Belle (2013)

What takes this film from just being an ordinary run-of-the mill sort of period piece slash romance thing is definitely, obviously, the racial aspect. It's cool to learn the story of a black person during such a seemingly super white ass time. Even though no time was ever a wholly white ass time, but definitely blacks were pushed to the background during these times to be slaves and shit. Supporting characters, like, literally. Too literally, haha, but anyway!! 

Definitely the star of the show here is Gugu Mbatha-Raw, whom I've been stanning for since I discovered she existed. I guess when that undercovers show came out that I didn't even watch and it's my fault it was cancelled probably? But I saw her one day and was like wow she's gorgeous and so became a fan just based off that because I am not shallow in any way at all whatsoever!! Then after I ~~discovered~~ her, she turned up in that piece of trash Larry Crowne which holds the distinct characteristic of being one of the few films on Earth I am genuinely honestly confused about why it exists; why it got written, cast, filmed, produced, etcetc. But Gugu was there! And she was cute af!! But she's not just cute!! It's cool when I don't have to feel super gross just loving a person because I like their look. Like she has talent and so I can pretend that's why I loved her all along!! Yes, god is good. 

Ultimately, though, I feel this movie left me underwhelmed. I think? I mean...it really would have been any ordinary sort of period drama that I'd likely skip over had it not the element of Dido Belle's story, which keeps it interesting. Also, Gugu. So, idk, maybe I wasn't underwhelmed, maybe this was what I was expecting. I wasn't excited to see the film, just Gugu, really. Because honestly, judging from the trailers, it was looking a little cheesy, maybe? A little overwrought, perhaps? Idk. But the movie runs fairly smoothly, though it's sort of clichéy, though I guess...racism is sort of cliché, yeah? YEAH!!! 

Some notes or whatever ugh: 

Baby Dido Belle is like really cute. 

Like, what is this?!??!! Also I feel like she was a good match for Older Dido, played by Gugu. I hate when I'm watching shit and the younger version looks absolutely fucking nothing like their older counterpart. Like, come on, are you even trying?? So they definitely tried here, and good job!! Gold star yay!!!

Some questions, though, concerning...I guess child Dido. Like...who was she living with? I'm--did her mother die before she met her? I'm so confused about how, like, she came to be. Her dad, Matthew Goode, apparently met her mom on a ship or something??? And then??? What really made me uncomfy in my nautica is...I feel like the movie was trying to portray Dido's dad as being like...a "good" white because he was publicly claiming Dido and saying nice shit about her slave mom, but................why is Dido living in some random slum when he picks her up, and...what the fuck happened to the mom? Like, his whole vibe was off-putting to me. And also he just dumps her at the house and takes off on some ship? Like I get he had to obey the King or whoever and go to work, but...idk, he rubbed me the wrong way and definitely I don't think the movie wanted me to...be rubbed...incorrectly by Matthew Goode? 

Speaking of Matthew Goode! So.......is this what his career is now? Remember when he was supposed to become like really huge??? But maybe he had a cunty attitude and Hollywood was like "lol no nvm"?Q???!?! What I remember about Matthew Goode, circa like 2008 or whatever when he was supposed to blow up, was him throwing shade at Ben Whishaw, and so it makes me happy that no1 cares about him now lol because who the fuck do you think you are talking shit about Ben Whishaw :')?????? lol and now niggas like Benedict Cumberbitch are blowing up and...honestly I'm going to need for Matthew to have another go at super-stardom because I can't really deal with Cumberburger like...it's...it's not really what I want at this point in time. Well, whatever, there are other non-American niggas to love. LIKE MY QUEEN TOMMY HARDY. Wow, talking about Tom Hardy for no reason again like he has nothing to do with this movie???? And also I love Ben Mendelsohn slightly more than Tom so why didn't I mention him?????!????????¿¿¿¿¿¿

Did I care about Dido's cousin? Not.......really. Also I was waiting the whole movie for her to blow up at Dido and say some can't-take-that-back ass shit to her and she did and I was like "there it go" AND THEN DIDO DIDN'T EVEN PUNCH THIS BITCH IN THE FACE?? And like a couple of scenes later was consoling this bitch on the steps or some shit because she couldn't get a man?????!?! Um, okaaaay. Wow if my cousin still wanted to marry some nigga who thought I was trash (even though I am) and also she called me "inferior" to her new nigga...um.......I certainly wouldn't be consoling this bitch or even continuing to speak to her because what the fuck how dare you I am perfect and amazing and Tom Felton's forehead is GINORMOUS. HOW DARE YOU BE TEAM GINORMOUS FOREHEAD OVER TEAM NORMAL-SIZED FOREHEAD, BISH??? Absolutely atrocious!! 

