Sister, Sister (1982)

So this movie concerns the Lovejoy family, specifically the three remaining liteskint Lovejoy sisters. Oh, and the oldest one has a liteskint son played by that soap dude Kristoff St. John which has to be a real name it is too ridiculous to be made up. 

This was a cool, slice of life type of movie, I suppose. Understand I watched this on youtube, and don't make me bring it up again. Okay I have to one more time to mention how someone in the comments said they missed how movies were just about life and stories instead of...idk, cars or superheroes or whatever. Agreed? In a way. Because I am not one of those people who is nostalgic. I think there are pros and cons to each era, but ultimately I am a huge champion of like, progression and moving forward and even if we get a cool little thing like this in the eighties, we have so many more resources and knowledge now to make way cooler shit? Though often we don't but that's...I'm just too stupid to get into alladat so imma just enjoy this one-off for what it is and keep it moving. Though I do want to have a moment to wish we can do more things like this now. Was this a TV movie? They definitely don't make TV movies like this now. TV movies be mad extra. This movie is just about some sisters and I am so...ruined, that the whole time I'm waiting for like some horrible incest reveal when the worst thing that was ~revealed~ was a suicide by fire, but that happened off-screen ages ago. This was just a story about sisters and a family.

So Diahann Carroll plays the snobby, sort of judgmental Carolyne Lovejoy. Judgmental for no reason cuz she fucking the pastor or whatever of her church and pretty sure homeslice is married. Also he stole from the church for some campaign shit and she helped his dusty ass. But she has the nerve to be walking around all pious, tryna tell her younger sister, Sissy, what to do, or making her older sister, Frieda, feel uncomfortable for mistakes she's made, and her...outgoing personality. 

I am not even trying to be funny, but what was the deal with Freida dancing at the church function? I didn't grow up going to church, so I am admittedly not familiar, but was it really that big a d for her to be turning up? Lol. I guess because they were singing hymns or something? I'm a godless heathen so I genuinely did not get it, but can we talk about Rosalind Cash? First of all I looked her up and I'm annoyed she's dead. And then her credits leave much to be desired. But I saw she's from New Jersey so I immediately felt I understood everything about her. I loved her whole vibe and she was chewing it the fuck up in this. Just this one performance alone in some random little TV movie makes me want to see everything she has ever done big or small. If you tell me this broad did a Alka-Seltzer commercial in 1976 - I want to see it! And I want to figure out if there's some way she can get a posthumous award for it, because I know she kills it. This is literally the only performance I've seen from her, I believe, and I just know she's slayed all the other things she's done. 

  

Can we talk about how much I hated that pastor dude--oh he was a Reverend. See! I know nothing about church shit. But I just hated his, like, small compact afro lol. And he was so obviously...greasy. A lame. Who asks their girl to bail them out financially? Their mistress at that! And Carolyne's dazzled ass just going on right along with the shit. I don't know HOW MANY TIMES this bitch mentioned in the movie that her house was all she had. If she didn't have her house she'd be nothing. Yet she mortgaged it to assist her clearly morally defunct Reverend bae? If he having an affair on his wife with you, clearly that denotes poor character. I wouldn't lend my money to shit! But especially not a nigga sneaking around on his wife. Of which I have full knowledge of! He not even tryna hide his shit from her and she just throwing all she has at him and I honestly do not understand. It's not like Carolyne ugly. You Diahann Carroll, girl, get a fuggin grip! AND HE FUCKED FREIDA!!! Smh, lemme calm down lol. Fuggin lame ass!! 

Wait but did anyone think Sissy would turn out to be Carolyne or Freida's daughter and the dad would turn out to be...the dad? See. I told you, I'm ruined. I was fully expecting some shock reveal moment like that. They shock revealed the truth behind the fire, but also that the mom didn't want to have Sissy, the dad forced her, which is part of why she killed herself. Sissy in the cut like "I knew it!" and Freida, my queen, WENT THE FUCK AWF on ol' girl like "AINT NOBODY EVER GONNA WANT YOU, YOU GOTTA WANT YOURSELF!". And honestly? Tea.

I was honestly upset at the end when Sissy left Carolyne to go do ice skating in NY. Carolyne was like begging her to stay and it was really sad? I UNDERSTAND why Sissy had to leave, it was just really sad, okay? Eventho Carolyne was a hypocritical bitch, and someone I'd go out of my way to avoid in real life, I felt bad for her. She was like largely pathetic, but not irredeemable, you know? It got even worse when Freida was insisting that she couldn't stay and Carolyne kept asking her not to go? Again, I understand why Freida would feel she needed to get the fuck on, but come on that's your sister the love of your life where are you going THIS IS UPSETTING ME! I was so happy when she came back at the end lol. How come her son and Paul Winfield aint come back in the house? Did they go to Detroit by themselves? Sus. 

