Not Enough Tom Hardy: Dumbkirk (2017)

No, I'm just kidding. This movie wasn't dumb. Dumb is me & this blahg and my life. But look, Where was Tom Hardy???? No, I didn't watch this for him. This one time, I wasn't specifically watching some shit just because Tomniel Hardy was in it. I could tell from the trailers he was like barely in it. And in a plane the whole time with his face covered in a mask SMHHHH!! No, I watched this because I am trying to churn through all the Oscar nominated movies before Sunday lol which is the worst/best idea. So far I've seen: Call Me by Your Name, Get Out, Three Billboards, Phantom Thread, iTonya, and this^. Defo, Dunkirk...I think, has been the most boring so far lol. Nah, it was okay. Harry Styles is in it, so.. #OscarWORTHY!

Okay, I jotted some quick "notes" to help me write this (no one cares about this blog or what you have to say plz stop), so imma just use this as a guide real quick. But when is someone going to ask The Dark Knight Director Guy (idk this dude's n-Christopher Nolan! smh) when he is going to create another role for Tom Hardy where he wears tight sweaters on his thicc body and says stuff to people WITHOUT A MASK ON? Wait, did he wear sweaters in Inception or vests? Omg, he was wearing like tiny little vests wasn't he?? When will Chrissy Nolan do another Inception but just with Tom and not with Leo?? Come on now!!! 

-white

This movie was super white. But do you know I know absolutely nothing about the war? Like the war that takes place in this movie? When I get around to watching that Churchill movie (kill me) I am going to have no fucking clue wtf his old ass is talking about, and that's real. Like, I do not even know who the fuck Churchill even is. The president of England or something I think when Hitler was getting his grown woman on all over Germany?? But girl, I HAVE NO IDEA!!! I'm scared imma watch that movie and the whole time just be fake-understanding shit lol. I'm so tired

Anyway, this movie was mad white. I just...a lot of times have to point out how white movies are. Lol but what if this movie had a tokenism aspect. Like Idris Elba or something as some random African soldier calling the lads bumklats or something. Anyway, deleet this blog and my life. But how white was this movie though? Hell of a palate cleanser. Smh, I keep writing. WHY?????

-no dialogue

Not a lot of talking. I'm big on talking. Though, I can appreciate some silent shit from time to time. Like, I was super-fascinated by the quiet French one that they murdered off for...being French. That happened, right? There was a lot going on in that drowning boat so I truly do not know, but I remember the movie getting along later and being like.......did they kill off that French dude???????? Like, he was the hottest, so I find that extremely rude of them. 

But anyway, I would appreciate a war thing where it's just like zero action and all about the soldiers talking. But not about boring war shit. Basically I want a The Boys in the Band, but set in like 'nam. That's my perfect war movie. Does that exist? I like, doubt it. But you know...I really really love The Deer Hunter, and that's a pretty quiet ass movie. But...that movie has De Niro and Christopher Walken & Meryl Streep and this movie has..Harry Styles, like 24% of Tom Hardy's face, and a bunch of unknown nubile, practically faceless young boy actors who don't have distinct enough auras to pull off all that mute shit. The only one really pulling it off was the French one, and they killed him. I just. Dunkirk was okay, but like, not totally my cup of tea. Like that is what I am understanding as I am writing this. Chris Walken barely talked in The Deer Hunter & I got my entire life but here people barely talk and I am like noo...plz fill in the silence now at once, smh. Please give me backstory so I can care about your void of a character like..

-cillian killing that boy

Um. #lifeissofragile But anyway, when is Christina Nolan going to write a really good role for Cillian like I'm tired. How English of him to not care about creating roles that are all about propping up stars. Miss me with this character actor shit. Have you seen Cillian's cheekbones??? How dare you.