I was really into Davinier. First of all, I loved the way his veneers or whatever were getting in the way of his lips when he spoke. And I love how every time he spoke he was basically fucking ranting lol, like he was 1,000% not chill at all in any way. He was super passionate about his work and Dido and I was just really here for it and glad I didn't have to side-eye him really at any point in the movie. So thumbs up!! OMG and when Lord Mansfield discovered Dido was going into town to see him and he like ambushed Dido and Davinier in the carriage and Davinier was getting all shouty like I LOVE HER!! Literally screaming at the top of his lungs lol omg - that killlllllllllllllled me. That was one of two moments that had me tearing up a little. There were some weird feelings in my eyeballs area, ngl. 

The other one concerned Mabel. First of all, Bethan Mary James is really pretty. So yas to the black people being the prettiest in the film, and yas to me continuing to be shallow as fuck forever & always :') 

I really wish I had a screencap of that scene when Mabel teaches Dido how to comb her fucking hair. Idk if white people teared up at that, but my black ass did. Like, can you imagine going all that time not knowing how to deal with your unruly ass hair?? God - and their faces in that scene??!?! PLEASE KILL ME! That really got me and thank god a black bitch directed this film because probably real ass shit like that would not have made it into the movie. But also this entire movie wouldn't have even been made :') Or it would, but it'd be directed by Steven Spielberg, and told through the lens of one of the whites. Probably through Davinier's eyes, which would have made me hate him :')) 

Sooooooooooooooo. All three of these individuals were trash. All the same degree of trash, I refuse to put any above the other because occasionally in the film they decided they were going to accept Dido for one reason or another. The thing is, all of their reasons were trash. Even the non-Draco brother who sort of seemed like he accepted Dido but it was really clear from jumpstreet he was on some jungle fever ish and then later he's like "We'll ignore your black side lol!!!". Like, homey, no. So they can all drown in a fire for all I care. But also they were really cliché, right? But, again, racism is cliché, right? So? Am I allowed to be like "wow, they cliché af" when...like...duh. They're white. So. Maybe if their racism was less...idk...maybe if they just portrayed a different kind of racism, I'd be less eyerolling about it? I mean...I guess the mom and the non-Draco bro sort of showed different racism lol...then I've seen in these oldtimey racism pics. Fuck, idk, it was just so obvious come on white people do something new. Get more creative!!! 

And! ah...Draco was doing too much lol. It was too much, come on, admit it. He was like full-on sneering. lol Like. First of all, Dido is rich, so fall way the fuck back disrespecting her like that. This nigga acting classless as fuck. Like this movie took place in Alabama in the fifties or some shit and he some nigga in overalls yelling at lil Ruby trying to go to the first integrated school. Come on, my guy, you're wearing like a powdered wig. BE WAY MORE SUBTLE IN A POWDERED WIG, FAM.

I liked Dido's relationship with Lord Mansfield. It was...cute? Idk. But I'm glad he wasn't constantly talking out his ass, though he was hella annoying me still adhering to racist ass rules when he essentially has a black daughter. Like, hurry the fuck up and change everything to accommodate your angel right this minute! Like......are you serious making her eat in another room during dinner time? UM, OKAAAY????? So...okay this relationship wasn't as cute as I thought lol...but I just...idk...I guess I was expecting her family to be wayyyyy more racist and gross than they actually ended up being in the film, and I was...just sigh-glad they weren't. I mean, gross @ them segregating her during meal times and being like DIDO WILL NEVER FIND A MAN...but idk...they changed their gross opinions eventually and...they loved her and I just wasn't expecting that, so. Ugh. 

lol, so, when they finally revealed the portrait, I HAD NO IDEA IF IT WAS OKAY OR NOT. Like, I couldn't tell from Dido's face if it was racist or not lol. Because she was so worried throughout the film that she'd be placed in the inferior position in the portrait like all those other portraits she's seen. Right and I was worried, too. For some reason! Even though I've already seen this painting, I think? But they opened up to it with like a close-up shot and it looked like her cousin was pushing her? lol, idk, but I was confused at first if the painting was okay, but then Dido said some stuff that assured me she loved it and was happy or whatever. lol, so good!! But what an awkward fucking position they're in, right? Like.....wtf is happening? lol. Cute? Tho??? Right? Yes?? Please tell me how to feel sigh