So what the fuck?
The movie starts--The movie has no dialogue the whole time. Yet I watched it all the way through. Even though it's a silent film from 2013 but looks like a shitty TV show from the 90s.
Did I like this movie?
Definitely not!
I wanted to see this movie because I heard about it in the news a while back. First thing I heard was that the movie included #incest.
I know I'm not the only one constantly searching for a legitimately good incest film. Why are they all so bad?! So bad. Marguerite & Julien. Trash. That movie with the cousins and the guy punches the girl one. Sounds good but it's not. The actors are ugly and boring. That French piece of poop with the gay brothers. Or wait is it like Brazilian? Doesn't matter, it's caca.
The only good ones I've seen thus far have been either soft-incest, which is incest-adjacent, like Beau-pere (bae-pere; stepdadcest), or shit like Wuthering Heights which is more about being racist than it is about being a perv-o. There are a couple of French films that are okayish. And then The Dreamers, which doesn't count cuz it has Michael Pitt, or Womb, which is good, but it was like clone incest? or some shit? Get this sci-fi shit the fuck outta here!!
Watching Moebius for incest is ill-advised. That aspect is like, the least significant part of the film.
Another reason I had to see Moebius was even worse, in my opinion, than wanting to see some weirdo fuzzy family shit.
There was some headline in my inbox one day that went like "INCEST FILM DIRECTOR SLAPS ACTRESS!". But it was like an AOL News (?) headline. So I didn't read it lol why do sites have a gazillion ads like this shit is unusable.
So I didn't get the deets, but the headline was enough to reel me in. I found out the movie was named Moebius and I immediately decided that I would watch it, because if a director is smacking around actors, you know the movie slaps!!
-_-
I don't even know what to say. Why did I watch this whole thing? Maybe the universe felt like I needed to learn a lesson? I honest to God suspect this film is one of those barely under the cover religious this-is-a-warning Kirk Cameronish type of films. Except instead of rabid Christianity, Moebius stans Buddhism. I swear to God, I mean Buddha, this movie is a lowkey religious allegory.
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. So the movie begins with the dad character on the phone with his mistress. The mom character gets mad and starts fighting with him, trying to get his phone away. The son character is in the room with them in his school uniform just, like, staring.
No one says anything.
I think the son character is cute and I assume he'll fuck the mom or something at some point, so I keep watching.
The dad fucks off to smash his side piece. The mom gets all mad. The son watches his dad fuck his side piece? The mom smashes a rock or something in the window of the side piece's store? Or something. The side piece is a shopgirl. She looks identical to the mom to me, but I suspect it's because I'm racist.
Fast forward to the mom chopping off her son's penis!!
First, she tries to castrate the dad while he's asleep. He fights her off, so the mom slips into the son's bed while he's asleep, and does him instead. Castrates him.
For some reason I refused to accept that she cut his whole dick off. She puts it in her mouth after the fact to eat it, and it's like she popped in a cheese ball or something, not a whole goddamn dick.
This movie is racist, not me!
Dad takes Son to hospital. I guess they blot the area or whatever with some gauze or some shit.
Then mom disappears from the movie at this point, and now the movie is all about how the son has zero penis.
Or does he?
How does he pee?..
I don't know anatomy because I went to U.S. public school, but how does bae pee? They show him peeing (with the father watching, of course) and it's like getting all over the seat? But I was like...what is he peeing out of? The movie doesn't make it clear...all the gritty specific details so I just have to guesstimate what the fuck it's looking like down there.
The son is going to school and uses a urinal. A school chum or whatever sees that the son is pissing all over his shoes. He peeks over and laughs. Shortly after, him and his friends decide to harass the son by following after him to pull down his pants and look at his no penis. These kids never say a single word while bullying the son character out of his pants. It is the most bizarre shit.
Somewhere in here, the son character begins a romance of sorts with the shopgirl/dad's side piece. Elsewhere, the dad is looking up articles on his computer concerning genital transplant.