-fascinated by pretty blonde boy

I think out of all the unknown actor boy idiots, he was my fave. At first I was like..who is this lil' hitler youth. But I was just really caring about his character. I liked how the actor played his role. If I was actually feeling emotions while watching this movie, I would've shed a little tear when Harry Styles was all "HE'S DEAD, MATE" (rude). Like, sad. And him telling Cillian that the boy would be alright. And him helping out with everything. When he locked Cilly in that cupboard. His liddle sweater. Loved everything about him. Now let me pull myself together :')

-french kid

Bae. Tragic.

-mad loud

This was very loud. Like, calm down. Chrissy be making these loud ass fucking movies, I swear to god. Also I am rapidly deteriorating internally. I understand this now.

-harry #aquarius squad (alex)

I was talking shit, but Harry was the true star of the film lol. He was the only soldier whose name I knew. Alex. Sigh..

-actiony

So I guess instead of a million pages of dialogue it was just replaced with shit exploding and people drowning & then the characters just looking at these things happen with their face, rinse & repeat. Hey, if that's your kind of deal. It is not mine!!!

-no idea wtf was happening lol

Had no idea what was happening. Like none. I am sitting here right now writing this even trying to figure out...like...what points I was confused at? And it was all of them? The whole movie. Where even is Dunkirk. Wait...is Dunkirk a place? Was it the name of a boat? Like. This is maybe a movie I would have to watch again, but it wasn't fascinating enough to me for all of that. Like, I got the gist the first time around. DID YOU THOUGH???? Anyway, two thumbs down. lol

Westworld, s1

Westworld really has me out here wondering if my ass might be a robot. And honestly? That would explain A LOT. 

Am I a robot?? Is this why I keep doing the same dumb shit over and over again and my life is a joke or...no..is it. Sigh, I hope it's cuz I'm a robot being controlled by some computery niggas, because if my life is just me being a dumb human I'm finna cry. Then keep doing dumb shit, sigh.

   

I ignored this show for a while because the promotional materials just looked like some Cowboys & Indians type shit and I was like nah, I'm good. Even though I knew this was about a creepy ass amusement park and robots becoming sentient, I was still like...ehh. It just sounded over the top in a not good way, and also I mostly despise sci-fi. I wish sci-fi was mostly made by people like me who don't like sci-fi lol then I think I could like it. But anyway what am I even doing cuz I ended up becoming lowkey obsessed with this show. Though often with any sci-fi thing I like, I often end up mainly caring about characters - not, like, the sci-fi type of shit. Though I guess the depressing sciencey shit in Westworld was a big part of why I ended up caring about certain characters. Or, should I say, robots? Lol it was weird af to be caring deeply about essentially a bunch of wires and batteries and shit. Like why was I going SO HARD for Maeve who is essentially an Amazon Echo with nice hair?? Like! 

So my bae is Maeve. But it's so weird cuz she's just code. Well, all fictional characters on TV are I guess, but, like, she is literally not even human. Though, again, fictional, so???? Also the thing with her ~daughter~ is so....heartbreaking?? Like, you don't actually have a robot daughter? Though, maybe?? Lol and then her screaming at that Asian dude whom I like but whose character name I don't know :( that she is in control. But sweetheart, you are naught??? Idk, I was mad she didn't leave the park? Like I wanted to see how she'd do in ~*~tHe ReaL WoR Ld~*~*~. But I guess the show is just focusing on the crazy shit in the park? Idk. No idea where this show wants to go. But all I know is that when Maeve reunites with her robot daughter, that lil robo bitch BETTER fucking remember her. Don't play with me!! 

So right away I suspected that characters we accepted as human, would turn out to be robots. I initially thought EVERYONE would turn out to be a robot lol including Dr. Ford's crazy ass, but was not surprised when it was at least revealed Bernard was one. But was a little late to realize he snapped Elsie. Well, I pretty much assumed he did after his big reveal and him killing that lady he was smashing. Well, I guess he smashed her in more ways than one..

