Sharp Objects

It was weird how Amy Adams wasn't nominated for an Oscar for Arrival, right? No? Didn't some bullshit win Best Actress that year? Like, Emma Stone or sum such garbage? Or maybe Brie Larson? That's fine but lowkey not really Jacob Tremblay was the star of that film next case. Hollywood is straight dookie crumbs, but anyway here's this new show from Hollywood played by my fave Hollywood acting bae, and I'm excited! 

I don't want to do too much for Amy, because she is a famous white actress. She doesn't have 12 billion Oscars, but it's like, yeah, her and everyone else. Even Meryl only has a handful herself, so it's whatever. And at least Amy doesn't have the Isla Fisher career, you know? Remember when it was all like I can't tell them apart?!!? And now people only talk about Amy. Even if it is usually with pity because she doesn't have 64 bald gold guys like she deserves. 

When is her Janis movie coming, btw? I feel like I've heard her attached to various things that sounded promising that I never got?? Like some years back there was talk of her starring in a remake of The Orphanage. Um, where is it?? Because I need it. Does The Orphanage need to be remade? NO. Will it be good if it is? Definitely naught. But Amy, tho. Come on. But I'm sure the Janis movie would bring a guaranteed nod. Or be really awful and sent straight to Redbox?? Not even Redbox but sold to, like, Amazon, and you can watch it while you're stealing your 78th free trial of prime. Please. But I think her next big thing is The Woman in the Window?, which...god, I hope it doesn't turn out as bad as I think it will lol. I can't bare my bae having any black marks on her record (lmao are you forgetting Leap Year? They put all the blame on Matthew Goode and called it a fucking day lmaooooo). But maybe it'll go okay.

I think Sharp Objects is going well. Like, I love this show? I think? I get annoyed every day that HBO is unrolling new episodes once a week. Um, it's not 1958, give me all the episodes at once? The fuck. Can't stand waiting for new episodes every week anymore like it's 1886 lol like give me a break. Especially with a ~mystery~ show like this. Let me churn through all the goddamn episodes in one sitting, tf! 

Who killed those girls? Adora or her demon spawn (Amma, not Camille lol). Right? It's one of them. I can't tell if this is an intelligent show/property. You know how sometimes you watch something and you end up thinking it was smarter than it actually is just because it was made well? I can't tell if this show is that, or possibly honestly doing something maybe smart. I don't think I'll be able to tell til the end. I keep thinking...if these murders get solved in any sort of obvious or hackneyed way...I will decide not to feature them. I know this show is not really about the murders. Or not just about that. It's about all sorts of shits. For me, though, I'm focusing on...I guess, figuring out Camille, and her family by proxy. (Whilst ignoring what I can't tell is intentional? or tone deaf racial shit??) 

I think I will decide this show is dumb if...mmm.. Idk. They keep alluding to Camille being dangerous, but I'm like, it's obvi her mom who is the danger. Okay qqs:

-Camille's dad. Where is he? Killed? Dead??

-Did Adora off her favorite? Münchausen by proxy?

Okay so those are my two big qs right now. I mean, there's so much secret shit that I really could be asking questions all day. But I guess these two stick out in my mind the most.

There's literally nothing on Camille's dad. They don't show him in the flashbacks, so I assume he was really never around. Oh, yeah, and remember when Adora made that comment about Camille having her dad's color and temperament and Camille acts #shook like she's never heard this dude even mentioned before? I just auto-think because he isn't/was never around, it says something really terrible about Adora lol. Not even in a victim-blaming sort of way, like oh she linked up with a deadbeat she's an idiot. No. Something like, she literally might be a witch.

Remember when she straight-up told Camille she never loved her? #ActingBae's face, though!! Crazy. But do you think that's the truth? I mean, a big part of me is getting not capable of love at all teas. So even her focusing more ~positively~ on her two other daughters doesn't mean anything to me. But also, I can't tell if that cold, dead thing is for real, or just her chosen mask. Patricia Clarkson is killing this role because I'm like what is Adora serving me, which I think is the point of her character, and she's really giving me everything while, like, nothing? #ACTING. #takenotesheauxs

But anyway, did Adora kill her daughter or not??????? This is reminding me that she has trichotillomania, right? Which I believe is classified as self-harm. But Adora doesn't appear to go all out with it, regulating it to just her eyelashes. But it's interesting she self-harms and seems to have passed it down to Camille. It's like all this effort is made to show how different they are, but they might be very similar. And I'm just wondering...how much?

I'm not getting #dangerous from Camille. I think in the latest episode there was like a brief implication? she might've had something to do with the death of her rehab roommate. 

Which, btw!, uhhhhhhh?????? When did that even happen? I guess the...like a few months before the ~present~ events in the show are taking place? This show is trying to give you something with memory. It's like...trying to present it to us like how it is in real life. I think I read in a review of the show someone saying how...ah, how did they put it? Like, the past is not just happening in the past. It's in the present as well. Like everything that's happened, it's all happening. Even shit that hasn't even happened yet, that shit is happening too. Like, everything all gloms together: past experiences, what's happening now, what's coming, our...wishes for the future, for what could've happened, for what we want to be happening in the present moment, how we perceive things, how they *really* are, what we want juxtaposed with what the universe is actually providing, how there's no such thing as reality, and then maybe no such thing as the truth???

It started getting a little hotepish and third eye opening there lol. Also a lot of the things I was thinking about when I started realizing time was being played with and they were trying to show us, like, literally the insides of a human mind...my thoughts aren't fully formed. And they never will be. I have self-diagnosed ADD and haven't read a proper literary novel since like 5th grade. 

So anyway!!, did Adora kill her daughter, OR NOT???? Adora is always being like really dramatic and acting really put-out and in pain all the time. She was doing the most with her hand cut. And how she's always saying her girls (espech Camille) are doing things to make her feel bad, etc. Isn't that very Münchausen-like behavior? That particular way of seeking/obtaining attention. If Adora was a Münchausen by proxist, that would make so much sense. She literally killed her favorite, the one she "loved"; the one she hates? she is still harming and getting that attention by having this "rebellious", broken daughter.  

Now okay what if that's the case with Adora. How does that explain the two dead girls? Can that need for attention as a ~mother figure~ extend beyond your own children? 

Honestly. I think it's Amma. But that's probably way too obvious. Though I'm not sure this story is about giving you that killer killer, you know? I think its more about showing people's psyches and like the true human condition, and probably specifically the true woman condition. Showing all the sharp edges (ha?) women can and are truly out here rocking. 

But I don't really know what this show is about. What's up with the cop, though? It's like he knows the real tea. Rq, and this is me being ratchet, but is he Camille's dad? No lol, I think Adora would have so much hate for that dude, but remember when she lowkey highkey ominously threatened to fire him? Lol, idk, that's just me being my typ ratchet acne self, but yo, if this dude knows more than what he's letting on like he's the town gossip and not, like, you know, a cop, I'm just like...

