Homos?: Mikey and Nicky (1976)

*sniffs* I detect two goblin-faced subhuman scumbags engaging in both spiritual and sexual sodomy. Let's investigate...

Smoking never looks hot or cool to me but he kind of did here? What is happening to me? *checks my CIA-sponsored period tracker app to see if I'm ovulating*

I love how sickly and bummy Nicky looks in this movie. Feel like cradling him in my robust bosom and then crushing his head into a gristly pulp :)

Like why is he attractive to me? Am I going through The Change? I never think Cassavetes is hot. Not that I think he's ugly or anything but he's like 5'5" and a literal goblin and I'm pretty sure he's Greek (redundant) which is a SIN

Mikey begging and pleading his boo to let him in. Wait, should I like...talk about the plot and try to be coherent instead of being a depraved lunatic? Hmm. Not really in the mood for that, ngl. What is Mikey and Nicky about? Well, it's about Mikey (Columbo) and Nicky (The director of The Notebook's dad #nepobaby) and they are two losers in love. I think they're both hoodlums working for some sort of crime syndicate. I literally did not even pay attention to the plot (what plot) while watching - I just thirsted unconscionably over Cassavetes and shipped him with that mangled-eyed butch Falk and like barely comprehended anything outside of that. But I think what's happening is Nick has pissed off some mafia guy and he's in hiding. He calls Mikey to like come "help" him at the hotel he's staying at, but Nick is acting all scary because there's a hit out on him, so in this cap Mike is trying to get Nick to let him in.

I like this frame, but why does Cassavetes look like someone's mean ole meemaw? What exactly am I *into* sexually? I'm not even going to explore or think about it because I don't feel like getting arrested :)

Look how happy Mikey is to be reunited with his booboo :) and Nick is so overwhelmed with lust he can't even look into the unfocused eye of his lover-across-time. This really hurts me to see, but the pain is a good pain, a nourishing pain, restorative to the soul

???

Mikey embracing his platonic bestie - as one does :)

Mike checking his bestie to see if his lymph nodes are swollen, you know, as besties do :)

All of this sexy shit is happening like 5 minutes into the movie, by the way. They don't start fucking until like forty minutes into Brokeback Mountain and nothing in that movie is as intimate as this scene. Is it on purpose? I see the movie was written and directed by a woman so there's almost no way it's not intentional. Elaine May, I have your card.

A lover's embrace five minutes into the movie is kind of mentally ill. Like in normal movies they usually take the whole film to get to this bit. Be serious, Elaine.

One thing I really love about this movie is all these shots of Cassavetes/Nick looking up like a sicko little puppy into the corrupted eyes of Falk/the love of his life. There is something so sick and twisted about it. Something so erotic and inappropriate. Elaine May is a sick and evil woman. I also saw something about how this movie might've been pitched to Elaine by Falk? If that's the case I am STUNNED. My stomach is literally churning with disgust thinking about something like that. Imagine you pitch to someone a movie where it's like you and your male bestie are gonna be gay and bickering back and forth the whole movie and there's gonna be a ton of moments where you get to hug your bestie and embrace him and touch him and in one scene you're like literally straddling him??? I'm...speechless. What do you even say to something like that?..

He looks so crazy and fucked up in this movie. I took like a million screencaps of nick alone because I thought his sickly deranged appearance was hottttttt please I'm a sicko like /falk I can't believe i just thought I could talk all that shit about him :(

Do y'all see what the fuck I'm talking about?..

I really can't take Cassavetes constantly looking intensely up into the pinballed eye area of Falk's. It's genuinely making me feel ill

They literally have a scene (we are probably barely ten minutes into the movie here??) where Mikey literally lifts up Nick like a toddler to place him on the bed to tend to his ailments. Like, HUH? Who even approved this movie to get made? Who financed this? (investigate them!!) How did this get past the censors??? This shit is SICK!!

This is INSANE. I think Elaine May should be arrested. I see she is still with us. ARREST HER NOW!