:((((( 

Can we talk about her? I don't remember like most characters' names. Doesn't matter, I'll call her French Lady, though I have no idea what her accent was, if it was even French or Scandinavian or some shit idk, but she was giving you A Look. However, she was whack to give up that Jeffrey Wright d just cuz Dr. Ford's psycho ass revealed he be peepin' on her and knew of their affair. Lowkey, that was her karma for tryna play Bernard lol. With that whack, over the top ass performance. Girl, please! It still sucks you died but wait can we talk about Tessa Thompson girl I liked you in Creed but idk wtf you are giving me here, but put it back and keep it there. Though judging by the finale maybe you're dead? And that's just fine :')

Wait!! But how cum French Lady didn't bounce when she realized Brazy God was INSANE? Like!! THIS DUDE PLANNED THEIR MEETING AT THE EXACT TABLE SHE SAT AT WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL. UHHHHHHHHH?!!?! Literally he displayed, and let it be known himself from his own mouth hole??, that he knows everything, and controls everything. I was confused why anyone coming up against him felt like he wouldn't always be a million steps ahead? Like he invented that world??? He wrote the code that created a whole world and life. This dude is CRAZY! The fuck. My ass woulda quit and stayed alive, fuck that! I almost think it's problematic that Brazy God's adversaries were no match for him. Obviously his only matches at this point would be the robots he created, so we'll see I guess. But is he really dead? Lol I'm writing this totally forgetting he was "shot"? Girl, who knows. I feel like his ass is still alive. What if he replaced himself with all robot parts and can regenerate?? Stop, but...maybe?? 

Let's talk about Luke Hemsworth. Lol, no, but I am sad he lost his bae Elsie like I was bout to start shipping eventho she was prob a lesbian 4 robotz. But anyway let's talk about Dolores and William and all that mess. 

1. Ed Harris and this black cowboy thing he has going on is kind of hot, but also like, damn, chillllllll! You going hella hard in the paint like ISSA GAME!! Doing the most and just being extra-embarrassing lol. You don't even get tokens or a prize if you win, like please chill.

2. That William reveal was pretty good but miss me with Liam McPoyle looking anything like Ed Harris in any timeline

3. I care way less about Dolores finding herself than Maeve's revolt, yet I am getting so much...of it lol. Like I don't not care, but I don't do care, you know what I mean?? 

4. Why are Ben Barnes' eyeballs completely black?? 

5. Can I get some clear tea on Arnold? I feel like I still have no idea what his deal was. I mean, they explained it, but I am still like...who is Arnold in relation to...any of this?? Also why would he off himself over robots? Like, that's the geekiest shit I ever heard..

6. What's his face? Pretty boy. James Marsden! lol. Uh, do I care about him? Imma need him to get more cognizant or something. Also I like barely care about him and Dolores' lil whatever. Do more to make me care about them, thanx :)

Did this show win any Emmy's? I don't watch the Emmy's cuz it's the Emmy's, but maybe? Mmm I feel like I heard about a bunch of other things winning and not this lol. But give my bae Jeffrey some awards. I've been lowkey obsessed with him since Boardwalk Empire. He slays but I feel like no one cares because he looks like a potato vampire. But that is  a e s t h e t i c !! Humans confuse me. Do I care about any of the other acting? Not especially, though it's pretty good all around. Maybe Thandie. She's more of a Halle Berry type actor to me, where it's like you're mostly just pretty so imma ignore mad flaws, but she'll give you a scene or two. I'm def excited for more turning up from her. Also I hope we get more from that Asian dude. Like what if he advances?? Wait I'm totally forgetting Westworld as we know it is finna become some insane ass shit. Or, like, more insane than it already is. It's literally a whole contained world, and if Brazy God is still alive it's about to be lit. But even if he isn't I am sure the robots are gonna turn up and that he coded a whole bunch of mess to pop off and I AM READY WHEN IS SEASON TWO!! THANK YOU HURRY UP!