The Burning Bed (1984)

So I love made for TV movies concerning domestic violence. Because I am severely damaged, and have pretty bad taste. Honestly, I just love the made for TV movie genre overall, even though so much is so bad. Well, that's why I like it. Bad storylines and bad acting - it's Heaven. So when I heard about this burning bed movie, concerning a white woman who turned up on her husband by setting his ass on fire, I was like (no pun intended mostly) "It's lit".

This movie actually broke the rules and tried to be legitimate, which is a huge no-no for me. I mean, a lot of made for TV movies don't know their place and they be out here tryna get Emmys and shit, when they know good and damn well that shit is preserved strictly for HBO specials, not for whatever bullshit they got on the Hallmark channel. The Burning Bed is an inbetweenie: in between HBO "prestige" and schlock ass Hallmark cards stretched into a seventy-three minute long movie garbàge. It's like, not a good movie, really. It's pretty corny considering the serious subject matter, but it has some really effective moments, that took it from She's Too Young syphilis outbreak ridiculousness, to being something I felt bad for laughing at. I don't want to feel bad for laughing at a made for tv movie, okay? Especially when the shit stars fucking Paul Le Mat's goofy ass as The Abuser.

Bitch, have you seen Paul Le Mat??

Girl, goodbye. Beating on whom?? NOT I!!!

No, but like he looked really stupid beating on Farrah Fawcett's ass. But I'm side-eyeing Farrah, because why was she thirsting after him at the sock hop?? She put herself in the path of an ugly goof and I don't want to say she deserved to be beaten, I just...don't understand why she expected anything else?? You know? LIKE NOT TO BE INSENSITIVE!! But Mickey was not cute, his hair was dusty and uneven, he was a loser. Couldn't get a job, lived with his parents. He had nothing to offer and again I must reiterate that he was not attractive so why bother? Chris Brown tears a non-male's ass up and you say about the woman: "Well, she prob thought he was cute", and that explains why she decided it was okay to go anywhere near a coyote crackhead. But Mickey didn't have Chris Brown's lightskin Eddie Kane good looks, he had NOTHING. Francine was str8 buggin' going after his pasty, doughy ass. Like she was mad cute!! If she was gonna get with trash, at least get with some hot greaser. A nigga in a gang with a cool leather jacket and he looks like Travolta circa the seventies before he became friends with those aliens.

I feel like this seems like I'm blaming Francine for her situation, and I am. Because Mickey was not cute and she should've known ugly niggas be the main ones turning up for no reason. Due to like insecurities and hate for the world because no one too much fuck with them like that cuz they not cute and no one wanna look directly into their ugly eyes for longer than zero seconds. But smh the movie played it like Mickey was mad cute?? Eventho he was played by Paul Le Mat and wasn't at all? Not one damn bit?? Lol I am seriously sitting here dragging Paul Le Mat's goofy looking ass for dear life because I am shallow and horrible but honestly at the end of the day in conclusion: If you're gonna get domestic violenced, have it be by someone who looks real sexy-like. Or can he at least not have a double-chin and six month post-maternity body? Ridiculous. 

Smh, so Farrah Fawcett (does a pretty good job here, acting-wise) plays Francine and she's just kind of going that path that women of her time, and probably a lot even now go: get married, have some dusty kids, and?? Die? Idk. Cook some bacon here and there, I guess. Literally Mickey proposes to Francine because she won't put out until she is married. So he's like I LOVE YOU BABY MARRY ME. And I'm like cum on. They get pregnant straight away and also straight away Mickey is beating on this bitch like it's his dick. Like, no, calm down before you get carpal tunnel syndrome and/or callouses. 

Francine can't do shit. She can't wear sexy Dress Barn outfits, she can't talk or look at other niggas, she can't go to school; she can barely go to the bathroom without this nigga being like "Um, excuse me?!?!?!". Mickey being ultra-controlling of Francine and beating on her for literally anything got exhausting real quick. Literally one of the first times he smacks her up in front of all their friends I'm like "Ight, I'm good on this" and the movie was barely twenty minutes in. And it was just like...jesus...so many more minutes to go of this. When this bitch gon burn his ass?

You know what I hated? They aint show her directly burning him. I saw this made for TV movie once that scarred my bitch ass for life. What's the name? David? It's named after a boy who was burned alive by his dad in a motel room. They like...showed him burning up. Not really his little boy body, but you knew David was in the bed and you could see the bed and that shit had me SHOOK. In The Burning Bed, they didn't film Francine starting the fire I don't think. If they did, which I don't remember, it was obviously ineffectual, as I don't remember it. They did show us the house on fire, but I was like whomp. Spend the whole goddamn movie seeing this bitch relentlessly beating on Francine and we don't even get to see her directly light his ass up? Smh, I guess.

The movie made up for it a bit, though, with the courtroom scenes. I thought they were emotional, and also maddening. Like when Mickey's mom went up there with her dumb, horrible ass. And then when Francine's daughter got up there and they asked her if she missed her dad and that bitch was like "Um, no" I was like yaaaaaaaaas drag his assss! Lol. But then the movie fucked up again by just abruptly ending the movie after Francine was acquitted and I was like okay. It was just awkwardly ended. I need to know what happened to this bitch, like what's going on with Francine these days? Did she ever get her business degree? Did she ever drag her momma for being useless as fuck when she needed her most? Do she see Mickey's goofy face in the flames of her lighter every time she light a cigarette? These are the questions that need answering!! 

But anyway, @ moviemakers: next time for the abuser cast someone who's either really cute, or at least looks like someone who could feasibly be beating upon another person. Paul Le Mat's lanky, awkward ass was beating on no one. In real life Farrah could drag his gangly, odd-shaped ass to hell and back. That bitch spent years with Ryan O'Neal. Anyone who endures Ryan O'Neal learns how to tear an ass or two up. Especially a Paul Le Mat ass. Anyway, this a Paul Le Mat appreciation post. 

Spotlight (2015)

This felt more like a TV movie to me. But like a pretentious, full of itself one. Like The Normal Heart. Just some ultra self-important shit that HBO markets as an EVENT. Not even hating, I love those movies, but idk about it being a leaving your house to go see in the theater sort of affair. Spotlight was definitely not all that. I'd go see this as a play, though. But with...stage actors. Replace everyone except for Ruffalo and Tucci with...more interesting on and off Broadway types, no offense. A little offense. 