But Chris Messina from Kansas City? LMAO. Is Kansas City not like the rest of Kansas lol? Am I wrong in thinking Kansas is country af??? Chris is meatball af lmao but I love his little ass always, so happy he's here booed up with possible murdering bae Camilliam. 

Okay but last ep Camille saw her dead sis and she warned her that Camille isn't safe.

Uh doy.

But what is she not safe from? Everyone and everything, I suppose. Jackie described Camille as, like, sensitive and special, ie: a target. (Like one of the accused?? Who is strangely parallel to her in similarities????) A target for vipers, sharks, vampires, dark that wants to envelop light, etc. But can a drunk's opinion be all the way trusted? 

Idk, give me the rest of my episodes, tbh. And I want everything solved and wrapped up for me in a neat, nice little bow, or else I'm calling the police. 

But wait, what's the deal with the stepdad? I feel like I'm not honing in on him enough. The only person I'm refusing to side-eye and giving my trust to completely is Kansas City. If you're from Kansas City, with a meatball face and accent, I know you're on the level. 

Black Panther (2018)

So I've seen like three of these comic book movies. I feel like I could count on both hands how many comic book movies I've seen in my life. And that's kind of disturbing, because I'm not a comic book movie person. So if I can count, maybe, at least?, 10, as a non-fan, like, how many of these fucking movies are there lol. Approx 10 is a lot of fucking movies lol. How many fucking of these movies, would, say, a super-fan have seen, if a not fan like me, has seen about ten??? 

It's truly sickening lol. I've seen like 80 Batman movies, all the Spiderman movies minus the newest one (should I see it? He looks meh. I was a fan of Andrew's spidey!! Leave me be!!!)...I've seen Iron Man 1 (love RDJ, hated the "film"), I've seen two Thor movies (why. First one was OK), 1.5 Avengers Team flicks (fell asleep during 2, I think? Also fell asleep during Thor 2..), annnnd oh, I saw the new Superman (WHACK!!!!!!!!!). 

I remember going to see Henry Cavill's Superman (TERRIBLE!! HATED IT!!!) and this black guy (old head with the bluetooth) sitting next to me commented aloud his suspicions concerning Lois conveniently showing up everywhere Supey was all the time. It landed DOA when he said it, and I still feel bad about it til this day that I didn't audibly agree lol because he got up and left shortly after that lmao but honestly I appreciated him openly criticizing the movie. Most of these films are trash and shit w/ the exception of the Nolan Batman films. They're just...not good. Wait, okay, I haven't seen all of them. Maybe Taika's Thor movie is good. Maybe Civil War is basically Schindler's List with a titty shield. Idk. But the ones I've seen? Most of them, even ones I kinda liked, are BAD!!!

So with all that being said, I hate these movies and don't care about this comic book malarky, for the most part. UNLESS!!!

Unless these movies have something *extra* for me to care about. Like, Venom has Tom Hardy. Idc wtf Venom looks like or is comprised of. Tom Hardy's there? Well, then so am I. 

So there's a similar thing happening with Black Panther. And I'm embarrassed about it lol. 

To be fair, Black Panther's promo seemed, to me, to be litter than a lot of the promo for the other films. Looked slightly less corny than the other garbage selections. It looked at least 10-15% more hype and intriguing. Still, I care nothing about these shits. 

Until I see Pelican Brief and his cockatoo hair and now I have a reason to live again. 

That is, I saw Black Panther for Michael B. Jordan.  

excuse me, Michael Bae Jordan.

:(!!!!

When did I becum a MBJ stan? Have I always been? I feel sick. When did I first see him? I remember watching him on a soap opera some years back. He had like cornrows and was a basketball player (smh) and played the bf of sum girl who had a politician dad maybe? Iono but I remember watching that soap solely for him? Why have I been pretending I don't like him for so many years??? Who watches soap operas??? And more specifically, who watches soap operas for the black characters lmao??????? Like, where are they??? And why when they ARE THERE, do they have cornrows and play basketball???? Smhhhhh!!!

So anyway I'm obsessed with the Chinless Wonder and I have been WEAK, and a COWARD!!! Not because I stan, because it's whatever. The world is ending, who cares. Stan for MBJ, stan for a tree, stan for assisted suicide. Doesn't matter. No, what makes me a coward is that I have been lying...for...god, so many years. Just lying!!! I remember watching Chronicle and actively rooting against him lol & pretending I cared way more about that irrelevant other non-Dane DeHaan white boy smh. I remember laughing when he got murked on The Wire smh. Cackling when Fantastic Four bombed. Throwing up with so much laughter and vomit in my neck when Jamie Foxx openly molested him in front of tens of hundreds of audience members at the BET awards smh. What's on the other side of hate they say? 

They say it's love. Whatever, I hope everyone dies.

So I watched Black Panther for MBJ and I want to DIE!!!!!!! No, I'm just kidding. I want to live. I need to try that Reese's doughnut they got at Krispy Kreme. After I eat that I could die, tho. 

So this movie is about some African Kang named T'Challa played by Chadwick Boseman. Do you know what I like about Chaddy? You know how a lot of black actors are like over the top lol? Like they're doing church plays to the cheap seats? I get none of this from Chad. He's just good. I like his energy. I'll watch whatever he does. I saw him in that Jackie Robinson movie and that was it lol. And I think it was the same for everyone else? Just like, okay you're here and we accept you. Thanks for coming. We're glad lol. It's just so nice and non-terrible :')

So the movie opens with...lol. These movies are terrible. Like, BP as a whole could've been way worse, but just...idk it's just terrible when compared to legitimate films lol. Idk, I prob don't get it cuz I'm not a comic geek. Whatever, so, T'Challa's daddy dies and now it's time to get a new king. 

There's some ceremony thing that was extra af. Before T'Challa can get crowned, other people from the other...Wakandan...factions?? have to say if they want to challenge him or whatever the fuck iono. They all say nah, and then some Gorilla (sus?) dude shows up to challenge T'Challa. The Gorilla (why) dudes were dope, but whatever their challenger ended up getting beat by T'Challa which I side-eye a lot lmao. Like, let's be serious. Like T'Challa is t'chill and all lol but he aint breaking nobody's back. This dude needs to put a cardigan on and get to filing Wakanda's taxes lol like please, and spare me.

Oh but let me say I thought M'Baku was funny. So that's nice lol. Okay wait what was the primary conflict here? Several things I guess? So the missing artifact thing I guess. Andy Serkis and his bae-complice? Erik Killedmadpeople are trying to sell some Wakandan...Look. I barely cared. Let's just show MBJ in those glasses again, okay? Stop playing games smh.  

