Bulgaria's Abandoned Children

There are two main things about documentaries that I really like.

1. They allow me to be all up in people's business. I love being all up in people's business. I love to watch other people going through shit or talking about having gone through shit. I love watching stuff like Catfish: The TV Show because I like to laugh when the catfisher comes out of their house and they look like something that crawled out of Chernobyl. It's great. Real life drama is great. 

2. The horror aspect. I love horror films, but most of them are terrible. It's really hard to find something legitimately terrifying. Not so with documentaries.

And that brings us to Bulgaria's Abandoned Children. 

I watch most documentaries (or, ones I am interested in, anyway) with the anticipation that whatever I witness will be completely horrifying. Almost always, it is. But, also, I forget about the whole ~this is real life~ shit. So, the scary stuff that's happening? That's real. Then, the horror turns into something else. It's not about cheap or moderately pricey thrills like with a horror film. I can't be like, "Well, a demon is unlikely to ever possess me so let me stop being afraid of the dark like a little idiot" afterward. Documentaries are real and this horrible shit happened in real life to real people and is probably happening to other real life people right now. 

I watched this film because I read about it on some message board about saddest documentary films. The one that always tops those type of lists is Dear Zachary. Yeah, totally. That doc is sad/disturbing. But, maybe, this one moreso. In Dear Zachary you don't actually see the horrible stuff, it's just recounted. Here, filmmakers are filming inside this actual terrifying...I don't know what you call this place. It looks like the inside of one of those insane asylums from the fifties/sixties. You know the ones. Fucking mentals all naked and huddled on the floors looking like the goddamn cave people from The Descent. That's what it looks like in Bulgaria's Abandoned Children, except the cave people are...kids. 

I forget the woman's name who's in front of the camera narrating and talking to the staff/kids. I'll call her English Lady. She's pretty and blonde and immediately in my head I'm like: White Person to the rescue. She isn't annoying though, so I'm able to chill out on that front. There are no histrionics. No fake ass OMG WE MUST SAVE THEM. She expresses her disturbances at the state of this facility right along with you as you're watching. Just a never-ending stream of "Jesus fucking Christ", but in a proper English Lady way. 

Most of the kids look like this^. I think that's Stoyin in the middle. He's blind and that's why he was thrown away. I forget his age but however old you think he is add like twelve years probably. Seriously there's an Indian-looking girl who has a broken leg and has to wear diapers and I swear she looks two years old, but apparently she's fourfuckingteen. It's insane.

All the kids here were given away by their families due to them being born with some sort of disability: blindness, deafness, retardation, etc. They develop more issues at the facility due to lack of proper nutrition and stimulation. Pretty much all the kids rock themselves back and forth, as a self-soothing method. 

And that brings me to Didi. 

I forget how old Didi is. I think sixteen, maybe? She's not like the other kids. First of all, it appears her only "issue" is that she is autistic. What I found super-disturbing about Didi's situation is that her mother chose to throw her away now*. If you're going to throw a kid away - (which, don't) - but if you're going to throw a kid away, do it when they're really young. When they understand less and will have less of a chance of remembering. Do it before your child has come to know you as their mom. Don't wait until they've spent sixteen fucking years with you to up and decide one day: "You know, eh...I'm not really feeling this. It's not me, it's you. Byyyyeeeee!" What a bitch.

There's a later scene where one of the workers reveals that Didi beat some kid with a shovel. This made me think she had violent tendencies that possibly manifested before she got to the orphanage, and that...maybe her mother no longer knew how to handle her. This obviously isn't an excuse, but I was really aching for a solid reason why a mother would do this to her child. 

As soon as Didi is introduced, right away she's talking your ear off. She's lively and charming and it's a little bit like the sun has come out after all that harrowing shit in the beginning of the doc seeing all these kids who can't properly communicate. I felt really guilty for caring about Didi the most because of that whole "can properly communicate" thing. Like, obviously I made a connection to Didi - I can see there's like, a soul behind those eyes. When she speaks I can hear her pain. The other kids are like ghosts. It's like going to the zoo. You see the animals and you assume they probably dislike being behind those bars but you (or me, at least) find yourself being unintentionally passive/indifferent about their imprisonment. Like, sux for those apes. 

But what if animals could talk human-speak? Like, you go to the zoo and there's a lion in it's pit screaming GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED! Then, I'd be like OMG WE GOTTA GET THAT LION OUT OF THERE! I guess I am just trying to deal with my inability to care as much about people/animals who I can't communicate with then those of which I can. Like, obviously I felt bad for all these kids but I didn't start getting teary eyed until Didi showed up. 

Like, in this^ scene, Didi is talking about how her mom is coming to get her. Milan (more on him in a sec) motions that No, she isn't. The English Lady tells us Milan heard from the staff that Didi's mother didn't want to see her. Didi is hurt that Milan is motioning no to her. This is the only thing Didi is holding onto: hope that her mother will bring her back home. It totally killed me. 

Speaking of totally killed me: Milan.

Milan can't speak. Hmm, maybe my issue empathizing has nothing to do with whether or not a person/thing can speak? Like, I totally identified with the apes in Rise of the Planet of the Apes and that tiger in Life of Pi (I'm being serious). Maybe...it's just...those kids really seemed like ghosts to me?? Like, they were already dead. And I'm just sitting there watching them shaking my head going "so sad". NO, BUT I TOTALLY FELT FOR STOYIN. Or, was that an editing trick? Also there was a girl (it might have been a boy) the camera kept focusing on who kept sitting by themselves who I felt for. I wonder if this was just camera manipulation or if I totally ~connected~? 

Anyway, Milan. He's instantly cute. He's allowed to help the staff with chores. For some reason, this made me think this meant he had it better. They obviously use him because he's one of the few able-bodied kids there. I should have been redflagging all over the place when I saw him helping that dude pull in laundry. When it's revealed later Milan and another boy are being abused I shouldn't have been surprised. OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE BEING ABUSED. It would be weird if they weren't being abused. Ugh. Milan just seemed like a good kid. Why would you ever have any reason to beat him? What is this place and who are these people? Why is any of this happening anywhere ever?

I GET THAT THERE IS NO MONEY AND THESE PLACES ARE HARD TO FUND...I GUESS. But when the director of the orphanage is talking about spending money on umbrellas to put by the pool I just have to...I don't know...throw up???

I can't even talk about that director. Was she serious? This thing was veering into mockumentary territory once she showed up. This isn't a real human being, right? You can't be this horrible and dumb. Why would she go on camera and say any of that? She had the smarts to avoid being interviewed for quite some time before finally agreeing to have a sit down with English Lady. What possesed her to finally do it? What gave her a change of heart? Maybe she thought going on camera and saying she needed a computer would get her one? Maybe she got that computer, but she also got her orphanage shut down thank god.

I haven't seen the sequel to this for the exact same reason I couldn't finish the sequel to A Child Called It: I need to be in therapy and on horse tranquilizers. I have PROBLEMS. But I am glad to hear that a lot of the kids from the orphanage are doing much better now. I just don't need to see it.

No, I know, I know. I should kill myself. Maybe later.

Byeeee

*now, as in, this doc came out in 2007. So...not really now now.