I Saw the Devil (2010)

I Saw the Devil is one of the greatest movies of all time. Like every time I watch it it's just perfect. Okay, but...sigh, can we talk about how the last time I watched this I saw this film as a love story? Like, before I'd always ship Soo-hyeon and Kyung-chul like ironically, or for a laugh, because, UH, one man is looking to seek revenge upon another man for brutally murdering his wife? And I'm not even looking at it as a love story like...because Soo-hyeon is looking to avenge his wife's murder and that's maybe romantic, but more because this whole revenge thing is...kind of erotic?? Especially since it's such a good match and thrilling competition smh. I'll just say I think it's erotic instead of a love story so they don't arrest me. 

So the movie starts with a woman in her car during a snowstorm, I think? I believe her tire went flat? Tbh, I don't remember, which is wild, because I've seen this like 11 million times. But my memory is really bad because I'm always watching shit, so like put one thing in, push one out. Pretty sure that's how the brain works!! Anyway, the woman in the broke-down car calls her husband who is in the Korean FBI or something, Soo-hyeon. What was really wild to me is how apparently it was his wife's birthday and he was at work, and also that it seemed he missed her birthday last year as well? Um, you're a deadbeat and that's why your wife was murdered. 

Lovable murderess Kyung-chul approaches Soo-hyeon's wife's car and offers to help her and I'm pretty sure she locks her car door which means nothing because this nigga is an actual savage. And not a "savage" like some fledgling instagram thaught who has a Spotify playlist with just "Needed Me" and "B*tch Better Have My Money" on it. Like, a jungle savage, except he's been assimilated, and is also the anti+christ. So, like, locked doors mean nothing to him. Fast-forward to Soo-hyeon's wife getting extra-murdered. 

Kyung-chul has some creepy serial killer's lair with a drain that he can wash all the blood down and it's just so cliché. 

Fast-forward to Soo-hyeon taking like two weeks off work so he can find his wife's killer and seek revenge. He didn't know it was Kyung-chul at first, so he goes through like 3-4 other dudes who were listed as suspects. They were criminals for other shit, so we the audience don't feel uncomfortable when he's like beating them with wrenches or bike helmets or shit even though they're not his wife's murderer. Also, it's just an extremely lit vibe. The violence is expected, and encouraged. 

So the movie is already completely lit. Kyung-chul is such an incorrigible piece of shit, the shit is almost charming. Nah, he's a demon, but he brings that fire from hell with him to light this motherfucking movie up. And then Soo-hyeon is wearing this fucking leather bubble jacket or some shit zipped ALL THE WAY UP TO HIS MOTHERFUCKING NECK and just tearing the shit out of niggas like it's some sort of version of Grand Theft Auto that is solely about killing niggas who are in your way as you make it to the nearest porta-porty because you eternally, really have to shit.  

Once Soo-hyeon finds Kyung-chul, you're already tired. Like, shit, it's just getting started?! But we're off to the races with Soo-hyeon basically repeatedly almost killing Kyung-chul but pulling back at the last minute, so he can keep playing with him. But my thing is: he keeps Kyung-chul alive out in the streets so he can keep fucking with him, at risk that he will continue to harm others, which, um, he does? 

At a certain point Kyung-chul gets tired of getting his ass beat, so he decides to come back at Soo-hyeon. See, this is why I wasn't feeling Soo-hyeon not killing Kyung-chul right away, because it's clear this nigga is a demon with zero fucks to give. You cold-blood murder people, you don't give a fuck. Soo-hyeon can act like he dead inside all he want until Kyung-chul comes after people he cares about. Dumb! Stupid!

But, I guess?, Soo-hyeon gets the ~last laugh~ with him tying Kyung-chul up and, like, attaching his jaw to the doorknob of a door so when his family opens it his head rips off or some shit. The end is almost anti-climatic. Because you can't actually avenge someone's death. They're, like, in almost every case, going to stay being dead. So. Plus, Kyung-chul had no real feelings and kills people just to be doing it. He doesn't even seem to have a John Wayne Gacy-esque backstory. He be killing niggas how some people scrapbook. Just some weird shit to fill the time, tbh. 

But anyway, this movie is mad erotic, and no one can ever take that from me. There's recorded evidence - receipts. Don't you dare try to deny it when it's sitting here staring right back at you! Don't even try it!!  

Addicted (2002)

So as soon as I laid my eyeballs upon I Saw the Devil I was instantly obsessed with Byung-hun Lee. Don't last names go first in Korea? Is it Lee Byung-hun? Sigh, for someone who is a stan!!! 

But anyway he completely slayed my soul in that movie. Like the whole time he was wearing one of those ratchet ass, discount warehouse store winter jackets zipped up all the way to the neck?? 

And just giving me cheekbones and disintegrating my entire will to live. So after watching that I vowed to watch any shit he's in. Guess how many shits he's in I've actually seen?? Like none?? And I know he was in like that sequel to Red and maybe The Expendables? Why you gotta be in these trash ass American action movies, Byung-hunny? Plleeez never write his name like that againnnn! But also I saw on his imdb he's going to be in that Magnificent Seven remake, which looks like trash, but I see Denzie and Peter Sarsgaard are going to be in it, so...maybe there's a chance. But also...Cam Gigandet is in it???? I thought he was over?? And Chris Pratt might be the lead? Look I like Chris Pratt, but...enough. lol, like, that's enough now. How many GODDAMN Chrises do we actually need?? Though, if I had to choose out of all the Chrises I'd choose, obviously, Chris Brown. 