But after Erik killed Andy Serkis, the conflict was...how...Erik beat the brakes off T'Challa's ass, easily, and became the new king of Wakanda. His backstory is...that he is T'Challa's cousin. Typical black family tomfoolery. T'Challa's daddy killed his own brother because old dude wanted to share Wakanda's magic with the world? Is that right? I mean, to be fair, Erik's daddy had pulled a gun, but dude killed his brother with zero hesitation. 

My dude. T'chill. Like, t'chilllllll!!!!!! Talk it out first? Though I guess you could argue he did? Idk, their fam is ratchet. Now you got Erik running around murdering people like it's nothing cuz his Afrikaan fam abandoned him in fucking Oakland of all places lmao. Mess, truly. 

So Erik become king because he is what? THAT BITCH. T'Challa survive gettin' thrown over a fucking waterfall, honestly, via movie magic lol. He should be dead and Erik should be king and That's That. Give me Black Panther 2 and the whole world is on fire, thanks :)

But no!!!!! The Gorillas (smh) save his ass and then Nakia (princess) come thru with that flower or whatever to give him iono truly I barely paid attention cuz so much dumb tbh. So T'Challa live and when he showed up to confront Erik who--BTW!!!

Like, BTW, Erik's goal was really, like, noble and good? But it was hard to get totally into him & his cause because he was like truly a garbage person lol. How are you savagely murdering everyone in your path yet at the same time talking about saving the world? #MakeItMakeSense, sis. 

So T'Challa turns up to stop Erik & them from saving the world. Lol. Like, truly, this is his goal. 

I zone out, always, during action scenes in films. So I barely know what's going on. But yada yada yada, everything gets ~solved~. Most importantly, Erik dies* and T'Challa become king again. Yay. 

I guess.

How this movie end? T'Challa and Nakia kiss!!!!! And then...idk. Truly, idk. But maybe this first movie, which was a lil weak, will be Black Panther's Batman Begins, and then we'll get some lit ass Dark Knight type shit for BP2. But like if Erik isn't gonna be there*, I doubt it :)

Oh, I wrote notes to help guide me in writing this because I have truly lost the plot. I didn't even use them, but I wish to expound. No one is reading this please stop and just die smh:

-ryan cooglers accent

I know I was not the only one shook at Ryan Coogler's hood ass accent when he accepted his BET Award lol. He sounded real af. He is so cute pleaz. I feel bad for shading BP because, in general, I'm excited for him as a creative. I did say this movie could've been worse, give me a break! I can't wait for Creed 2 smfh. He better be directing it or I will throw up. 

-SHURI!! why r ur toes out in my lab..

QUEEN! I hope Letitia Wright blows the tf up. While I was watching her I was just imagining her in a bunch of different roles and movies, pleeeeassse universe give me thissssssss!!! Why am I so inarticulate smh the universe is gonna ignore me please I hope sum1 less stupid is praying for this 2 lol pleeeeazzzz

-*um, team erik...(is he dead??)

Um, neaux uhfence, but Team Erik. Who happily? proudly? confessed to murdering...so many. So many people lol. You need to chill, bruh, but I'm rooting for you. Should I be? I mean!!!! Nah!!!! lol. Maybe it was cuz he was American???? But I am in no way patriotic. I think it was cuz when he wore those glasses in the museum lol

But wait is he dead, or nah? I feel like certainly he is and I'm annoyed. Do you expect me to watch the next shits if he aint fake hood talkin' @ them African Heads wit' mad disrespect?? *chokes from cackling for hours* 

-offensive ghetto american shit smh lol

Now, sis. Lol. Like, is it inaccurate? No. But like...idk. I don't like to be the type feeling pressed and triggered about any old ting. But they were doing a lot with their portrayal of the hood lol. That's all imma say. Was it inaccurate? Again, no. But you know what I mean.. And T'Challa coming to ~save the American blacks from their slavery strife with his G-Wagon spaceship or whatever the fuck~. Girl, me guess.

-hot villain white dude

Um, Andy Serkis can get these cheeks, and that's that. #professionalblog

-martin freeman american

I love Martin Freeman. Don't ever make him be American again, though. Part of his shitty midget white boy charm is the AUCKCENT!!! He almost becomes completely regular with it stripped. Still, I think he's in the next one? (And other of these shitty movies?) So yay lol (also do I ship him with Shuri and Nakia? Yes, and mind your business!!!)

-y does present day forest look 1,000 when that past scene was only like 20 yrs ago?? Nigga wtf happened to u??? Drink vibranium, take sum vibranium tablets TF

Yooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A true choke lmao. WHY TF DOES PRESENT DAY FOREST LOOK A BILLION YEARS OLD WHEN IN THE NINETIES HE WAS LIKE IN HIS TWENTIES, AT BEST???? ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME?? Bruh, this shit was so funny lmao. Yo, like, please. This on the same level as that baby doll in American Sniper. Not the same thing happening, but the overt badness they are trying to pass off for real for real lol. Truly hilarious. 

-mbj was hot as hell when he poisoned that lady smh

Anyway! 

All in all, though, this was a superior film to Citizen Kane. Black Panther joins the many thousands if not millions of films, that are, in fact, better than that. Like...I can't even type that movie's name. Even though I just did. I can't type it again, though.

The Lobster (2015)/The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)

I watched these 2 back to back months ago so now I will make the mistake of writing about them :')

Colin Farrell acts the exact same awkward stilted way in both these films and I had no problems with it. Like, obvi he's no DDL or James Cagney, but I love me some Colin. 

Why? 

I do not know.

Remember that movie he did where he fucked that girl with TB and then she died? lol No? Good. It was really bad. But I watched that for him. I watch many bad things because Colin and his eyebrows are in them. Why? It is not like he is Stephen Dorff or Frank Grillo lol. Idk, but he's #bae.

I love when Colin does a ~comedy~. But...foreign comedy. Like In Bruges, or with this Greek freak that made The Lobster and Sacred Deer. Not "comedy" like Horrible Bosses or Phone Booth, okay? Not those. But these awkward overseas comedies work well 4 him.

Out of the two films, obviously, The Lobster is my favorite. I mean, a truly terrible, adorable film. I remember reading reviews for the film some while back that did a not good to mediocre job of conveying what the film was about. But I think that was intentional on the creator's end, and part of its charm. The reviews were like "If you are without relationship for 30 day then you are killed & reincarnated as animal" lol. 

But, basically.

I forgot the exact specifications, because I watched this twelve hundred years ago, but the movie starts with Colin fresh from a ~break up~. I think his bae did the breaking up. In the world of this movie, you have to go to this, like, rehabish sort of place to find your next mate. I think they're given 30 days to link with a new bae. If they fail, they are turned into an animal. They are allowed to choose what animal they'll turn into lol. So, that's nice.

