Betty Blue (1986)

I've been obsessed with seeing Betty Blue ever since that episode of Peep Show where Mark stalks that girl at university. "Classic sex and suicide flick" I think his awkward, serial killery vibes ass calls it. Intrigued immediately! Except, haha, who commits suicide, ha, in this film?!?!??? 

The whole time I'm sitting up here waiting for Betty Blue to off herself and lo and behold she is MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD by her ~*~adoring and loving boyfriend~*~. Um, okay?! UM, OKAY. Like, Betty definitely had mental problems, but this is a French film, everyone in French movies has mental problems. It's like de rigueur. I mean, clearly, because Betty is up in here stabbing bitches with forks and slicing flamboyant book publishers in the face and no one ever...sections her. She doesn't get sectioned until she gets that bad haircut??? Like, that's what pushes it to the limit. Très french. Wait lol no it was definitely her Houstoning her own eyeball that sent her to the loony bin, but smh at letting it get that far. BUT EXCUSE ME! At any point is Betty suicidal? Don't tell me Zorg not getting any acceptances from the publishers had this bitch wishing for death. Don't tell me that cuz it's not true and I don't even think she was suicidal in general and miss me with Zorg thinking he could just off her cuz they were ~keeping them apart~ because she was in an INSANE ASYLUM. Maybe if he had properly tended to the bitch way way back, none of this would have happened. She set your fucking house on fire? And you thought that was cute, I guess? No red flags were waving for you? You do know...that fire is sort of...red? And wavy??? 

I am just upset because Mark Corrigan falsely led me to believe I'd be seeing a good ol sex and suicide flick lol. First off: not enough sex. Just gonna be honest. Loved the opening scene with them straight fucking - nice. But, hmmm, no real repeats of that lol. But Betty and Zorg's relationship was cute and intimate so I guess that...made up for the lack of bareback ass fucking every other scene :/. And I'll just ignore how dysfunctional they were because this is a french movie and that's just how it is, okay? However, I refuse to accept Zorg just killing Betty like all willynilly. Why couldn't he wait for her to get better? AND WHY DID MARK SAY THERE WAS SUICIDE IN THIS MOVIE WHEN THERE WAS NOT?! After Zorg smothered Betty I was like "ha, okay, so I guess he is going home to hang himself ha" :). Except :) he :) didn't? :) He just :) got :) inspired :) to :))) write :') 

Whatever, did I like this movie or nah? I can't decide. Usually when I can't decide that means I did. I need to let the dust settle. The dust from like, my explosion of anger over no scene of Zorg slowly walking up to the bedroom while Edith Piaf or some shit is blasting loudly from the phonograph and he discovers Betty hanging from the naked woman tie that dude wore to his mother's funeral. Cuz black comedy. I mean I guess you sort of gave me that scene when Zorg came up to the house and their whole bathroom and shit was covered in Betty's blood. And then that ginger dude told Zorg Betty cut her eyeball out and Zorg's fake ass is acting like she got sent to the camps. The ginger dude is all "at least she didn't die", but then Zorg wants to be crying, sliding down walls or whatever acting like she did? He's such a writer ugh. Anyway, I took a bunch of screenshots eventho I tried not to sigh. This is what I get for having a ~*~movie blog~*~. I can't watch anything normal. But tbh, most movies should be watched with the mindset of "What the fuck am I going to write about this mess later?". Makes the medicine go down easier. Anyway I'm a terrible writer and a blogspot blog is 100% my lane. I'm on the right track :') I bet Zorg's book is shit :') Betty doesn't even look like she can read :') Am I just saying that because her teeth look like something you'd use to detangle donkey hairs? :') I really love her teeth she just looks really stupid :') 

I really did not want to screencap. I really want to be...good...to be a good and proper alien in human being skin. But when I saw Zorg sashaying around in those little ass shorts and that canary yellow tanktop...I was no longer able to keep up the façade that I do not have a myriad of horrifying mental ailments. And look at that other one! Is that a newsboy cap?! Bruh.

I kept trying to get the perfect capture of the two of them :( Is that old dude using a shoe string as a belt? :( Does he play the sax? :( Why is Zorg so cute in that tank top but at the same time very killable?? :( Do you know for mostly the whole movie I had no idea what his name was until mostly the very end when Betty said his name right after I wondered aloud what his name was? :( And then she said "Zorg" like that's just some shit anyone should be called :(

:( Zorg had nice legs :(

I think I capped this because Betty had just thrown a can of paint on Zorg's boss' car. That was like that first real ~cray~ thing she did, right? And then pretty much after this it was all hell breaking loose with her almost killing that dude and then throwing all their shit out of the house and then she fucking set it on fire and then...like a million other manic pixie dream girl actions. Or, just, like, manic...pixie...girl. Without maybe the "dream" part? Like, she's no Natalie Portman dancing in her epilepsy helmet to The fucking Shins. Betty almost killed a guy. Like, lol, multiple times??? 

