A genuinely unlikable film, Tag (2018) stars the non-hot actor who plays actual-hot Don Draper Jon Hamm, Napoleon Dynamite's grandma, Nick from horrendous New Girl, and my bae for no reason, who looks like a cousin of Hey Arnold's from, like, Detroit, Hannibal Buress.
Oh, lmao, and Ed Helms. I completely forgot about him. Does any1 else irrationally hate Ed Helms? Lol. I just do. Like, he blew up from The Hangover, but why? He is not even remotely amusing. He is occasionally on The Office, but only in like a...his character is disturbing and makes me uncomfortable sort of way. Like, he was never as funny as Charles. Not even close.
Oh, also there are some women who are totally irrelevant. Isla Fisher, Rashida Jones, Annabelle Wallis and Leslie Bibb basically play the "baes". Eventho Annabelle Wallis is meant to be a serious reporter, who, for some reason, thinks there is a ~story~ in the fact that Jon Hamm and his douchey piece of shit friends, at their big ass ages, still play tag.
Yes.
This reporter, whom I think they state is like a legit one for like The New York Times or some shit? For real, she meets with Jon Hamm's character who is like some big success or whatever. She's interviewing him and then it's revealed that he and his grown ass friends have been playing a continuous game of tag since they were in middle school or some shit.
For some reason this respectable reporter thinks this is interesting and wants to write about it.
Right.
Maybe I misunderstood and this reporter wasn't actually respectable because wtf, and no.
So in the film, Jeremy Renner's character is like the beast tag guy or whatever. How does tag work again? Oh right you have the tag and then you touch someone and they get it? This is so dumb and these dudes are like fifty.
But Jeremy Renner's character I guess hasn't been tagged since forever. He's the ~champ~.
????
So he's getting married to Leslie Bib. Jon Hamm and them decide to get Jeremy at his wedding cuz he'll be vulnerable I guess idk wtf.
At various points between the premise of the film being established to it being over the following things occur:
-Grown men play tag and this is the whole movie
-Ball cancer or something
-Nick whatever and Jon Hamm vie for Rashida Jones' attention to fill time I guess
-Isla Fisher gets super into the game but is unable to make me forget she's married to Borat and has kids with him
-Some other shit
-A fake miscarriage!
-Hollywood continues to have zero idea wtf to do with Hannibal Buress
-They try to do something deep about their guy friendship. Like Jeremy Renner's character doesn't feel as close to the others because he's the ugliest or something, and Ed helms character has ball cancer I think and is prob gonna die hopefully
-I don't know. Someone gets tagged. Did they,...oh god I'm remembering the end...it was bad, man. Like, legit every1 was just running around the hospital tagging each other after some embarrassing emotional scene where Ed Helms reveals he bout to die
-This movie is, inexplicably, based on a true story. A bunch of old white dudes who've been tagging each other since Civil War Times. There is NO black person in their group smh
This was bad movie. I am not even against the premise. It's a dumb comedy film. I'm not pretentious about comedy by any means. I like prob half of Adam Sandler's pile of junk with mostly no shame. I love Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I still watch Family Guy. And one time I laughed at Cleveland Show. Okay? But this was just...dry. Tired. Tedious. A comedy film shouldn't be like, draining. And if it is draining, at least be interesting. It was dull and DOA. What a strange, meandering film that kept me captivated at zero moments.
What made it worse, for me, was that right before this I had watched Game Night. Which I really loved and Jesse Plemons should have been nominated for an Oscar!! To go from really loving one movie with an equally dumb premise to go to this idk it just made it worse. I also was thinking I'd like Tag because a lot of the people involved have been in things that were funny to me before. The only person involved who turned me off was Ed Helms. But really, I should have really thought about this. What about this random mixture of people and ideas did I think would work? Idk. I mostly have liked all the people before so foolishly thought this would be fine. Everything would be fine and it'd work. Why? Hollywood should be punished for these mistakes. We as the audience are tortured and nothing happens to our torturers. They just keep on torturing. No one has made enough of a stink about how bad this film is. No one has paid. Only me, and everyone else who has seen it. Don't pretend you liked Tag. Stop. It's Stockholm Syndrome. Or you don't want to admit you were PLAYED FOR A FOOL. These people need to be held accountable! Hold them accountable!! Stop the madness!!