The son character is bullied again by the school chums. They are thwarted by a gang of bigger men who save the son. They take the son character under their wing or some shit. Two seconds later, they all decide to run a train on the shopgirl without her consent. All the gang members give it a go, but the son doesn't want to. But if the son wants to be a Jet...
So he goes in to rape the shopgirl. She's crying or whatever until she realizes this fool don't got a weewee!
Later, the gang and the son are arrested and taken to the police station.
The father goes to tell one of the police dudes, presumably, that it's impossible for his son to have raped anyone, because, you see, no peepee.
The dad literally walks out to where everyone is standing to pull his son's pants down to show the policeman what exactly he means!
The son fights his dad, but the dad manages to get his pants down. Everyone sees his no penis, and the gang members start laughing. The son starts beating the shit out of the dad. This scene was funny to me because the police let the son beating the dad go on for so long. Aren't they cops? Why are they just standing there while the son kicks the shit out of his father?? No idea, but this film should have 80 Oscars.
The son is put into prison. While he's doing that, the dad starts researching ways for someone to orgasm who has no genitals. I think he literally starts his search by typing in "no penis". If Argo can win Best Picture, this movie should be able to marry a sheep and be president.
The dad discovers some articles talking about erogenous zones (good) and how if you severely maim yourself you can achieve orgasm even if you don't have a dingaling (um).
The dad experiments on himself by rubbing the shit out of his foot with a rock. He cums, but is in severe pain afterwards due to rubbing a dang hole in his foot with a damb rock!!
My thing was, there's gotta be a better way, right? Literally one scene in the movie has the boy having an orgasm directly after being stabbed in the back and having the knife wriggled back and forth.
There's gotta be a less horrifying way to activate orgasm without needing to stab yourself or maim yourself with sharp rocks.
Wouldn't deep massages achieve the same affect? Or am I not woke enough for this film? Are they making some sort of comment about the blah we go to achieve whatever I don't know but I'm probably gonna try that rock thing next Full Moon smh.
So the dad goes to the prison to tell the son about his findings. He hands the son a print-out from one of the websites. At first the son is resistant, than immediately drops the attitude because he's in prison with zero penis and has literally nothing else to do. He finds some shit in the wall to use as a makeshift rock and gets to masturbating. He cums. Yay?
I don't fucking know.
He gets out of priz and goes to see the shopgirl, and they do the knife thing. Later, they lure one of the gang guys back to the shopgirl's place, where she cuts off his dick, then they make him cum with the knife trick.
I honestly don't know.
The mom comes back. I have no idea why the dad lets her in. Oh my god! I'm totally forgetting that eventually the dad--Fuck! This dude gives the son his penis! They do a transplant. Later, they test to see if the son can get hard with the new dick. Or, with his...dad's dick what the fuck.
Literally to test this, a doctor shows the son porn and they, along with the dad, just sit there and watch to see if the son becomes aroused! !
I'm tired.
The son's dad's dick is, too, apparently, as it does not rise to the occasion.
The son visits the shopgirl to see if she can get him going, but no luck.
So the mom comes back. What the fuck. She just walks in. The son and dad are clearly cautious, as they sleep together. Of course, during the night, the mom slips into bed between them. She strokes the son's face and of course he gets hard.
The mom is like what the heck. Because last time she saw her pride and joy she was nibblin' on his kibbles and bits.
The mom realizes the dad gave sonny boy his penus.
Now the mom is all hot for the son. Eventually she jerks him off and he cums. Later, she wants to FULL SMASH. The dad is fighting her, trying to get her to stop.
The movie commits a number 1 sin and does the whole ~it was all a dream~ shtick. This happens after it appears the son is fucking the mom and while doing so, the dad comes in and shoots her dead. When the son wakes up from his dream he goes out to see both his parents are dead from gunshot wounds to the head. For some reason the son decides to shoot his penis. Then the movie ends with him praising to a Buddha (??) statue. He gets up from that, looks into the camera, and smirks or some shit.
Fin.
What.
Also, was the whole movie a dream or just the bit where he fucked the mom? Either way, I hope everyone involved with this movie is doing well. They have blessed me so.