Ah. I thought...sigh, I thought it was so cute how into Zorg's book Betty got. Like, sigh, IT WAS SO CUTE. Maybe their relationship was a mess and Betty was basically Rochester's attic wife, but sigh, they were really adorable. Man, idk, maybe it's the accent. 

ZORG IS SO CUTE TO ME MAKE IT STOP LOOK AT HIS FUCKING SWEATER UGH SIGH

lol that rejection letter Zorg got from one of the book publishers was entirely unnecessary and cruel. But also it reminded me of a "review" someone wrote for one of the ebooks I published. They were all like "seek help". Sigh, I'm an ebook publisher. More than Zorg can say haha :(

Lol this was funny. Where did Betty lie and say there were going? Idk, to get food? Or, no, to get her IUD...moved? Lol what. Zorg should've known. Look at that publisher dude, tho. That robe is very cunt. His face is very sliceable, tho, so I don't fault Betty in this scene lol moving on!!

The bust is all "That's none of my business..."

UGH THEY ARE SO CUTE. No I've decided I like this movie and it's adorable and not just because they have accents and if this were an American film it'd be really shitty and star like Ryan Reynolds and whatever new up and comer ho is fucking Harvey Weinstein at the moment. Ugh imagine Ryan Reynolds as Zorg. He'd never be able to pull off those shorts. Does it seem like I hate Ryan Reynolds lol I actually love him despite his teeth and various other beaver-sized flaws :')

I'm just gonna post a bunch of screenshots I took of that douchey cop lol he'd probably kill any black dude he saw on-sight, but sigh, he was a treat :')

his fucking roll-out, just, :")

lol what are these screenshots like what is that one of the top of his hat lol. Do these properly capture how douchey/amusing the cop was, tho? Can you tell he started singing after Zorg told him he was an expectant father? Ol boy just started singing instead of giving Zorg a ticket? Idk, it was beautiful. 

Oh, should I talk about...that...weird, like, ginger butcher dude who...owned the store that Zorg and them's apartment was over? NO. No.

Those fucking teeth <3 Béatrice Dalle is so fucking cute and omg @ this being her first movie. I love when someone's first movie is like their ~breakout role~. Why? Idk leave me alone. 

PLEASE!!! imdb tells me she--lol omfg. In her imdb bio it's all "Known for her problems with justice, her relationship with rapper Joey Starr, and her explicit talking...". YAAS. I need to get into this bitch. At first I was primarily intrigued that she dated Joey Starr, whom I know so little about but just enough to know that dating him is at least a little bit scandalous, but mmm girl, idk. Just a cursory glance at Béatrice's imdb page tells me maybe dating her is scandalous. Lol "explicit talking and problems with justice". r u me? They also describe her as a rockstar and rebellious and beautiful and she basically sounds like French Rihanna?? I'm getting into this ho immediately give me all the movies omg I hope she's naked in all of them and she has that little tummy pooch oh lord I've fallen down the rabbit hole again why does this always happen?!

She's so cute even like this!!! Possibly even...cuter? I want. to d i e.

Yo, this cat, tho. Wasn't this cat watching over Beatrice's body like just a few scenes before she decided to give herself pirate eyesight? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. 

I thought Zorg crying in the hospital was really funny and over-dramatic. He's all up on the window lol he's so fake

I thought...this negrum was fucking, lol, out here about to prostitute himself to like, pay Béatrice's medical bills? lol idk I'm screaming @ me, but also this is a French film so, come on.

But nah! He dressed as a woman...so he could sneak back into the hospital AND KILL HIS GIRLFRIEND?!?! He's all "They can't keep us apart". lol, guess not.

SIGH. SO THIS NEGRO IS SITTING UP HERE STARTING A NEW NOVEL INSTEAD OF BEING WORRIED THAT THE POLICE WILL BE AFTER HIS ASS FOR KILLING HIS GODDAMN GIRLFRIEND. FOR MURDERING A HUMAN DAMN BEING. BUT NAH, WRITE A BOOK!!! VERY MUCH WRITER!!!!!!

lol @ Zorg talking to the cat like she's Béatrice and then the cat turning away and looking at the audience like, "...this nigga"

gpoy