Claudine (1974)

This is one of my favorite movies. Very black, but in the seventies, which is aesthetic, but not blaxploitation. Or wait, is it? Well probably most black movies are blaxploitation. We're not there yet in terms of having movies with black people in it without exploiting them, and we sure weren't there in 1974 when Claudine dropped. But at least there aren't any pimps in this movie, or Antonio Fargas. Don't get me wrong, I'm into that Black Power porn parody mess, but I prefer a movie like Claudine, that kitchen sinky sort of slice of life shit. It's easier to stomach, and less shitty lol. 

So yeah this is a bit blaxploity. Because Claudine is like a welfare mommy. But I feel the exploitative nature is kind of...mmmm diluted by Diahann? Really, the whole cast, who is sooo good. But especially Diahann, who is classy as shit. I don't know Diahann like that, she could be a ratchet mess, but she comes across as very with class, and I live for a classy broad. Especially a classy black broad. It's just...my ultimate aesthetic. It's my favorite thing. Boùgie, if you will. I mean, real bougie. Not some fake, I have thirteen Coach bags and some earrings not from Tiffany in a Tiffany box bougie. Real, I sleep on cotton sheets with such a high thread count they feel like silk but they aren't silk because silk is tacky which I know because I have class, and which you don't know, because you are trash bougie. That kind. Love it.

So I live for this classy broad playing, I guess, trash. Well, not really. But welfare moms are perceived as trash, I think, by the majority. And then also I know it's problematic of me to be like I LOVE THIS CLASSY RICH WOMAN PLAYING THIS POOR, GARBAGE WOMAN. As if an actual welfare mother would ever have the chance to star in a fucking movie that depicted her actual life, but I digress. 

Diahann really makes Claudine sympathetic, and beautiful and rude and warm and charismatic. It's not some one-note gutterbutt mess where she's just bitching about being poor and black. It's a very well-rounded performance with some added White Diamonds panache which I feel is needed for this kind of stereotypical role. To kind of...change the image of the welfare mom. Though I think some people will argue how we need to not care about trying to make stereotypes about black people look softer or better or more palatable or whatever. But I disagree because a lot of stereotypes are ugly and I don't like ugly. I like pretty, and making things nicer. Though I do like some rough ass, Mo'Nique in Precious type of shit from time to time, I prefer the Claudines. 

How am I feeling about the lightskint garbageman lover boy played by James Earl Jones? This is the first movie I saw where...James wasn't like old. Or doing the voice of Mufasa. The first time I watched this I was like...okay James can maybe get it? I mean, no. But maybe?? :/

I like that Roop is just some regular nigga. He kind of has stereotypical ideas. I feel it would've been real easy to slide a coon up into the slot of the male love interest, or a hotep, which is pretty much the same shit. But Roop is just some nigga who slings garbage tryna make a living, who needs him the love of a good woman lol. It's completely problematic that he doesn't see his kids, but that's real. At least while he's there with Claudine he's kind of looking out for hers? Let's ignore his like ex-wifeys or whatever who are like UMMMMM?? They're off-screen so it doesn't matter :/

Roop is mad problematic tho because he just dipped?? Lol um let's ignore that, because honestly this whole movie is problematic. Like Claudine tearing her daughter's ass up because she found out she was pregnant? Um, well, no offense Claudine, but if you were watching your kids maybe they wouldn't have their loose asses all out in these streetz like that? Like no shade, but you deserve to be beat for being a hypocrite? Like how many kids do you have? What are you - 36 or some shit in the movie with an eighteen year old?? *sips tea* 

But again, real.

Let's talk about Claudine's zesty, black panther son, Charles. Doing the most the whole movie. You know what? I wish this shit was a TV show. Not now lol. They would completely destroy this shit trying too hard. Let fucking Lee Daniels' wannabe house nigga ass develop it or some shit, No. NO. NO. But I wish this had been done as a series back in the seventies. A lot of shows about black family life I see from the seventies, look...like something I don't want to see lol. Just, no. Like Good Times? Hell...hell no lol. Just no. But if Claudine had been a series I'dda lapped that shit up. This some good shit you could really stretch out. But at least it exists in movie form, which is great, so watch it. 

Paris Blues (1961)

Wow okay. This movie has...everything. Well, actors-wise. How are you going to have Paul Newman, Sidney Poitier, Joanne Woodward and Diahann Carroll in one shit??? How was this allowed to happen??? I am so excited and want to die and throw up?? 

