...not gonna say this again :)

Wait but can we talk about shut up omg that white boi? I saw caps of this scene on tumblr before I watched the show and I rolled my eyes?? Because why this white boy saying nigga and D-money's character is not responding by tossing a box of Nerds in his eyes and then hara-kiring him with a rusty butter knife in his throat??? But then I was like ohh haaaa when Earn made him tell the story again later in front of Paper Boi and Darius and I was like okay fine, nice. Lol. That white boi was shook and I live for shook white bois. Wow that's really sad I gotta make some changes...

...How much did that dinner cost that Earn and his lady had?? She was ordering market fish specials and shit but I coulda sworn Earn had like sixty-something dollars in his account?? That meal seemed at least a hundred dollars? Look idk anything about restaurants I don't even have a verified Paypal account so please but that shit sounded like a lot of money. What was Paper Boi's twenty dollars sposed to do?? Smh but okay girl I guess. 

Can we talk about Migos? I was so...intrigued. Like I knew the trap dudes were some known niggas but idk bout that trap music shit. I know Fetty Wap? But only cuz he don't got an eye, you know? Like I don't listen to that shit. But I could tell the trap dudes Paper Boi and Darius were meeting for the drug deal were like ~~faymuhz~~. And when they said they were Migos (as in amigos??? YALL ARE FUCKING BUGGIN!!) I was like "oh". I don't even really know Migos? I just know they exist. And now sigh I am intrigued sigh. I am resisting so hard going to download some of their songs I just really am not about that trap music life don't try to lure me into this shit I am a bougie black okay Iol smh I am literally more of a loser than Earn how r u more of a loser than a nigga named Earnest. Sigh, there's no way I'd be able to produce a sizable turd on a shitty processed food diet. He a real one for that :/

lol but wait why migos just kill that dude in the woods i'm screamingthey r ea lly kill ed      t h a t d u d e

Possession (1981)

This movie almost qualifies as a Masterpiece of Shit. I think the ~~foreigness~~ saves it. I don't understand ~~føręîgñ~~ movies enough to be able to accurately discern whether they are bad or good, you know? I have NO FUCKING IDEA what is going on. I mean, some foreign films have been so immediately straight-up garbage that I was able to tell without having to know the language or whatever culture the movie was coming from. Like there's this French film I think...I forget the name but it's about two brothers fucking each other (who's surprised) and it's just straight up one of the worst shits I have ever seen and I don't need to understand French Speak or their weird boundary-less familial relationships to understand that that movie was a total all-around no. But usually it's not so straight-forward. I honestly...lol...feel like Possession might be one of those rare obvious right away it's really terrible films and maybe I'm being blinded for my secret love for weird squid sex and my not so secret love for Isabelle Adjani???

LIKE THIS IS A BAD MOVIE, RIGHT? Lol the first time I saw this I was IN LOVE. I like really loved this?? Lol HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MOVIE????? EXCUSE ME HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT?! What the fuck is wrong with me. But you know I'm always loving some disturbing, weird ass shit. Like I really loved both uncut volumes of Nymphomaniac?? I gotta make some changes. But! Not surprised I really super loved Possession. Not even mostly because of Isabelle Adjani getting fucked by that octupus alien thing (BECAUSE LET'S BE HONEST), but because this movie is just like so up my disgusting alley. 

There's:

1. Really questionable, possibly severely non-good acting. I...love bad acting. I'm sorry I just do. But...there are certain conditions, you know? If I'm going into a movie expecting it to be acted really well and deliver me some OSCAR NOMINEE CONTENDER REEL REALNESS, then I want good acting. Like I really want to see that The Light Between Oceans movie and I'm expecting it to be acted well. If anyone is pulling a Nic Cage or Keanu imma feel some type of way. If I saw the trailer for Possession back when it first came out I wouldn't have any expectations at all except maybe for it to turn the fuck up. So questionable/bad acting here is completely acceptable and honestly almost required.

