Fences (2016)

This film was extremely overwrought. But it's a play, I believe, right? Honestly I have no idea and am too lazy to find out, but the way the movie was filmed and how everything played out on like one stage, made it seem like it was written as a play. I love movies that are made from plays because I never get to see real life plays due to being poor and lazy and not feeling like it. Movies are cheaper and more accessible to me, so I like when they give me a little taste of Broadway every now and then. Or, well, off-Broadway, or adjacent-Broadway, because I'm not with that Les Miz, Hamilton bs. But stuff like Fences is definitely up my alley. 

Emphasis on stuff like Fences, because lowkey this movie was a mess?? lol, no, but yes. You know what was TRULY a mess? Denzel. Uncle Denzel. #actingbae. I remember I used to have this internet friend I'd talk about movies with and we were getting on the must discuss topic of Mr. Washington and she said how she didn't like him, how she thought he was over the top. I remembered thinking she prob didn't like him because she was racist (and from Pennsylvania), but I lowkey agreed he be doing The Most. I think I likened him to a black Nic Cage. But, okay, WAS I WRONG? 

I'm sorry for throwing acting bae under the bus a little to appease my boring internet friend who was like super into Simon Pegg movies (smh), but like it was completely on-point. I realllly love Denzel and watch any of the mess he be in, but he is just...so extra. And this was the Most Extra I have ever seen him and I both hated it and thought it was amazing and brilliant. 

I can't tell if I thought Denzel was...like bad, or really good, because his character was doing the motherfucking absolute most from the very start of the film and I was so exhausted and OVER IT right away immediately. Denzie plays some over the top ass never shut the fuck up head ass negro named Troy. He mad boisterous and all bravado, but also a traditionalist, I guess you could call it, and one of them niggas who think they really doing something by fulfilling their obligations. Just barely, but give these niggas a medal. Then of course there's some horrible backstory to it all they're mad nonchalant about like they haven't been suffering from post traumatic stress disorder their entire fucking lives that no amount of therapy in this late stage could even begin to chip away at, and it was just all hitting a little too close to home. I think a big part of me was hating Troy, and Denzel's performance, because it was so accurate and I know dudes exactly like Troy and I was just dying inside. Denzel was still playing to the cheap seats though lol can I get a subtle second, like, just one, baby. Lol no maybe I got one or two but I honestly can't even remember. Maybe Denzel's final shot with him swinging the baseball bat. Or maybe him with the baby on the stairs...maybe that. But barely that, OKAY?! 

Viola plays Troy's wife Rose, and of course she was amazing. Viola is definitely better at acting than Denzel, let's just get that out of the way right now. She can do over the top and make it look like nothing is even happening, if that makes sense, which I'm sure it does not :') But like she had moments in the film--not as many as Denzel, but moments still--where I could tell the direction was like "Just be Extra", and she was, but she made it look poetic, like art. Viola's just amazing and I'm glad she was chosen for the part, because probably anyone else would've shown this schlocky ham-fisted mess for what it is. Viola in it and I'm sitting here thinking this some prestige ass shit. So good casting choice there. I've barely seen any of the other award movies of the year, but give Viola Davis all of the awards. Best actor, actress, supporting, cinematography, direction, fucking...sound mixing, whatever bitch, give it to her. Don't fuck around, it's not a game anymore!!! 

I'm pissed Rose outchea marrying ex-cons--EX CONS FOR MURDER, BTW--, thinking she getting the opposite of an aint-shit nigga. Lol, girlfriend. Troy cheating on you and having an outside baby was prob the least his crazy ass could do. But she wanna act all shocked, talking bout eighteen years. Yeah, eighteen years of bs, smh. Her refusal to pop awf on Troy was truly bothering me. But I guess Rose is a ~good woman~. Idk what sort of good woman choses a murderer to be the father of her child, but anyway lemme stop going in on bae lol. We alllll make mistakes. And shoot if I met Yung Denzel and he was swanging baseballs and shit I'd snap his murdery ass up too, so lemme stop judging her. 