So I've been wanting to see this for ages. It used to always come on on...like one of those Encore channels a few years ago but always at some awkward random time, like 4:30 am, so I never was able to catch it. But then recently it was on TCM, AND I FUCKING MISSED IT BECAUSE I ALWAYS DO, and so I was heated like ugh I missed it.  But then I thought "what if it's on utube?". Because a lot of shit be on youtube. And so I looked and died because guess what it was on youtube. And I love how no one cares about the whole fucking backstory to how I came to watch this movie, but no one fucking reads this blog so honestly I can say whatever I want it doesn't matter I shot JFK.

So P New (no.) plays some dude named Ram Bowen. He's a jazz musician and I want to throw up and die again but not in a good way? Like I already know his character is gonna be on some douchey bs. Thank god he's played by Newman and not like Robert Mitchum or some shit because I would immediately not fucking care or ever watch this :')?

Anyway Ram is some jazz dude. He composes, too, whatever. He's in some jazz band with my bae Sidney Poitier, who plays a dude named Eddie Cook. The movie starts with Ram playing some little shit and asking Eddie if he likes it, is it too somber, etc. Eddie is like it's good bro. But Ram is mad extra and white and prob a Scorpio and thinks Eddie's compliment is a condemnation at best? Like bro, chill out. You're playing jazz music (all that shit sounds the same stop) in some shitty underground speakeasy in Paris. Literally no one cares, it's so wild how extra you're being lol.

Flip to Diahann and Joanne, who play two chics on vacation from the states, named Connie and Lillian, respectively. Connie meets Ram on the train. What happens? Oh some worker person on the train is trying to take Connie's bags. She's trying to tell him she wants to keep her bags, but doesn't speak French. Ram to the rescue.

OKAY!!! Okay.

Okay.

Um. Okay. Lol. Sooooooooooooooooo. I was shipping Ram and Connie immediately??????????????????????????? I was getting it all in my head that she would...save him him from his shittiness? From his douche-assness?? OKAY WAIT I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF BITCH TRY TO TELL THE STORY IN ORDER BUT NO ONE IS READING THIS WHO CARES

Sooo!! (sigh) Ram is kinda flirting with Connie? Um, but he's mad arrogant so...like, to me anyway, it's not even obvious. He's the type to think he could bag any bitch, and he's right but not really, because Connie completely pays his ass. But anyway, here cum Lillian's lily white ass being thirsty as fuck. Like, she is ALL ABOUT Ram right away, talking about "WHO IS HE?". Girl, no one is checking for you! No one checking for you! Lol sorry but literally no one was checking for Lillian. Joanne is my girl but no one was checking for Lillian lol bottom line! 

Lol but anyway Ram ends up inviting them to the club. Come and see him play. Lillian apparently knows who Ram is. I guess he put out some little records. So she on some groupie shit. Lillian is being too thirsty for me. Like, I almost want to respect how she doesn't even try to play it cool, but it was giving me too much 2nd hand embarrassment, so I can't, sorry.

Alright so Connie and Lillian go to see Ram play. I know I was shading jazz music above because it sucks lol, but the performance was nice, even though it seemed maybe really obvi that Newman and Poitier weren't really playing? Or am I thinking of a latter performance where they showed Poitier supposedly going off but it was like obviosuly fake? lol. Idk, whatever, the performance here when Connie and Lillian first visit the club was nice. And Lillian was getting in her feelings in the audience, girl. But okay, cuz in the beginning of the movie I thought...Lillian was gonna be thirsting for Ram, but he was gonna play her for Connie?? But Connie wasn't even thinking about Ram after she met Eddie. But tbh, I don't think Connie was ever thinking about Ram, period, because the more we came to know of her character we see how pro-black she is, and so prob she not checking for any lip-less white kings, ever. Even if they Paul Newman. Which sucks cuz I was ready to ship it!! But! I realllllllllllly really thought she and Poitier were so ultra-fucking cute, so I'm glad the movie ultimately took it that route instead. 

Okay! But let's talk about after Ram and them perform and Lillian and Connie are leaving the club. I think Eddie escorts them out? He's talking about going to get pancakes or some shit but Connie is saying she wants to go home? (me, girl). And Ram sort of comes @ her like "Why are you playing games? I know why u came down here, let's go." You know, kind of like, get this dick girl why r you playing around. WHICH! Bitch!!!!!!!! I was like...gasping at how rude Ram was being lol. I mean, it wasn't that serious. Like I've seen way worse shit in movies and in real life lol, but I was just taken aback that he was coming at classy ass Diahann Carroll like that. On some give up that pussy girl why u playing games shit. girrrlllll!! He was really wild for that! Honestly, truly. He really was. But I loved that scene, so intense. Right? Idk, I loved it. 

So Lillian kind of comes at Ram like Don't talk to her like that please, I was the one who wanted to come down. LIKE HOW ARE YOU STANDING UP FOR YOUR FRIEND TO THE NIGGA WHO JUST DISRESPECTED HER ASS BUT STILL THIRSTING AFTER THE D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!!!!?!?!?!? I c o n i c. Iconic!! Iconic. Okay?? 