Anyway, Spotlight was pretty good, but it could've been better. Tbh, the best medium I would have liked to see this in would be as a mini-series. Have the investigation and everything unfold over like eight episodes maybe, or whatever the typical number of eps miniseries have. I liked the interactions between the characters and it would've been cool to learn a bit more about them, and just have more information regarding the scandal. They did that thing in the movie where they kind of skip years and it's like blah blah a year or so after 9/11! Woulda been cool to see them struggling more with after 9/11 came through stealing their thunder. Also woulda have been cool to see more interactions with priests and the clergy, though I'm not sure how realistic that would have been. Did the paper even speak that much with them? Idk. But just that little scene when Sacha visited that priest at his home was super-effective and chilling and shit. Def would've been cool to see more interactions. Or even more interviews with the boys who were abused, but maybe that's just me being a glutton for punishment. I just want to see some terrible ass shit! 

Let's talk about performances!! Really loved Mark Ruffalo as Mike Rezendes. I felt he really Did That. Was he nommied for an Oscar? I feel like he was. I feel like multiple people were but I have no idea and my lazy ass is not going to look so!! I know Rachel was. I think. 87% I'm sure she was. But wait lemme talk about Mark more before I get into dragging my bae Rachel lol. So I loved Marky Mark! And I be straight-up hatin' on Mark, like, a lot. I'm a fan, but I feel he be playing the same shit in every movie lol. Like when he was nominated for The Kids Are All Right I was like bitch, where? All this nigga did was wear a motorcycle jacket and be a douche. Actually, that might have been the most amazing performance ever because isn't Ruffle Chips like the sweetest little bean of all time? And prob vegan so he would never wear a leather jacket! Omg, iconic! I completely change my mind. Lol no but he was good in this and I was like yass more scenes with Rezendes can I get a Rezendes TV show!! Would I watch it? No. Who watches TV? Well if they put it on Netflix maybe. But prob I'd just ignore it. I be ignoring mad ~Netflix originals~. How you gon' be like an independent thing but still making all this typical ass shit SIGH ANYWAY!! 

Okay Rachel. I stay being like "Why does no one respect my bae, Rachel McAdams?" and then I see her take tragic ass jobs such as True Detective 2: True Detectivier (which she was the best thing about, btw), and underwhelm my ass in Spotlight while at the same time getting nominated for her first Oscar and I'm like, sigh, "Not like this". This was in no way a nominatable performance from Rachel. Regina George in Mean Girls was. And no her role in Mean Girls is not why I cape for this white. I think she's good overall and always brings something to roles. She brought something to Sacha, but she didn't Do That. So idk what all this Oscar nomination shit is. They should give her an Oscar for making True Detective Season 2 not be the worst most horrible thing of all time ever. It only almost was, because she elevated it a tiny smidge. Give her an Oscar for that mess, not Spotlight in which she was overshadowed by nearly everyone eventho she was the only woman and the spotlight (ha) should've been on her just for that alone, BUT ANYWAY, GIRL! Maybe this nom will get her into better things? I am rooting for Rachel because I think she has the stuff. But maybe I am wrong? No, I am right. I am usually always right. I was wrong about Hiddleston, though. BUT THAT WAS ONE TIME! ONE TIME! Come on! Btw, if they make his desperate ass Bond I am personally killing Barbara Broccoli meself. Idc. I don't even stan for Bond like that, but if they make Tom's fake-Fassbender, "I luv *vomits* T Swift" ass Bond I'm getting a pair of safety scissors and coming for that racist bih. MAKE IDRIS BOND! OR IF YOU CAN'T DO A BLACK DUE TO THE QUEEN TRYING TO KEEP HER MANDINGO FETISH ON THE DL, GET TOM HARDY! THOSE ARE YOUR ONLY OPTIONS, BYE!! 

So other performances I liked! Lol save me. 

I was into...oh, obviously: Stanley Touché. Forever bae. Completely delivered. And I got so hype to see who Garabedian was gonna be cuz they were hyping it and I was like omg who is it and it was Stanley and I was like "good". I feel like Tucci wasn't nominated, but he should've been if there weren't better performances from that year. Idk, I don't even be paying attention to half these Oscar baity movies anymore. I do know Tom Hardy was nominated for best supporting actor and that he should've won but I'm not gonna get into that because I honestly feel weird for how hard I stan for this white boy. Yes, he has dick suck lips, and yes that makes him mulatto in my eyes, but it's NOT OKAY! And I need to get it together. Sigh, please be part Cherokee or something so I feel better pleeeease.

Who else slayed? Mmmm not necessarily slayed but Brian d'Arcy James gave me a few good moments. He was giving me way way subdued Joe Mantello in The Normal Heart teas. Just randomly turning up on occasion and delivering. I wonder if he's a stage actor. But guess what? I'm not looking it up. Fuck off to a ~~movie review~~ blog run by someone who isn't a total mess of a person who isn't reviewing a movie that came out like a fucking year ago that loves Tom Hardy so much 80% cuz he gives quadroon teas. It's the same reason I'm into that Gavin boy. Is it okay for kids to be meems? Idk. If I have a kid I want him to be a meme. This will prevent him from being molested by a Catholic priest, completely sure of this.

I also liked Liev Schreiber! lol please. I liked how controlled and a Jew he was. Is it okay to like a character because they're a Jew? Bitch, try and stop me. Anyway, I keep...I don't want to say this but I keep "accidentally" catching little ~celeb gossip~ tidbits about Liev. Long story short: he cray. It makes me like him more. Like I want to see more Liev things. Because I'm a typical bitch. Remember his character in Salt? Lol no one remembers that, but anyway pretty sure that's just him in real life. BUT YOU AINT HEAR IT FROM ME! Anyway, I need to watch that mess he got on Showtime or wherever. But ugh it looks annoying. Also I think Pooch Hall is in it? Okay, now I DEFINITELY need to watch it sigh.

Who else? Oh the dude who played Phil Saviano was good. Slayed as a former-molested. Please. Actually, all the adult former-molesteds were interesting. Too lazy to look up their names: but the gay one, and then that depressed one with the kid (also probably gay let's be honest!!!). No, what am I doing? Anyway, Michael Keaton was also in this. I don't understand why I like Michael Keaton. But I do. Everyone does. That's the way it should be, let's not question it. The end.