Can we talk about...why Mykelti Williamson is always playing someone, to be politically correct, retarded????? I'm tired of this fool. How is playing slow in the head your niche in the industry, like you honestly have to be joking. Lol I mean he was good, but cum on. You know what's the worst thing I've ever seen Mykelti do? He played a magical negro homeless man on Nashville. Please...please give him an Oscar. Just for that. Or at least...at least a sense of purpose. How are you a more embarrassing actor than that nigga who played Professor Oglevee?? Well maybe not more embarrassing because 1. I have no idea what that dude's name is, and 2. I saw him in a KFC commercial once and I'm not sure he had any lines. Anyway, Popeye's would be a good look for you, Mykeltz. 

Delete my blog, and this movie. Like it was good, but bad also. After the movie ended, people in my theater audience clapped. And I can definitely tell you that Mykelti was a crowd favorite lol. There was also a lot of, what I personally felt, unnecessary laughter. There were definitely some chuckle moments, mostly from Mykelti imo, but there was a lot of laughing at Denzel's character. I honestly was horrified by Troy, so I don't see what was funny. I was so glad when it turned out his character was having an affair and everything started to crumble down around him. That sounds weird to say but I thought this movie was gonna go a more OUR BLACK KANGS ARE SUFFERING AND WE NEED TO SUPPORT & UPLIFT THEM route. But this was written by a white person, though, I think? August Wilson. That name could go either way, idk. But I'm just glad Troy was humbled, and even gladder when he died lol, just keeping it real. He deserved to die. Anyway, can't wait to see hopefully Viola snatch up some awards this season, and also hopefully Denzel so he can give an uncomfortable, condescending, veneers-shouty acceptance speech. This is my dream, my nightmare.

Lila & Eve (2015)

Okay here's the thing: it was obvious J.Lo was a ghost like right away. Now, was I second-guessing myself the whole time that J.Lo was a ghost? NOPE! BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE REALLLLLLLY OBVIOUS. They aint even really try to make it seem like...she wasn't?? I'm annoyed because it was just TOO there. Like the second time we see Lila at her meeting for women who lost a child to murder, she like looks over at Eve as she's leaving and IT'S SO OBVIOUS!! IT'S SO OBVIOUS ONLY LILA CAN SEE HER! It should've been obvious the first meeting when Eve just got up and left. AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW RUDE THAT WAS? Lol like Lila was talking but okay. You think just cuz u a ghost that gives you carte blanche to be a rood bitch? That's why ur ass is dead!! 

I did have my moments where I was like...nah Eve is real. I think when they approached that dude at his car he responds to her? But then I was like...he's probably just responding to Lila... It just became wayyyy too obvious after this though like every time Lila and Eve would go somewhere Eve would be in the background, I guess so it wouldn't look weird that no one was interacting with her? Girl... Back to the drawing board with this whack ass "ghost surprise". AND WHAT KIND OF GHOST PLANTS A GUN IN A BOY'S BACKPACK??? I am entirely fucking screaming. Like eventho it was obvious Eve was a ghost...I was kind of getting my life because she was g af and encouraging Lila's scary ass to be the same. Encouraging Lila...to be...lowkey a crazy psycho...murderer. It's like, Lila, girl. You don't think you've killed enough?? Lol LIKE SHE KILLED MAD PEOPLE I'M SCREAMING!! I'M FUCKING SCREECHING UNTIL MY TONSILS BURST LIKE IT'S SO FUNNY HOW IS THIS RETRIBUTION FOR YOUR SON'S MURDER?? YOU DUN KILLED NICGGAS WHO DIDN'T HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO WITH THIS SHIT!! Wait, but like was this movie trying to say that these people's lives didn't matter?? Lol...uhhhhhh. Drug dealing and that whole crime life is not cool or cute and yeah they do contribute to people's deaths...but...idk. Who are you to play God? Even if someone else played God with your son? But like not really he was killed on accident?? Also, what did Bradley ever do to anyone? lol. Okay I guess Lila aint directly kill his bitch ass, but still. Her actions caused his death. Now if Bradley's wasp ass family were to go on some Lila-esque revenge spree would they be wrong? Like do you see how that works and how the cycle never ends? 