Colin has a dog with him that turns out to be his brother. So his brother chose to be turned into a dog when he couldn't find (or refused) a bae. What animal would I pick, because there's no way I would find a bae lol. I wouldn't even do the 30 days. Waste of time. I'd just go straight to looking through Nat Geo and thinking about if I want to be a snow leopard or lemur. 

Honestly? Sloth.

Or Koala.

Or Panda.

What color Panda? I want to say...red? But I think that's a mistake.

Anyway, this movie has Ben Whishaw. 

All the time, every day, I wonder, What happened to Ben Whishaw? 

& I mean no offense. He is like, at the top of acting for me but doesn't get the Andrew Garfield or Tom Hardy roles and I'm like anyway.

But also I'm slacking on my movie-watching, because hey, here he is. And also the voice of Paddington (apparently it's good but I'm just like SIGH!) and in James Bond I think?

Here he plays a guy who lies so he can quickly obtain a bae. There's a girl at the Find-a-Bae center who gets nosebleeds, so Ben's character proceeds to severely harm himself to give himself nosebleeds, so he can scam bae. 

They get together and are sent on to Phase 2 or something. I think Phase 2 is like a honeymoon thing and to make sure you're compatible. If you pass, you're released back into the real world and are not killed and turned into a slug. 

At the Find-a-Bae center Colin is ~friends~ with John C. Reilly and I forgot everything that happened with him but I do remember a funny confrontation w/ him and Colin a little later in the film. Oh, that reminds me. As part of your "work" or whatever at the Find-a-Bae center, you're sent out on regular trips to "hunt" single people who are living out in the woods being outlaws, basically, for not being booed up. This movie is like...super funny.

Colin tries to make a go of it at the center, forcing a connection with some horrible woman who has no feelings. She ends up killing his dog-brother and Colin tries to act like no biggie but I think she hears him cry out in grief and wants to break up (and tell on him in like a hitler youthy sort of way I think?? lol). Something along those lines, but long story short, Colin ends up escaping the facility and going to live in the woods with the law-breaking single freaks.

Out in the woods, Colin discovers there's a ton of draconian rules there, too. The loveless woods people seem to have a leader played by Léa Seydoux who lets Colin know this and that that is or isn't allowed. I think, most importantly, one of the rules is not falling in love with anyone. 

But Rachel Weisz is one of the single woods people freaks, so um, good luck with that, Colin. 

So. I love Rachel Weisz. She's beautiful and I enjoy her presence. I'll watch whatever she does. Especially here, I was like baeeeeeee. So Colin never had a chance.

Léa seems pretty intense and scary, so it's certain there are serious consequences for Colin and Rachel falling in love and becoming Nicoles 4 eva. 

So the consequence here is that Léa blinds Rachel?????

Extremely rude. Was this symbolic? I guess a comment on...lust?? Though maybe it was exposing Léa's immature idea of ~love~???????? And also maybe society's??? Smh idfk. 

I thought the aftermath of Rachel's blinding was so cute but also lowkey harrowing. It was all awkward, I think Colin didn't know how to act/what to do? His character was already acting mad unfortunate and then his bae was blinded and he was just a mess. It was so sad when Rachel mentioned Colin hadn't brought her a rabbit in a while. I wanted to die and was scared he'd go completely off her.

But the ending was cute and romantic in a super terrible way lol. Base, Colin decides to blind himself. So he can match with bae. I think in this society the idea is that you're matchy matchy with your soulmate. It's childlike and weird, which makes it both adorable and extremely disturbing. My fave type of romantic shit.

They escape off to the Real World as a couple and go to a diner. There, Colin goes to the bathroom to stab his eyeballs out!! I don't think they showed it onscreen, because I woulda remembered that. I can't do eye stuff. They just had the movie end with Rachel sitting alone at the diner table while Collie was in the b-room jabbin' his eye orbs out. 

Romance! 

The Killing of a Sacred Deer is not a romantic film. Or is it??? 

*tries to think* *dies*

When I read reviews for this movie, I thought it was so much something else. For some reason from the reviews I understood this movie to be a mix of Frankenstein and that German (?) pedo film Michael. 

To my grave disappointment, this was not that. Mostly.

Here, C-Dog plays some awkward-talking doctor guy. He's booed up with Nicole Kidman and has two kids. 

So there's this yung lad, played by Barry Keoghan (a one to watch??  ug h h), and immediately I think Colin's character is having some sort of affair with the boy. 

But it's like way weirder and worse but also amazing and beautiful??? 

So Colin killed Barry's dad during surgery. Colin seems to feel a guilt, so he is engaging in some sort of relationship with the boy. I guess hesitantly, and with no great enthusiasm, slotting himself into the absent (cuz deceased cuz of Colin) father role. 

I can't remember if things started turning up because Colin was trying to fall back from the boy, or if the ~plan~ was always in place from the beginning.

The ~plan~ being for Barry to kill Colin's whole family maybe?, as like, you know, Revenge. 

So I'm forgetting some stuff, but Colin's kids fall sick. I think it's the boy first. He goes paralyzed; is bed-ridden and hospital-bound. Can't eat. Soon the girl follows with exact symptoms. If the illness progresses they will waste away and die. I think Barry explains when the eyes start to bleed, death is imminent. 

Oh, right, so Barry explains. He lets Colin know what's going on with his fam. His Plan. He tells Colin that if he kills one member of his family, then the rest are saved. If Colin doesn't kill one, they all die. 

So much of the film is just fucking around til Colin decides to murk one of his family members. Oh, and somewhere in here Alicia Silverstone turns up.

The part where Colin is deciding who to kill was hilarious.. He base put a bag on his head and spun around in a circle and where he stopped, he shot. The movie kind of, in my estimation, cops out by having Colin land on the son. He landed on him, right? Or did he take the bag off and just shoot him? Idk, but the son gets kilt. But he was already dying anyway so who cares? lol, no, I guess if Colin shot Nicole or the daughter he'd be cured w/ the spell broken? Idk, but should it be hilarious when a daddy kills his bae-son??? 

Maybe?!

It was super funny and the end when the fam sans son saw Barry @ the diner lol. Like, they really killed that boy. Choking, truly. How did they explain this white nonsense to the police? I guess I'm just supposed to be like ~it's magic~ and act like Colin shouldn't be in prison for murdering TWO people?? He was totes negligent as a doc - let's call a spade a spade. Barry did. He Had. Time! Queen of calling hoes to account!!

Ultimately, though, both these movies were better than Citizen Kane. And that's all you can really ask for at the end of the day. 

Annihilation (2018)

I have to watch this again, because I have no idea. Also, I watched this at least 2 weeks ago, so I forgot everything. So already I am like wtf @ the movie, and then I have amnesia to whole chunks of it. Like what was that bubble orb thing? Did it have a name? I don't think it matters, I suppose.

