Oh My Venus, episodes 1-4

So here we go again. The last k drama series I watched was Blood. Which I did not finish smh. I plan to, but I don't want to, please know. I haven't watched a k drama series in a while. I need to be...mentally...together to sit here and watch these shits lol. Am I mentally together enough to get through the k drama I'm watching currently, Oh My Venus?

AB SO

FUCKIN

G 

LOOT

LEE

NOT. 

This shit is so offensive lol I cannot. Like the whole premise is just wrong and awful lol like pleez!! 

And omg...to explain...the plot. Or the THOUSANDS of plots all going on at once sigh. So...omg I don't even know where to begin lol. The show starts off in 1999 and we get to meet "Venus" who is SO BEAUTIFUL OMGGGGGG. Or that's how everyone acts, anyway. When they were all on the school bus and gushing over her I was like This bitch BETTER walk on here looking cunt af. And thank god she was pretty lol and didn't have orange hair or I would've turned this shit RIGHT THE FUCK OFF!! 

So Venus is mad beautiful. So beautiful she thinks she can walk up to some street dudes and tell them to stop smoking? Or? Idk, girl, get your young ass on somewhere. (BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW THESE NIGGAS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HIGH SCHOOLERS BUT LOOK OLD AF????) There's some dude in a swim jacket with the two smoker dudes and he comes up to her like "You think cuz you pretty you can do whatever?" Uh, yah. Then fast-forward to this nigga like proposing to her after knowing her for three seconds?? I'm calling him Michael Phelps because I'm a racist pos and don't feel like remembering these complicated ass names, ESPECIALLY for characters I do not care about thanks!! 

So Michael Phelps tells Venus--imma just call her Venus this whole time probably. I actually do care about her character, but more than me caring about her character I am, like I mentioned, 1. racist, and 2. extremely tired. So. 

So Michael Phelps tells Venus she's going to be his first love. For me, Michael Phelps is not that cute. He looks dusty and his hair is uneven, but I guess Venus is into that? Girl, okay. 

Fast-forward to present day and this show is DOING THE MOST!! Venus is no longer such a Venus anymore. More like fucking...Saturn. The bitch is a fatty and this show is honestly doing the absolute most lol I just can't. Her fucking double chin and the ugly ass fat suit - oh lord. AND THE COMMENTS!!!! THE AUDACITY OF JUST ABOUT FUCKING EVERYONE CALLING HER FAT!!! Is this how it is in Korea? I definitely have experience with ~other cultures~ being a bit more brash with this sort of thing, though this is common in America, as well. To be very rude, making comments on another's appearance. But I feel people acknowledge it as rude over here, more than, it seems...in Korea? But honestly how ignorant do I have to be to assume k dramas entirely capsulize all of fucking Korea? Like, girl. But...the fact that this show even exists...............lol, kind of gives me an idea. 

Why are there so...many fat jokes? And not even just jokes, but also ugly ass ~serious moment~ statements. Like when that awkward, gawky bitch with the bangs whom Venus used to be friends with in high school said Venus told her fat people are fat because they are either lonely or troubled?????????????

BUT VENUS HAS HYPOTHYROIDISM. So. Which one is that, show: lonely or troubled?? BUT YOU KNOW WHAT!!?!?! DIDN'T JOHN KIM TRY TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE VENUS GOT HYPOTHYROIDISM BECAUSE OF HER ~LIFESTYLE~???? lol smh, is that how it works? I aint never heard that before. Sleeping on couches and putting sugar in your coffee gives you hypothyroidism?? Iono bout all that, Oriental Medical Doctor, John Kim. 

LET'S TALK ABOUT JOHN KIM'S ASS!!!

Wait wait wait, hol' up. One more second. This show is so horrible. Why is this shit full of mean stuff about fat people when they have Venus's fat as fuck, orange-pigtailed ass assistant walking around and nan' no bitch is commenting on her weight? I feel 1. awkward for her. Like the actress, who is actually fat. How does she feel about all these fat jokes and fat-shaming? And, 2. like REALLY fat people in Korea are basically invisible. Those are the teas I'm getting. Because no one even acknowledges this fat bitch besides Venus, and this ho barely regards her. She basically just asks her to get her coffee? I...can't. AND THE AUDACITY OF THAT ACTUAL LITTLE FAT BOY TRYNA CALL VENUS FAT!!! Wit his fat ass lol. Maybe it's okay for the dudes to be fatties??? BUT VENUS ISN'T EVEN FAT!!!! SHE CHUBBY!! More than anything she just a sloppy mess. Bitch, GET SOME CLOTHES THAT FIT!! You a lawyer walking around in high-waters? Lol or is that the style? Idk, but it shouldn't be, she look a mess. Cute shoes, tho.  

Sigh, let's talk about John Kim's cute bitch ass. I love So Ji-sub ever since The Master's Sun. He was like, so cute and mean? And he's basically playing the exact same character here? This whole show actually gives me a lot of The Master's Sun teas, without all the ghost stuff, but now we got Venus imagining John when he isn't there in the last ep and honestly, we might get ghost stuff eventually sigh. I don't want to speak too soon kill me.

But anyway I love this nigga and I decided to watch this because of him and I completely regret it :) Being a stan is horrible :') 

So Ji-sub plays John Kim, whoooooooooooooo???????? Lol who is he I'm heated. This show is mad annoying with his ~mystery~. It seems like John is...from some prestigious, rich family? Okay. But he's been exiled to America? Why? Idk. But it seems while in America he's been getting up to some mess. Particularly with ~Hollywood starlet~ Jennifer Anderson. Lol............................what tf is this Jennifer Anderson shit I'M SCREAMING I CAN't taKtAKE IT!!! 

First of all, what sort of "star" would go on a talk show to reveal their makeover? The only losers who would do something like that is like a Kardashian or Courtney Stodden or some shit. No major star is doing some embarrassing mess like that but it's so funny to me how...Hollywood is being portrayed in this lol. I mean, they're not totally off, but I just can't deal with the white people they be casting in these shits. Russian prostitute whore looking ass bitches lol like pleeeeeeeeeeeez South Korea, pleez. 

If for any second this show tells me that John Kim put his dick inside that Tara Reid Teen Mom looking trash receptacle they tried to portray as some famous Hollywood Celebrity, Jennifer Anderson, I'm turning this shit off and never talking or thinking about it again. I will pretend Oh My Venus never existed. I will delete my fucking dramafever app! I'm not playing!!! IF HE FUCKED THAT BITCH I'M LEAVING EARTH!! 

