So The Grey has snow and The Grey has wolves. What are the girls expecting from something like this just on-site? You're expecting Liam Neeson to be up in the movie tearing a wolf apart with his hands and teeth.
Does The Grey deliver on this??
Um, no!!!!! So time to complain.
So the movie starts with, horribly, some voice-over from Liam. He's like depressed or some shit. Man, join the club. I think his character works on an oil rig? Idk, he works some job that loner people on the lam seem like they would have. Like someone who killed their wife so they move to Alaska and tell everyone their name is Rick when it's really Donovan and they have killed more than once, but just the wife was the "big kill", so they had to dash. No one cares what's going on in Alaska. Perfect place to disappear, even if you're a huge Irish-accented man that literally everyone would notice but okay.
So the voice-over I thought was unnecessary. I think it's there so we can connect to Liam's character? Come to understand him? I felt we would've gotten the same effect just from simple visuals. They show like flashbacks to Liam being with his wife and then Liam is saying some depressed shit or whatever over it. And we see him walking around solemnly and occasionally hunting wolves. Then after this sequence, we go on a plane where we meet the crew Liam is going to be working with on Insert Whatever Manly Scumbag Job Idk, and then there's a plane crash.
I strongly feel the beginning narration bit should've been chopped and we start the movie with the plane crash. We don't need to be told to care about Liam's character. He's Irish and looks sad. That's enough. Just toss him immediately into peril and we'll care. We don't need him rolling around the sheets with his dead wife while he recites terrible poetry. It's fine, you don't have to be deep. That's not what this is, it's okay.
So the crew is on a plane going to??? Idk. I literally have no idea what the Movie Job is. Idk if they didn't explain it well, or if I just zoned out when they were talking about it. Probably number 2, but hey, make it interesting so I can not fall asleep thanks.
We meet the crew briefly before the plane crashes. So let's see we have James Badge Dale and Dallas Roberts giving the girls a Rubicon reunion that they did not and would not ever ask for; we have adorable small man Joe Anderson; we have fucking Dermot Mulroney, whom I thought was entirely out of place, but simultaneously very welcome; we have a man I know in my bones is racist but whom I kinda like actor-wise, Frank Grillo; and then sum other misc. ppl I did not care about whom were killed off pretty early.
The first of the manz we the audience are supposed to care about who dies is freakin' James Badge Dale. WTF.
Can you guess how many guys they have to kill off before Frank Grillo dies?
Literally like a million!!!
How tf does Frank survive sooo long??! How the fuck does he survive longer than Dermot? This movie should be arrested.
So here's the first thing I don't like: like literally everyone is dying lmao. Idk what I expected, but literally every character dying was not it??? After the big black guy died I was like okay these are our final guys. Enough death. Wait can we talk about how the black guy didn't even die from a wolf attack but from like...literally nothing lmao??? He died from movie magic or some shit. His big ass just went to sleep and never woke up smfh. The best death was Dermot's, which was hilarious, but it had me on the edge of my seat. Most of the other deaths were dumb. I thought Dallas dying was fucked up and forced. Even Frank's ~death~ was dumb because 1. we don't get to see it which is bullshit he was so annoying can we at least see him get ripped to death by werewolves wtf and 2. I thought the wolves immediately descending upon him was so extra.
Let's talk about the wolves.
They were literally...like...did this movie have fifteen cents as its budget?? If your movie is literally entirely about wolf attacks um...please have them look good so the audience can be actually scared? These shits looked like some claymation bullshit out of some PBS special version of Peter & the Wolf.
I was SHOOK
by how ugly and bad these wolves looked.
Like what in the world. Isn't Liam Neeson supposed to be some sort of movie star? How are you going to have a Liam-starring action vehicle with some dumb-looking shit like this? Maybe I am giving Liam too much credit idk. Like, I feel if this was a Tom Cruise movie or something the wolves would look good so we can be scared for Tom's crazy ass and genuinely fear for his life when ordinarily we would not ever, you know? This wolves worked against the movie, imo.
But maybe this movie is supposed to be deep, and I'm being shallow thinking it was just about wolf attacks. The movie tried to have ~deep~ moments in the film, but literally all of it was laughable. Had the deepness been actually effective, maybe I would not have cared about the dumb ugly wolves as much. But alas.
The worst thing about this movie was the ending. Literally who else thought Liam was about to box the fuck out of the Main Baddie Wolf? I know it wasn't just me. This movie literally teased a showdown then just cut the fuck off. BRB calling the police on this movie and telling them it's African American so they get here QUICK to arrest this shit because having to have endured watching this mess should be considered an Act of Violence!
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