Nick, vulnerable, supine, pussy open but trembling. He's afraid. He wants Mikey to go deep, fill him, but what will become of him when Mikey finally enters him and they are fused into one?

Not but like literally in this scene Mikey has placed Nick on the bed on his back and is like essentially straddling him while trying to force-feed him antacid. These are two grown middle-aged men with loose, hairy, dick and balls. Why THE FUCK does Cassavetes have that look on his face and why THE FUCK did Elaine say it was okay???

Mikey literally has Nick pinned down on the bed? Speechless.

There's no way all this gay shit is not intentional. The whole time Mike has Nicky pinned to the bed straddling him we're mostly focused on Nicky's expression of frightened lust. This is crazy. If you were not brain damaged like me okay I guess you could say Nick's reaction is that of sum1 afraid for his life (um the mafia is trying to kill him and he doesn't trust Mikey lol) but like there's no way you can watch this and take anything away from this scene other than that it is gay just purely on how it's filmed or maybe I really have gone off the deep end. Maybe I'm at the level of crazy where you don't even realize lol. Hmm LMAOOO

No, like what is this? This scene is like he's losing his virginity? Literally why would you film this scene in this way if you weren't a criminal deviant?..

I have so many screencaps from this scene because I could not believe my eyes

Like, come ON!

He's literally being penetrated? No, EYE'M not the weirdo here! I did not make this movie!! I am simply responding to it!! Put down the phone and STOP calling the police! Actually, pick it back up to report Elaine - something's not right with this one

This f-word (FATHER) will have sexual tension with a damn butter knife. I have to say now that I'm pretty sure when I first watched this movie I did not understand it as a comedy lol. I was viewing it as a sort of scumbag crime drama, I guess. And it is that, but it's also supposed to be funny. Meanwhile I am never laughing lmao like this shit is serious to me. I didn't like how Mikey roughed up the diner guy but I thought he was funny

Love this shot. Why is this movie so erotic to me. I need to get tested.

Papa drink his cream :)

Wait, but can we discuss how Mikey literally ran out to buy his little boyfriend cream for his tummy? EXPLICITLY GAY HUSBANDS ENERGY. Literally why am I screaming in all caps. Can't believe I've never been institutionalized lmao

Mikey is literally like folding a blanket for his baebie??? He's literally like, cleaning up his dingy hotel room? Who *does* that? Do bros usually clean up after their other bros' messes? Do bros, like, fold blankets for one another??? I have NEVER heard of this happening - NEVER!

Cum on

When you and bae are matching goblin gals #twinsies. I do genuinely love matching-height couples tho. Top tier couple goals, sorry to extreme height difference truthers but your soulmate is not a 7 foot forest dweller when you're only a 4'9" sprite, sorry to tell ya *shrugs*

The way Nick is always looking at Mikey is so incredible to me. It's so romantic. Meanwhile his character is a paranoid piece of shit scumbag who only thinks of himself and doesn't even respect his lover lmao but I 4get all that when Nick looks deeply into his booboo's eyes. Hmm, I feel it shouldn't be that way, lol. I feel like I'm too grown for this lmao

Look how Mikey looks at his booboo. If you pay attention, Mikey is the true down-bad one in this dynamic (Mike is literally trying to deliver Nicky to his maker the entire film lmao)

I don't know what to say at this point. It's so crazy how Nick locks in on Mikey the whole movie. Mike should grab that gun quick tho and pull the trigger lol

?????

He REFUSES to take his eyeballs off bae. Honestly it's prob cuz he don't trust Mikey and is afraid if he looks away for even one second Mikey will shank him in the gills lmao #so #romantic

Me on the fone with the po-po to report Elaine May. I would throw Falk and Cassavetes in there, too, but they have both been dragged back to the underworld. Wonder if I could report them to their overseers in Hell? They could get a demerit or something and have to bunk with Hitler.. *considering...*

Literally staring with lust at each other across the table - in public, mind you. Have some class, have some decency, for once in your feral, piece of shit, street goblin lives. MY GOD!