I'm confused, tho...............why anyone cares lol, about John???? So what? He was Jennifer Anderson's trainer? He helped get her body right? Oh...kay??? And??? lol. Like, what else?? The implication in the show is that he and Jennifer were in a relationship, but don't nobody care about some trashy celebrity fucking her trainer lol. That happens every day probably? 

Who?

cares???? 

It...has to be something else. Imma be heated if he fucked that bitch tho lol I'm not gonna say it again :) (Imma say it again).

John rolls with a squad of two dudes. It seems that in America...while also POSSIBLY fucking Jennifer Anderson, he was also training some dude in boxing? Girl. And here we go with the million different fucking story threads. Idk this nigga's name, but I screencapped his face tryna get a good pic of his cheekbones. 

I'm tryinnnnng so hard not to screencap lol. It's distracting and I need to pay attention to them BIG ASS subtitles so I can figure out all this confusing mess. Like, what is going on with the boxing. Or, no, is it cage...fighting? Oh my god.

BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE SEXUALLLLL FUCKING TENSION BETWEEN JOHN KIM AND CHEEKBONES?!?!?! 

THERE IS, RIGHT?!?!?! 

AM I TRIPPIN?!,!, 

Look...

probably.

There is such a non chance there is gonna be gay shit in k dramas, right? I like never see gay shit. If a character says the word "bitch" I clutch my pearls. That's how like chaste and conservative these shits be, despite all their ridiculously horrible characters. The only gay character I remember from any k drama series is Attorney Park or something from Nice Guy, right? But wasn't he fake gay cuz he was in love with the female lead but didn't want her to know or some mess? Nice Guy was so horrible lol.

Oh My Venus is..............lowkey giving me gay shit, though. I can't tell if it's on purpose or...they don't know??? But John Kim ~getting his anger~ out on Cheekbones when they be training is not not homoerotic. AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT LIKE IN THE BEGINNING WHEN THEY WERE STILL IN AMERICA AND CHEEKBONES WENT TO GO STAND BY JOHN AT THE POOL TABLE AND LIKE...TOUCHED HIM??? AND JOHN LIKE WINCED AWAY A LITTLE LIKE HE WAS EMBARRASSED?!?!?! AM I FUCKING BUGGIN?!?!

MORE THAN LIKELY, YES. BUT I KNOW WHAT I SAW!!!!! 

Also, what's the deal with Cheekbones? He's ~mysterious~, too. I know we gon' get the story on him, tho. He's the only secondary character whose unnecessary storyline I actually care about. What's up with all the scars?? Why he mad quiet and shit??? Spill the tea, Trish. But god plEEZ!!!! @ the side-stories of the other characters. Fucking Bangs and Michael Phelps' dull ass relationship, Venus' divorcee friend and her abandoned child lol, JOHN'S AMERICAN-KOREAN...assistant??

Can we talk about him???? Idk his name. Let's call him Annoying. He STAY callin' Venus "ma'am"!!! I guess the show thinks it's funny? And like, it is????????

:(

sigh. I hate comic relief in k dramas. Lol, ugh, not all of it. And obviously this one is more comedic than like a melodrama so there's obvi gonna be ~funny~ stuff, but WHYYYY is it so slapsticky and goofball? It's just

Sigh. But American Accent is growing on me. HOWEVER, I do not like when he speaks English. I am extremely annoyed by any sign of non-Koreaness in these shows. STOP!! But you won't, though. You'll just intensify the bullshit :') Pandering asses :') 

I'm here for the ~main romance~, though. Even though John Kim prob got herpes from Jennifer Anderson, or, at the very least, has decimated Cheekbones' entire anal cavity. So...he's coming into this romance with some baggage. He's also incredibly, incredibly rude to Venus lol. All the fat jokes and shit, and constantly talking about her abdominal belt and shit lol pleeeez. So rude and horrible. Also now he on some "YOUR BODY IS MINE" bs, which is...not not creepy. And THE ARM GRABBING. lol I was on some other site reading about k dramas because i have lost the will to live and they were talking about, like, all the "abuse" in k dramas and I was just cackling. Soooo much abuse. Don't...like...don't grab someone's arm?? You can just say like "hey" or something to get their attention?? Idk how it goes in Korea.....................

I'm still here for John Kim + Venus. Despite, soooo many reasons not to be. And this nigga tryna get arranged married now and shit. PLEASE!!! I have a feeling this shit is going to have me real-mad in the latter episodes. Iono, I'm just getting that itchy feeling lol. I don't want to be deceived by the comedyness of it, thinking it's gonna stay lighthearted the whole way through. I just know it's gon be some mess. I'm ready. Loljk, I am not at all. I really hope John ~realizes~ he loves Venus before she gets hot again, though. It's gonna look hella suss if all of a sudden she's mad beautiful and he's like OH MY GOD IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. I'm not gonna be here for that. I mean, it's obvious he already has feelings, but I need him to like...acknowledge them before she gets rid of that ratchet ass fat suit, or imma be feelin' some type of way!! 

They better not tell me he fucked Jennifer Anderson, though, or I'm cancelling my free dramafever subscription!!! 

Yo, but tell me why episode four ended with Venus bout to get slaughtered by some stalker?

lol what is this

Oh, anyway, here are some other s/cs I fucked up and took even though I told myself no screencaps I have no self control and want to die or idk just wish my body would accept that I am napping, so fall asleep now!!! So annoying. 

Delete this show immediately

................I was tryna get a good shot of Venus' fat suit. It looks fucking stupid. She's so cute, tho, stop being mean to her :(

sigh, anyway, to be continued...

:/

Addicted (2002)

So as soon as I laid my eyeballs upon I Saw the Devil I was instantly obsessed with Byung-hun Lee. Don't last names go first in Korea? Is it Lee Byung-hun? Sigh, for someone who is a stan!!! 

But anyway he completely slayed my soul in that movie. Like the whole time he was wearing one of those ratchet ass, discount warehouse store winter jackets zipped up all the way to the neck?? 