So I guess this would be classified as a sci-fi sort of film. Me and sci-fi films don't go well together, usually. Really, ever. Because even when I like one (this might be one I liked),  I ignore all the sci-fi shit. Not all the time, because I remember watching Arrival and wanting to go deeper into the sciencey part of it, but mostly the sciencey shit...or, actually, I think it's, specifically, the science-fiction. The fantasy part. I don't know, it always comes across as jarbledy gargle and I'm just *rolls eyes*. 

There wasn't too much or really any expository here. It actually helped that basically zero of the characters knew what the fuck was going on lol, so in terms of the technological skeleton of the whole thing, I won't even bother to speculate.

So in a review I read before watching this, they mentioned Annihilation was like a metaphor or allegory for depression. Or, like, explaining, kind of, the...internal machinations or something? of the depressed state. I'm super smart, btw.

Natalie Portman plays a biologist probably who's married to Oscar "Been obsessed with this dude since I suffered thru that way too long, shitty ass music video they called Sucker Punch" Isaac. They met in Army. Oscar--I think Army tells Oscar he has to go on a mission. To explore The Orb. He goes missing or dies or whatever, but ends up coming back, but is all altered and shit. Before the movie laid stuff out, I thought that Oscar's character ~in present day~ was a ghost. But like, even when you get to the end of the movie, after things are ~explained~...you can still reason he was a ghost. If you want to be very emo and dramatic and truthful about depression. 

If this movie is about depression.

Who said Oscar was a...self-sabatoger? JJ Leigh, right? As an explanation for him going into the orb. Did he have a choice or was it mandatory Army work? Idk. But didn't they make it seem like anyone going to the orb has a reason?? And I think JJ Leigh posited Oscar's was basically just he lowkey wanted to be dead? Like, uh, everyone? 

So the squad that we as the audience enters the orb with is Natalie (grieving?), Tessa Thompson (self-mutilator), JJ Leigh (dying from cancer), Jane the Virgin (addict), and random foreign actress (grieving). 

Am I right about Natalie's ~reason~ being grief? At the end they had her fighting herself, so maybe her fog existed before bae disappeared. Ultimately, though, I think if you're afflicted with depression, the base mood is always grief. 

Okay, so they all die in metaphorical (and literal) ways based off what they're suffering from, no?

The only one I didn't get was the random foreign actress. She got ate or attacked by that wolf bear thing?, I think. She's dragged away, and then later Natalie discovered her dead body by a tree. I wonder if I'm forgetting something about her grave. Like if there was any sort of symbolism. Idk, if I wanted to be fake deep, I could say she grieved privately about her daughter, so had a fitting death? Or something like...what killed her before she ever entered the orb was her daughter being taken from her and it's something that is unseen? Idk, I'm too slow and non-poetic 4 this lol.

I loved Tessa's death. The flower people were creepy but it was so peaceful. Jane the Virgin's death, on the other hand, was, no offense, much welcomed lol, but also super horrible and lowkey hilarious. And very fitting.

RQ, the book this movie is based off is a series, oui? I wonder if they'll do other films.. I would like to see more of the writer's world, because this was pretty intriguing. However, I didn't see 2 many people hyping this movie, so I'm not sure. But maybe, fingers crossed. 

Anyway, this movie was depressing, but in a comforting way. It's like when you meet someone super weird and horrible and they seem like it's unfathomable for them to be alive and exist in the world and you just feel...relieved. Like, sigh, good. Not just me.

I'm 2 tired and inarticulate to get deep, but a few things:

1. the soundtrack is #LIT. Okay?

2. JJ Leigh needs to be in a million more things. She's one of those weird actresses I just love. Her vibe makes me so uncomfortable and I just really...like it.

3. I still need to see Ex Machina. Does someone fuck a robot? Just tell me..

Call Me by Your Name (2017)

Call Me by Your Name was ROBBED at the Oscars, bitch!! Maybe, idk lol. The Shape of Water is like, good? But as I've seen people say...like, Pan's Labyrinth was better. Which like doesn't really mean anything because it's not like Pan's Labyrinth came out this year and was in competition with the other movies, nor does it mean that because a previous film of Guillermo's was better, that any subsequent films nominated for shit like, don't deserve to win? lol. But anyway Pan's Labby is better :) But like, I'm writing this in a McDonald's right now, acting like I'm a ~*~Starbux ScreenPlaY Wrìter~*~, so I shouldn't even be allowed to have opinions. 

But I'm gonna have them anyway! Try and stop me!! This is a fucking blogspot, sir!! This is lawless country!!! 

Anyway, this is why I am not even using McDonald's (Their cawfee costs a dollar..) wifi right now because I am too scared to ask and even if I get the password I lowkey barely even know what that means when you have one lol. I am pretty sure one time I tried to use public wifi @ at a fast food place. I think they gave away their password in an advertisement? I could be be wrong cuz that sounds super fucking stupid, but anyway I def tried to ~log on~ once at some fast food place and like...it didn't work? lol. I don't know how to computer. Like I'm a millennial and I barely know computery stuff. Obvi, because I am pouring my life's work into a freakin' blogspot like this is nineteen goddamn sixty five or some shit. 

Hmm I wonder if i should use this post to also talk shit about The Shape of Water, so I don't have to do a solo post for that mess. Why am I like this? Idk, but you know what was really disappointing about The Shape of Water? Ole girl never fucked that fish man. I mean, she did, I assume. But one can only assume cuz they never showed that shit!!! And you know what really grinds my gears? When you look at Guillermo you can tell that he is weird as fuck. You know what I mean lol. Obvi, because he conjured (str8 plagiarized in a whimsical way??) up this story of a woman falling in love with a goddamn science experiment. Though, idk, to be fair, the fish thing was like magical. But ole girl def indicated to the top nesting doll among many of Octavia Spencer nesting dolls, that the fish god man thing had a dingaling......... Which she saw. ........

Okay, honestly? I feel like it was worse when she demonstrated lol. Just show this bitch getting it in with this fish man so we can all move on with our lives. Le major sigh. And like I said, you can hella tell Guillermo is a freak. There's no way he does not watch hentai (lowkey can't wait for his "inspired" version), you know? The Shape of Water was like, inappropriately too sweet? I get it's supposed to be all magical, but a grown human woman is fucking a sea urchin, so. Quit playing games. That's all I ask. 

But it's weird they didn't nominate Michael Shannon? He creeped and grossed me out and totally carried that movie highkey lowkey. Like, we as the audience should prob main be focusing on a human woman getting cummed in by a fish dude? But nah, because Shannon is distracting us by slaying the screen (and ripping rotted fingers off ahhhhhhh). 

