^me @ this movie.
loljk I was way more Tom Cruise Black Turtleneck crazy cackling than I was trying really hard to fake cry. And yes, that's shade at Tommy for his fake ass tears that didn't fall out of his eyeballs. I hate actor-crying when it's only wet eyes but the tears don't fall. You can tell their trick is just to stare at something really long until their eyes water up - I'M ON TO YOU, CRUISE. Well, he did properly cry one time towards the end lol but it was...wow it was gross lol. AND ALSO HILARIOUS. WHY WAS THAT SCENE SO FUNNY?!?
WHEN TOMOTHY WALKED IN AND SAW THE MASK ON HIS PILLOW
LOL AND HE WAS ALL LIKE
lol. This was actually a genuinely enojoyable moment in the movie for me. There were...there were so few.
This film is almost impeccably off-putting. There's a lot of off-putting dialogue, actors, acting, etc. I think I will list everything off-putting to me because that's fun for me. Like, I enjoy talking shit. Let's go!!
-Sydney Pollack
I can't decide...if...he was doing a good job or a bad job. I hated his character and I hated Sydney's acting choices. I hated how...like, fake he was. But I can't tell if that was on-purpose, like...if that was perfect for the type of douchebag fucking character he was playing. And...maybe he was actually doing an amazing job and all my disgust feelings towards him prove that?? But ugh...in the first scene with him where he's with the hooker who OD'd and he's telling Cruise..."I know I don't have to say this...but this is just between us" ugh just...the hand movements he was doing and how he was speaking - I wanted to throw up. And then later in that billiard room - so gross! But I'm like: wait, I'm supposed to be super-grossed out by him, right???
OKAY, MAYBE, BUT I WAS GROSSED OUT BY SO MANY OTHER ACTORS/CHARACTERS.
Like,
-Tom Cruise. It was...for the first....idk, 20, 30 minutes of the movie...before the scene where Nicole pops off at him after they smoke a joint. Like...I was so disgusted by Tom lol like....kissing on Nicole and weird ~~sexy~~ stuff happening - It was gross! I don't want to see...Tom Cruise...be in ~~sexy~~ situations. Yes, I'll take all the shitty action films he wants to be in, as long as he doesn't have any romantic scenes. And as long as I don't have to watch his little body gyrating or pumping ugh or anything lol. But I was just really creeped out by him and his weird crazed eyeballs. As the movie went on, though, it became easier to watch him? I guess? They separated him and Nicole for a lot of the movie, which I can't decide...if it was good or bad? Like probably I would have been--YOU KNOW, I REALLY liked the scene where Nicole is ripping into him sort of and then starts talking about that navy officer or whatever. 1, probably because Nicole is a good actress and just captivated me and 2, it sort of reminded me of one of my favorite "type" of films, which are like...plays. Where characters are just in a room going awf on one another. It was lowkey giving me Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? tease, one of my fave movies of all time. So I liked that scene, and I especially loved that Tom Cruise was no longer nibbling on Nicole's neck because seriously that was making me fucking nauseous. I would have loved a movie solely about their marriage...if it was just a series of vignettes, or different snapshots from their marriage over a course of time. I'm not sure...what exactly all was going on in this movie lol. Like what's with the masquerade ball shit?? Why??? Like, why?? For what?? What was this movie trying to do lol??? So weird, but not like good weird. It became like some weird thriller, but like sort of boring?? I was thinking maybe it was supposed to be...some sort of message to Tom's character? Or some sort of comment on marriage?? Like, might as well stay with your spouse lest all kinds of crazy shit happens like you get some ugly pianist killed????
-SPEAKING OF THIS PIANIST PIECE OF SHIT
OMG I HATED HIM SO MUCH!
Why do you look like Edward Norton smooshed into Josh Charles?? WHAT IS THAT FACIAL HAIR?!? WHY ARE YOU SO OFF-PUTTING??!? Ugh I hated him so much for no reason lol. I was so mad when Tommy went to that fucking jazz bar to meet up with him. I seriously thought we'd never have to see his goofy ass after that first scene again. BUT WHY DID I THINK THAT OF COURSE A RANDOM PIANIST WITH DISGUSTING FACIAL HAIR IS LIKE THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF CHEKOV'S GUN, RIGHT?!?!?
