Blood, Episode 1 (2015)

So, I've made a huge mistake.

1. I've discovered the DramaFever app. So, that's happening.

2. I decided to watch this Korean drama, Blood, based solely off the gay ass little icon they had up. I didn't even read the fucking description.

It was this^. I saw those two bros sort of hugged up and couldn't click fast enough. Now that I've seen only the first fucking episode, I regret everything entirely. Like, this show is about vampires. Like, hello, me, duh! Also, those two hugged up dudes...I think they're both the same person? They're both "Jason"?? SI GH. 

3. I took a bunch of screencaps because honestly I have nothing to live for 

:((

So, this is our protagonist, Jason. Or...Ji-sang????? Anyway, I don't know who this actually is at first. Like, it took me forever to figure out this^ guy is Jason aka Ji-sang. Anyway, he's wearing a scarf over his mouth and being sassy and cunt without even speaking. He visits some grave and there's an ominous saying on it like "Don't seek death, it seeks you" or some MESS like that. Also, he's in Russia or some shit??? There's like a Koechin war or some shit going on??? Real quick I have to google that to see if it's real or like a made-up thing for the show. 

huh. No results. Maybe I spelled it wrong? Ugh who car e s

Jason is a doctor. I tried to cap like how youthful his fucking face is. I was like "doctor??" Also I felt racist. But that was before they explained that fucking vampire shit. So now I'm racist and annoyed. 

Does this properly capture how he looks no older than 12??? I feel like the sassiness that is leaking out of this screencap is making him look like a mature 40 year old housewife bitching at some cashier at Target for fucking up her Tide detergent coupons. But trust, he looks like a toddler, and no one should allow him to have scalpels and other doctor instruments such as those other scalpel-looking things that aren't scalpels, they have other names probably. 

Also, please let's talk about HOW BIG THOSE FUCKING SUBTITLES ARE??? LIKE, NO, I'M NOT COMPLAINING BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS FREE BUT COME ON. AND BY COME ON, I MEAN THANK YOU FOR PROVIDING ME WITH COSTLESS CONTENT. THANXXX SARCASTICALLY BUT JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE SARCASM PLEASE NEVER TAKE MY ONLY REASON TO LIVE AWAY FROM ME :')

My dude is like sassily chewing gum before going in to do surgery on some little girl?? Korean dramas really kill me with their sassy ultra-femme ass male leads. And by kill me, I mean they complete me, body and soul. 

Yo. This is when I knew I really fucked up. So Jason takes some weird pill. And I'm like "okay". Then out of nowhere this nigga is jumping into the air and doing karate kix and shit and I'm like "oh lord". I just...I was just really regretting every fucking decision I've ever made in life, as I often do. 

Jason is doing surgery on that random little Russian girl and like explaining medical terms and there's all this expository dialogue on the screen???? But??? w h y ??? ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW HE IS STUFFING HER BODY FULL OF LIKE GAUZE??? HE JUST LIKE JAMS A WHOLE ROLL UP IN THERE????? WHAT KIND OF DOCTORING IS THIS???!?!

Jason asks a nurse to hand him a scalpel. There is no one in the room, like. 

Some random Russian soldier dudes roll through? I hate random white people in k-dramas. I'm just like PLEASE. Also I have no idea what's going on with this war, or who they're looking for/trying to kill?? Why are white people so unnecessary, though??? I'm watching a k-drama hello get out of here!! 

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT????? and yo. Is the "Pringle maneuver" you just jamming a wad of fucking paper towels into what seems like is just a corpse???? Is this little Russian bitch even alive??? HE'S JUST LIKE JAMMING A BUNCH OF SHIT INTO HER LIKE LA-DEE-DA SURGERY SURGEON!

Okay here you can properly see how twelve fucking years old my dude looks. He comes out with his hands up because the Russian soldiers are tryna get thug or something and honestly I have 0 idea wtf their mission was. Jason is like "we're chill, please let us go". 

