I finally saw Gravity,

here's my fucking review.

I feel like there were a lot of cliches. Sandra Bullock's backstory with the dead daughter and like the whole time I'm wondering who the father is; Clooney's jokey demeanor - speaking of Clooney's jokey demeanor. Who makes jokes in space? It's, like, terrifying to be in space, just in general, but then the BIG TERRIBLE happens and he's cracking about how hot he is or some shit. And him - or, a--the mirage of him returning to motivate Sandra to figure out how to get back to Earth. Blech. That being said, when he showed up I got uncomfortably optimistic, because it definitely looked like Sandra was going to die. Other cliche things were...just all the dialogue. All the words, mostly. But...I definitely cared about Sandra's character and her weird pixie wig. And the ending was pretty good with the crash back to Earth and her trying to surface but her suit was too heavy. All that was pretty nerve-wracking and intense. Well, the whole movie was, so that was done really well. Though I do wonder how the fuck she's going to get back to Lake Zurich or wherever. Maybe that's the opposite of "the point" probably. The credits came on way too fast...

Eh. I think ultimately, overall, I don't give a shit. Sci-fi stuff is typically difficult for me to get into. It's a corny genre to me. And usually shit people love like The Matrix, I hate vehemently. But shit that a lot of people dislike like Prometheus, I love. It's all about the cast for me. I don't care about space and shit. But if Tom Hardy is going to Jupiter to fuck an alien ~for research~, count me in. The cast has to be on-point or I can't connect. I am not a fan of anyone in The Matrix as actors. I like Keanu the celebrity, but not Keanu "I am trying to act here" Reeves. Stop. Gravity has Sandra and Clooney. I like Sandra enough, but I do not seek out her films. And this is not some shitty romcom, a genre I semi-love. You need to step your game up with this geek shit. I think I read either Marion Cotillard or Angelina Jolie was up for Sandra's part and they passed. Dear God, if Marion was in this shit this would probably be my favorite movie right now. Alas, her beautiful French ass is not. And Clooney? Ugh, over it. Replace him with nearly anyone else. Except for Joe Pantoliano, whom I dislike and who secured my violent distaste for The Matrix. Like, yeah okay, no-acting ass Keanu and questionable face ass Laurence Fishburne are here. FINE. But then you have Joe Pantoliano show up? No, fuck this. Fuck this movie. And recast Gravity with Marion and literally anyone else except for Joe PantoliaNO, amirite? Ugh.

I'm still waiting for my perfect space movie. Please don't force me to choose Moon. I refuse to submit to Kevin Spacey. I won't accept him as someone who exists. Even if it's just in voice form. Cannot and will not. Do better.