I don't agree with this movie's message. And no I don't think it was ~just a movie~. They were really trying to say that some people don't deserve to live lol. Look if I had a son and someone murdered him, even not completely intentionally, probably I'd be on my Lila, too. However I wouldn't expect...the universe to kind of not return my actions back to me. I don't think she evened out her son's murder by killing all those people. But I guess most of them were murderers themselves and they would've gotten there's eventually? Their karma was Lila, I guess? Idk man...lol like I was really screaming and crying at the end when all those women stood up lying, talkin' bout Lila was at their house at the time of HER BLOWING UP ALL THOSE DUDES. 

BUT OMG CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT MOMENT???

Viola gave me chills like pleeeeeeassse!! Look, this movie was lowkeyhighkey FUCKING RIDICULOUS, but my baby Viola completely slayed, PER USUAL! This movie was like...hella goofy! Lol like it was honestly a mess, and J.Lo was in it!!, but Viola killed it. She treated this mess like it was some *Joanne Prada voice* Oscar-worthy ass material. This is why knowing J.Lo was a ghost all along didn't bother me as much as it would have if I were watching something else. First of all, this isn't The Sixth Sense. This wasn't really a horror film, it was a thriller. And it gave me thrills. It would have been nice to fucking have not known Eve was a ghost the whole time, because the reveal would've been cool, but whatever, the movie was entertaining, and Viola gave me everything and honestly I would recommend watching this. It was a fun watch and I got my life. Primarily for wrong reasons, but I still got it! Getting the right answer matters more than how you got it, yeah? Did I use a fucking abacus or a calculator? Who cares! 2+2=4 either way!! What? I DON'T KNOW!! 

Yo, but anyway, was that Viola's real-life boo as the neighbor? I'm too lazy to look but that's def him, right? Aww cute. I love that Viola is important enuff now that she can cast her boo in stuff. Getting to do nepotism is when you know you've made it :') I'm proud of my daughter. I'm still not going to watch How to Get Away with Murder tho. Is Alfred Eneck an actual giraffe?? 

First of all BYE when they were getting dressed up for the club. Also DOUBLE BYE @ Eve's fucking ghost posing like some oldhead Instathot. BUT WHEN THEY WERE TAKING PICS I WAS LIKE OOOOH OKAY SO EVE NOT GON' SHOW UP IN THE PIC AND LILA GON SEE BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!! I GUESS EVE'S GHOST ASS PHOTOGRAPHED?? lol but then later when Lila was showing the pics to the handyman boytoy it was just her in the pics? Lol okay, movie. Okaaaaay.

Acting baes. I love Shea, he's so cute and good at doing acting stuff lol. I still wanted his cop character to mind his nosy cop ass business tho lol. I was like SOOO happy his partner wasn't supporting his assertions that Lila was responsible for the string of murders. Lol eventho I said I didn't agree with the movie's message of killing one thousand niggas for one dude (what sort of eye for an eye remix is this???), I still wanted...Lila to not go to prison. She didn't really kill anyone...good, so. Lol tho @ how they kept the pregnant chick alive so the audience wouldn't be like 

@ Lila not getting arrested. Good look!! 

Is this the molesty aunt from Antwone Fisher? She was giving me moments in the movie. Oh shit she was in Yelling to the Sky, too, oui? Also giving me moments there. Okay, molesty aunt from Antwone Fisher, I see you! Keep it up! This isn't condescending - look @ my blog look @ my life, it's impossible for me to be condescending. Be in more stuff I am being genuine!! Don't suck any dix!! Unless it's for something really good!! Then it's okay.

My bae Chris Chalk was in this! (I literally just learned this negro's name talkin bout some my bae). I've been uncomfortably stanning for him since he was the sniper dood or whatever on Homeland. And then he was in 12 Years! And maybe something else. I don't know he has a look. And he can act. Get bigger! Get a shitty role in some ugly Marvel movie! Omg will you be in Black Panther?? Please! That's like the only upcoming superhero movie I care about. I think you're on Gotham but I hate Gotham? It's really poorly acted... I mean, I know you prob act well in it. But did they deleet Ryan from The O.C.? If not then... Anyway I like this pic of you on presumably a red carpet in a North Face pull-over?? You're going far.

me...