Bernie (2011)

Okay, this was a weird movie. Strange tone. It concerns this fat nigga named Bernie and he get with this old, rich broad, named Marjorie. Bernie...is like a hustler, I guess? He's not obvious as one though because he's like this little effeminate, church-going porky boy. But like, what is not obvious-hustler about 1. a nigga who works at a funeral home, selling services to families who've recently been bereaved, and 2. spends an inordinate amount of time cuddling up to old bitties? 

I guess people from Bernie's community kind of write off most of his suspicious behavior as "eccentric", which, lucky him. But at the end of the day, he dun killed a bitch. Lol, long and short of it, he murdered some old bitch cuz she was annoying to him. Now!!! Do I completely one hundred percent get killing someone because they're annoying? BITCH, YES! I am so consistently fucking irritated at all times always. I am that fuzzy green shit who lives in a trash can. I think about going on an irritant-killing spree every second of my life. But I'd never do it because I'm extremely lazy, am anti-gun, anti-violence lol, and just feel like that's not some shit you do. If someone is irritating you...get away from them. If you can't, just make a bunch of irritated sighing sounds until they do, kaduh! 

But let's talk about how Bernie COULD get away from Marjorie. It wasn't like she had him chained up in her basement while she sat directly in his face chewing on Slim Jims with her whole mouth open. He could just...leave? lol like what. How you just pick up a gun and blast some old bitch in the back fifty hundred or so times lol he did the most. I could MAYBE see if it was one shot, BUT HE BLASTED HER UNTIL THAT SHIT WAS EMPTY LOL THEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO BE CRYING, TALKING BOUT SOME MARJORIE ARE YOU OKAY? NO SHE AINT OKAY! SHE DEAD CUZ YOUR BIG ASS SHOT HER A MILLION TIMES!! the fuck lol

Idk I was feeling some type of way maybe about Bernie killing Marjorie. I think because they treated the situation kind of flippantly? Like the movie, Richard Linklater, the townspeople, etc. Literally all Bernie had to do to not be brought down by Marjorie's negativity was remove himself from her life? Like he went out of his way to insert himself in her orbit. Because he wanted to scam and get coins to travel around the world and see plays and shit. It's like, bitch, save up the money you make from putting makeup on corpses. Or if you so dearly need a sugar-mama, get like a less irritable one? Like what @ him just killing somebody. But fine! I guess it's like some black comedy and I don't need to take it seriously but I'm pretty sure this is a real dude and this actually happened? But anyway hahahahaha I guess. 

I took some screenshots. This movie was lowkey kind of funny. In like a boring way lol. It had its moments, but overall: kill me. 

The skinny old broad with the pearl necklace was THAT BITCH! She was killing me. Were these people being interviewed actors or actual townspeople from the place Bernie was from? The fact that my dumb ass can't tell indicates this was good casting/shooting. I guess! 

This other townsperson was funny, too. Here she's talking about Marjorie and it's funny but it's like...why are people so hype to kill someone cuz they crabby? Lol The South, I guess. loljk I'm a Yankee and you get killed up here for talking smack about Chamillionaire, so nvm.

lol lowkey I loved Marjorie. Her faces in some town meeting were mad funny. Like she is me. Oh is this why I feel some type of way? Because I'd totally be the type of person to get shot a million times in my back by some fat dude who knows how to correctly pronounce La bohème?? Lol nah Marjorie was mad lame for falling for Bernie. He wasn't even cute. Her rich ass coulda bought someone cuter, foh.

Truly screaming at this dude talking about Bernie kissin' on Marjorie. Did they really get down like that or is this dude just exaggerating? Either way, where's the vomit bucket lol!! :(

Another photo of bae and her...gentleman friend.

I was dying when Danny Buck dragged Bernie within an inch of his life concerning him being fat and a battyboy. I mean, say no to body-shaming and homophobia, but say yes to some good laughs on occasion, you know? Please help me. Also when did Matthew McConaughey stop doing shitty, awkward ass romcoms and start becoming like a Woody Harrelson type? Like when did it start becoming acceptable for him to be in stuff and people are just like "This is fine and good mostly"? Idk, but I'm into it. Mostly.

So Jesus was a booty-snatcher as well? Makes some good damn sense! A nigga partin' red seas and shit GOTTA be gay! Wait no, that's Moses' dry ass. But anyway, Hmmmm @ Moses. 

lol Bernie aint like how Marjorie chewed her bites too long. But me, tho. I hate any...thing happening when someone is eating. If it deviates from "normal" I want to scream and cry. Lowkey I think I have autism? Anyway, 

lol, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Does her dead ass look okay? But me.

Girl, quit.

Why I take a pic of this bitch? lol idk but there's a sign for a Dinosaur Park in the back. Is that...real? ...

Everyone on the jury is me.

Lowkey McConaughey's exhumed ass was going off as the lawyer dude. I don't remember him being this turned up in the Lincoln Laywer. But Ryan Phillippe was in that, so I was prob too distracted thinking bout the fact that he used to smash Reese Witherspoon. Like what did that look like? Why the ones you really want to see have a sex tape never do? It's always some trash, p-list lame asses. Like we get a general idea of what you look like fucking just from your overall worn-out and bloated appearances while doing scheduled pap strolls around a dollar store parking-lot. I wanna see what Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy look like getting down! Come on, America! Get with the program!!!

Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977)

Gotta love the seventies. Definitely the best decade for movies just in terms of like, mad ridiculous, interesting shit to choose from. And everything's filmed through some ugly, murky ass lens, so even the most boring, pretentious shit is intriguing. The seventies were just ultra-lit in every way. But tbh, let me calm down because if I lived back then I probably would have been complaining about how whack Star Wars is and how movies aren't like they used to be. "Where is our generation's The Philadelphia Story?! What is this Annie Hall shit?!". 

I wonder what people's reaction to Looking for Mr. Goodbar was back then? Like where did it fall on the scale? Were people like "Finally!" or more like "What these white people doin now?". Were people, even back forty years ago, tired of white bitches? Like was the sexual revolution already on and poppin' by the time this came out? Did it matter that Theresa was some good little Catholic girl who decided to ~rebel~ and turn up?? Like were so many millions of repressed Catholic chicks already turning up and Looking for Mr. Goodbar was the same ole same ole?? 

