Whore (1991)

There was no way I thought this movie was gonna be good. I watched this mess purely for Theresa Russell, and that ho only. Like, I'm into her? But I have no idea why. Like, when I first discovered/noticed her, I hated her so much. It was in that movie The Believer. Pretty sure her character was a nazi, and she played that like too well, you know? But how come I didn't hate Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List but I like really hated Theresa in The Believer? Man, idk, maybe it was the weird indie, Harmony Korine/Larry Clark esque dirtiness to the movie. Like, Schindler's was all high-gloss, whereas The Believer looked like some mess some early-aughts version of Abel Ferrara would half-shrug out. It's impossible to make a nazi be charming in those kind of conditions, you know? 

So I hated Theresa, like irrationally. I think maybe I saw her in something else more current (Spider-Man 3????) and was like "ugh, that bitch!". But I can barely remember those sad days when I hated Theresa. Now I love her. Things changed. Why? Again, I do not know. At some point I had the misfortune of watching the very uncomfortable-making film Bad Timing, by Nicolas Roeg. Do you know who the male lead in that movie is? Fucking Art Garfunkel. I cannot fucking stand that dude. Omg do you think it's gonna turn out with Art like how it did with Theresa where I start out hating him then I see him in something and suddenly I love him and can't even remember the days where I wanted him to be savagely torn apart by a swarm of cannibals like Katharine Hepburn's son in Suddenly, Last Summer?? Elizabeth was totally lying about what happened, right? lol like what was her crazy ass talking about? What is my crazy ass talking about? Idk, how much I hate Art Garf? I mean, even his name is hateable. He's disgusting I can't believe Paul Simon did this to us. 

Maybe. Maybe I started liking Theresa because, in comparison to Art, she seemed like, an angel? A dream? A sigh of relief? Nicolas Roeg forced me to watch this balding carrot fluff head play some douchey, sex-crazed player-type and omg the only thing that prevented vomit from volcanoing out of every orifice on my body (are u turned on??) was Theresa. Like, I get sick looking at Art, so okay, look at Theresa. Ah, much better, no more cold sweats :') The nightmare is over :') I mean, not really ugh. But sometimes I could pretend when Theresa would say lines because that meant Art was quiet, almost like he was dead :') Yes, this is totally why I started loving T. Russ. Also, she's sort of hot or beautiful or something? With her like smirky face and long ass blonde hair? She's lowkey cunt, right? She's like Kathleen Turner in her prime, but the porn version? Into it.

So I hated Bad Timing, but walked away loving Theresa. Then soon after watching that, I saw a movie that was almost as bad, called Black Widow. However, the Art Garfunkel in that movie was Debra Winger, so I actually enjoyed myself watching that shitshow. In Black Widow, Theresa plays a...black widow. Perfect role for her. Wait, but didn't that movie have a twist ending? Like didn't Deb Wing turn out to be the black widow? Girl, idk, but Theresa had these really ugly bangs in that movie and she wore like these cute little bandeau top bikinis and idk, I got my entire life. I love her for no reason like you can't just be into an actress because she looks like a glamorous porn star and can act slightly better than Art Garfunkel. Or...can you? 

You can! So now I'm a fan and watching any shit she's in, u n f o r t u n a t e l y. 

I saw this movie listed on OnDemand and was like: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Whore, 1991, Theresa Russell, turn up time. 

This movie was directed by her husband at the time, no? I'm too lazy to look, so let's just assume. Let's just assume he was only her husband at the time lol. What sort of movie is this to write for your wife lol. I mean, does it suit Theresa? Yes, but still. Why couldn't you have written a movie about Theresa being a suffragette, or, idk, saving an inner-city high school from deep-ingrained low self esteem due to slavery and pilgrims or whatever, hmm? Why does T. Russ have to be a whore? And like, an actual street walker lol. Oh, now I'm thinking this movie was a response to Pretty Woman? Because I think in the description it was like "showing the real life of hookers that Hollywood wouldn't!" or some mess like that. Lol, nice try? I guess? But it's like, everyone's experience is different. #notallwhores, you know? And we have no idea what Vivian's life was like before she was "rescued" by Richard Gere. And you only think Pretty Woman is some sort of fairytale if you're a huge loser. Who the fuck wants to kick it with hamster-enema ass Richard Gere? Not me!! 

And, anyway, is Whore really a more ~realistic~ portrayal of the whore life? Wouldn't, in real life, after Liz got gangbanged in that van, she have then been tossed into a fucking lake or river, instead of the side of the road? Why leave her alive? Liz does mad dangerous shit throughout the whole movie and never gets super-hurt. The most damage is caused to her by her pimp and lowkey I thought he was soft on her lol. I mean, he was breaking her fingers before he got killed by Antonio Fargas, but...idk, Blake seemed to be letting Liz get away from him a little too easily for me. And if he knew where her kid was, why didn't he kidnap him or something to teach Liz a lesson? Why talk about it instead of being about it? That seemed unrealistic to me. Lol why did I want Liz to be severely beaten and have some Lilya 4-ever haunted house ride ass experience? Idk, I think I've seen too many foreign films. Whore wasn't depressing enough. I mean, I don't even need the severe beatings and rapes and all that. I saw this weird Russiany film about a prostitute where she was pretty much never harmed but...idk, the way it portrayed her life seemed more realistic. Maybe it was the sort of comical tone of Whore that threw me off? And Theresa talking directly to the screen?? :/ Hmm, idk. I did think it was depressing when Blake tore Liz away from Katie, lol and then tossed that bitch's book into the fireplace. CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT HOW HILARIOUS THAT SCENE WAS??? WAS IT SUPPOSED TO BE?!?! Aww I felt so sad for Liz and Katie though :( But that shit...whoo, that shit was funny lol

Anyway, this movie was trash, but I liked T. Russ. Eventho maybe she's not even a good actress? BUT THAT HAIR!! Lol idk, I really loved her red outfit. 

I need that shit. I wonder if there's a Whore 2? Sigh, there better be.