The movie starts--The movie has no dialogue the whole time. Yet I watched it all the way through. Even though it's a silent film from 2013 but looks like a shitty TV show from the 90s.
Did I like this movie?
Definitely not!
I wanted to see this movie because I heard about it in the news a while back. First thing I heard was that the movie included #incest.
I know I'm not the only one constantly searching for a legitimately good incest film. Why are they all so bad?! So bad. Marguerite & Julien. Trash. That movie with the cousins and the guy punches the girl one. Sounds good but it's not. The actors are ugly and boring. That French piece of poop with the gay brothers. Or wait is it like Brazilian? Doesn't matter, it's caca.
The only good ones I've seen thus far have been either soft-incest, which is incest-adjacent, like Beau-pere (bae-pere; stepdadcest), or shit like Wuthering Heights which is more about being racist than it is about being a perv-o. There are a couple of French films that are okayish. And then The Dreamers, which doesn't count cuz it has Michael Pitt, or Womb, which is good, but it was like clone incest? or some shit? Get this sci-fi shit the fuck outta here!!
Watching Moebius for incest is ill-advised. That aspect is like, the least significant part of the film.
Another reason I had to see Moebius was even worse, in my opinion, than wanting to see some weirdo fuzzy family shit.
There was some headline in my inbox one day that went like "INCEST FILM DIRECTOR SLAPS ACTRESS!". But it was like an AOL News (?) headline. So I didn't read it lol why do sites have a gazillion ads like this shit is unusable.
So I didn't get the deets, but the headline was enough to reel me in. I found out the movie was named Moebius and I immediately decided that I would watch it, because if a director is smacking around actors, you know the movie slaps!!
-_-
I don't even know what to say. Why did I watch this whole thing? Maybe the universe felt like I needed to learn a lesson? I honest to God suspect this film is one of those barely under the cover religious this-is-a-warning Kirk Cameronish type of films. Except instead of rabid Christianity, Moebius stans Buddhism. I swear to God, I mean Buddha, this movie is a lowkey religious allegory.
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. So the movie begins with the dad character on the phone with his mistress. The mom character gets mad and starts fighting with him, trying to get his phone away. The son character is in the room with them in his school uniform just, like, staring.
No one says anything.
I think the son character is cute and I assume he'll fuck the mom or something at some point, so I keep watching.
The dad fucks off to smash his side piece. The mom gets all mad. The son watches his dad fuck his side piece? The mom smashes a rock or something in the window of the side piece's store? Or something. The side piece is a shopgirl. She looks identical to the mom to me, but I suspect it's because I'm racist.
Fast forward to the mom chopping off her son's penis!!
First, she tries to castrate the dad while he's asleep. He fights her off, so the mom slips into the son's bed while he's asleep, and does him instead. Castrates him.
For some reason I refused to accept that she cut his whole dick off. She puts it in her mouth after the fact to eat it, and it's like she popped in a cheese ball or something, not a whole goddamn dick.
This movie is racist, not me!
Dad takes Son to hospital. I guess they blot the area or whatever with some gauze or some shit.
Then mom disappears from the movie at this point, and now the movie is all about how the son has zero penis.
Or does he?
How does he pee?..
I don't know anatomy because I went to U.S. public school, but how does bae pee? They show him peeing (with the father watching, of course) and it's like getting all over the seat? But I was like...what is he peeing out of? The movie doesn't make it clear...all the gritty specific details so I just have to guesstimate what the fuck it's looking like down there.
The son is going to school and uses a urinal. A school chum or whatever sees that the son is pissing all over his shoes. He peeks over and laughs. Shortly after, him and his friends decide to harass the son by following after him to pull down his pants and look at his no penis. These kids never say a single word while bullying the son character out of his pants. It is the most bizarre shit.
Somewhere in here, the son character begins a romance of sorts with the shopgirl/dad's side piece. Elsewhere, the dad is looking up articles on his computer concerning genital transplant.