Movies are always behind what is actually happening in life, so I can see this coming out and critics lauding it as "revolutionary" or "brave" but like a lot of the general population being like "Girl, okay. Take your flat butt on somewhere with that". Idk, but for me today this movie seems...mad stark and like bold. It's like...mad shout-out or something lol. There are definitely so many old-timey opinions being bandied about (that people still hold majorly today, I think), but just the way Diane Keaton turns up in this movie--Honestly, just the movie's general overall turn up was invigorating to me. There's just something really unique and specifically expressive about it that I really liked even though there are all these typical tropes and stereotypes.

I was really excited to watch this, but I did not get what I was expecting. This movie was...way more disturbing than I thought it was going to be. I read a summary of the film that made it sound like a school teacher would be sluttin' it up in bars or something and there'd be weird seventies-era sex scenes. I was not expecting all of what this messy ass movie ultimately gave me. 

Like when I thought about Diane Keaton picking up niggas in bars I was honestly not actually expecting that lol. I figured she'd be posted up at Dave & Buster's or something and that dude who tried to rape Pacino in Scarecrow would sidle up to her and ask her if she "likes to party". Then they'd go back to his or her's place and proceed to engage in weird seventies-era white people sexual intercourse. And I'd be watching like, "plz stop", while at the same time getting my entire life. 

THAT IS NOT WHAT LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR HAD TO OFFER MY SIMPLE-MINDED ASS!!!

So the movie is about some chick named Theresa and jesus christmas why has it taken me this long to "start" this post thank god no one reads this blog except for maybe Hawthorne James (shout-out to Hawthy J!!). Anyway omg!!! *screams until the next season of Curb Your Enthusiasm finally fucking comes out* SO THE MOVIE IS ABOUT SOME WHITE BITCH NAMED THERESA PLAYED BY ONE OF WOODY ALLEN'S EX-BEARDS! Do they have a specific name for the bitches pedophiles get with to cover their baby-love?? I suppose "beard" can be used as a general catchall term for any woman being used as a mask to conceal a dude's...true proclivities. Anyway, this is why I will never succeed. 

Okay! So!!! Theresa is studying to become a teacher. She's in school and idk...Diane Keaton looks...very non-college age lol. Not like old or anything, but just not in any way a college student. But that's Whites™ for ya. Theresa has a crush on her teach. Sometimes Theresa daydreamed scenarios (r u me??) and I'd get confused what was really happening. Like she daydreamed fucking her teach and then actually started fucking him, but when she started up with him, for a while I thought it was another daydream and I was like okay when this daydream gon' be over lol. The longer it went on I was like oh maybe this is actually happening. Am I super-stupid or did the movie fail with this daydream versus reality thing? Prob the former. But also the latter a bit. 

Theresa loses her virginity to her teach, some douchey married dude who says things like "I want nothing to do with a woman after I cum" or some such poetry. I was completely disgusted by Theresa's little dinky ass affair with this dude. Theresa aint no Bo Derek, but she's still attractive - why she acting mad desperate? Aint like this dude Roy Scheider or anything, keep it moving! But this silly bitch don't even move on until he dumps her. What part of the game is this? I have zero ideas!!!

Theresa still lives at home. Her dad is mad loud, like dads are, and is always talking about how his mother had four healthy sons. Theresa's always reminding him that he had a sister, too. Theresa's mother said something once about the sister like "May, God forgive her" and I figured she probably killed herself. Which turned out to be true. It seemed to have to do with her complications from polio? And then her brothers being incredily horrible to her about it? Also this ties-in because Theresa had polio (oh wait actually it was a hereditary condition). So Theresa also had the disease that her aunt had that ravaged her life so. Is this why Theresa has low self-esteem? She definitely doesn't like when someone sees or touches the scar she got from spine surgery. CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW THERESA SPENT A YEAR IN A BODY CAST? No, too depressing. But I want to like...sift through all that and connect her experience there with how she's adjusting as an adult. And like explain some of her behavior. But I'm so dumb. And so tired. So stupid and so exhausted. Sigh, I'll just go on imdb later and see what them horribles over there have to say. 

Theresa moves out because she stays out late one night at her sister's place and she doesn't return home til the next day. WAIT LET'S TALK ABOUT THERESA'S SIS!! Katherine, played by Tuesday Weld. Katherine is the "pretty" "perfect" sister, which translates to: Blonde; didn't have fake polio. Katherine is a mess and a half. She aint have fake polio, so what's her excuse? She starts the movie out married to some dude and knocked-up. The thing is, she has at least two options for whom her baby daddy is, and neither are her husband. Girl smh. Katherine is lost, so the movie portrays her kind of jumping from thing to thing, or...man to man, really. 

Katherine marries some random dude she meets while on vacation having an abortion? Anyway, it's the home they share that Theresa visits one day and it's like Orgy Central. Theresa doesn't do an orgy cuz she's still playing goodie goodie, that is until she returns home later and her dad starts poppin' off on her for coming home late. Theresa packs her stuff and leaves. She gets some dingy ass apartment and the true turn up commences. 

She starts work as a teacher for deaf kids, which I thought was cool. I really liked the scenes with Theresa and her students, even though they had some White Savior ass nonsense with Theresa and a black girl student who couldn't afford a hearing aid and Theresa went to the girl's house and a fucking social worker was there threatening to snatch her mom's welfare coins if her live-in lover didn't move out smh. Anyway! Here is where Theresa met one of her soon-to-be paramours, James, the social worker. 

I thought Theresa was gonna smash James so he wouldn't take little Amy's welfare away and also maybe he'd get her a new earpiece. But that thirsty nigga just helped her without any favors. Sort of. He def inserts himself into Theresa's life after this, tryna play Boyfriend, but Theresa seems more interested in some grifting ass ponyboy named Tony. 

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE FIRST TIME THERESA MET TONY AND SHE WAS LIKE TRYING TO PICK HIM UP?? AFTER SHE SAW HIM GOING THROUGH A WOMAN'S PURSE AND REMOVING MONEY???? Girl, you got the game entirely fucked up if you think that's cute, and you ESPECIALLY got it twisted if you think it's lol adorbs to bring a fucking transient thief into your home. Do you just give zero entire fucks? You must not care a diddly damn about your life. SMH FORESHADOWING!! 