Oh, wait. lol. Does this take place in Germany? Why...do I think it's Russia??? All white ppl foreign places are essentially the same??? Eurasia! Pangaea?! Anyway, Jason is like being calm and trying to surrender or whatever

Which of course has no affect on these gluesticks. They're all aggressive like GET DOWN SHUT UP WE WILL KILL YOU!!!

Jason pushes that dead Russian girl he shoved a bunch of newspapers into back into the surgery room because shit's about to be lit. 

The whites start poppin off. LIKE THEY JUST START FIRING AT JASON AND THAT LITTLE DEAD RUSSIAN GIRL. lol, why?? What kind of??? Like wtf. Who is their enemy? Certainly not some lowkey Korean doctor?? Like, he's a medic? You can't kill medics. I know because I've seen Band of Brothers. Though, didn't Roe die?? Ugh kill me nowww

This is Jason getting shot up. Why right away did I know he wouldn't even be remotely affected by the bullets?? si g h

Jason still getting shot up. Did we really need like 500 soldiers gunning him down? What is this - America? HAHA

He's dead, right? Oh no

Oh, wait, what's this?

This nigga starts turning into a werewolf. At least that's what I thought was happening. Until,

SIGH.

I love how they make it seem like he has AIDS. I guess vampire disease is AIDSish. Except not at all. You get a ton of cool healing powers and free manicures and AIDS gets you nothing but stigma, lesions, and maybe a TV movie made about your sad, tragic, AIDS-having life. Even if you did a bunch of cool stuff while you were alive, your TV movie is just going to brush that all aside like "lol but they had AIDS". Like, imagine the TV movie that'll be made once Magic Johnson is dead. They'll cover his entire career in some weird mournful two-minute montage at the beginning of the film and then crack right into whatever bedridden state he found himself in towards the end of his life. And he died from something not even AIDS-related. He got like typhoid fever. Well, if his immune system hadn't been so ravaged BY AIDS

This was one of the ads that played. A tiger and a bear are canoodling. Idek what the fuck the ad was for. But does it make anyone else feel weird when they see different species animals hanging out? Like I just saw some thing with an orangutan chillin with some baby leopards or some shit and the whole time I'm wondering "okay, but what happens when he tries to fuck one?" Does no one else wonder this? Come on, let's all just be honest. That bear is going to try to fuck that tiger and I...am concerned.

There's this random little white kid trick or treating? There are like little indications at the bottom of the screen that have been telling me when/where the story is taking place and honestly I've ignored every one. Which is why I don't know if older Jason was in Russia or Germany. Also idk what year it is. Jason is a teen in '94, I think. I vaguely paid attention to when that popped up. That cap^ above takes place when Jason is a baby, so prob the eighties?? But I don't know where. Russia??? Like, ugh @ all these rando chalkasians. Jason's dad greats this boy like, "Tommy, you're late!!" Okay, but since when do you make an appointment to trick or treat?? Maybe in Germany? Or is that a Korean thing? That...seems like it'd be a Korean thing, to treat trick or treating like going to the dentist. That's not offensive in any way, and also it makes 100%% sense. Also, did that kid drug himself?? W h a t am I watching??

Tommy spills his candy and these ~asian thugs~ in black hoodies from like H&M or some shit step all over it. I've never felt so alive. 

One of the thugs. He like busts through Jason's dad's house. Where also baby Jason and his mom live. But we only see Jason's dad. I think it's rude to just like fly through someone's window. Hello, there's a door. Use it. 

There's all this like ninja fighting and shit. A virgin Mary falls to the floor. Symbolism?? Are they...comparing Jason to Jesus? lol okaaay

There are sounds of a baby crying and a woman like singing a soothing lullaby to it. One of the thugs goes upstairs to presumably kill the mom/baby? He finds a crib with like a recording of a woman singing a lullaby? Lol got em

So the mom and baby dip. I started laughing because she just like abandoned her husband back at the house. But later I find out...they planned for her to abandon him? Like he decided he'd sacrifice himself to save Jason siiiigh