The son character is bullied again by the school chums. They are thwarted by a gang of bigger men who save the son. They take the son character under their wing or some shit. Two seconds later, they all decide to run a train on the shopgirl without her consent. All the gang members give it a go, but the son doesn't want to. But if the son wants to be a Jet...
So he goes in to rape the shopgirl. She's crying or whatever until she realizes this fool don't got a weewee!
Later, the gang and the son are arrested and taken to the police station.
The father goes to tell one of the police dudes, presumably, that it's impossible for his son to have raped anyone, because, you see, no peepee.
The dad literally walks out to where everyone is standing to pull his son's pants down to show the policeman what exactly he means!
The son fights his dad, but the dad manages to get his pants down. Everyone sees his no penis, and the gang members start laughing. The son starts beating the shit out of the dad. This scene was funny to me because the police let the son beating the dad go on for so long. Aren't they cops? Why are they just standing there while the son kicks the shit out of his father?? No idea, but this film should have 80 Oscars.
The son is put into prison. While he's doing that, the dad starts researching ways for someone to orgasm who has no genitals. I think he literally starts his search by typing in "no penis". If Argo can win Best Picture, this movie should be able to marry a sheep and be president.
The dad discovers some articles talking about erogenous zones (good) and how if you severely maim yourself you can achieve orgasm even if you don't have a dingaling (um).
The dad experiments on himself by rubbing the shit out of his foot with a rock. He cums, but is in severe pain afterwards due to rubbing a dang hole in his foot with a damb rock!!
My thing was, there's gotta be a better way, right? Literally one scene in the movie has the boy having an orgasm directly after being stabbed in the back and having the knife wriggled back and forth.
There's gotta be a less horrifying way to activate orgasm without needing to stab yourself or maim yourself with sharp rocks.
Wouldn't deep massages achieve the same affect? Or am I not woke enough for this film? Are they making some sort of comment about the blah we go to achieve whatever I don't know but I'm probably gonna try that rock thing next Full Moon smh.
So the dad goes to the prison to tell the son about his findings. He hands the son a print-out from one of the websites. At first the son is resistant, than immediately drops the attitude because he's in prison with zero penis and has literally nothing else to do. He finds some shit in the wall to use as a makeshift rock and gets to masturbating. He cums. Yay?
I don't fucking know.
He gets out of priz and goes to see the shopgirl, and they do the knife thing. Later, they lure one of the gang guys back to the shopgirl's place, where she cuts off his dick, then they make him cum with the knife trick.
I honestly don't know.
The mom comes back. I have no idea why the dad lets her in. Oh my god! I'm totally forgetting that eventually the dad--Fuck! This dude gives the son his penis! They do a transplant. Later, they test to see if the son can get hard with the new dick. Or, with his...dad's dick what the fuck.
Literally to test this, a doctor shows the son porn and they, along with the dad, just sit there and watch to see if the son becomes aroused! !
I'm tired.
The son's dad's dick is, too, apparently, as it does not rise to the occasion.
The son visits the shopgirl to see if she can get him going, but no luck.
So the mom comes back. What the fuck. She just walks in. The son and dad are clearly cautious, as they sleep together. Of course, during the night, the mom slips into bed between them. She strokes the son's face and of course he gets hard.
The mom is like what the heck. Because last time she saw her pride and joy she was nibblin' on his kibbles and bits.
The mom realizes the dad gave sonny boy his penus.
Now the mom is all hot for the son. Eventually she jerks him off and he cums. Later, she wants to FULL SMASH. The dad is fighting her, trying to get her to stop.
The movie commits a number 1 sin and does the whole ~it was all a dream~ shtick. This happens after it appears the son is fucking the mom and while doing so, the dad comes in and shoots her dead. When the son wakes up from his dream he goes out to see both his parents are dead from gunshot wounds to the head. For some reason the son decides to shoot his penis. Then the movie ends with him praising to a Buddha (??) statue. He gets up from that, looks into the camera, and smirks or some shit.
Fin.
What.
Also, was the whole movie a dream or just the bit where he fucked the mom? Either way, I hope everyone involved with this movie is doing well. They have blessed me so.
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