Theresa fails to pick Tony's bird ass up the first time they meet because he finds a better sucker (host, mark, target, etc.). So she moves on with her slut-fest and begins casually, non-enthusiastically dating James, right? And then also begins a career as an accidental prostitute?? But she gets the game fucked up again and one of her johns actually steals from her and I'm just looking at Theresa like "Bitch, you went to college." All that book learning was obviously for naught. Or I guess you need street smarts to not get robbed by one of your clients lol no I'm being rude Theresa wasn't actually a proz, but why is Theresa's sluttin' about so depressing? Like was this movie slut-shaming? It defo was, right? Or...idk. Maybe it was just a happenstance account of one experience. 

Like, Theresa is dumb. She makes the ugliest decisions in terms of whom she chooses to smash. Prime example: Tony Tone. With his fake ass gambino, I got kicked out of The Outsiders ass accent. Boy, goodbye. He was mad annoying, and also a junkie?? Like why was he doing karate kicks and playing with a lightsaber knife?? Whose child is this, and why did Theresa drag him back to her lair, only for him to turn up when he realized she wasn't as much of a mark as he thought/wanted her to be?

Even "sweet", "nice guy" James turned up! Erryone was turning up on Theresa! What was that saying about her? Like what was she attracting? Or am I being misogynistic by blaming her for the actions of these crazy ass men? Was this movie commenting more on the horrible state of the patriarchy and how fucking messy dudes are and I'm confusing it for slut-shameyness? Maybe. Because I think the source material was written by a woman. That doesn't mean she can't be misogynistic, I just have high doubts that a female author, writing about a woman and her relationships with men, wouldn't critique the men, and the state of men in general. So I'm chilling on my "Are they judging single women who have casual sex and don't want kids?!" bs lol. For now.

Can wE TALK ABOUT THIS GODDAMN ENDING?! I was...honestly disgusted. I hated it, tbh. That was like one of the most ultimate endings to a movie I've ever seen, but it made me mad lol and like I COMPLETELY SAW THAT COMING when Theresa, yet again, was picking up some dude in a bar smh. Should I stop judging Theresa for picking up dudes in a bar? Nope! You're the Pikachu, bitch! Niggas' s'posed to catch you! It's not the other way around, but anyway!! It's not like I think Theresa sitting around waiting for a nigga to ask her out would have prevented her from getting stabbed to death. I just feel like...why seek death? You know? Why actively chase it?!

Can we talk about how hot young Tom Berenger was?

NOPE! LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW HIS GAY ASS CHARACTER STABBED THE HECK OUTTA THERESA CUZ HE COULDN'T GET HARD!! This was so extra. And apparently this really happened to a woman? Like this story was based off a news headline about a murdered ~lonely, single woman~?? How did they know she got stabbed cuz she was tryna fuck some dl battyboy and he got enraged at his...incompetence and took it out on her skull and body?? Idk, but shit like this prob happens all the time. But could that midnight cowboy not have been any more obvious and cliché? Lol what was Theresa thinking. Wasn't that boy wearing a whole damn ass jean ensemble while playing pinball in a bar? What is this - The Accused? Theresa, girl, if you don't take your ass back to them deaf kids and find a nice, Catholic husband who will make your neurotic ass some chamomile tea and draw you a bath! Just stay in your lane and you won't get slashed! Or not. That's not even true for women. Bitches prob get killed by their chamomile tea making, bath-drawing husbands every day. Well, such is life, I suppose. Why am I allowed to have this blog? Idk, but this movie was lit. Def recommend. Warning though that the ending will 100% give you an epileptic seizure. Like they were whilin with that it was like two whole minutes of flashing lights and stabbing motions lol smh. It's actually not funny and thank god the seventies ended and we got AIDS. 

The Intimate Lover (2005)

Um. What was...? This movie was really annoying and I honestly regret watching it. I actually started a bit of it one day and was like "sigh, no" and shut it off and went to watch something less...damaging to my soul. I hate not finishing a movie I start, though. Like so many times I cannot deal, but I always think about the movies I never finish, like they haunt me. Why couldn't I just finish the last horrible forty minutes of Blade Runner, huh? Maybe it got better! I doubt it but maybe! Or that black remix of About Last Night. There's almost NO WAY IN HECK that improved, but tbh, I only gave it like five minutes. Maybe Kevin Hart gets shot in the sixth minute AND I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE I DIDN'T FINISH IT! smh

Idk what it was about The Intimate Lover that made me return the next day like *eyeroll* "fine", but I did! And I wish I hadn't :')!!! And so it goes. 

The movie concerns some ugly-souled individuals named "Girl" and "Boy" SIGHKILLME!! The girl is engaged and to be married soon, to, OF COURSE, some nigga she on even like. I am so tired of watching things with people getting married to someone they don't love/lowkey hate. I can't tell if I am just naive about the world or what but like I just want to stop being confused and ask-yelling at my screen why the flip a person would be getting married to someone THEY DO NOT LIKE! I understand sometimes it's like a financial thing or an arranged marriage shit or whatever, but most of the time when I am watching these stories in media, it aint none of that. It's just a boring bitch getting married to some boring dude, just because! Then some sparkly nigga enter the boring bitch's life and all of a sudden she wanna get bold and decide she don't want Arthur, she want Criss Angel Mindfreak. Whatever lol. 

In this mess, Girl is engaged to some like horrible conservative-type dude who was giving me wife-beater teas. You can tell he a demon cuz he wear glasses. Also, he was like, boxy. He was not sexy like "Boy" and his karate body lol. Girl's fiancé looked thick, like he be eatin' noodles all day and shit. Drinking mad soju. Boy's homeless ass aint got the funds to be eating and drinking like that lol, so he perform karate tricks in the park for money, but cuz he live in Asia, aint no one impressed by that shit; errbody do karate, so he don't make no money. But he stay mad fit though. BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT BOY'S LACK OF FUNDS?!

He was homeless, right? lol it was mad awkward. Why did they highlight his money problems? Where were they going with that? Were we supposed to be like "oh, this prob why Girl don't want him, cuz he poor"? But idk, it seemed pretty obvious she didn't want him...because she would like really love him maybe? And now let's unpack that!! Or let's not, because, tbh, I am--I'm sure it's pretty obvious I'm extremely slow. Just not smart, so I have no complete, clear idea why someone would turn down being with someone they could have a really intense love affair with. I mean, I get it. But also not. Like, I don't have the academic explanation for that. Just for me personally I could understand being like "eh, that sounds exhausting, lemme not". But like, isn't it equally exhausting to be with a dude who is mad boring and wears ugly glasses and makes you want to die??? 