2. Crazy ass bullshit happening? No idea what's going on. No idea. No idea like what The Point™ is or anything cool like that, and I love it lol. I love not understanding shit. Lol but, again, there's conditions. Like I don't like a movie that's just random not-understandable to me bs and it's not intriguing. Like I be hatin' existential films a lot because they usually just be pretty and that's it? Like, no, have your main character get fucked by the mucinex snot plug but if it was an octopus and also an alien giant, the fuck. 

3. Sam Neill???? Yung Sam Neill is like mad hot. Is it okay to like a movie because it has hot Yung Sam Neill? No, but bitch, who are you? WHO ARE YOU?! Shit that reminds me I gotta watch Peaky Blinders seaz 3 lol. Wait did Sam get killed last season? Why do I feel like he got killed?? He didn't, right? I hope not I lowkey love him but he be doing the most aND OMG FOCUS! 

4. What the fuck else do I like about this mess? Uhhhhh lemme just post some pics I got from bing.com

?????????????

me

VERY, VERY ME.

hmmmm

So what was this movie tryna say lol. Something about women, but pretty sure this was  made by a man, so lesbihonest, whatever he got to say has to be automatically discarded lol. Niggas don't know shit about bitches, bottom line. I mean, this movie makes it obvious. Why you got Isabelle getting fucked by a spine when she could get literally anyone? And how come her side-nigga apartment was such a mess? I guess she was too busy getting fucked by the tail of a lizard to clean shit the fuck up? Nah, no, this is very not any woman. Not even Isabelle Adjani's crazy ass. Though it was very a woman to be turning up on Sam Neill's bitch ass. That is very a woman thing to do. 

WAIT OKAY BUT WHAT WAS THIS MOVIE SAYING LIKE WAS THIS EVEN A COMMENT ON WOMEN WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT WEIRD ALIEN, ALTER TWIN BULLSHIT AT THE END?? girl idek Also what was up with the doppelgänger teacher? Also who names their son Bob? Did you even try smh

Loiter Squad, Season 3 (final cry 4 help)

Loiter Squad season tres!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:((((((!!!!!!!!!!!

I am...very tired.

Tired of living. Someone please cure me of having to be alive. G*d is asleep, he is not listening to my screams i mean "prayers". Fucking lazy sleepy bitch. Nah, I'm just kidding - same.

please release me

Don't mind me just taking pics/evidence of Sweatershirt's spacious 5head and suspicious hairline. Don't plan on doing anything weird with these lol haha but ANYWAYYY where do u get that kiwi shirt i want it, unless it's like some Supreme shit then never mind I'm not a fucking Tumblr aesthetic blog (sigh i wish)

This is always so cute to me. Like Sweatershirt felt mad awkward about Tylerina making those comments about that Nicki Minaj corporate bitch and her security guard beau. You are braver than I gpoy/same blog. 

DON'T!!! MIND!!! MEEEEEE!!!

sigh, me tbh

wait i just noticed that in loving memory did somebody die R.I.P

OKAY! But Cocaine Carl is mad cute tho??????????????? sigh why did i take three screencaps please release me from this hellscape they call life smh

lol check??

same

But this Lightskin Awareness skit is honestly #iconic. This was the first ep of Loit Squaw (stop) I saw. Like it was just casually on in the background at like three in the fucking morning on Adult Swim because my life is crumbling down around me at all times haha but anyway when this skit came on I stopped whatever I was doing and just became completely absorbed and was all like "omg...this show is amazing" and I've been in love ever since lol anyway cut my life into pieces this is my last resort wake me up inside i can't wake up the reason by hoobastank blog 

gpoy

So excited for more Barfield!!!! But even more excited for more Sweatershirt confusing hairline and massive forehead spaceAND OMFG LOOK AT HIS LEGS!!!!!!! 

omg...