But anyway, my Best Pic pick would not have been The Shape of Water. I feel like awards season--I feel like awards season is MAD LONG. That shit starts in like fall? Honestly I lowkey feel it starts immediately after the previous one ends lol cuz I already see ppl hyping shit from Sundance or whatever. But I guess officially it starts in fall. When a bulk of the movies have trundled down the conveyer belt, and then the "big" movies coming soon in late fall and December start doing their campaigns before their shits even come out, but anyway it's too long! The Oscars, FINALLY, were given out Sunday. In March. Bitch, March. Damn near summertime and shit. And it's boring like shit because the movies that are the front runners are picked early on, so by the time we get to goddamn the middle of July when the Osckies are punted out, we already know who got shit locked down. BITCH, BORING! 

But anyway, Shape was the frontrunner for a minute. This...I wouldn't be talking shit if this didn't have so much Oscar buzz, which ultimately carried it all the way to winning Best Picture. I get why some people were being all ugly & obnoxious lol by saying Pan's was better, because that is the type of movie I could see getting the buzz and noms. That makes sense. The first time I saw Pan's I was like...wow, this is fairly unique. Now I don't talk like that lol so those weren't my exact words, but that was the energy in my heart lol. And it was good. And made me have emotions. I don't feel like Shape lives up to Pan's...quality. It's actually kind of odd to me that this movie got so much awards buzz. It's nice, it's good lol. But Best Pic out of every pic from 2017? Idk. Look I haven't seen all the movies yet. But there's just no way lol. I mean, out of the nominated 9 they had this year, Shape is maybe...third? After Call Me and 3 Billboards. Wait, I haven't seen The Post or Darkest Hour, so maybe those are in the top (there's no way lol). But I would put Shape on the same level as Lady Bird. Both cute and emotional, but the tippity fucking top of the best? Lol? Like I feel like Shape isn't even better than iTonya... Shape is def not better than Get Out, and I barely like that movie lol. But one was pretty different and seemed almost wholly unqiue, while the other was Guillermo Del Toro stealing a bunch of shit from old timey movies like his ass is wont to do. And it's just like, sis :)

I actualy thought 3 Billboards was front-runner for a minute, til it started getting closer to the Oscars and I realized, I guess? People thought Shape was the least problematic film? The movie about a woman getting mercury poison in her vagina and butt holes from some sort of fish man creature? Um, okay. Shit was really weird this year. Is this what happens when you try to get rid of all the titty gropers? Let's try to edge out the child molesters also. And also any directors who think they are so fantastic because they watched a lot of movies when they were a kid and now rehash shit they saw a million times on TCM, but it's better I guess because now we have CGI and so many people who just simply do not give a shit. Sure, your movie is great. Where is my gift bag smh.

So anyway!!!!!!!!! Call Me by Your Name would've been my Best Pic pick out of all the nommed movies. Actually, maybe just my secret best pic pick? Like maybe I would try to be objective. But my objective pick (3 Billboards)...even that isn't all the way tippy top. Idk I would prob ultimately just choose what is dear to my heart lol. Hmm now I'm realizing maybe how hard voting for these movies are? Especially when everything is so mediocre lol. No, I kid. But lowkey? Call Me is like...just your regular degular gay romance film. Is it too soon to be saying a gay romance is regular degular lol? Eye dee kay. You know, I don't even actually think this film is regular. It's lowkey amazing to me and I love it so much, but I know that is not me being objective. I love so many things that are not technically, okay films lol. I've actually been trying to decide for some time if it matters to consider the technicalness of shit, or to try to be objective. There are so many movies I've watched that I straight didn't like, but felt that they were inherently good, I just did not like them. But maybe what only matters is what hit you in your fucking chest, and that's it. And I don't care at all what everyone else says about some shit. Like the movie Blade Runner is highly praised, but I watched that shit & was like WHAT?! 

HATED IT! 

Okay?, and didn't care and kept it moving. I didn't even go through the process of being like...but i can tell this is technically proficient. Only thing that shit needed to be proficient in was hurrying up and promptly fucking ending. And it couldn't even do that right smfh.  

But anyway, why did Sufjan Stevens get like the shortest set at the Osckies??????????? EVERY PERFORMANCE WAS *Crystal LabEija voice* TERRIBLE!. And that's a fact. What's her face who looks like Rihanna? Idk, but she was the only one serving me vocals and not completely embarrassing herself. I wouldn't say Suffy was terrible, he was just giving you your usual shy gay kitty whispers on a grand stage lol. Is that why it was so short? Um, lame. Also, I wish "Visions of Gideon" was the nommed song because I like that one more. It's sooooo beautiful eventho I have no idea what it is talking about :) Never do with my baby boo Suffy. Something about video tapes, and probably masturbating to Jesus idk. But anyway "Mystery of Love" is also lit, and should've won :) I saw ppl say that Coco song made them cry in the movie? So I guess?????? Idk, but I kinda wish this song category would move to not being televised lol. This isn't the Grammy's. There's literally no reason for this shit to be happening smh. Or just nix the performances (I beg of you) but when you do the category play a lil snippet of the song so we know wtf lol and then give out their award? What does the Academy not understand? Literally every year these songs are so awful lol smh.

At least James Ivory won. Was he responsible for one of my fave gay movies Maurice? I should really look this shit up and try to be professional for once, but this is the type of blog where you kind of get the vibe maybe it's being written from a prison library? And you would not be far off, so :) But Merchant & Ivory is a thing. I'm sure I've seen most of their films. Like the stodgy, stiff upper lip and booty pics with all these erotic undertones and then someone is always gay? Or at least definitely British lol. Yeah, I'm sure I've seen every one of these shits. I liked old dude's speech, so that was one good win for the film. I was kind of hoping Timmy would pull an upset and win Best Acktore lol. That was never going to happen, but how much more likable is he compared to Gary Oldman???? Lol, so much more. I hope he stays so cute and like, surprised and happy about everything happening. Okay why is this post so long I have barely talked about my fave movie right now omg. 

I jotted some "notes" down to guide what I wanted to address (smfh) so I'll use those as a guide to end the post. (No, this isn't over!!!) 

Wait, but why wasn't Luca nommed for best director??? Is this a joke???? Okay there are only 5 slots so I'll let it pass, I guess....... But....mmm idk I was gon' go in on Greta a little lol...but idk. She did a good job directing. Honestly I would ax out PTA or Chris Nolan in favor of Luca, but I don't know enough about what the job of directing actually entails lol so imma sleep on that.