And just giving me cheekbones and disintegrating my entire will to live. So after watching that I vowed to watch any shit he's in. Guess how many shits he's in I've actually seen?? Like none?? And I know he was in like that sequel to Red and maybe The Expendables? Why you gotta be in these trash ass American action movies, Byung-hunny? Plleeez never write his name like that againnnn! But also I saw on his imdb he's going to be in that Magnificent Seven remake, which looks like trash, but I see Denzie and Peter Sarsgaard are going to be in it, so...maybe there's a chance. But also...Cam Gigandet is in it???? I thought he was over?? And Chris Pratt might be the lead? Look I like Chris Pratt, but...enough. lol, like, that's enough now. How many GODDAMN Chrises do we actually need?? Though, if I had to choose out of all the Chrises I'd choose, obviously, Chris Brown. 

Omg what was I even...talking about. Oh okay, Lee Byung-hun. So I'm obsessed with him, but like, fake-obsessed, because it took me for fucking ever to watch another movie he's in, which turned out to be this, Addicted. I saw it while stealing (it was a free trial) some Hulu Plus. Or regular Hulu? Didn't Hulu used to be free? It definitely was because I remember being in college and watching like the whole series of Arrested Development and Always Sunny on there and I had zero coins. Ahh the good old days loljk I wanted to die every day and thought about comitting suicide by downing this entire bottle of Advil but I have difficulty swallowing pills :(

Anyway!! I had a free trial of Hulu! Which I mainly wasted by watching episodes of Loiter Sqaud I've already seen (when is season four???), and then the latest season of Nathan For You (i love this show save me), and then also I watched a bunch of other VERY TERRIBLE movies like Megan Is Missing, some boring French shit, and fucking...Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones........ I am such a waste. Just like the Paranormal Activity franchise. And Hulu Plus, honestly. It's kind of whack? Why didn't I watch The Mindy Project? Did she have her baby yet? Idk, man, that shit got kicked off Fox and I was like *shrugs*. Even though I am a stan? But it's just clear I am so fake. 

Anyway!!!! ???? Addicted was like the only non-terrible movie--oh, wait, no, My Friend & His Wife was good, too. It pissed me off, but it was good. So the only two good movies I watched while stealing Hulu were k dramas. Which one made me the least pissed-off, though? This is so tough...like that's such a difficult question to answer because both of these movies completely fucking enraged me, as k dramas are fucking wont!! to!! do!! But I think...My Friend & His Wife takes the cake for the movie that made me the most angry. But Addicted really got under my skin. 

Okay, so here's why. Honestly why are there like A MILLION opening paragraphs??? Someone please save me please.

Alright I'm bout to fuck these names up because I saw this movie like three months ago and my lazy, easily distracted ass is just now getting around to writing about it. Please know I forgot almost everything that happened, and I certainly! do not fucking remember any of the characters' names, never mind the fact that this stupid bitch movie has like...a fake amnesia storyline and fucking fraudulent ass soul-swapping and *just pterodactyl screeching*

So!!!! There's a woman and a man and I think they're married? The woman is named probably Eun-su and the man is less probably but maybe named Ho-jin. They have a cute little romantical romance. I think the man is like an artist? The woman idk I forget. She had a job. In fashion? Not important. What's important is that this married couple lets the man's brother live with them, played by Lee Byung-hun. His character's name is Dae-jin. He's a race car driver. Please. 

So fast forward to both Dae-jin and his bro Ho-jin getting in two separate car accidents on the same day at the same time??? They both go into comas but Dae-jin is the one who actually wakes up. Ho-jin stays in his coma. Dae-jin goes to live back home with Eun-su, who is happy that he's awake, but you can tell she's annoyed that like...her husband's brother woke instead of her husband?? But she seems to love Dae-jin and seems genuinely happy at least one of these niggas is okay. Except, is he???

So Dae-jin wants to play games right out the gate!!! He on some "I'm really Ho-jin" type shit. Talkin' bout some they switched bodies or SOME BULLSHIT!!! This shit made me so mad lol it's mad dumb. This movie isn't even a little bit set in a fantasy world? So why am I watching fucking Freaky Friday the k drama version? Why am I watching that go down when the movie is set up normally?? Do you REALLY expect me to believe these niggas switched bodies? I mean, I have seen some outlandish ass shit in kdramas, but they typically let you know from jump when you're bout to watch some mess. If there's gonna be some soul-swap bullshit, you gon' get a lot of other unnecessary fanatical ass shit going on to lead up to it. Am I crazy to feel like that? Like should I have just accepted...whatever reality, or non-reality the movie wanted to set up and unfold as they pleased??

No!!!!! BECAUSE TURNS OUT THE BITCH WAS LYING AND HE WAS ACTUALLY DAE-JIN IN DAE-JIN'S BODY AND NOT FUCKING HO-JIN IN DAE-JIN'S BODY LIKE NOBODY FUCKING BELIEVED. 

1. We as the audience knew Dae-jin pre-accident was in love with Eun-su. So this movie is dumb for setting that up, and then having the audacity to have it seem like Ho-jin switched bodies with his brother. How would that ever be cute if it actually happened? They SURE AS SHIT did not show Eun-su lusting after Dae-jin, so why are you trying to make it seem romantical that she can still fuck her husband but then also Dae-jin at the same time? Like the whole time this is all the bitch ever wanted???? 

2. And like!!!! Showing us that Dae-jin was in love with Eun-su was so stupid because the whole time I was like "this nigga playin'". I feel like the movie really wanted me to believe Ho-jin was in that body. Telling his little stories that ~only the two of them would know~ as if Ho-jin couldn't tell his brother personal ass shit, which he did!! OBVIOUSLY!! And that's exactly what I was thinking when Dae-jin was recounting those so-called "personal" stories: Ho-jin probably told him that shit! 

I don't understand...why this movie didn't try harder. To do what idk lol. To not play games? I was just annoyed they were tryna play the audience like we're dumb as fuck (i am but anyway!). Like soul-swapping, really? lol. I shouldn't the whole time be yelling at the screen like "Come on!!". 

AND THEN WHEN EUN-SU FINDS OUT THE TRUTH SHE DON'T EVEN SAY SHIT???!!!?!?!

That's what had me heated the most. NO CONFRONTATION?? lol smfh you have GOT to be kidding me. I was so pissed lol. And tell me why I was lowkey a little believing the lie until like the very end lol pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez Ffucking kILL ME!! 