Omg what was I even...talking about. Oh okay, Lee Byung-hun. So I'm obsessed with him, but like, fake-obsessed, because it took me for fucking ever to watch another movie he's in, which turned out to be this, Addicted. I saw it while stealing (it was a free trial) some Hulu Plus. Or regular Hulu? Didn't Hulu used to be free? It definitely was because I remember being in college and watching like the whole series of Arrested Development and Always Sunny on there and I had zero coins. Ahh the good old days loljk I wanted to die every day and thought about comitting suicide by downing this entire bottle of Advil but I have difficulty swallowing pills :(

Anyway!! I had a free trial of Hulu! Which I mainly wasted by watching episodes of Loiter Sqaud I've already seen (when is season four???), and then the latest season of Nathan For You (i love this show save me), and then also I watched a bunch of other VERY TERRIBLE movies like Megan Is Missing, some boring French shit, and fucking...Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones........ I am such a waste. Just like the Paranormal Activity franchise. And Hulu Plus, honestly. It's kind of whack? Why didn't I watch The Mindy Project? Did she have her baby yet? Idk, man, that shit got kicked off Fox and I was like *shrugs*. Even though I am a stan? But it's just clear I am so fake. 

Anyway!!!! ???? Addicted was like the only non-terrible movie--oh, wait, no, My Friend & His Wife was good, too. It pissed me off, but it was good. So the only two good movies I watched while stealing Hulu were k dramas. Which one made me the least pissed-off, though? This is so tough...like that's such a difficult question to answer because both of these movies completely fucking enraged me, as k dramas are fucking wont!! to!! do!! But I think...My Friend & His Wife takes the cake for the movie that made me the most angry. But Addicted really got under my skin. 

Okay, so here's why. Honestly why are there like A MILLION opening paragraphs??? Someone please save me please.

Alright I'm bout to fuck these names up because I saw this movie like three months ago and my lazy, easily distracted ass is just now getting around to writing about it. Please know I forgot almost everything that happened, and I certainly! do not fucking remember any of the characters' names, never mind the fact that this stupid bitch movie has like...a fake amnesia storyline and fucking fraudulent ass soul-swapping and *just pterodactyl screeching*

So!!!! There's a woman and a man and I think they're married? The woman is named probably Eun-su and the man is less probably but maybe named Ho-jin. They have a cute little romantical romance. I think the man is like an artist? The woman idk I forget. She had a job. In fashion? Not important. What's important is that this married couple lets the man's brother live with them, played by Lee Byung-hun. His character's name is Dae-jin. He's a race car driver. Please. 

So fast forward to both Dae-jin and his bro Ho-jin getting in two separate car accidents on the same day at the same time??? They both go into comas but Dae-jin is the one who actually wakes up. Ho-jin stays in his coma. Dae-jin goes to live back home with Eun-su, who is happy that he's awake, but you can tell she's annoyed that like...her husband's brother woke instead of her husband?? But she seems to love Dae-jin and seems genuinely happy at least one of these niggas is okay. Except, is he???

So Dae-jin wants to play games right out the gate!!! He on some "I'm really Ho-jin" type shit. Talkin' bout some they switched bodies or SOME BULLSHIT!!! This shit made me so mad lol it's mad dumb. This movie isn't even a little bit set in a fantasy world? So why am I watching fucking Freaky Friday the k drama version? Why am I watching that go down when the movie is set up normally?? Do you REALLY expect me to believe these niggas switched bodies? I mean, I have seen some outlandish ass shit in kdramas, but they typically let you know from jump when you're bout to watch some mess. If there's gonna be some soul-swap bullshit, you gon' get a lot of other unnecessary fanatical ass shit going on to lead up to it. Am I crazy to feel like that? Like should I have just accepted...whatever reality, or non-reality the movie wanted to set up and unfold as they pleased??

No!!!!! BECAUSE TURNS OUT THE BITCH WAS LYING AND HE WAS ACTUALLY DAE-JIN IN DAE-JIN'S BODY AND NOT FUCKING HO-JIN IN DAE-JIN'S BODY LIKE NOBODY FUCKING BELIEVED. 

1. We as the audience knew Dae-jin pre-accident was in love with Eun-su. So this movie is dumb for setting that up, and then having the audacity to have it seem like Ho-jin switched bodies with his brother. How would that ever be cute if it actually happened? They SURE AS SHIT did not show Eun-su lusting after Dae-jin, so why are you trying to make it seem romantical that she can still fuck her husband but then also Dae-jin at the same time? Like the whole time this is all the bitch ever wanted???? 

2. And like!!!! Showing us that Dae-jin was in love with Eun-su was so stupid because the whole time I was like "this nigga playin'". I feel like the movie really wanted me to believe Ho-jin was in that body. Telling his little stories that ~only the two of them would know~ as if Ho-jin couldn't tell his brother personal ass shit, which he did!! OBVIOUSLY!! And that's exactly what I was thinking when Dae-jin was recounting those so-called "personal" stories: Ho-jin probably told him that shit! 

I don't understand...why this movie didn't try harder. To do what idk lol. To not play games? I was just annoyed they were tryna play the audience like we're dumb as fuck (i am but anyway!). Like soul-swapping, really? lol. I shouldn't the whole time be yelling at the screen like "Come on!!". 

AND THEN WHEN EUN-SU FINDS OUT THE TRUTH SHE DON'T EVEN SAY SHIT???!!!?!?!

That's what had me heated the most. NO CONFRONTATION?? lol smfh you have GOT to be kidding me. I was so pissed lol. And tell me why I was lowkey a little believing the lie until like the very end lol pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez Ffucking kILL ME!! 

Anyway, this is a Lee Byung-hun stan blog, thanks for stopping by assassinate me thanks

Lol wait did I say this movie was good was this supposed to be a good review? lol girl I guess sig h