Oscars 2017

I've seen like two movies that were nominated lol. But that doesn't mean I don't have A LOT of opinions about the fuck all that is going on. If Blah La La Land wins (Which I DID NOT see), I'm going to...roll my eyes lol sike you thot it was that serious. But I def want Moonlight (Haven't seen, but WANT TO) to win because it just...should? Lol what if it's really bad and La La Land is uhmazing (doubt it)?? Idk who cares, but I took notes while watching because my life has no meaning. Turn up!!!!!!!!!!! 

So I have this red carpet pre-show shit on in the background............should I mute this? Why is Emma Roberts' crazy ass there? Lookin' just crazed lol. And now they have Leslie Mann on here and the interview guy told her 700 million people would be watching and she got all shook because she's presenting. Aint no 700 mili niggas watching this shit lol but I love Leslie she is so cute but white so prob racist lol.

Andrew Garf, my baby! I would die if he won but 1. Didn't see Whacksaw Ridge, so don't know if it's a good performance and 2. He won't? So. But he's amazing and I am so excited he's been finally nominated like he should've been all the way back to Boy A, BUT I'M SLEEP!! 

Wait I'm just remembering this bitch tried to drag Isabelle Huppert's outfit. How in one breath you gon' say French bitches have effortless, built-in style then drag her because she "underwhelmed" you? French style is all about understated sexiness like you sound dumb and she looks great smh I hate these red carpet losers

That little girl from Fences just said some cute shit and the interviewer dude paid her ass dust, I want to die this is so horrible...

THIS NIGGA JUST WRONGLY PRONOUNCED MYKELTI'S NAME AND THEN BROUGHT UP BUMBA GUMP TALKING ABOUT AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FILM. HOW????!! 

Terrence Howard's voice screams tiny, greasy penis.

AWWWWW Andrew Garf just awkwardly complimented the interview bitch I want to scream he is so cute and pure

John & Chrissy are mad annoying lol but cute but mostly annoying :')

Damien Chazelle is from Jersey, which is also where I'm from, so...I know he's a piece of shit. 

Loljk I loved Whiplash. I wonder if LLL is as good? Like Gosling is in it, but it's also...a musical. I like, maybe, three entire musicals lol so idk boutalladat. 

Denzel and his wife make me uncomfortable lol they always fighting. But anyway, Denze better win. Like Casey's rapin' ass prob will, but I hope veneers bae pulls an upset. 

Did you see Naomie Harris dragging her movie? lol is she a Capricorn? Lemme go check. Oh, a Virgo lol. Even worse, and makes super-sense!! 

I HATE Justin Timberlake. This is already SO FUCKING AWFUL!!! 

Is this the Grammy's bitch wtf

"I know you know this, Denzel" Boy, if u don't get ur cokehead ass off the stage...

I don't like Jimmy Kimmel. Lol I'm so sick how uninterested I am in mostly everything happening smh

I'm Mel Gibson's screaming internal rage smile waiting for the camera 2 get off my racist, crazy ass. 

They're referencing this Kimmel/Damon "beef" like everybody knows about this dumb shit..

Damn, drag this bitchboi...

Remember when that lady told Viggo every1 clapped the most for him? He was shook like u can tell he don't fuck with nobody lol it was so cute. 

Aw, remember when Dev was the ugly kid on Skins? lol. What a glo up. 

Yas first win for Moonlight which I haven't even seen!!!!!! :') Awwww he choking up so cuuuute pleeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzz

OJ Simpson, America's Sweetheart.

I love The Rock, but something seems lowkey wrong about him, right? Maybe it's the Hawaiian thing... lkijjnhbgbfvededtulonkmimoko

Yo, I've never seen Hamilton and never will, but........is it really a hip hopera about slaves? Lol ummm,m,mmmmmmmm

We at home don't care about the audience getting free snacks, but okay geaux aüf?? #hating&hungry

I really wanna see Arrival it looks lit and Amy is bae I just...hope she doesn't get fucked by an alien. #notready4that!!! 

Viola better win, LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Oh. if Naomie wins that's cool, too. BUT #VIOLA! Okay???? Damn, Naomie just slayed that clip hmmmmm 

I wanna see Manchester by the Sea but I feel weird cuz Casey a rapist. Imma just say I'm there for Michelle......

MY LONGEST YEA BOI FOR VIOLA, TURN UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

She looks so good in that red, smh. Yes, Viola's dramatic ass speech bitch slay I love you pleeeeeeeeeeeeez

I'm only half-watching this. I think imma tune out until an Important™ award comes up again. Wait, but can we talk about how The Apartment is mad boring? I hate when they hype dry ass old films. Like, This is a Classic™! Just because it's black & white don't mean it's lit, but I'm sleep!!!! 

Neaux uhfence........but pleez stop performing the nominated songs...

Awwww Gael's a tiny bb, and Hailee gave me the ultimate bop "Hell Nos & Headphones". I approve of these two presenters. 

Yo, I lowkey...fuck with Dakota Johnson??? Mmmm, for now. We'll see we'll see...