Anyway, this is a Lee Byung-hun stan blog, thanks for stopping by assassinate me thanks

Lol wait did I say this movie was good was this supposed to be a good review? lol girl I guess sig h

Trainwreck (2015)

I was obsessed with Inside Amy Schumer for a minute. I thought it was really fresh~~~~ and funny. Amy's stand-up is trash, but similar to Nick Kroll (intentional shade pick it up), her style of comedy translated well to a TV show (inverse: Hannibal and his show yikes). Comedy Central was really giving me life for a minute with Inside Amy, Kroll Show, Key & Peele, Nathan For You, Broad City, Workaholics, Review, etc. But then...idk if shit fell off or I like...outgrew a lot of this type of comedy? These shows aren't even the same, but sort of they are? The only show out of that lot that didn't really fall off for me is Nathan For You, but it's like the most different one out of them. But a lot of those other shows lowkey (highkey keep it 100000) fell off? Last season of Key & Pee was trash (I wanna see Keanu tho like just based off the name sigh), Workaholics been a mess (where is their movie tho???), Kroll Show ended...appropriately...uh...and I aint even watching Broad City anymore. I lowkey started to get annoyed?? There's something so white people about Comedy Central comedy, and it starts to grate lol. I think I was watching too much of this shit and just got drowned in whiteness. 

Speaking of drowning in whiteness: Jennifer Lawrence. That movie she and Amy are working on, if it ever gets made, will obliterate both of their careers entirely and, frankly, I am ready. I am so completely excited for how HORRIFIC that will be. It's gonna be the movie version of whenever one of Taylor Swift's paid-for model friends stabs her to death with a Kylie Jenner lip kit, AND I AM GUSHING WITH ANTICIPATION. 

What is happening in this post? Idk. I am so tired. Anyway, Amy is base comedy Jen Lawrence? Imma need Amy to stop saying she's like a ten in the comedy world, though, because no. Tig Notaro gets more bitches than you. Sarah Silverman has looked the exact pretty ass same since she first burst upon the scene a million years ago being corny and annoying. And clearly you are ignoring literally all black comediennes? A ten to Jim Norton when that radio deejay he sucks off isn't around, maybe? You keep catchin' those dicks, tho...

So Amy annoys me and it took such a tiny amount of time for me to go from "I love Inside Amy Schumer omg heart eyes" to "ugh this Garbage Pail Kid again?". I LOVE when my initial much-love swerves so severely to intense despisement. The red underliny thing is telling me despisement is not a word. HOW??? THAT'S A PERFECT WORD TO EXPRESS DESPISEMENT!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DICTIONARY?? WHY DO YOU HAVE CATFISH THE MOVIE BUT NOT DESPISEMENT??? EXPLAIN! 

When I first heard about Trainwreck (yikes @ name or intentional? still yikes...), I was excited. But by the time the first trailer crawled around I was like ugh. Had lost all me cares. Still kind of wanted to see it, though. Even though I stopped watching Inside Amy right around that episode where she had like all those white feminists on the show talking about how horrible it is to be a decrepit white woman or whatever - like...just an endless series of cringe-seizures and eyerolls til I died. I have never returned from the dead. So that helped when I was watching Trainwreck. I was entirely unable to feel anything, and that was for the best :)

It wasn't a bad movie and that's my review. I wasn't nearly as irritated and put-off as I needed to be. I thought Lebron James whom I care literally nothing about was funny. He also had a suspiciously present hairline, but that's neither here nor...there.....  ....

I also thought John Cena was funny and I could've watched a whole movie just with him. Like more John Cena in movies?, or is this going to be a ~be careful what u wish for~ type of deal? Sigh, prob. *insert John Cena meme on a loop til I explosively orgasm and die* Tilda, my scary ginger alien bae, was perf per ush. LOVED her magazine editor and literally everything that came out of her horrible mouth. Omg that line about her wishing her father's remains had been recovered had me laughing for at least an entire minute. So if Amy wrote the script, props for some pretty funny lines/moments. Like, props for that awkward ass scene with Ezra Miller. I LOVVVVEVEVEVEVE Ezra. He is soooo weird! He is not in movies enough. Or maybe he's doing mainly indie shit I never watch? I know he did some movie on the Stanford Prison Experiment or something that I need to see but ANYWAY!! He was good here with his basically nothing. For a while I was wondering why Amy would put him in her movie just for him to play some green intern. But then they added some frankly....confusing storyline with her almost fucking this sixteen year old intern and also beating him and getting fired???? Why......did she need to get fired? It was just like...very random conflict. And they didn't even show it really affecting her. Also why did the movie make it seem like...Bill Hader and his career was more important than Amy's? He was like a knee surgeon? Lol who cares. And what was up with all the basketball/sports cameos? Was this a move to appeal to ~THE MENZ~~?? *gags* Binch, if you gon' give me a ~romcom~, give it to me, ho. Write it for women, not them ugly dudebro bitches. 

Whatever. This movie was alright. But like...Amy is a straight white woman and not doing anything new, sorry lol. They kinda tried to market this as like a ~trash meets romance~ sort of deal. But yo, are we forgetting Bridesmaids? This shit aint new. Like...can Issa Rae get a romcom movie deal? Leslie Jones?? Shit, Hannibal Buress?? I wanted to say like a funny handicapped Indian woman for diversity~~ but sigh, I can't think of any kill me. But like...my point is Amy doing this movie wasn't doing something new and, imo, people should always be doing something new. Unless they are obscenely talented and can just make a boring film about people sitting around a room talking immensely riveting. Literally almost no one can, so bring me that new-new to keep me intrigued. Why didn't Amy go gay or something? Or did she think it was so ~avant garde~ for her shitty, garbage pail character to fall in love with like a regular normal dude and in turn be loved back? Wow shocking, she's a blonde, gainfully employed, not super-fat white bitch. So controversial. 

In conclusion, have you seen what Ezra Miller looks like now??

...what a fucking beautiful idiot...

Bad Girls Club, Season 15...

Excuse me, but what am I doing? Blahging about Bad Girls Club, that's what. 