Okay, so there's this like main villain dude. I love him immediately. Is that a mock turtleneck? Yessss, let's do this! He's trying to get Jason and do things to him? Due to how Jason is a pureblood vampire, whatever the fuck that means. I guess...he's essentially Renesmee from Twilight? Except, no. Because Renesmee was only half-vamp. So, cooler than Renesmee, with a way less horrible name. Also I will have to reference Twilight a lot maybe while recapping this show? I want to fucking be dead

So yeah, Mock Turtleneck is being weird and thirsting after a baby. Jason's daddy is trying to be a martyr or whatever. When he says "just kill me" the villain dude says something funny like "Why do you think you can issue commands to me?" Like, lol, how dare you ask me to kill you. This dude is so choice right off the bat. Also, I apologize for being like "this dude is so choice right off the bat". Like, I'll never do that again

They kill Jason's daddy. Okay cool? Like

Look at those cheekbones, boy. Yes, we're gonna have fun. I can't w a i t. Also, he's on the little poster thing for the show? I think he's like a head surgeon at the hospital where Jason works? Like, idk, because I've only seen the first fucking episode omg what am I doing. But I can't wait to watch nineteen more episodes of him stalking the shit out of Jason. I hope there's a cringe-worthy sleep-kissing scene. There usually is. 

There's some emotional prequel to Jason's daddy getting killed scene, where his parents are discussing how Jason's daddy will sacrifice himself so Jason can live. It's like a really emotional scene between two characters I don't know or care about at all :,). 

Then there's baby Jason in the middle like not caring at all about his parents' strife

He's like yawning and shit. Beautiful. 

The mom is crying because her husband is being a dummy. She's like, "okay, but why can't you come with us?" Like, exactly. Why is he being such a drama queen? Like, you're not Joan of Arc, homie. And him sacrificing himself doesn't even...do anything? Mock Turtleneck is still after Jason sooooo I don't understand?? 

Okay, so the teenage years of Jason take place in '94. And google tells me Jeju Island is in South Korea so okay! 

Teenage Jason is now Ji-sang. I guess because he's not in a white people place anymore? Why was he ever named Jason?? I'm still going to call him Jason because I'm a piece of shit :') 

He's holding a deer captive. I guess it was injured. The deer looks really over it and I'm devastated I didn't screencap its face. This will come to be my biggest regret. 

What is this meal?? Are those two slices of yellow pepper and some random parsley flakes? No wonder angsty teen Jason is so angsty. Can this nigga get some fruit loops or

Jason is living with his mommy and she homeschools him and he's very rude and full of angst like omg so much angst. I guess even more than the usual teen angst due to him being a vampire and his mom not letting him eat fruit loops for breakfast like a normal fucking person?? 

Jason is being angsty and walking angstily at the beach. Before he left, his mommy gave him some medicine to take and he snatched the bottle out of her hand in like a rude angsty teen who is also a vampire sort of way. 

Jason throws his bipolar I mean vampire meds into the water area. Uh oh!

Jason is at some store and some bitch cuts her finger. There's blood. He's all like

It's like, "oh, boy, here we go". Like, why would you throw away the medication that keeps you from doing vampire things? Jason complains how he wants to be normal. Okay, doesn't the medicine sort of help with that? What a dummy, seriously. He's like annoyed he has to take the meds, but it's like one simple pill that keeps him from lunging at bitches over a simple paper cut?? Like what logic

CLOSE-UP OF THE BLOOD FINGER

CLOSE-UP ON JASON'S FACE CLOSEING UP ON THE C L Osne 

He's getting like a hard-on in the store or some shit. To combat his vampire urges, he rips up some book. Okay, but they don't show him paying for it. That really grinds my gears. He damages merchandise in a store and they don't show the consequences of this. Hello, what happens on Jeju Island when you rip up shit in a store? Do they have a "you break, you buy" policy? I motherfucking bet they do. 