LOOOK AT HIS FUCKING DRESS SHOES!!! but screaming @ Chris Pontius as Poo like that is so fucking perfect but can we talk about Chris Pontius briefly? Is he an "okay" White™? He was part of Jackass...sooooo probably not. But he was the best thing about Somewhere AND NEVER FUCKING FORGET THAT. oh no wait I'm forgetting those stripper twins nvm, third best thing, sorry.

Beautiful, truly.

lol but why was this so funny to me??? When he came over to their football huddle thing talking about  "milk & lettuce"????? And they started yelling at him to go away and calling him a loser lol #iconic.

No nothing weird just wanted a pic of Sweatershirt in a turtleneck...

What is Baearl doing??????????? 

lol..........

Okay but is the blurry dude Frank Ocean? Why is he so ~~~~~~mysterious~~~~¿ Also why for a long time did I think his name was actually Frank Ocean and got sad when I found out it wasn't? Same with Sweatershirt, tbh. Like what amazing kind of last name is Sweatshirt??? Sweatershirt is better...

This is a Look™. 

same. Complain about the words getting cut off and see if I FUCKING CARE

I DARE YOU!!!

I wish Hatin' Ass Al was a real show. Or what is it called? Idk, but my aesthetic is definitely pop-locking in a purple cardigan with a mayonnaise sandwich in my hand. Finally, someone gets me exactly right.

I'm annoyed I didn't capture "Paint the White House Black!". But you get it, the essence is here. #iconic

One thing I really love about this show is how they portray specific black people, like the different types. And omg @ their interpretations of black funerals lol spot-on and what? #iconic. kill me. 

BUT PLEASE AT TYLER TALKING ABOUT NUTRIENTS FOR HIS BODY AND I THINK SWEATERSHIRT IN THE AUDIENCE GOING "WHAT?" lol and THEN THE ENCOURAGEMENT AS HE KEPT TALKING PLEASE IT'S SO ACCURATE AND THEN WHEN LIONEL STARTED SINGING IT WAS ALL AWFUL AND TERRIFYING PLEASE IT'S SO TRUE IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME PLEEEEEANSJE EME S

sigh what am i doingggg. but, #iconic

aww lol

Jezarell????? 

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But me!! BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO BE LOUD ORDERING SHIT WHY DON'T U OPEN UR EARS!!! Anyway these hype man skits got me in my feelins' cuz i'm a punk bitch lol and would totally buy one :(((( 

lol pleeez, but me.

me

VERY ME.

EXTREMELY ME.

The White One™ giving Casey Affleck realness. Also, me.

oh my god...

!!!!!!!!!! eumuirfurmcj djxmekc,dkkc,docj,djcmd

cmjdcjmdj  sjm jsmxjsnuxndchdnhc dhc djc he chdn ydnh nd

....Everything about this bit was #iconic to me. To Lionel's big ass ten year old killing all those kids to the dad recording and talking about how he used to play football and the coach being hype and then they both being hype @ each other but in an aggressive scary way sigh my brother used to play sports and I'd have to go to his shitty little league games jesus this IS EXACTLY IT PLEASE DON'T TRIGGER ME LIKE THIS EVER AGAIN

jcmcjdmcjdnc djmcjdmcjdmcjmdjcmdkc,jdmfnvjfn jfn imf k,fm  fn  jed uendue dhebgx dgx eh cnd cm dmx djc ducnhdcnhdmcjdmcjdmcjmdcjmducmducmduc

...

dcimdimcd

please...it's so...         it's so #iconic...

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please when he was saying.... "u got necklace" pleaseplelelease,pleeeez

I honestly hate this show and want it to be wiped from existence, thanx

No offense but I wish this was a real PSA niggas were forced to watch in like pre-school LIKE THANKS!! 

sigh...iconic.

I never want to watch this show again, but anyway when's season four? THANKS!!! NO, THANK YOU!!!!!!