:(

I've watched nearly every season of this show with the exception of...the first one and that New Orleans one with Judy. Why do I pretend........that this show isn't a significant part of my life? Cuz that's mad embarrassing? Lol like this show is one of the most shameful shits I watch besides, like, Girls. And Family Feud with my mom sometimes. STEVE HARVEY IS CORNY AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!! Bring back that old white dude with the pinky ring who used to straight-up like fuck the contestants right there on stage. Richard something? Lol like a thousand of them were named Richard and one of them killed themselves??? I don't think it was pinky ring molester player, though. Anyway, he seemed mad racist. But in like an acceptable way. Like in a Jew or Italian way :)

So anyway I am a piece of shit and pieces of shits watch things like Bad Girls Club because it fuels their piece of shit soul. But like, can't I just feel good that I've never even thought about auditioning?? Only cuz I would def get my asshole kicked. I'd get that shit kicked inside out. My colon would just be dangling on the floor and the girls would be yelling at me to, no pun intended because everyone who has ever been on this show is an idiot, clean my shit up. Nah, I would fail BGC. I would try to fight back though lol. And be lookin' dumb as fuck and probably get my titty pulled off. Sigh. that is so something that would happen to me.

No titties have been pulled off yet this season, but things are unusually lit, no? Compared to at least last season, which I aint even finish. After they sent home the twins and Jaylah I was like BYE!! *hand waving emoji* This season I am definitely watching all the way through. Welllllllllll...maybe. Because Dime and Olivia are going home soon, right???

OKAY!!! lol

So these bitches are not sisters. Are they going to get sent home because of that? No, because, this is not...This is Bad Girls Club. I highly doubt the producers care about people lying to get on the show. They obviously weren't checking birth certificates. Shit they prob knew about the lie or even orchestrated it for drama. So prob they get sent home for fighting. Maybe the house finally (physically) confronts Liv about lying?? AND YO THIS BITCH IS CRAZY. But I see myself in her sigh lol. At least in terms of self-diagnosing. But that shit was so lame for her to be having the breakdown crying and screaming on some "I HAVE STAGE 3 CERVICAL CANCER!!!". Lol biiiiiiitttttccch. When one of the yt sisters was like "Where did you get stage 3 cervical cancer from??" I was screaming at the top of my lungs. Lol this bitch said, specifically, stage three, when all she had was a fucking abnormal pap smear, and, apparently, a ravaged uterus? .... Okay but where in there are you getting stage 3? Fucking crazy. 

And I could see if Liv got drunk and just had a moment~ But why not sober up and be like "Look..."?? Maybe she was embarrassed? But also she was acting like she definitely almost certainly knew she had the cancer? I feel bad for her because she lost her mom and seems so lonely? But also I feel like I'm being manipulated and if I were friends with her in real life she'd be pulling the dead mom card way too much and faking that she had ebola and shit. No, but I def feel bad for her. She just seems a mess. But I also completely agree with the girls and their feelings and I am screaming that Red was Hulk-yelling in Dime's face about the whole sitch. That bitch is crazy omg I love her. Does everyone hate the blonde and red sisters? I lovvvvveee them lol they are CRAZY!! Real crazy!!! 

But yo, so are Dime and Liv. Red and Blondie are like...Italian white people crazy. I don't actually know their ethnicity but they seem like...whites I'd know from Jersey. It's very specific and familiar to me and...while in real-life that shit is a no-go, on TV I am L I VI NG. I hope they stay the whole time and the Red one keeps screaming at people. Dime and Liv, however, are Joanne Prada type crazies. Particularly Diamond, who doesn't fool me with her whole ~chill stud~ vibe. But no lie, if Dime was my bff in real-life I'd be letting her get away with evvvverrryttthing she is so cute pleeeeeez!!! Ugh I am a sucker and also extremely superficial? Whatever, at least I never lied about having stage three cervical cancer but nah lemme stop coming for Olivia she seems really sad and IDK HOW TF ~Life Coach Laura~ is supposed to help these damaged hoes. Like they are really trippin' with Laura lol. They cannot be serious. But they so are, and it's actually extremely fitting to have her on there. They don't want real help for these girls as that is antithesis to the entire mission of the show. They want these hoes to keep coming back and turning up at the reunion and that one show where they compete for money and then maybe some other spin-off shows where the main goal is to get them fucked up so they can fuck each other up. They not gon' call up someone like Iyanla Vanzant to force their heads down into her bosom so they can be changed wholly and completely in their souls. Like, if Iyanla had titty-nuzzled Natalie Nunn would Donald Trump be our president right now? NO. 

I don't like...the two sisters whom Red calls "the rats", which is lowkey racist and she is such a New Jersey white. Idk where her and Blondie are from. NY? Philly? Idk. But anyway, "The Rats" is an appropriate moniker for Jaimme and Jazzzmmzyn or whatever their names are. They are, like, too ratchet. So obnoxious and gross. I'm over it. Like there's not an entertainment appeal there for me because it's just hard to watch. Like did that one sister have a rash on her butt?? Ch...get this shit off my screen. 

The Millionaires......lol.....like. LIKE!! This Myspace 2007 shit is sooooooo embarrassing and I can't believe they still exist. But they live in their truth lol and I can respect that. They are surprisingly not totally annoying. I knew they were going to be on the show and expected half-Asian ratchetness turned up, but they're alright...compared to The Rats, anyway. I haven't seen the new episode yet, so I'm excited to find out who's brawling on the steps. It looks like the J sisters are fighting? Maybe Amber and the other one? Lol. But I heard that Dime and Olivia go home soon. So...I'm wondering about that. I am very excited for this manufactured drama. Imma be sad to see Dime and Liv go home, though? They were creepin' me out sooooo bad, but I loved it. I loved when I thought they were actually related, then I found out they weren't and became even more creeped out? Like lowkey Dime might be Olivia's pimp???? And also maybe a SoundCloud DJ?? You can't make this shit up. I already can't wait for the reunion. My life is an abandoned turtle's shell :') 

RuPaul's Drag Race, Season 8

Okay, so I'm going to hit rock bottom and start talking about the ~reality shows~ I watch because, honestly, like, they have so much diversity. ........... 

If I could punch my own self right now, I would? I mean, I guess I could? But I would like...instinctually stop myself from hurting myself as much as I want?? You know? Like I really want to leave a dent. Someone come here and leave a dent in me. OR I COULD NOT BE WRITING ANY OF THIS?? 