So what happens? Omg. It gets so much worse! Lol. So I think Eddie is taking Connie and Lillian, I don't remember. Either back to the hotel or to eat whatever idk. So they fuck off. But like literally two seconds later Lillian's...sigh, completely sad ass comes back to basically throw her pussy at Ram, AGAIN, even tho he has thwarted it I don't know how many times in the - what? Twenty fucking minutes this film has been on? Jesus. Ram is like You don't want someone like me. Even tho he was all over Connie and would never had said some shit like that to her lol okay, but I guess eventch Lillian wears his equally pathetic ass down and they end up in bed. Nice? I guess......

So ~the morning after~ Ram tries to act funny with Lillian, kinda tryna get her to get out of his apartment. Somewhere in here we find out Lillian is divorced, and has kids. So I guess she in Paris just tryna turn up. But it's...weird? To like be tryna snag a beaux when you're only gonna be there for two weeks? Why isn't she hopping on as many French d--HOW ARE YOU GONNA GO TO PARIS TO SLUT IT UP AND FIND LIKE THE ONE AMERICAN AND JUST ATTACH YOURSELF TO HIM UMMMMMMHOW DOES THIS WORK WHERE DOTHEY DO THIS??? She could be slippin and slidin on so much French dick, but she just settles on Ram's whack, bad energy ass and he doesn't even have an accent to make up for all his many flaws. Okay, girl. You small town, narrow-minded thot! Lol, come. oN! 

But somehow, Ram and Lillian end up in some little relationship thing. I don't ship it. It's just kind of this weird and sad thing to me. And obviously Ram is a mess, like Lillian girl you can't bring his rude, jazz-playing ass home to your kids. Mess.

On the flip, Connie and Eddie are having some mad cute ass relationship. Hashtag black love in this bitch. Like, they're talking about marriage and kids and shit, IT IS SEW CUTE. Okay but the only ish...hmm. So Connie wants their life to be in America, but Eddie wants to stay in Paris, where he feels it is better for a black man. Apparently (sniff) Eddie thinks in France, a black man is just A Man, not A Black Man. LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Connie is looking @ this new black negro like...I can't belieb this is my future baby father lol. She lowkey highkey thinks this negrum is weak sauce, and running away from things. She thinks he should be in America facing adversity, not hiding away in France, where, bitch, guess what? You are a black man. Like how that little boy came up and LITERALLY CALLED HIM LIKE A NEGRO MAN OR SOMETHING. Connie was like if he was an American boy you'd feel some type of way! Exactly. Cuz that cute little French bitch had an accent suddenly it's okay?? Eddie if you don't get!!! 

Despite Connie being...what the fuck did Eddie call her? DIDN'T HE CALL HER A SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR? Bitch, I screamed. Lol despite Connie being on her pro-black ish and Eddie thinking the French are fucking color blind or some shit lol like even if they were, color blinds can still differentiate from white skin AND YOUR BLACK ASS lol, but anyway! Despite their big differences in...ahem, beliefs, I still ship it. Or, I ship Connie having the ability to change men lol. Like, when I was shipping her and Ram initially it was because I clocked her immediately as someone who'd smack this stupid bitch upside the head one time, and he'd be right from them on. But I'm glad they paired her with Eddie in the end. He's more malleable, and less gone. Also they just look really cute together. 

Lillian does not posses the power of the puss. I'm sure her puss is fine and good, but it is not life-changing like Connie's, sorry. Ram is not going anywhere with you. He's young wild and free lol. He is not going back to whereeverthefuck, USA to play stepdaddy to some dusty corn fed brats. Even tho he was about to leave with her after that music gatekeeper dude examined Ram's composition and said he was amateur. Ram got one rejection and all of a sudden he's giving up immediately? Is that common with artists? Lol. Idk I only speak from my perspective...but if you do anything creative, you're gonna get rejected. A lot. Even Mozart was rejected, no? (insert me trying to remember shit from Amadeus smh). Idk, it just seemed really dumb...that Ram would immediately feel like giving up. This is one dude saying you suck. And he's old and who cares? Idk whatever, it doesn't matter, because Ram ends up staying in Paris. And that's...nice. Couldn't care less tbh DID EDDIE GO TO AMERICA TO MAKE A MILLION BABIES WITH CONNIE, OR NAH? That was unclear at the end? Or maybe I wasn't paying attention to a particular part. Like did they say he was meeting up with her in a few weeks? BITCH, HE BETTER! Anyway, did Poitier and Carroll smash in real life? Put me on TCM so I can gossip about this with Robert Osborne. I know his old ass got some tea.