Anyway, my "notes" smh this shit is a fucking novel, bitch get a clue:

-the peach

Sigh. Elio is such a cutie pie. Lol. Wait but when he was jerking off with that peach...like  all I was occupied with was my concern for like...fruit acids on a penis? Lol. I mean, it wasn't a lemon or anything, but hmm lol. Aww it was so cute when he started crying because Oliver's weird, big bird looking ass started to eat it. AWWWWWWW SO CUTE. You know my fave thing about this movie? The intimacy, which is absent from so many movies, even the lowkey indies that purport to be so different from mainstream. I just thought it was really intimate and there were all these little...touches. Like looking at a painting and seeing all these specific strokes and different mixes of color and all these different little things added to the canvas to make it so beautiful idk lol I am not a poetic writer but I felt poetic like shit watching this mess it was so cute and tiny in a way that made it big? Okay, enough! That's enough!! 

-armie looking like somebody's dad..

Okay, lol, so a lot of criticism concerning the movie had to do with people being like PEDOPHILE? Grown man fucking little boy?!?!?!?! Lol

Valid criticism, imo. But here in this movie, people speak foreign languages, and in not-America, pedophilia is Oh-kay, so, actually, criticism NOT VALID :)

No, I'm just kidding pedophilia is not a joke lol and please don't rape kids, but I think in the movie Elio is 18 and Ollie is 24? Correct me if I am wrong and no do not tell me to Google it, I use Google's stud lesbian aunt who makes her own musty ass deodorant Bing. And no I am not bing.comming "Is it okay to like call me by your name is oliver a child molester please tell me at once" because The Eye is watching me!!!!! So no just tell me if I got the ages right!!! 

Do I think it's appropriate for an 18 y.o. lil boy to fuck Armie Hammer's old looking ass? Look. I personally feel like fucking shouldn't start til 50, when most of your hormones is deaded lol. No, but like, 18 and 24...six year difference. But in your teens and twenties, six years is a lot lol. Like okay make it 14 and 20. That's a nah, and illegal. Okay let's make it 20 and 26. Okay, better. I think...anyone who is not a teen, should not be fucking someone who is one. That should be the rule prob. But like what if you're 20 and the object of your affection is 19? Well wait til they get 20 and if it's meant 2 be then y'all dumb asses can fuck then smh.

Armie do look old like shit though. Not in like an aging terribly white person way lol, just old. Like a handsome, well-preserved forty lol. Like an albino, not as alcoholic Don Draper. And then standing next to Elio's flingy little boy ass, it was just like, sir, are you this little boy's father? Please take your penis away from him, sir. Though I gue--Wait, I was about 2 say the age difference was addressed by way of Oliver being apprehensive, but I think that had more to do with him...not wanting ppl knowing all his gay ass business? I kept forgetting this movie was set in the 80s. Ppl totally rock those fits today. But anyway yeah I guess not as cool to be gay af? Though I guess it would make sense for him to still be apprehensive and secretive today? Idk but...yeah, the age difference wasn't totally addressed lol. Idk they were Italians who cares

-oliver's ~shyness~..

So I watched this twice. Cuz I love it so much. But I noticed new stuff the second time around. Like the first time I never noticed Armie's dancing 4 sum reason?? lol. But I also noticed...Oliver always leaving off. Actually, the dad correctly identified that Oliver is shy, and also I read a review of the film before watching that was all like...Who Is Oliver?? And that was my question also for the second viewing. 

He's totally unknowable, which is obvi by design. This kinda makes me want to read the book, but if it's from Elio's perspective it's not going to give me any more answers maybe. Actually I might read it anyway, because maybe the book is even more intimate? I'm uhbsessed with intimate shit ugh.

But I'm defo watching this again for so many reasons, but I loved the family commenting on Oliver when he wasn't around lol. Especially Elio being all in his feelings @ Oliver's "L8R!". Aww poor bb. Omg but remember when it was just Oliver and Elio's mom at the table and Oliver got instantly uncomfortable and was all like "L8R!" and got up to leave? Crying laughing emoji lol. But where does he go??????????????? 

-parents

Loved the parents. The mom was all sexy and pretentious. She just like...She was all Where is my [pretentious German book]? And then just sat down and started reading aloud despite zero people requesting this????????????? It was all extra and ridiculous lol. 

& Mikey Stuhlbarg. He gets no supporting actor nom? Simply for existing? I see how shit is. 

-armie dancing...

crying laughing emoji

-pretentious AF!!

I loved how pretentious af this movie was with the fucking german book reading and piano playing and music transcribing and idk wtf the dad was or oliver lol. They looked at sexy sculpture dudes??? And there was a whole scene where the dad was talking about the origin of a language or something and Oliver read him for filth with words that, to my ears, were like pure fucking gobbledygook lol. 

Just everything was too much. But somehow, not enough? Like they should have all been walking around in the costumes from Amadeus lol, that's what I needed. But honestly? Maybe the casual, countryside Italian villa fits from the eighties juxtaposed with people talking about Liszt's version of Bach's version if he was an emo UPS delivery man, I think? Made it even better? I hate this movie & myself so much.

-dad's speech..(legit taking advice in my real life to not try 2 unfeel feelings or numb self, to avoid bankruptcy..)

Bitch, I was choking. From tears in my throat!!!! 

Wait, but what is my note lol? Idk, but the dad's speech actually helped me. Like it really shook me when he was talking about how people take these parts out of themselves to not feel and have less and less to offer with each new victim they lure into their caves. And I was like, bitch, true. He made me think it's not so bad to have feelings (smh!!!!!!). To feel is a gift (smh stopppp!!!). And to have ever loved, of course, is a gift. Obviously it hurts a lot to lose someone, or not have things go the way you want, but at least you were in there? He def said it wayyyyy better lol, but it kicked me in my chest and made me stop, like, idk, feeling bad about certain things lol. Anyway, I have the emotional intelligence of a fucking churro lol but where is Michael Stuhlbarg's recognition???? I'm fake tho because he has prob been awarded and nommed all season but all I care about is him getting Oscar love. He wasn't even nommed for the joke they call a Golden Globe though. I want answers!! 

But wait, wasn't Elly's dad lowkey shading the mom when he was all I'm jealous of you and I never had what you had???? Lol girl what? That was the only possibly false note in what he was saying because...I DON'T KNOW! But we would have to know...like..what the dad lost, and what he and his wife have and blah blah lol no point in looking too deep into it. Though it could be an opportunity to think about older people. Maybe older married people, and wonder if they are with their ~*~soulm8~*. And if not, why? And if not, will they ever be? The dad doesn't seem like the type to not go for it? Though maybe he got whatever confidence I was picking up from losing and missing out and his regrets? Which is how he was able to give Elio those soothing words, knowing exactly what to say? Sad, but still a positive in the same way Elio's heartbreak could be looked at as one. Like maybe the dad never had his Oliver, but he experienced that regret and could use what he learned from that experience to help his son? So that's cool!!!!! 