But seriously? I am so thirsty for diversity. #thirsty4diversityendmylife. And, like, reality shows are one of the main places I see so many non-whites all at once?? And not just race, but like, various "eccentric" type personalities where you're wondering how these people even made it this far in life. In a word, reality shows are relatable to me. The loons on these shows are the closest I will ever see myself represented on television and I am so sad and empty :') 

Anyway, I've been watching Drag Race for a minute and a half. What was my first season? I think the one with Willam and Phi Phi? Who won that year and lol what season was that? Season 4 and Tyra, I think?? Or was that Sharon Needles' season? (ugh) Anyway!, I was immediately hooked. It was very bitchy and campy and that's like, all I look for in anything ever? So good stuff. Though I did have an issue with how heavily edited the show was. Like the reaction shots are mad fake? lol and especially in that season with Phi Phi's bitchy ass and they would like cut to *Willam dead face*. It was very pointed lol

But despite the very extremely fake way the show is filmed and set-up, I can look past that because there's good entertainment. The personalities for sure make up for it. Who is distracting me from bad editing this season? Personality wise? Definitely Chi Chi...I LOVE CHI CHI SO MUCH! She's so cute with her liddle toof. And I have such a thing for people from Louisiana. They're so cute and country pleeeeez. He's def my fave and also...Kim Chi. I think those are the only two I like really care about. I only ever deeply care about one or two queens each season. Lol except for last season like. But I'm super-rooting for Kim Chi and Chi Chi. I think...Chi Chi might turn out how Alyssa was for me? I was uhbsessed with Alyssa, but I didn't think she was strong enough for the competition and I'd be scared like every week her ass would go home. Didn't she lip-sync 4 her life like three times? Idk...but that seems like Alyssa lol so. She went pretty far, though, but not as far as I wanted :( ChiChi has gone pretty far. But I'm scared. Like, I want her in at least top four but, like, is that delusional? She's like all personality because her drag is...idk. It's on a budget which is fine, but is that good enough for the comp? Iono. Wait lemme guess who could go home before her. Derrick!! GET DERRICK'S UGLY ASS OUTTA HERE! lol omg he is so annoying. I was into the Britney shit for like one second but bitch do not gimme more, and get that bare ass forehead thee fuck out of here, gurl. 

You know what's so encouraging and inspiring? Acid Betty's ass got sent home. I thought Acid would end up in top 3 because his drag seemed so...idk, good? Like, just well done and very artsy blah blah. But I'm glad the judges got tired of it and he entirely butchered Nancy Grace on Snatch Game. When Carson Kressley slaughtered that impression I was so embarrassed for Acid, like, what are you doing?? And then he had the nerve to be lamenting how people back home call him a "look queen". Uh, girl, cuz you are??? I can't stand a delusional bitch. Unrelated probably: also can't stand myself :')

So Acid went home which is so pleasuring to me. Now I need for Robbie's whack ass to go home next. Robbie makes me so mad because his drag mommies were Jinkx and DeLa, right? He's just so...a T.J. Maxx knock-off of them. I was over it from episode one when he had the same wig as Jinkx and she slayed a million more times than him? I cannot believe Robbie has made it this far, like what is seriously occurring? AND NAOMI. Naomi is so cute and cunt, but that's it. She doesn't have the personality, imo. Like, it's just not there. And her New York was...like, what? New York is such a personality, and there's so much you can do/quote????? Ugh what a mess. That performance looked like fucking Luther Van-dross, not Beyoncé. 

Okay so who needs to go home before Chi Chi or I will personally kill to death RuPaul and RuCharles (and also Michelle Visage just for fun): Derrick's hatin' ass, Robbie, and Naomi. If a single one of these queens stays over Chi Chi there will be blood. Loljk i am too lazy for murder but I will definitely be squinting my eyes really hard at the screen, Ru! 

Okay so with Derrick, Robbie and Naomi gone, who's left? Thorgy, Bob, Kim Chi!!, and ChiChi. Why do I feel like I'm forgetting someone? If I am they obviously need to go home because I can't remember them? :) Top three definitely probably maybe: Bob, Thorgy, and Kim Chi? Idk. Idk!! I'm lowkey worried about Kim Chi? Her drag is sooooooo cunt I lovvvee that anime hello kitty shit. But does she have all the extra umph bullshit you need? She def has personality, imo, but idk. I can see her messing up. But she's so different to me? Maybe? From what we've already seen on Drag Race, so I will definitely love to see her in top 3. Over Chi Chi unfortunately? But maybe Chi Chi will glow up into that spot, instead? I will be okay with either way. 

But can you tell I am like sooo sure the other two slots are Bob and Thorgy? They just are the strongest to me. Just really talented, which matters above all. I can completely see Bob winning and I think he's different for Drag Race. He's def ott, which is...like...annoying? Lol, but his charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent make up for it. Thorgy has it all as well, but...she's always one step behind Bob and...she has dreads...........

....................

They look clean, though? So that's good. *cringes into a seizure*

But yeah they are top 2 for me. But things can change over the next handful of episodes. A schtick can get tiring, or someone can really step it up, who knows. But 100% I need for Derrick and Robbie to go. I am willing to give Naomi more of a chance just because I love her runaway even though it's mad basic. But I always love the tit-less queens. Especially the model-looking ones sigh. But to win? No. Like I was lowkey feelin' some type of way when Violet Chachki won last season? I just thought she was all look and Raja had already come thru, but okay?? Like Ginger Minj should have won BUT OKAY. I'm just glad Pearl didn't, yikes @ how messy last season was. This season is better but like...why does so much whackness get let through every year? I wonder if they pick not so up to snuff queens on purpose so the first episodes are easy in terms of eliminations? But then you get...cringe-worthy lip-syncs and...I can't deal with the secondhand embarrassment of a bad lip-sync. Lip-syncing itself is already bad enough, but then to do it poorly? Pleeeeeeeeez...

In conclusion, Acid Betty was a bitch and good riddance, ho!!! Bring back Shangela!!!

I AM JUST FUCKING KIDDING NEVER DO THAT STOP DOING THAT!!! 

Shameless, Season Seis

So another season of Shameless has ended and I'm mad I have to wait an entire year for it to come back on TV. Besides like Peep Show, Shameless is like the only TV show I super look forward to watching. And fucking Peep Show is over so all I have is Shameless now. And Maybe Mr. Robot. And Orange Is the New Black and Kimmy Schmidt and new episodes of American Dad and at least two more seasons of Always Sunny (!!!) and also delusionally hoping I get a fourth season of Loiter Squad and maybe Insecure will finally fucking come out??? BUT ANYWAY YOU GET THE POINT. 