Oh, lmao, and Ed Helms. I completely forgot about him. Does any1 else irrationally hate Ed Helms? Lol. I just do. Like, he blew up from The Hangover, but why? He is not even remotely amusing. He is occasionally on The Office, but only in like a...his character is disturbing and makes me uncomfortable sort of way. Like, he was never as funny as Charles. Not even close.
Oh, also there are some women who are totally irrelevant. Isla Fisher, Rashida Jones, Annabelle Wallis and Leslie Bibb basically play the "baes". Eventho Annabelle Wallis is meant to be a serious reporter, who, for some reason, thinks there is a ~story~ in the fact that Jon Hamm and his douchey piece of shit friends, at their big ass ages, still play tag.
Yes.
This reporter, whom I think they state is like a legit one for like The New York Times or some shit? For real, she meets with Jon Hamm's character who is like some big success or whatever. She's interviewing him and then it's revealed that he and his grown ass friends have been playing a continuous game of tag since they were in middle school or some shit.
For some reason this respectable reporter thinks this is interesting and wants to write about it.
Right.
Maybe I misunderstood and this reporter wasn't actually respectable because wtf, and no.
So in the film, Jeremy Renner's character is like the beast tag guy or whatever. How does tag work again? Oh right you have the tag and then you touch someone and they get it? This is so dumb and these dudes are like fifty.
But Jeremy Renner's character I guess hasn't been tagged since forever. He's the ~champ~.
????
So he's getting married to Leslie Bib. Jon Hamm and them decide to get Jeremy at his wedding cuz he'll be vulnerable I guess idk wtf.
At various points between the premise of the film being established to it being over the following things occur:
-Grown men play tag and this is the whole movie
-Ball cancer or something
-Nick whatever and Jon Hamm vie for Rashida Jones' attention to fill time I guess
-Isla Fisher gets super into the game but is unable to make me forget she's married to Borat and has kids with him
-Some other shit
-A fake miscarriage!
-Hollywood continues to have zero idea wtf to do with Hannibal Buress
-They try to do something deep about their guy friendship. Like Jeremy Renner's character doesn't feel as close to the others because he's the ugliest or something, and Ed helms character has ball cancer I think and is prob gonna die hopefully
-I don't know. Someone gets tagged. Did they,...oh god I'm remembering the end...it was bad, man. Like, legit every1 was just running around the hospital tagging each other after some embarrassing emotional scene where Ed Helms reveals he bout to die
-This movie is, inexplicably, based on a true story. A bunch of old white dudes who've been tagging each other since Civil War Times. There is NO black person in their group smh
This was bad movie. I am not even against the premise. It's a dumb comedy film. I'm not pretentious about comedy by any means. I like prob half of Adam Sandler's pile of junk with mostly no shame. I love Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I still watch Family Guy. And one time I laughed at Cleveland Show. Okay? But this was just...dry. Tired. Tedious. A comedy film shouldn't be like, draining. And if it is draining, at least be interesting. It was dull and DOA. What a strange, meandering film that kept me captivated at zero moments.
What made it worse, for me, was that right before this I had watched Game Night. Which I really loved and Jesse Plemons should have been nominated for an Oscar!! To go from really loving one movie with an equally dumb premise to go to this idk it just made it worse. I also was thinking I'd like Tag because a lot of the people involved have been in things that were funny to me before. The only person involved who turned me off was Ed Helms. But really, I should have really thought about this. What about this random mixture of people and ideas did I think would work? Idk. I mostly have liked all the people before so foolishly thought this would be fine. Everything would be fine and it'd work. Why? Hollywood should be punished for these mistakes. We as the audience are tortured and nothing happens to our torturers. They just keep on torturing. No one has made enough of a stink about how bad this film is. No one has paid. Only me, and everyone else who has seen it. Don't pretend you liked Tag. Stop. It's Stockholm Syndrome. Or you don't want to admit you were PLAYED FOR A FOOL. These people need to be held accountable! Hold them accountable!! Stop the madness!!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Hey