Jason's mommy is homeschooling him. This gave me war flashbacks. Not to being homeschooled, thank god. But the "sine" and "cosine" shit. I don't like being reminded I ever took math classes. What horror. Also, it seems like learning maths at home is like way worse than it would be at school? Like, your mom is there. *shudders*

Jason is depressed because he's a vampire and can't be normal and go places like to a regular school, or to a store without ripping up their shit. Also, it's evident his mom barely lets him leave the house. Why can't she simply explain a dapper gentlemen in a mock turtleneck is child predatoring him? She is protecting his safety. Jason is not ready to be entered by this man; mom should let him know, school that nigga. 

Jason kills that fucking deer. Okay, it's lit, I guess??? But it's weird how this show treats the deer killing like...Jason is sort of tortured about it? But in Twilight, Edward and his vamp gang eat deer all the time and are very :DDD about it. America versus Korea? *America versus South Korea???

Jayby is like speed-running through the forest twilightwiglight tw i

igh ttt

Jason is cosplaying Bella from New Moon at one point. This show can just throw itself in the trash. 

Jason is just walking in the middle of the street when a car full of yakuza but the Korean version drive up behind him honking like "bro, get out the way".

One of the dudes gets out the car and like dances at Jason??????????? What Korean

I'm screaming this dude is really trying to have a conversation with this clearly disturbed kid. Like, he's standing in the middle of the road and has like scratches and shit all over his face and dirt all over his clothes?? Something is wrong??

This grown man tries to hit Jason? Jason, a super-stealth ninja vamp, expertly dodges his attack. Which was like...he tried to push at his neck or something? Lol, "oh...you dodged it?" Like, are you confused? Perplexed as to why he would? Or how he could? He tried to hit Jason in like the most sluggish manner I'm s c re aming

Jason punches this dude. omg he's wearing a gold chaincjocrcuhedjedmkshdushkx

Then he like karate kix this dude into the windshield of the car. Twelve hundred other dudes emerge from it. Like, why are all these grown men riding in one car??? Why is that weird to me?? I'm pretty sure it's weird. Well, I guess not for the Korean version of the yakuza?? Like I guess it makes sense for the whole squad to roll through together?? Better...safety? Except not, though. Obviously^. 

Jason ends up karate kixing all those dudes. They end up at a police station. They're all like, "this nigga's crazy! He's Jet Li!" Also they said some other dude, but I didn't know who it was so I just capped them calling him Jet Li because I'm American and I only care about the more-famous reference. 

Who's this? Is this one of the vamp thugs after Jason?? I guess? He doesn't look like the ones that were attacking Jason's daddy earlier? Man, idk. But he's definitely stalking Jayby. Stalking is one of my fave tropes in k-dramas, I just realized. This guy could either want Jason dead, or to be inside him. Or both?? It's very exciting. 

Can I just say it took me forever to connect teenage Jason with scarf doctor dude from the very beginning?? Seriously, I didn't figure out they were same person until the last second of this episode lol like honestly. But I started sort of putting things together here. Like, oh...is he...going to grow up...and become...a doctor??? Like...that guy from earlier LIGHTBULB. I'm too dumb for a show about vampires with acrylics. Okay, new low, okaaay. 

Jason starts getting emotional with his mommy. His crying is atrocious. It's like he's shitting his tears out. Stay in school, kids. (??)

okay. Who the fuck is this? And what the fuck was this?? 

ugh random white people again

This dude is cracking jokes and shit?? It doesn't even make any sense. How does a tumor compare to a woman who's three hours late for a date??? And who the fuck would wait three hours for some bitch to show up to McDonald's?? How pathetic do you have to be to just be sitting for three hours at McDonald's waiting for some bitch to turn up so she can buy a happy meal the two of you can share because you "forgot" your wallet? What kind o f 

His white colleagues start cracking up, though???? Like this nigga is Lenny Bruce or some shit???? Okaaaaaay. 

Okaaaaaaaaaááààãååæäâāâāaaaaaaaay. 

hahahaha?????????????????????????????????????

Yo. I just.........realized. IS THAT SURGEON OL' MOCK TURTLENECK LOOKIN ASS UP THERE?? Is that him??? Is this nigga making terrible jokes while doing surgery?? But it's so jarring from the villain persona we have come to know?? I don't comprehend. No. I'll wait. I'm sure this will all come out next episode. I'm screaming if it's the same person.