And what was that warm water thing? Boy got Girl some warm water at the restaurant and she was all "You messed up by ordering me some warm water, if you hadn't have done that, we could be together" or something akin to that. And I was like "Bitch, que?". What was him getting her warm water - too considerate? Did this ugly bitch just like being disrespected and non-cared for??? BUT LET'S NOT EVEN ACT LIKE BOY WAS A GOOD BOYFRIEND OPTION BECAUSE REMEMBER WHEN HE RAPED HER????? Oh, are we gonna forget about that? Or is that okay cuz this a k drama and that's just what happens? Lol, deleet this whole shit. Start anew. 

Keep this^, tho. Brotherman was fly. The one thing you did right in this movie and it was lowkey prob an accident. He was just some nigga sittin on the steps when you happened to be filming. Make a whole movie about the mistake you made not giving this random street person any lines, or putting up on the screen where we could get his outfit.

The Color Purple (1985)

I haven't seen this movie in forever. It's a movie that leaves a lasting impression, but it's never been one of my favorites. A little too long, a little too...depressing. Also I feel somewhat disconnected from the material. Though I am a black woman, and The Color Purple is very about black women, there's something kind of cheesy about the whole thing. Kind of cloying, and lowkey inauthentic. It's almost pandering. Maybe the book is different. I only SparksNotesed it when we read it in school, so I have no idea, but the movie rings false sometimes, or, like, don't hit the spots in what I feel is the right way. 

That being said, it's a pretty #iconic film. In that way Forrest Gump is iconic. Like Forrest Gump is highkey silly and saccharine, but it's still, like, really ultimate, and The Color Purple is the same. The performances from some are really good. Pretty much the main women: Young and Older Celie, Young Nettie, Shug Avery, Sofia. All this shit is iconic. Who's my fave? In the beginning prob Sofia. She's like a breath of fresh air after Celie has been dealing with all that bs. She's all tough and shit and you get a feeling that she can be a positive example for Celie and also help her. KILLS ME when Celie tells Harpo to beat Sofia, but that's like, so typical of people who have been beaten down. I really hate it tho lol like what if this was a comic book instead and Sofia and Celie joined forces to kick every disrespectful nigga's ass? Maybe that's why I lowkey dislike this shit? I just hate seeing all this beating upon black women? It's mad exhausting lol I'm like please can we start karate choppin' these fools??? 

If...someone did a karate remix of The Color Purple..........I would cry and die. PLEASE SOMEONE DO THIS OMG PLEEEEEZ JADEN SMITH PLEASE!! 

My other fave performance is obvi Shug. Fucking Margaret Avery is what? That Bitch™. Simply iconic. Like could you kill me any further with this fucking perfomance? Nope! Didn't she play this onstage or is that something I just wish existed? Honestly I wanna see this shit on stage now. But my ass aint got no coint to go see this shit. I would die though because this seems like it'd be hella lit as a musical. Like if I can't get a karate remix, a fucking The Sound of Music redub of this mess is the next best thing. OMG I'M JUST IMAGINING THAT GOSPEL SHIT AT THE END!! Fuck if that slays my soul in the movie, IMAGINE THAT SHIT LIVE - PLEASE!! Life is so hard sigh. 

Older Celie's performance for the majority of the movie is pretty silent, though she gives life with looks, HOWEVER, BITCH, THAT SHIT AT THE END? REBUKING MISTER AND SHIT? BITCH, BYE!! Til you do right by me everything you even think about gonna fail??!?! BIIIITCH!! I C O N I C. 

But nah, you know who completely slayed my seoul out of everyone? Rae Dawn Chong. loljk RDC has never slayed a soul in her life. Except maybe C. Thomas Howell's during their brief marriage. But no lemme stop lol she's in my favorite movie of all time, Soul Man, so I don't wanna drag tragic mulatto bae too hard. Anyway, someone please save a life and do that karate remix of this shit please. I'm not asking, I'm demanding, thanks! Thanks in a sarcastic way, bitch, hurry up! 

A Dangerous Woman (1993)

This movie is directed by Jake Gyllenhaal's daddy, so you get the nice surprise of seeing Baeke Baellyenhaal riding on a bike with a flippy nineties white boy™ hair cut, tormenting the lead character played by Debra Winger, who may/may not be legally retarded. 

With that out of the way, I have a couple of questions:

1. What is this movie? Lol, no, seriously. Who, like...sat down to write this? This movie falls under the category of But Why? It's like something you watch and you wonder...not exactly "What is the point?", because I firmly believe that a movie is not required to have a point, but it does make you ask "Who would think this was something anyone wanted to see?". It's like you sit down and think Oh! I'm gonna write this screenplay and it's about a woman with like maybe Autism or something vague like that. We don't say she has Autism in the movie, but something is off. The only way she can get a job is if her rich sister pays her salary at the local dry cleaners!! And oh yeah! Her sister married some fifty year old dude when she was sixteen (cool!!) and then he died and now she's having an affair with a married politician! And let's have the movie start with the married politician's wife driving her car through the front of his mistress' house! The mistress being the retarded one's sister, of course! Let's have Barbara Hershey play the sister/mistress/widow of super-old dude, because if you're ever making a movie that makes you go "Wtf okay?" Barb's your girl!! Okay and then also let's have like this random handyman dude! Right away you can tell he's gonna smash both sisters!! Even though one's maybe retarded! Let's have this random handyman be Irish (okay???) and played by Gabriel Byrne who sometimes looks hot, and sometimes looks like an old goblin troll! If he's too, like, Timothy Dalton hot, the audience will feel uncomfortable about him 1. smashing a retard and 2. two sisters in the span of like a day!! If he's lowkey ugly and looks lower class, it's acceptable! Anyway, what else? Oh!!!! OKAY! *vomits* And then there's this, like, thief. Played by cute ass David Strathairn (writes in liner notes for production to cast David Strathairn or throw my screenplay in the GARBAGE!!!!!!!!). David goes with the retard played by Debra Winger's only friend, Nancy from Sid and Nancy and also Monica from Shameless. Anyway, blah blah blah Somethingsomething yadayada Debra ends up stabbing David!!!! And she goes to jail! But omg! She's pregnant! Every1 thinks it's David's baby; that he raped her, but no, actually, she was raped by Gabriel! Cuz Irish!!! Anyway, the movie ends with Barbara and Gabriel bringing Debra's baby to visit her in prsion!! Let's have the movie end with Barbara doing a shitty voice-over contemplating whether or not Gabriel having sex with a mentally challenged woman was "love" and then also at the same time being condescending to her sister, indicating she lowkey believes she doesn't deserve romantic love or can even comprehend, with her tiny little brain, what it means!!!:')))