Obvi the screencap doesn't do it justice but I love this scene where Nick is looking at Mike across the table and it starts out as a smile and then it gets serious lol. Loved the performance here from Cassavetes. I think his facials switched up because Mikey said some sus shit about waiting for a fone call. Obviously the whole movie Mikey is trying to lure his boyfriend into the arms of his eventual killer and Nicky suspects this to be the case, tho I think he drops his guard from time to time either because he is a deeply unserious person or because eventho he doesn't trust Mike, that's his boo that's his homegirl that's his lover and he just automatically slides back into the groove of their situationship and often forgets Mikey is literally like trying to lure him to his death lol which is so cute and adorkable and what all the best romcoms are made of :')

I thought this was funny when Mike's wife asked her kid for a crayon and he's like "Crayon?" and she says "Crayola" lol idk you had to be there

Nicky tries to steal some black man's girl and the dude cums over like aht I don't think so and then Nicky gets urban with this dude and talks in a way he doesn't talk at any other point in the movie lmao. Idk what it is about Cassavetes but something about him tells me he was one of those typa white boys lol #IYKYK

The black man STUNNED that this goblin-faced troll would try to give his girl a quarter. (or was it a dime?) (It mightve been a nickel)

I thought Black Guy #2 was hot. We shoulda had a whole uncomfortably long (uncomfortably longer than we got) side thing where Nicky is speaking in jive turkey and saying thinly veiled racial slurs to a gang of respectable black men who aren't going to get thug with him and so he just keeps escalating until sum1 gets stabbed (Nicky by Mike cuz Nicky made the fatal mistake of taking his deranged, erotic eye off of him for even one single second)

If you saw just this screencap you would think this movie is just a cute little BroCom about bros going on like a bus-only roadtrip adventure together and over the course of their journey they realize there's something a little bit more between them than just being bros. I feel like the actual movie, tho, goes in reverse. Where it's established straight away this is a romance between two dudes but it kind of deteriorates and becomes nastier and more disconnected as the movie goes along. Not sure which is more preferred, but I think in both versions Nick ends up dead at the end. I think as long as that happens you've got a winner on your hands.

An old lady on the bus tells Nicky to stop smoking. Team Old Lady. Smoking is gross! It was only hot when Nicky was doing it in his enclosed, depressing, musty ass hotel room. Not in public with respectable people, bro!

???

Why are they always looking so deeply in each others' eyes? This shit is crazy *shakes my head*

Did I mention that at one point Mike was like randomly talking about how big Nicky's hands are apropos of nothing and how he could've been a pianist with his very large monkey hands??? Anyway, Nicky tried to choke out the bus driver because he wouldn't let them out the front door. True scumbag behavior. This not no Hollywood shit. This is like literally something that would happen if you took an actual real-life ride on public transport. And you just *know* whose gonna be the guy that's gonna try to choke out the bus driver as soon as they step on. #triggered

How you be looking on the bus when there's an "incident" happening up front lmao. Like, this is REAL.

Nicky back in his little babygirl crouch, the position he knows best, to stare his evil, sociopathic, lovelorn eyes deep into his mongrel bestie's disconnected eye orbs. It's crazy how often they have Nicky in this position. This movie should be illegal.

They're literally just playing slaphands... Like, that's just actually happening? Like this is more mentally ill than if they just started raw fucking right then and there on the bus. This is INSANE!!

Nick is just casually talking to Mikey while Mikey has his whole pussy out facing him? Nicky doesn't even glance at it. It's because he knows it like a lover and it's no thang to him at this point.

Legs wide open, womb exposed - have some CLASS. It's unhinged to face your bestie and be talking to him with your whole pussy open and out. I like how relaxed and sexy they are with one another but jesus, be a lady.

Giggle Brothers

I love Cassavetes' nasty, raspy, sickly ass, disgusting little laugh in this movie, btw (RIP, tho FR!)