Anyway, I took that^ cap because he was sitting in a chair drinking...blood? Idk, I just wanted a pic of him sitting in a chair drinking from a glass. Who just sits in a chair and drinks???

IT'S THE SAME PERSON, RIGHT???? BECAUSE OF HOW THEY BOTH KEEP TALKIJG ABOUT SHIT NEING SHTHENE E THRENEE HOURS LATE???? I am crucially stupid. 

Okay the vamp thugs. So I guess maybe the one on the right was that dude "sleeping" at the police station?? Sigh, fine. They're so fucking extra and moody with these hoodies I'm screaming pleeeaasse

There's some random family walking through the forest. What are any of them wearing? But, like, especially the daughter??? 

I hate this show. They have the shitty CGI wolves from Twilight show up. I'm screaming they look like shit. 

There's a lapin. The daughter from that random family wearing that atrocious Pepto-Bismol sponsored ensemble spots it and gets excited. She like chases after it????

The shitty CGI wolves try to come for that girl, but Jason turns up to save the day. He gets in like some ninja air battle with them??? Um, okaaaay. My favorite thing was how the bunny abandoned the girl when the wolves turned up. He was like "lol see ya, bitch". But me, tho. 

Okay so Mock Turtleneck is being a freak and just sitting in his dark ass house sipping on blood or wine or whatever. He's TALKING TO NO ONE. I mean, he's by himself, and addressing a dude he killed?? This nigga is my angel. Like, I honestly cannot wait. Whatever he does, I'm team him. I'm so excited!! Watch he disappoint me by occasionally having human moments. Like him as a surgeon telling bad jokes?? DISGUSTING. 

lol this nigga is strange as fuck. And I just...I'm just excited for him possibly trying to "befriend" Jason??? Together Jason and I will prove that I was right?? If he doesn't try to buttfuck Ji-sang I'll cry. But my dude is delusional. How many k-dramas do you have to see to know the main dude is never going to agree with the main villain?? Even if he's tricked into thinking the main villain is his friend? Like, we know eventually Jason will discover who he really is?? Come on, Mock Turtleneck, I hope you have a plan b. Plan b the abortion pill. For when you impregnate Jason with your semen. Please I hope that's a thing that can happen to vamps in this pleeeaaseee

Jason is still ninja air fighting those wolves, I guess?????

I think Mock Turtleneck's wine blood smells off?? Also I think he can ~sense~~ when...Jason is not getting killed?? lol idk. He gets like this little twingey stuff happening when the thugs fail to capture him. 

That random girl is passed out from when she saw the wolves? Jason has just defeated them and he's hurt and just sitting staring at the girl. So, she's his soulmate, obviously. This aint my first time at the rodeo. 

Acrylic game on point. 

Jason is staring at this little girl in his vampire state. Which I guess comes into play later when she's like "lol remember when you were a vampire and fought wolves in the air for me??" Can't wait. 

She's drowsyish while talking to/looking at Jason. So I guess this will help her pretend later like she didn't see how he was a vampire and ninja kicked wolves in the air to save her life. 

Jason feeds her water with a leaf AND I M  SCREA MING. I hope he doesn't kill her like that deer. Oh god, did I just guess some shit that's absolutely going to happen? No, this isn't UK Being Human. This is a k drama that will likely end up with some trash vampire/human wedding. Like, maybe Jason won't be able to cure his vamp disease, but who cares?? His woman loves and accepts him for who he is!! A monster!! It would be cool if he ended up killing her, though. Just so I can feel dumb for acting like I know exactly how this show will end, even though I one thousand percent do. 

Yeah, so she'll be able to brush this aside in her head as "oh that time I was almost attacked by wolves and some forest nymph saved my life". Also, I know they don't meet again until they're adults, so Jason will look ~totally different~ due to how a completely different actor plays him, and she won't even remember him. I hate every single fucking thing that's going to happen in this show. 