-luv elio y timothee

Um, I'm a Timmy Chalabae stan now :( I kept seeing his stans all over the place and being like what's the deal with this lil boy?? And now I know :( It's whatever honestly lol. He's so cute like a mouse but like weirdly has the voice of Shia LaBeouf??? Idk, girl, but I'm here for it. Love Timothée, and loved Elio. He was so cute and like open. Love how Timothee played this role completely, just like all the little things he did and added to the character (dunno if all his choice or director's or mix of both), but even if a very strictly-directed performance, he took good direction lol smh. Can't wait to see what else he does. 

-y can't elio y ollie be 2gether? both american, no? or cuz gay??

Didn't completely get why Elly and Ollie could not be baes??? I guess homophobia?? But...idk. Didn't they both live in America? idk, I'm really tired like this shit will not end why won't I s t o p

-the knight story...is it better 2 speak or die? she says better to speak, but is on guard (LIKE A KNIGHT???)...senses a trap...is there one? PROB

Idk, just liked this little story. But who is the princess (was it a princess?) and who is the knight? Obvi a person with common fucking sense would say Elly is the princess (duh!) and Arm & Hammer is the knight, but idk. Wait, it's the reverse innnit? What if they're both?? (MAGIC!!!) (please make this stop happening!!!!!!)

-ellie's nosebleed

What do nosebleeds signify? Being excited? I get nosebleed sometimes. Usually when I'm stressed. Also sometimes when the air is, like, mad dry? What causes dry air? All the gays sucking up the moisture???? KABLOOOM!! 

"Florida Man..."

So it's lit. Like I actually watched this episode on an actual TV at the time it premiered. YOU KNOW IT'S LIT when, in 20fucking18, I'm watching some shit at its regular scheduled time on a fucking goddamn idiot box. I also watched Drag Race All Stars 3 on my tv when its new episode aired. So in 2018, this is what's lit: Drag Race All Stars 3 (fuck u Ben, you bum), and Atlanta: Robbin' Season. 

Cool.

I hate Donald Glover so much. He just seems truly awful, but also like a diva and I stan. No just kidding, he looks too much like a fake blasian version of Pigpen for me to really be getting into that, and also? Remember when he tried to be Spiderman? LOL. So, no, no stanning here, but I adore him for giving me this mess of a show.

I should chill, but this is almost exactly the type of shit I like. Obscurey, eccentric, black shit with off-beat humor also mixed in with like regular black people humor? If that makes sense?? (Wtf is regular black people humor? I sound like a white supremacist smh) It's almost entirely relatable to me, with the exception of its Down South sort of vibe. I'm up North & do not relate to any sort of Atlanta aesthetic, but then you give me Katt Williams who sounds country as fuck but is from fucking like Ohio or something and, I just don't know what anything is anymore. 

But anyway I super-like this show because it's black and it's weird. I be feenin for more black shit, but a lot of what I am given seems really cliché or trite or fake. Atlanta is refreshing as fuck, if you ignore the storyline about some drug dealer trying to become a rapper and also naming something "robbin' season".... Like if you ignore those things...this show is refreshing. But even if you want to be critical of the same old same old story of rappers, drug dealing and violence, there's still a fresh take. A hella oddball one, in fact. So I'm ignoring it for now. But I swear the minute this show goes base I'm dragging. I'm ready. Always ready lol. 

I forgot everything that happened last season lol. Like when did Earn get a drug charge? No idea but his ass was so unlikable talking to that court class...registrar...lady (idk what things are). Earn is highkey a bum lol, but it's weird that I...don't just accept that? I keep waiting for him to be smart and not...how he is lol. Does Earn have depression? Is he just from the South? Does he feel demotivated because he wakes up everyday and sees Donald Glover in the mirror? Or, well, actually, as Uncle Willie (was that his name? smh) pointed out, Earn is homeless, he doesn't have a mirror to look at himself lol.

Hey. I love Katt Williams. Can he be a regular on this show? That's prob not a good idea because I will effectively stop caring about every other character (with the exception of scene stealing bae Darius) on the show. I don't like being a fan of Katt Williams because he exposes the illuminati too much. And like for dumb shit. Like, he exposed Professor Oglevee. Professor Oglevee, like...................no one cares about him, Katt smh. Like don't get your career ripped up exposing niggas don't no one even care about. Like he kept "tryna tell" ppl about Kevin Hart, but lowkey? Don't nobody really care about Kevin like that lol. Don't nobody care. That's for real. Like yeah he's successful but in this day and age that means literally nothing lol. Expose like Steven Spielberg or something if you gon' throw your whole career away and be out here in these streets gettin' karate chopped into embarrassment by six year olds for World Star Hip Hop clout. I mean, come on. Think BIG. But you small so I guess...that's not...like, realistic. 

So I was dying this whole episode. With the exception of the opening scene though which was........ I was stuck on those dudes ragging on some dude they knew who is ~always tryna be somebody~, only for it to cut to them robbing niggas... The cognitive dissonance. I don't know what that means but 1. there's a 47% chance it works here, and 2. at least I never robbed anyone. 3. with a gun. 4. cuz real quick I just remembered stealing that fifty dollars. 

So this was a go0d episode!!!! 

-EVERYTHING KATT

-that alligator

-fucking Florida Man. This became even funnier after the episode when I go online and literally immediately see two "Florida Man" headlines smfh. But #iconic. 

-Katt Williams

-smh

-Al annoyed w/ Earn for him accidentally exposing his thot ways

-oh, it was so cute when Earn told Al & Darry that he loves them. Okay, ho, but do they love you???? Why they lettin' you be homeless???? 

-why is Earn homeless?? Is it a pride thing? Earn seems like the type of dude to "borrow" money from his baby mom's, so. Why can't he ask someone to stay with them? Well, he did ask Darius. Who told him to ask Al. Okay, well why he aint ask him? Would Al really want his cuzo out in the streets like that? Is Earn really feeling too awkward to ask? Dude you just got evicted from a storage locker. That's awkward. That's the rock bottom of awkward. Only way to go is up, but I'll let you cook. 

-aw I feel bad for him, tho. Like I don't like Earn, but I don't not like him???? He's okay. He looks like lyme disease, but there's some weird warmth there. So maybe he can get something going eventually as a human being lol. We'll see.

-when is Donald Glover going to put Sufjan Stevens on the map like he did Migos? That's all I'm really waiting for at this point. Any day now. 

-what happens next week? They showed a premiere but I think I got exhausted watching this on an actual television and like blanked out and didn't look. I like immediately went away from my TV (why do I even have this??) as soon as the episode was over and never looked back, I think. Idk, but I hope Earn finds a place to stay other than a storm drain. But if he did end up literally homeless it would be hilarious, or maybe not? How do you be homeless down south? The one good thing you have going for you is it's prob warm all the time, I guess? But where is there to be? The park? Earn...something will happen to him if he goes to the park so maybe his baby mom's will let him crash. But like, why does Uncle Willie have a house but not Earnald? Idk, next week on Dragon Ball Z..