Oh I said I have a couple of questions lol. So #2, What even was Martha's affliction? She came across as weird at most. I wasn't getting retarded. Maybe being a bit weird was considered retarded back in the nineties? I mean, I can believe it. But I feel like Martha's...situation, is really important. The whole fucking movie is built around it. What's wrong with the bitch?! It makes sense that a family would just keep a weird relative around without thinking too much about diagnosing and all of that. Which is fine, but everyone was kind of acting like she was diagnosed??? I don't recall them mentioning any labels or therapy or drugs or anything, so??? Also, she goes to prison for stabbing David. They only attempt a defense of "He raped her, it was self-defense". I think they mentioned a temporary insanity plea, but only based off the rape thing. They never bring up "Oh, Martha is disabled, so this is why", so?? What's her deal?? Also her thing with Gabriel. It's one thing if Martha is like autistic or has Aspergers and she's having sex with this man, it's another if she has no control of her brain or body really, and can't make mature decisions like that. Idk, this movie was a mess. And I just had no idea wtf they were even going for. It's like the screenplay was typed up from a few ripped-out Mad Libs pages. 

Despite that, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen. I thought Debra Winger was good at whatever the fuck she was supposed to be doing. Barbara Hershey and Gabriel Byrne are always interestingish to me, so it was niceish to see them. Maybe this was just like a little character study? But something about its made-4-TV-movie style made me feel like the story needed to be more...typical. It was just weird. But a lot of movies were weird in the eighties and nineties. Just a lot of random shit, so maybe this wasn't as off-base as it seems. Anyway, 6/10 would recommend if only so you can feel as weird, uncomfortable, but lowkey entertained as I was. Also so you can see when Debra Winger gets that makeover and it looks like ABSOLUTE SHIT. 

Peep Show, Series 4

So I realize I've made quite a very big mistake. Recapping this show is just such a bad idea. All these screencaps...I'm so tired. I don't want to do this anymore, but I have to. Why am I like this? Literally no one has asked for this. No one will ever ask for this. Well, someone has to do it, right? Literally no, but anyway!! Onwards and upwards! *depressed El Dude Bros honking Mark and Jez are always doing*  

Mark actually looks like a proper person with facial hair. Well...a wife beater, actually. But wife beaters are regularly accepted as okay in society, so, the statement remains! (kill me). Also can we talk about Mark and Sophie getting married and how fucking depressing it is when they're shopping for sugar bowls to put on their registry? Remember back in the good ole days when Mark was stalking Sophie and hacking into her e-mails and just luxuriating in all this beautiful puppy love wonderment? No, looking back, that mess totally foretold how they'd end up. Like what sort of start is that to a romantic relationship? It was just a mess from day one. Watching Mark and Sophie, though, makes me wonder if this is how a lot of marriages come to be? Just like some horrible "dating" period where two people do questionably awful things to each other and then at some point, like Sophie indicates she's doing, decide to settle because they either don't want to die alone and/or want to have kids? 

My thing is: 1. Why would you want to have kids with someone you barely/vaguely like? Seems it'd make parenthood kind of non-fun? To co-parent with someone you have nothing in common with and don't even really like lol? Also 2. What is this obsession with dying alone? Wouldn't dying with someone you lowkey despise by your side be the same thing? I'd think dying alone would be preferable. No face of a person you hold much resentment and contempt for looking down upon your death bed with marked anticipation and merriment. Anyway, I keep making SO MANY MISTAKES. WHY DID I WRITE LIKE AN ENTIRE FOUR PAGE FUCKING ESSAY ABOUT MARK'S FACIAL HAIR AND REGISTRY SHOPPING? But anyway, also, what are registries? Don't getting married people feel weird asking people for stuff? No? I would literally only want to get married for gifts, but that's like a good-on-paper idea, only. Irl, I would feel mad awkward "registering" for shit and then being @ people like, "get this". Mad awkward, but okay. Please help please stop the words

lol the character of Sophie's brother completely destroys me. It's so funny when the dad says he's not allowed to have a gun. Mark's inner monologue is me. Also me is the one not allowed to have a gun let's keep it real.

Iconic.

Mark pulling that bird's head off is so him. I hate when it happens, though. Like his face is so...I can't deal with it lol. And then the blood is spurting out. Iconic moment entirely, but I hate it every time it happens. Anyway, save me.

Jeremy slaying with the commentary this ep!! #icon #noteas4thebeastmaster #hefeastsonthebloodofhisprey

This isn't Tennessee, Mark is honestly i c o n i c.

Lol idk them fake snoring when Sophie's mum walks is funny sigh. Could they have at least pretended to be asleep? Like with their eyes and body? So lazy, so iconic.

SCREAMING @ when Sophie's bro asked how Jez liked his CD and Jez cringingly replied he liked the lyrics and that weirdo said there weren't any lyrics. But why have I been on both sides of this equation pleez end my life is anyone listening?! Nah I'm just kidding I don't want to die. What if Peep Show does a surprise Series 10? Like one of those horrible Christmas specials? Jesus no. But yes.

OH GOD I-FUCKING-CONIC!!! This fucking shit with Sophie dancing down the steps to that "Happy Birthday" song they played in like every shitty eighties teen romcom DRAGS MY SOUL TO HELL AND BACK. It also slays me how Mark and Jez exchange these looks with each other (soulies) and also it slays me how this little dancey thing explains literally everything about Sophie as a person. It's actually nice, Sophie having some of her background filled in. Instead of us just seeing her in the office acting as a more normal foil to Mark. But it's like lol no when you meet her parents and get an idea of how she grew up. Iconic characterization. 

Iconic. Also, me. A lot of times I have this conversation with myself. Am I...a demon? I don't have red horns...I'm not P. Diddy...,etc.

Mark and Jez peeling off with Sophie's freak brother hanging on the side of the car door is my life encapsulated.

Gerrard! My baebyyyy! lol. Iconic tube up his nose. Monitoring stomach acid levels wanker icon. 

lol Jeff rolling his eyes at Mark being the leader of their little committee. 