A fucking search party rolls through looking for this girl. How long was she gone? In the show it seems like five minutes? lol like, okay. And I'm dying @ how the parents didn't even really look for her, they just turned back around to go get the police to get them to do it. But me, tho. Oh. wait. I think her parents are dead, maybe? Okay, but who put out the search call for her???

What is in that syringe? 

Bae is on the phone putting out orders for his thugs to kill Jason's mommy and capture him and bring him home to daddy ugh

He's doing some scientific beaker shit with piss??? qq: Why is my son always in the dark? IS IT CUZ HE THE VILLAIN??? Too on-the-nose, show. Like, how is he supposed to see anything he's doing? He's presumably working with dangerous chemicals. Come on, give my nigga a lamp or two. 

Jason's mommy's spidey senses start tingling. She can feel the thugs descending upon the house. Okaaay.

These rude ass niggas crash through the door and shit. Like, okay, I know how I said before for you to use the door, but I meant like knock. And then like if they don't answer, come back later. Like, who raised you?   

Jason's mommy like ninja flies off the balcony thing at the top of the steps with the syringe in her hand. She tries to land on one of the thugs and stab him, but misses. A mistake that will prove to be fatal. Dumb. 

THE MOM IS A VAMPIRE. s i g h. Why was this hidden? Mock Turtleneck already mentioned how Jason was a "pure" vampire. I mean, I guess you could assume it was because he was born a vamp, instead of changed while already alive??? I don't even see how it matters, but I guess his mommy being a vamp also will become important later??? lol watch it not

Jason is doing ninja kix at that Sean John model. 

The thugs stab mommy.

One of the Sean John models kicks Jason through the stair banister. Like, rude. You really have no manners and it's appalling. 

I think the mom ended up killing the thugs by turning on a bunch of bright lights?? Smh and idk. But Jason survives and he piggybacks her into the forest. For???????

THANK YOU. ASKING SOME IMPORTANT FUCKING QUESTIONS WHICH SHE DOESN T E VEN f u c king a n swer

So the mom's dying in the woods, I guess. She tells Jayby about some portrait???? End my misery, tbh. 

My queen is chilling at home with a glass of wine blood. Like, he's in the light, but it's still super-dark. He's very try-hard Hannibal Lecter. I'm 100% here for that over the top aesthetic. 

PLEASE!

I'M SCR EA M

I N G. 

Tell me why Jason dragged his mom all the way out to the forest to die, only to drag her all the way back to the house to die???? What is

blah blah speed this up

I thought it was funny he was just standing there staring at this painting. The mom hid something for him in it. It's like a tape or some shit. He's supposed to watch it after he burns her to death. 

Awkward.

Please stop. 

Okay, yeah, so they transition from Teen Angst Jason crying at the video, to Twelve Year Old Looking Adult Jason watching it as an adult. On a modern day technology device! So, present day??? Anyway, this was when I almost figured out the teen and the doctor were the same person. Why am I still alive? Hmm?? 

They put up some explanation for where/when present day Jason stuff is taking place. 100% ignored it. I'll...figure it out later?? 

He's...like working...in a war? He's in the trenches and shit. There's some chubby ~comedy~ guy playing...another doctor?? Pleeeaasseee

Some cutie pie nerd dude calls Jason up and actually said those words. Does he....???? Maybe Jason lies about what he does??? idk who this dude is yet, so I'll wait. 

BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW JASON ANSWERS HIS PHONE??? HE'S IN THE TRENCHES! What is this - American Sniper? Thankfully, no. 

Jason's area gets hit with a bomb. At first he's dead, but then he's not. It's hella dramatic. Also, won't ppl start getting suspicious with him never getting killed? "Hey, how come you didn't die when that bomb hit you?" You could probably get out of that by just acting offended that someone is asking how come you didn't fucking die. Okay, all bases covered! No more worries! 

He's still on the phone with that nerd dude when the bomb strikes. Um, he just tosses the phone instead of answering him?? HE BETTER FUCKING CALL THAT NIGGA BACK IN EPISODE 2, I KNOW THAT MUCH.

yes, this was a recap of simply one episode. What am I honestly doing