This is def like the only show I try to watch...on timeish. Like...at least 24hrs after a new episode airs. Noooooo, I don't fucking watch it in real-time. Who watches TV in real-time these days except for shit that you basically have to watch in real-time if you want to see it, like The Oscars. If I had any friends (.......) who could give me like a livestream or download link that would be cool, BUT I DON'T!! So I have to watch The Oscars live and on-time, unfortunately. You think I'm gonna miss that moment when Stacey Dash walked out and it was mad awkward and I got a hard-on from so much secondhand embarrassment?? NO!!! 

Wait, what am I doing? Focus. A movie starring Will Smith. Is America done with Will or are they still, like, into it?? Why is he like...part of the ensemble of that Suicide Squad movie?? Is that a William Smith type of move~~~? Well, someone has to pay Duane Martin's car note smh. 

ANYWAY!!!! Omg. So I thought this season was better than last, but I always like every season because I am, I have to admit at this point, a serious Shameless stan. Because a lot of complaints people have for the show I'm just like........"That's how it's supposed to be???? They're doing it on purpose????" I feel like I sound like Chris Brown stans. It's performance art, you stupid bitch???? I'm just in love and blind to the flaws. But like what flaws?? Haha. No. I see so many flaws. So many intentional flaws. 

So I was reading some forum discussing the show and people were annoyed, saying they didn't have anything to look forward to for next season and I was like..."what???"

First off, there's like...endless possibilities for Fiona. No money, no man...ly, sixteen in the middle of Miami, you know?? :/ Can we talk about how this dumb ass show had me caring about her fucking shit with Sean??? I'm really sitting here shipping this like spry, twenty-something year old bitch with an old ass fucking drug addict. WOW!! AND HE KILLED A GUY!! WOW!!! Wow @ me, but even more wow @ the show for shoving this shit down my throat, getting me into it, and then yanking it away like the fucking assholes they are :') LIKE!! Nah, it's my fault for not reading the tea leaves all along. Ah well. 

When Frank spilled the chamomile about Sean's heroin baggies...HONESTLY. Honestly that moment was very great and very Frank, but it was hella contrived. Frank broke into the diner because??? Didn't they make it seem like he went there to kill Sean? But why would Sean even be there? First of all it was mad late and then...Sean's planning his wedding, so?? And the whole Kill Sean thing was so dumb anyway. Like Frank is many things but I don't get active, like, fucking murderer from him. I barely bought him paying that dude to kill Sean off. And why would he go through all that to pay for shit for Fiona's wedding if he was just going to ruin it?? I mean, I get it but I don't. Like I know Frank was mainly paying for Fiona's wedding...for selfish reasons. But it didn't seem to be all selfish? You know? Like I think he cares about his kids in his own horrible way?? Do I sound like a Chris Brown stan again? Or just like a Shameless stan?? Specifically a stan of Frank the character from the show omg do I stan Frank? Nah because I was lowkey into it when for .00002 seconds I thought Carl had killed him, so :)

Anyway, I loved that moment at the wedding, even though it's sort of sad that Fiona and Sean are donesies. But that just means she starts next season with a clean slate and I don't know how that's not exciting??? It's like when Jimmy "disappeared", or after she got out of prison and she was starting work at that diner with Jeffrey Dean Morgan *insert side-eye*, or even last season with the crumbling of her marriage to that creepy musician dude. And I reallllllly wish people would stop acting like he was so great and perfect for Fiona. The whole time they were together I thought he was going to chop this bitch up and chew on her remains. Maybe make like an omelet fromage or some shit like bye that dude was mad creepy and who gets married after a two week sex bender or whatever the fuck they had?? And he gave this bitch his grandmother's Holocaust ring and wanted to act all hurt and brand new like he knew this binch for years and years instead of the actual days and days it really was????? Ugh so crucially stupid, which is worse than him being a serial killer which is where I initially thought they were going with his character :') Ya blew it, Shameless :')))

So I'm excited to see what's in store for seas7 Fiona. Hopefully much mess. I mean, of course. Maybe no marriages next season, though:) You're not Liz Taylor, bitch:)) 

I'm also excited for Lipschitz. I was...sigh. Lip going to college was supposed to provide an endless reserve of interesting storylines...but instead you had him???? Like the first main storyline he had was with that half-Asian girl and dealing with her and her weird mess. Okay. That was boring so I'm glad that ended. But then they just moved him onto a whole other boring bitch and this time she wasn't half-anything. Full white, and a fucking teacher smh. Were we supposed to get all excited because Lip was smashing a professor? It would've been more interesting had he started fucking the dude he was working for whose name I forgot so I'll just call him Daddy Replacement. That relationship was far more interesting than the one with the Lady Professor and her powerful professor puss???? But still, that was kinda lame, too? Were they trying to show us all the facets of Lip's mommy/daddy issues? Mm yawn. Like...Lip's in college now and this is the best you could do? I'm here for the call-out about his drinking and him becoming Frank, though. Even though it feels really forced. But I'm still here for it. Idk if I'm here for Lip not being in college, tho? And did he even go into the rehab place? I MIGHT be here for an entire storyline next season of Lip like violently fighting against getting help for his disease? But that could get REALLY ugly but anyway I'm here for the drama sign me up. Lip is my fave like I hate when they don't give him really good stuff to do, so it'll be exciting if he has a lot of cry/yelly scenes. At the expense of his character advancing and growing in any way :')

Excited for Debs because idk what they're doing with her and Franny. Like, will Debbie ask for help, will social services come knocking around? Will Debbie try to find a father for the kid, will she get a job to support her new little family, will she go back to school - what? Idk but I'm here for it. Just, pleez, do not have this baby dying thank you. Like I know I horribly say all the time how much I love dead babies, but only like, in theory. I actually hate every time I'm watching something and there's a dead baby? So haha stop it :) Thanks. I'm really worried about SIDS all the time. Like ALL THE TIME. And I don't even have any kids and there's almost maybe no chance I ever will? 

...Who will love me???

