The Automatic Hate (2015)

Oh my god lol. So right away when I read the description for this movie on Netflix, I knew this was about cousin fuckers. The description was something like blah blah a guy and then blah blah his cousin shows up and ~things get weird~. Perhaps a more stable, securely-hinged brain would think huh, maybe some old family secrets will be dredged up. Maybe a secret adoption. Lol!!!! NO!! THE COUSINS ARE GOING TO FUCK! YOU WOULD KNOW THIS RIGHT AWAY IF YOU HAD SCREAMING BANSHEE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD ALL DAY LIKE ME! STEP ASIDE, NEWB! 

Anyway, I am in so much pain. The Automatic Hate stars Joseph Cross whom I would  mistake for Shawn Ashmore way more if either of them were even remotely relevant, and he plays some dude named Davis. He has some girlfriend played by that ginger vampire chick from True Blood. She's all depressed or some shit blah blah who cares. Some weirdo Michelle Williams knock-off who's on my show Rectify tempting possible murderous bae Daniel, shows up and is all Lol I'm your cuz. 

Davis doesn't...know about any cousins. She says she's the daughter of some dude, who's apparently the brother of his dad, but Davis has never heard of his father having a brother, so um??? So there's some horrible family secret, right? Because Davis' dad doesn't even want to talk about this hidden brother, and when Davis tries to ask his grandfather in hospice about it I think he has like a panic attack? 

Davis decides to go to Alexis after kind of rejecting her at first, because he had no idea she even existed so wtf. Turns out ol' girl has two other sisters, so Davis is all amped because he has a bunch of cousins, yay! None of whom...I am assuming he's planning to fuck? 

Or, wait??? Because he definitely smashes one of them! The Michelle Williams knock-off, who was also a Radha Mitchell knock-off in one of the Silent Hill movies? Girl, you're played. But so is are you Shawn Ashmore? Of Frozen fame? Or was that the other Ashmore? Joseph Cross, so. 

Why did Davis and Alexis fuck? Oh they were watching some old home movies of their dads when they were younger. In the videos is a young woman with them and it's clear the way it was filmed they were both in love with her? Right away I guesstimated the chick was their sister? There's levels to this incest.  

Like we don't find out about the Secret Sister/Aunt or whatever until later, but Davis and Alexis still get hot off the home movies and smash. Natch. 

Anyway fast-forward to the grandfather dying and the Cousin Fuckers putting together a family reunion of sorts. Davis' dad and Alexis' dad haven't seen each other in years. Why? Because Alexis' dad used to smash their sister, and Davis' dad found out about it and like, told on them lol. So ol' girl killed herself, and then I guess Alexis' dad got banned from the fam. But did banning him stop the cycle of incest? LOL! 

There's some big fight when everything is exposed, and somehow in the ruckus Davis punches Alexis. Basically because she was about to open her mouth and spill the tea on them smashing shared DNA. Like, the most egregious thing in this movie was that he stone cold punched her out and no one was like Hey wtf... Like what do you mean? Who's punching bitches??? Not only is she a woman, but your lover and family lol, where do they do this? I was like, deeply upset? Like forget all that incest and how ugly everyone is lol, who told this boy he could hit a bitch??? I was like, OVER IT at this point. 

BUT WAIT TELL ME WHY!!! Okay so at the Big Confrontation, Davis' girlfriend was present. Bitch saw EVERYTHING. 

I don't understand! 

1. She saw him punch a bitch out

2. She CLEARLY saw that there was ~something weird~ going on between her boo and his couzo. 

Like even if she didn't have all the info concerning exactly WHAT was going on, um, the fact that ANYTHING was going on, should've been her cue to immediately cut ties with his weird ass? Never mind him like HITTING A BITCH!!! ??

So they have her at the end of the fucking movie, like, trying to ask him questions about his feelings concerning his cuz. Like, I guess, trying to figure out if she wanted to stay with him or not?

WHITE PEOPLE ARE INSANE!! Why didn't she just immediately leave him? I was trippin out, like this was so crazy to me. This bitch asked this piece of shit if he ever fantasized about smashing his blood and this pale face said Yes. LOL!! And she was just like okay....but did you ever DO ANYTHING with her and his bitch ass lied and was like Nah and she was like Okay everything's fine we're still baes!!!! I want to fucking die.