I love the prostitute's little apartment it's really cute (I don't think she's a proz I think Nicky is just a huge piece of shit lol)

I love the lighting here. But ppl who are like this is such a funny comedy :) are VERY QUIET when this scene cums on. Actually maybe they think this scene is heehee, but NOT ME. Very CHILLING. Like I was NOT LAUGHING while watching this movie lmao these guys fucking suck. The only time I was smiling was when they was being gay and the several times Mike was a little bit raping Nicky (it's ok cuz they're guys)

Why did Nicky *really* bring Mike to his girlfriend's house? It seems he told Mike she was base a proz and would fuck him for like a quarter maybe. So Mike is like creepily haunting the room waiting his turn. Nicky fucks her first, like with Mike right there??? (GAY!!!) ok and then it's Mike's turn but the proz (she's not a proz lol) is like YUCK!! (lmao). Mike accuses Nicky of knowing the proz (respectable old white lady) would not want to smash Mike and that Nicky just brought him there to humiliate him. I'm pretty sure Mikey is mostly right, only I dunno, I feel like Mike is making it seem Nicky did it just becuz he's an asshole (he is, and that's at minimum), but idk, to me it seems gay to me (what DOESN'T?). Like why are y'all both cumming in the same hole any damn way? That's gay just right there. Nicky wanted to fuck that lady while Mike was there to see/hear it but didn't want Mike to actually get a piece. Wanted him to feel rejected and get upset. Why? Because Mike being flustered and all hot and bothered would turn Nicky on? Like, COME ON!!

Please he looks so good here. Gonna k-word myself :)

Love this framing + the way it was shot (trying to be positive)

He's such a sicko for this. He just like me :(

They're breaking up in the middle of the street. Drunk gay lovers vibes. I don't feel bad tho because they both fucking suck. Neither of them deserve love, but at the same time, imma need these two crazy kids to work it out :'(

Don't fight, guys :(

They literally started a little bit fucking in the middle of the street? Take this ghetto, depraved shit back to Europe, guys

These screencaps look like they're from Chernobyl but if you squint you can see they are literally penetrating each other in the middle of the street

Cassavetes bust his ass here but I don't think it was choreographed LMAO. Hope he doesn't send any goons up from Hell to torment me for laughing at his pain lol

It's emitting tousled-hair, postcoital energy (They literally just got finished cumming on each other in the literal middle of the street??)

Nick is at his peak hottest to me when he's peeping through a door hole (What the fuck is door hole LEARN WORDS!!)

Pretty sure Nick is whooping on his wife here????

It's crazy that Nick's elderly ass has like a five month old but wants to be running in them streets. It's giving DEADBEAT DAD

me when the goblin-shaped besties from my dry-skinned gay yaoi middle-aged homo-homies ship are violently misogynistic sociopathic scumbags

Mikey would never look at Nick like this and he literally wants him dead

Nicky beating another woman??... *stays silent*

Loved this candy shop guy - fave irrelevant character.

Mike apologizing to his boss for existing and being generally irritating. I think it's funny that Mike is roundly received as baseline offputting and gives every1 the creeps and the yucks when he stalks into the room (except for his booboo Big Nick). He's just an unlikable guy! I would feel bad for him but I relate to him too much and I refuse to extend grace or sympathy to any1 even a little bit mirroring myself back to me.

Please Nicky looked so sexy and vulnerable when he was banging on Mike's door like a maniac begging to be let in right before he was gunned down in cold blood :')

LMAOOOOOOO! It's what he deserves *shrugs*

Aw I kinda feel bad for Mike eventho I said earlier how I would never feel bad for him lol. Who's he gonna be baes with now? Literally no1 cares about or likes him. Even his dead brother Izzy didn't like him, that's why he got cancer and passed away so he could get the fuck away from Mike! This is so funny that I'm depressed for him like Mike has a whole wife and child. But they're no Nicky. His literal soulm8 just got gunned down on his front porch. Idk, it's giving Wuthering Heights. It's giving toxic, doomed, suspiciously ethnic-seeming lovers vibes idk! Maybe Nick will cum back as a ghost and haunt Mikey until he kills himself and then they can be reunited together in eternal damnation. So romantic oh my god :')