AND OMG I HATED WHEN HE WAS TRYING NOT TO TALK ABOUT THE MASQUERADE BALL BUT YOU COULD TELL HE REALLY WANTED TO UGH. AND HE WAS ALL LIKE "AND ONE TIME MY BLINDFOLD WASN'T TIED SO TIGHT AND...OOOH BOY THE WOMEN I'VE SEEN" DON'T MAKE ME FUCKING SICK. I really! Really! hated! him!!! And he!! deserved!! to!! die!!!
lol remember when he was trying to take down the information
and Tom had to hold the napkin. HMMMM WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THE CODE DOWN BUT NOT THE ADDRESS????? IF YOU CAN REMEMBER THE ADDRESS YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE CODE WORD??? ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A MUSICIAN AND YOU KNOW RANDOM SHIT LIKE THE NAME OF SOME BEETHOVEN OPERA OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS???? ALSO WHY WERE YOU WRITING ON THE NAPKIN LIKE THAT?? WHAT IF TOM HAD NEVER REACHED OVER TO HOLD THE NAPKIN??? I GUESSED YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO WRITE IT DOWN, HUH??? I MEAN, I GUESS YOU COULD HAVE WRITTEN IT DOWN PROPERLY AFTER YOU HUNG UP??? I'M STILL JUST REALLY CONFUSED WHY YOU'D NEED TO WRITE DOWN THE CODE NAME INSTEAD OF THE ADDRESS BUT OKAY!!!!!
I really hated this dude and everything he stood for. Nick Nightingale? Get the fuck out of my face!!!
-
I didn't like this guy or anything happening with him and Nicole. I didn't like Nicole's drunky, breathy flirting, and the dialogue was irritating and I just wanted it all to be over so much. ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW NICOLE NEVER ACTUALLY CHEATS ON TOM? I thought it was weird that all her ~~infidelity~~ was in her dreams, but he was out actively trying to fuck up??? Was the movie trying to...make some sort of comment? lol, like, I'm sure, but what??????? It's made apparent Tom trusts that Nicole would never cheat, and that's why he doesn't get jealous. So she tells him about her fantasizing about that navy officer dude and he gets all shaken up. Then later she confesses to some weird dream she had where she's fucking that officer dude, and also a bunch of other dudes. UH, LOL, OKAY. Wait - but why does she tell Tom this? Also, it's...just a dream?? Don't people have weird sex dreams/fantasies all the time? Why does that make it okay for Tom to try to get with a prostitute or hang out at suspiciously bland sex orgies???
ALSO, WHAT WAS UP WITH ALL THE NAKED WOMEN BUT NO NAKED MEN?? Not that I wanted to see a single dude in this movie with his clothes off, but there were a lot of naked female bodies, even like a 3 year old Leelee Sobieski in her fucking training bra. UM, OKAY??? I couldn't tell if this was done on purpose, or if it was just your typical, run of the mill sexism and misogyny in movies. Like, yeah, totally - but was it self-aware or nah?????
-Alan Cumming was also super annoying??????
In conclusion,
I can't tell if I care about him as an actor or not. Maybe??? Definitely maybe when he's talking in his actual accent. Here^, though? NOOOO. He was doing wayyyy too much for me, in all the wrong ways - ACTUALLY, EVERYONE IN THIS MOVIE WAS. SO FUCKING IRRITATING OMG. EVEN NICOLE SOMETIMES. LIKE RIGHT BEFORE SHE ASKED TOM IF HE FUCKED THOSE MODEL BITCHES AT THE PARTY AND SHE WAS TAKING LIKE 500 HUNDRED HOURS TO GET THE QUESTION OUT UGH HURRY UP!!!
OR THAT BITCH AT THE PROSTITUTE'S APARTMENT
WHY DID SHE TAKE 1 MILLION MINUTES TO TELL TOMMY THAT THAT HOOKER BITCH HAD HIV??? ALSO, WHY DID SHE TELL HIM THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?? WAY TO PUT UR HOOKER BITCH FRIEND ON BLAST!!!! AND WHY WAS SHE ACTING ALL HORNED UP WHEN TOM CAME IN, ACTING LIKE HE WAS GETTING HER SO HOT WITH HIS SUPER SEXY FUCKING BOD??? UGH, PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!! THIS MOVIE IS THE WORST!! LOL UGH! I did think this scene was funny once she told him about the HIV test lol. Moodkiller.com. IS THAT BITCH WEARING A SCRUNCHIE?!?!?
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WHAT WAS THIS???^ LIKE, WHO WAS THIS??? I actually liked the actress, and this scene reminded me of something maybe you'd see in one of Ingmar Bergman's color films. So...I was into it, but I had no idea...what it was. AND SPARE ME THAT SHE'D BE IN LOVE WITH MECHANICAL ASS TOM CRUISE. lol well, I guess if her only other option is Greg from Dharma & Greg?? CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS ACTUALLY A SHOW THAT EXISTED???!?!?!
this pic of Tomothy I found while searching for images from the movie. How I feel about this picture is how I feel about the movie: confused, and bad????? Uncomfortable within mine own body???? So, I guess, congrats, Kubrick????
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