:(

So anyway Carl!!!!!! Def here for his cutie pie girlfriend and him going the cop route and maybe being ........slightly less insane?? Calmed down a lil??? His storyline this season was really sad tho omg and it's crazy how they almost completely glossed over it lol like wtf did his friend........kill a kid over a bike????? Yikes. But that shook Carl extra quick which was good because I thought they were taking his ass to the grave this season. I like Carl. Despite..........so many...like I know I maybe shouldn't??? Especially with his deep history of wiggerism, but, man, I just love him sigh. So I'm glad he's staying around? Right?? Don't do this to me!!!

Who else?? Shit, I forgot about Ian's boring ass. I like Ian but iono. Do I care about this EMT thing? Absolutely not. But I'm glad he prob doesn't have to go back to stripping. Also I'm really glad Mickey is gone fuck him I hate all the Mian shippers they are insane that relationship better be DEAD. Idk if I'm here for the black guy, tho. Like, one, I'm annoyed they're just glossing over the HIV thing. I feel like people are tryna make AIDS the new common cold but it's like.....nahhhhhhhhh. The dude was all ":) I'm HIV poz" and Ian's scaredy ass was mad nervous to tell him he was bipolar. So AIDS > bipolar, now? Girl, I guess. It was literally brought up ONCE. And Ian had the audacity to be nervous about revealing to dude how many sex partners he's had. I'd be like um, a billion nigga, who cares? You have AIDS. Or is that like mad immature and ugly lol. And I guess dude (can u tell idk his name sigh) got it from a committed relationship??? Okay cool but he still has it but no let's act like it's not a big deal that's fine. At least he's not Mickey sigh. 

Who else who else uhhhhhh Kev, V and Svetlanaaaaaa.................................Why do poly relationships always have to be like one man and two chicks??? Can I get some Mmf or mmmmmff or mmmmm,mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmgjdodmehxxzz?? Idk. Anyway, I like all these characters but this relationship is messy and why do I lowkey see V leaving Kev for Svetlana lol like that would be hilarious eventho Kev and V breaking up would be really sad :(( But idk I would still be here for this threesome totally exploding and changing things permanently in the most horrible way. This is Shameless, after all. Don't disappoint me!! Even though you do so much!! Can't wait for seaz7!! Bring back Chuckie!!!

Not even joking. 

:/

She's Not Crying, She's Singing (2011)

Idk, I watched this movie maybe more than two months ago? And have taken my sweet ass time getting around to writing about it. I try to write about everything I watch with the exception of reality shows because honestly if I tried to write about Catfish or, like, Bad Girls Club, I'd have to create whole separate blogs for them and honestly, I'm not ready for that yet. To be that sad. LIKE, it's bad enough I watch the shows. I'm not writing entire blog posts speculating if Nev still struggles internally with punching that girl when he was in college, you know? And like does he feel he deserves what happened to him? Having to be the host of this very tragic and shameless but super-amazing television program? Omg look at me I'm bout to write a whole dissertation plzzz but why was that high-booty boy from Philly in the pink shirt acting like he was not exactly as he looked??? And he had a kid. He slept with a woman?? WHAT BITCH FUCKED HIM?? REVEAL HER IDENTITY.

See??! See?! No, I cannot write about my reality shows. I feel sick. But I try to write about everything else. Actually, writing about TV in general is difficult for me. I can't decide if I want to blog episode by episode or season by season...and even if I do it season by season...idk it feels like a lot of work lol and I am lazy as hell. Like I tried to blog this shitty kdrama Blood episode by episode but had to stop because I wanted to die???:)) Anyway, I'm off on another fucking tangent wow like my attention span has been completely decimated in adulthood. I used to be able to pay attention when I was younger?? Now it takes me like a month to read a Junie B. Jones sized novel? What is happening?? Probably Fluoride poisoning. 

SO ANYWAY!! I try to write about everything I watch but by everything I mostly mean movies. Movies are easy. Usually they're about two hours. That's fairly easy to handle. Lol I'm jk I haven't posted on this blog in like a whole month because I am so lazy and tired and dying and wondering what ever the fuck happened to The Bridge? That was my show. Did it get a season 3?? The fuck this is some bullshit. 

ANYWANWYANWAYAYAYWAYY!! Trying to write about every movie I watch is hard because it's one thing to watch these pieces of shit, but I rarely think "Wait. I have to write about this mess" when I'm deciding to watch some bullshit. Actually, I think about that a lot now. Like...literally no one is telling me to write these blog posts lol. I do this for free and "for fun" and I can just...not...if I wanted to? But idk I have OCD or something and already decided I wanted to write about every movie so sigh I have to which sigh means I have to write about She's Not Crying She's Singing. 

I watched this movie so long ago that I remember basically nothing from it. The main character is a young woman, maybe 27. She's like emotionally detached, has a lot of sex, I think? It doesn't seem she has many partners, but maybe fucks to numb her pain? Idk, she was molested for years by her dad. He's in a coma the whole movie. She visits him frequently in the hospital and talks to him. Basically confronting him about what he did. This is basically about a woman trying to heal, reconcile with her younger self. It's almost like she's trying to forgive herself...which makes me uncomfortable. Forgive herself for??? I could be reading/remembering it wrong though. But it felt like, though she was confronting the dad..........mmm I don't like that he was in the coma. It like forcefully humanizes him or something. He's weak and vulnerable and it makes it difficult to put that monster mask on him. Or maybe that's the point? Sigh, idk. 

This is an interesting topic to explore in a film, but this particular movie was very boring. Which is like...so horrible of me lol. I'm like *serious voice* Child abuse and its damaging effect on adults should be explored in cinema. Only to quickly turn around and be like "lol yawn!!!!". Omg but I keep thinking how bothered I am that the dad didn't get to speak; be a voice. Like it's the daughter who was abused, and then...she confronts her mom, who's all "Um lol that didn't happen/get over it." How...is ol' girl supposed to get over something that didn't happen, ma? Sigh I was just annoyed that it was basically the women being the voices when what they were speaking about, who caused the problem, was laid up in the hospital in a coma. It just made me uncomfy. But again, I could see how it was maybe intentional, especially if this film was done by a woman which I'm too lazy to go look up but it feels like a woman directed this. I get what they were doing, I just think it was a wrong choice. 

There was like no resolve?? Like the movie tried to act like there was, but idk how getting shit off your chest to a nigga in a coma...like helps anything? I'd be heated if some nigga molested me and I aint get to tear into his ass while he was conscious, BUT OKAY. That's me and that's them, I guess. Anyway, doesn't matter, the movie was boring 4/10 would not recommend.