The Double Life of Veronique (1991)

The Double Life of Veronique is one of those movies that I watch and have literally nothing to say about it. But GUESS WHAT, BITCH? I will find something!! Don't ever underestimate how ugly I am about needing to share my opinion on literally fucking everything even though no one ever asks and I haven't had a proper friend since I was like fourteen and that bitch didn't even really like me but we had the same birthday so we sat together in Biology, WHATEVER. 

So!! *cries* *farts but it's a poop* The Dbl Life of Vero is about...some bitch named Veronique (Weronika??). But there's two bitches. Two bitches named Veronique. Like they're occupying two different universes or something? But not really because they seem to be in the same universe and dimension? Because remember how Veronique 1 saw Veronique 2 on the tour bus???? Doesn't this movie sound so horrible and French? lol. 

AND IT WAS!! I was getting very Bergman tease from this, though, for some reason. This kind of seems like something he'd do?? But not as...idk...erotic, I guess. Less erotic and more...hard. This movie was very sensual or something. There was a lot of focus on Irène Jacob's lips and face and shit and she had this like...idk pouty angelic very feminine look I think. So it was nice just looking at her pretty ass. I also really liked Veronique 1's singing. It was all angelic and horrifying. Yo, but look: *starts screaming*

WHAT WAS THIS MOVIE ABOUT????!?!??!?  

lol like OH MY GODDDDD!!! I was just watching like internally pterodactyl screeching non-stop for the whole duration of the film like it was truly honestly a mess. I don't have the attention span or smarts for this shit. I can usually ignore the pretentiousness and over-wrought existentialism of French films because they're speaking FRANCE WORDS and it's like I don't need to understand. Just fuck raw with full bushes and I'll be good! It's so crazy how I consider myself a ~*~cinephile~*~ but I am so horrible like this lol. Whatever, I'm not gonna box myself in like that. There's different ways to love movies. Please, there has to be. There needs to be a category for people full of so much hate and ugliness who like watching movies for the darkest aspect of the escapism. I just want to dive in to every film and gut it hara-kiri style and make everything ugly and horrible and bloody and dark like me. I'm starting that category of cinema head. WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT?!;$!48'oe,oek

Poll: Which Veronique did you want to die from singing more: Vero 1 who actually did, or Vero 2, who should have? Send votes to hell.

I finally saw Gravity,

here's my fucking review.

I feel like there were a lot of cliches. Sandra Bullock's backstory with the dead daughter and like the whole time I'm wondering who the father is; Clooney's jokey demeanor - speaking of Clooney's jokey demeanor. Who makes jokes in space? It's, like, terrifying to be in space, just in general, but then the BIG TERRIBLE happens and he's cracking about how hot he is or some shit. And him - or, a--the mirage of him returning to motivate Sandra to figure out how to get back to Earth. Blech. That being said, when he showed up I got uncomfortably optimistic, because it definitely looked like Sandra was going to die. Other cliche things were...just all the dialogue. All the words, mostly. But...I definitely cared about Sandra's character and her weird pixie wig. And the ending was pretty good with the crash back to Earth and her trying to surface but her suit was too heavy. All that was pretty nerve-wracking and intense. Well, the whole movie was, so that was done really well. Though I do wonder how the fuck she's going to get back to Lake Zurich or wherever. Maybe that's the opposite of "the point" probably. The credits came on way too fast...

Eh. I think ultimately, overall, I don't give a shit. Sci-fi stuff is typically difficult for me to get into. It's a corny genre to me. And usually shit people love like The Matrix, I hate vehemently. But shit that a lot of people dislike like Prometheus, I love. It's all about the cast for me. I don't care about space and shit. But if Tom Hardy is going to Jupiter to fuck an alien ~for research~, count me in. The cast has to be on-point or I can't connect. I am not a fan of anyone in The Matrix as actors. I like Keanu the celebrity, but not Keanu "I am trying to act here" Reeves. Stop. Gravity has Sandra and Clooney. I like Sandra enough, but I do not seek out her films. And this is not some shitty romcom, a genre I semi-love. You need to step your game up with this geek shit. I think I read either Marion Cotillard or Angelina Jolie was up for Sandra's part and they passed. Dear God, if Marion was in this shit this would probably be my favorite movie right now. Alas, her beautiful French ass is not. And Clooney? Ugh, over it. Replace him with nearly anyone else. Except for Joe Pantoliano, whom I dislike and who secured my violent distaste for The Matrix. Like, yeah okay, no-acting ass Keanu and questionable face ass Laurence Fishburne are here. FINE. But then you have Joe Pantoliano show up? No, fuck this. Fuck this movie. And recast Gravity with Marion and literally anyone else except for Joe PantoliaNO, amirite? Ugh.

I'm still waiting for my perfect space movie. Please don't force me to choose Moon. I refuse to submit to Kevin Spacey. I won't accept him as someone who exists. Even if it's just in voice form. Cannot and will not. Do better.