I'm still watching their movies, tho smh.
This here Wild mess was alright. Like, it was nothing special. It did have me in my feelings a little bit, which movies rarely do these days. That part where that creepy little boy was singing to Reese/Cheryl? I had to force my tears down because I refused to get weepy at that weird, corny ass shit. Did that little boy have ringlets?? ALSO...what was the "problem" (problems????) he said he had that he couldn't talk about and then his grandma looked really afraid??? Also did they have an alpaca??? ANYWAY.
SO ANYWAY!! Though this movie had me in my feelings at points, I was still watching it like "okay???" "and???". This movie/story is a little late in my opinion. That of a ~messed up~ white bitch ~*~finding herself~*~. Okay, cool. Gooood. Good good. But I liked it better when it was called Madame Bovary?? You know? Or like when Kate Chopin had that weak bitch drowning herself in The Awakening. Or fucking Anna K jumping in front of that train. Or Sylvia Plath's doppelgänger being like "lol fuck this shit" in The Bell Jar. Or even Winona turning her nose up at MTV coins in Reality Bites. Like, WE GET IT.
I actually like this story. It is ~~~~relatable~, sort of. I'm a messy woman, so it's cool to see horrible people sort of like me onscreen. But this story is definitely getting old being told through all these white hoes. Like if you're going to continue to make this story, you gotta start casting the weird chalkheads. Casting the Gaby Hoffmanns or Eva Greens in the lead. I mean, Reese Witherspoon? Lol. She's not even a bad actress, but the same ho who was in Legally Blonde 2 shall not be the same ho playing a promiscuous heroin-doer, looking all squeaky clean white teeth and shit. GIRL, OKAY. And you had Gaby in the movie and you completely wasted her hairy, haggardly-esque face!!! She would've been perfect for this sort of role. Wtf? I mean...I guess you have to get *the name* to put asses in the seats? But honestly we need to stop pretending the movie star still exists. No one is going to see movies for Reese Witherspoon. Didn't we learn this with How Do You Know? and Water for Elephants or literally anything she has done since.....................whatever her last "hit" was. I think it might've been that mess with Tom Hardy and Chris Pine? No one went to that movie to see that bitch. It was all about Tommy versus Jughead. AND I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE ENDED UP WITH CHRIS IN THE END SPOILER ALERT.
What was I complaining about? Right, white people. So, anyway, I still cape for this...type of story, I'm just going to need for casting to be switched up at this point. I get why--Thinking about this movie, I get why Reese was cast. Because Cheryl was sort of "perfect", right? Before her mother's death. Then she turned up in her grief. So maybe a Gaby Hoffmann wouldn't have been totally accurate to portray pre-mom death Cheryl, in order to provide context for post mommy death Cheryl. So okay fine. All I'm saying is the base foundation of this story has been done a million gajiliion times and this particular one didn't totally need to be told, or if it had to be...like it needed to be told by a far more interesting actress, in my opinion. You know what I need to see? That movie Mia Wasikowska did. That might be better just based off the fact that Mia is more interesting than Reese, and I think that movie doesn't have some angle like "oh poor me and my horrible life". Like I think that bitch was just like "fuck society" and went to go chill with kangaroos and dingoes and shit far away from civilization. That sounds relatable and maybe I will like that better. At least Michiel fucking Huisman will not be there. Right? His annoying ass is not in that movie, correct? I am TIRED of him and his fucking beard and having some weird French name but not even having a fucking accent. Or is it like a Danish or Dutch name? EITHER WAY HE IS NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH TO MATCH HIS NAME AND I THINK I MIGHT BE BIASED AGAINST HIM BECAUSE HE WAS INTRODUCED TO ME THROUGH NASHVILLE WHICH IS A HORRIBLE SHOW AND HIS CHARACTER WAS USELESS BUT FANS STAYED SHIPPING HIM AND EVEN MORE USELESS RAYNA AND OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO SERIOUSLY WATCH NASHVILLE I ONLY RECENTLY STOPPED WATCHING IT JESUS WHAT HAVE I DONE
Anyway!! Start making these tragic hoes finding themselves movies with more "interesting" actors. Non-whites, let's keep it real. Make these messy movies with some Azealia Banks-type bitch. Actually Azealia Banks? Perhaps no. I mean, if you really wanted to do something, perhaps fucking yes. But maybe just a black bitch from Juilliard who looks like Yung Rapunxel and can turn up like Yung Rapunxel, but who is not a Lindsay Lohan-level insurance risk. Get me some Asians on the screen! And not just the pale faces. Throw some Vietcong and Filipino hoes at me. Latina bitches would be good for this type of story, too. I almost want to say I've seen this "type" of story with a Latinx honey in the lead, but it was probably a Spanish film, which doesn't count. Because I had to read subtitles. Come on, do better. But seriously imagine Wild if Azealia Banks was Cheryl. Imagine this. She would've eaten that fox, and called that little boy a fag. That is the type of--CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW THERE WAS ONLY ONE BLACK PERSON IN THE WHOLE MOVIE AND HE WAS A FUCKING REPORTER FOR HOBO TIMES??? What sort of ratchet shit is that? And you can totally tell his role was cast at the last minute. Someone was like..."lol w8 we forgot to cast 'Jimmy Carter'". And then someone else was like "omg and we also forgot to fulfill our diversity quota - Michiel doesn't count because tho he has a cool name, he is essentially a miracle whip dollop on a greying boiled egg!! Let's cast this hobo times nigga with a nigga! *Tim's Boss voice* Bing bang boom done!!"
smh, I'm tired of you chalkheads, essentially. And I can't even take a break from you because are black movies better? NO! No they are not! Black shows aren't even better. Like, Empire is a mess??? In a mostly bad way??? No, but I'll wait. Literally I will just sit here and wait and do nothing. You think you can say to me "Well make your own shit, then?" HAHA I laugh at you thinking I give a fuck about looking stupid or lazy. I am proud of being indignant and 100% non-proactive. Anyway, complaining but doing nothing works sometimes. Pretty sure that's how the Holocaust got cancelled.
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