I'M THAT ONE GUY IGNORING THE WHITE CELEBRITIES!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Okay so I'm peeping Jimmy making repeat weird comments about ethnic names......... like, your name is Jimmy. What the fuck kind of name is that white bwoy

The Big Lebowski being like xanax is kind of a good description. 

My baby Riz!! We doing big things!!!! (lol who is "we" i need to die) omg Riz making that awkward comment about robots replacing actors idc if it was written on the teleprompt bitch that is sooooooo him 

I tried to watch The Jungle Book on Netflix but I thot I made a mistake and it was like one of those bad movies, so I turned it off. You know those bad movies u just randomly find on Netflix like....what is this. But apparently it's a ~legit~ film? Lol I guess I will try again sigh

I hate Seth Rogen like it's MY FUCKING JOB. Okay? Okay.

Okay Michael J come out and cleanse my palate of Seth's ugly, unfunny ass thank you. 

NO THE APPLAUSE IS NOT FOR YOU!!! lol i h8 him, sew much......

omg kill me pleaz

So La La Land not sweeping and, honestly? I feel alive. Anyway keep in mind I have never seen this movie but I know it's whack lol I just know it! I feel this in my brittle, calcium-deficient bones!! But wait, what's up with Hacksaw Ridge winning shit? Is that a good movie? I mean, Mel kind of delivers as a filmmaker, so maybe? We'll see!! 

Sunny Pawar is my soul and essence. I love his answers you can tell he just wants Jimmith to just GEAUX AWAY!!! 

Those "Mean Tweets" were kind of funny and the one about Miles was completely spot-on, but can we stop calling everyone who makes a not completely positive comment on the internet a "troll"? And I say this as a Legit Troll™, you are ruining our rep just lumping every1 in, thank u!!!!

John Legend to me is like if Martin Luther King had become a crooner instead of a civil rights activist and I don't know if that's a compliment or insult or complinsult. And also to whom it would be that for. 

Yo, lol I had NO IDEA Timberlake's song was nominated for an Oscie. I thot this nigga was just onstage dancing and singing for no motherfucking reason lol smfh. Still, I remain DISGUSTED. 

Rest in peace to the greatest actor of all time (Prince), who starred in the greatest cinematic achievement there ever was or EVER WILL BE (Purple Rain). 

Neaux uhfence, but.........when is this going off??? 

I cannot wait for this Feud show. It looks really bad though lol. And Jessica Lange as Joan? Mmmmm idk, girl. I love Jessica BUT I DON'T KNOW, GIRL!!!! 

This We Bought a Zoo gag....MIGHT be funny. "It's so...effort-full for him." I'm....gagging, tbh. Yo but this drag of Matty is too accurate for it to be "just jokes" I'm starting to peep game on Jimmy Bwoy lol

Do y'all think Ben and Matt fuck? It's prob mad dry and...hard lol. But can y'all believe these lunkheads have Oscars for WRITING? What a world! 

Kenneth Lonergan...like he makes movies where I am just like, okay... Like they're simultaneously massive and small and overly-complicated but ultra-basic and dry and boring but kind of interesting ultimately because so many negative things come together to make you want to watch? Kind of like Nicolas Cage but in movie form? Idk. 

 

All these clap claps for Amy BUT WHERE HER NOMS AND AWARDS? Fakes!! 

I...can't believe this is still on. 

Yo know what I'm annoyed about? Manchester by the Sea spoilers. Like now I know what happened with Casey's character and it seems like a major plot point? But that's nice of everyone to spill the tea before I could see it!!!

Also, why is Hacksaw Ridge giving me The Pacific teas? 

If Denz wins I'm throwing up!!

Mood is Denzel not caring about Casey talking about I "taught" him how to act. Boy, I don't know you......

This sucks though, I used to be a HUGE Casey stan and this win tonight would've made old Casey stan me feel SO EXCITED. Why niggas can't keep it together so I can love their work without feeling SICK TO MY STOMACH? Is it so hard? Ugh. 

Emma Stone being nominated for Best Actress and they show a clip of her being...exactly herself. Everything is white in the world. Right, I mean. RIGHT.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDNPINGN EMR THIS BLANK ASS WHITE FUCKING NON-ACTING ASS BTICH IUST WON BEST ACTRESS I'M FIN TO THROW UP AND FLING MY VOMIT AT THE SCREEN!! 

Ok, so my bitch ass got mad when they called La La Land 4 Best Pic, so I muted my TV & went to pee only to come back to see Warren Beatty's old ass done pulled a Steven Harvey and bitch I AM CHOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM CHOKING AT THE THOT OF THE LALALAND CREW GETTING UP TO GET THAT MUTHAFUCKING AWARD AND THEN HAVING TO SIT RIGHT THE MOTHERFUCK BACK DOWN BITCH GLORY BE PRAISE TO GOD OR SOME SHIT I FEEL SO ALIVE. This is extremely sad of me lol I have seen neither of these movies but boy oh boy, I am so happy. Now I just gotta actually see this movie to justify my stanning. Also gotta see La La Land to confirm it's basic. I know imma like it at least a little bit tho cuz I'm a Gosling stan...so I need to prepare to be THOROUGHLY EMBARRASSED FOR MINE SELF. But all in all, 2017 is already extremely lit, let's go. 

Rest in peace Bill Paxton.