Johnson's ICONIC pep-talk to Mark and his work group is so funny. Like what are you talking about. I love how Mark loves it for the same reason I do. Soulies bae. Why do I keep forgetting it's NOT OKAY to identify with Mark? Sigh, at least I'm not P. Diddy.

Johnson offering Jez a drink in 1. his own room and 2. with a drink that was already in Jeremy's room, is completely 1. so Johnson and 2. something only an ICON would do.

Mark letting his true Hitler out as not even a boss, but the one in charge of simply a group project, is so completely him. I love when Mark goes off. It's like hella scary and mad disturbing but David Mitchell yelling and getting angry is so fucking funny. Irl I would think I was about to get lynched, but him doing it safely in the confines of a TV screen makes it just funny. Mostly. Except when Mark spazzes on Jez in the xmas ep. No, that's still funny. But also disturbing. But mostly funny lol. 

I'M SO ANNOYED WE DIDN'T GET TO SEE MARK SAY THIS. It's still #iconic, nevertheless. 

Close-up of Gerrard's tube.

Mark fake-hugging Tube Up His Nose and the awkwardness is low-level icon status *says status in British accent so it's stay-tus turn up*

CLEAR YOUR TUBES!!!!! *screams til throat collapses* *needs tubes now to eat*

Lol Mark talking about how thin one of the strippers was is truly iconic and sooo fucking me. Is she...okay? 

!!!!!!!!!!! cneudnurgvutngt,go,k dhehxyebdybejx ekmcod,

Mark trying to figure out how his face should be while getting a lap dance is truly me. Thank god I'm a woman and no one is likely to try to drag me to a strip club ever. Also thank god I have such a terrible personality and no one likes me or wants to be my friend so would never invite me anywhere anyway :') So nice not having these kinds of problems :'))

Ew omg please!!

*Jez voice* Have they cancelled History books? 

#Iconic, and #me.

Apparently Ejspeaks just uploaded a video on the BET Awards. Gotta watch that lol. I really didn't like Bilal's performance but every1 was geeked over it. Anyway! omg. Johnson's face as Mark climbs through the window is what? Not iconic. Lol no just kidding, IT COMPLETELY IS. Anyway, deleet me.

lol

lol but wasn't Mark the one who said every window is an open door or something? Why is he correcting himself to say that not all windows are climb through-able? Idk. But something about this s/c screams #ME

lol Johnson's face

Lol the murmuring when Mark says blending marketing and sales or whatever can't be done. #iconic

I like that little noise Johnson makes right before threatening Mark's life. He goes like mmmright. Idk, Johnson is iconic bae. I wish someone would bow and arrow me. Seems like a cool way to die lol!!!! :')

Me

Jesus what's that man doing and Hey I know that weird run followed by Jeremy's weird run are back-to-back icon status

Meeeee

Jeremy being mad racist/classist about those health club workers is honestly iconic. Especially considering his bum ass only gets a job to stalk his ex-gf/wife. I love how he thinks packed lunches is super third world. But gritty life on the never-never is just ultra icon status. I mean, I could stop saying shit is iconic, or you could NOT READ MY BLOG, HOW ABOUT THAT? Lol sike u prob already r doing that :')xoxo, gossip girl

Lol me. But dead @ Mark telling Jeremy to clean up some shit. This is so Mark. Jez is so his peasant smh

ugh I hate the face/voice/demeanor of Mark's trainer, so obnoxi. He reminds of douchebro dudes I've known named fucking Valter and Brenton or some shit lol. Like niggas who do rowing or some shit. I still feel bad when Mark and Jezzo get him fired, though. He was massaging Mark pretty thoroughly, though, so the molestation accusation wasn't COMPLETELY off-base let's just be real!! 

Please. Also dead @ 1. Jez having suggested killing the trainer dude earlier in the episode and then here Mark being like it would've been easier to kill him and thinking how he should know how to do it by now, considering all the TV he watches. All of this is 100% me. I wonder if this blog will ever be used in court as evidence against me. Sigh, I hope so.

Ugh I didn't get Sophie's face, but her saying the above words is one of the worst things I have ever seen committed to screen. And I've seen The Wiz. 

Use your woman as a human shield icon status blog.com

[I didn't screenshot anything for the episode Mark goes to his school reunion because I was tired™ and all like I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!! But I regret not screencapping when Mark was talking about how he was not on the registered sex offenders list, yet.]

LOVE! the conversation between Mark and Jez when Jez asks to drink Mark's piss. Jez is so in love and in so much pain I can't deal. I love how Mark won't let him, but Jez said he'd let Mark drink his piss and Mark just says thanks and I just want Mark for one moment to acknowledge his love for Jerry. Imma call Jeremy Jerry sometimes now. Like, wasn't Seinfeld's full name Jerome? I feel like Jerry could work for Jeremy as well. Jeremy is like the worst name (besides Jerome). It's too close to Germ. Germ would actually be a cute name, though. Life is weird.

omg I hate this bitch. So obnoxious and horrible, though, actually, kind of a match for Mark. She'd completely decimate him sex-wise and all else wise, so maybe not. Though, I feel Mark wouldn't balk at being dominated. Tbh he should be lucky any woman looks his way, but that's neither here nor there!! (????)

Omg everything with Mummy, and Jez killing it, hiding it in his pack, fucking calling "Mummy" like he aint have that shit in his bag, him doing up Lost and Found posters for a dog he killed, him hiding the "beast" in the trash can in their boat and Mark's extra-ass, yet appropriate reaction; Jez dropping the plastic bag not subtle-y at all, him bringing that bag into Mark's interview, him eating the "drumstick", the dad being like "Is that alright?", Mummy's owner pointing out the hairs on the drumstick, the dad being like "Hairs?", Jeremy chewing on that mess, offering it to Mark and Mark sternly refusing, them figuring out it's Mummy and that chick being like "They ate Mummy!" and then Mark and Jez speedily exiting the boat - this was the moment I realized I was watching something really, truly, honestly, iconically wretched. 

gpoy

gpoyyy. Also gpoy @ Mark thinking people would probably think he was a wife beater. Prob, bro. You just have that vibe.

Lol yessss. Completely!

Please. 

*screaming through my vagina cuz kegels* ICONIC.

Stick it on the bill icon blog.com/bothmimicfoghorn