Star Wars: The Force Awakens

So my favorite was Kylo Ren, because I'm a predictable bitch. Because of course! This movie was actually criminally boring? I mean...I do not, nor have I ever, given a fuck about the Star Wars franchise. I've seen not a single film except this one, and I only went to see this because I'm a full-on Boyega Booty stan now. I solely went to see this shit for Boyega, and Boyega only. So I was expecting nothing. Not to be entertained, thrilled, moved - not a damn thing. Which is good, because this movie hardly delivered. Or, if I expected nothing, I guess it did deliver??? :/

What I wanted, and what I received, was John Boyega's cute ass on my movie screen. His big ass face all up on the screen. I got that. I was a lil disappointed that for no reason at all he had an ~*~American accent~*~ even tho Rey for some reason had like a Scottish one, but that's neither her nor there. I am still side-eyeing Boyega's acting. I've only seen this and Attack the Block, and though he definitely looks like Denzel in the face (imo, bitch!!), he is not really on Denzel's level, acting-wise. Yet. And let's not act like Denzel is Daniel Day-Lewis or anything. Like, compared to his peers, he is one of the best. But isn't DDL his peer? If DDL is Denzel's peer, DDL is the best, and Denzel is one of. Which is still good. Boyega isn't one of the best of his peers, though. I don't even think he's equal to Mickey Beej, another black actor aroundish his age range whose acting I'm often questioning. But like Mikey Beej, I feel like Boyega has potential. And even if his acting never gets super high-quality, it's still good enough, and that's all you really need to be a ~*~star~*~, so let's do this!!!!!! 

And anyway, like I said, I'm a Boyega stan without him having super amazing acting skills so idk why I was coming for his lack of like Richard Burton prowess or whatever. All I care about right now is that he's cute and claps back all the time on social media. This is the age we live in. All I need is a cute smile and quick comebacks to people sly-hatin' in your instagram comments. Like I'm almost certain this is entirely why I care about Rihanna????? 

So, anyway!!! This movie was boring and I officially hate sci-fi fantasy. It's just not my genre. I swear I try to watch all the ~classics~ like The Matrix and Blade Runner and I just be looking at them shits like "........". Blade Runner is probably in my top ten most boring films of all time. I had to cut it off, it was that dull. This shit is so geeky and corny to me. And look, I am a geek and corny myself, but not that specific type you need to be to enjoy science fiction fantasy media. It just does not compute. I have enjoyed some of these films, but probably for really shallow having nothing at all to do with the actual story reasons. Like, does Prometheus count as one of these films? Because I liked that, but pretty much only because of how hot the cast was, and those really beautiful aliens lol or whatever those things were with faces carved by, clearly, the hands of god? No those things were horrifying, but Guy Pearce cameo!!! Did Blade Runner have a Guy Pearce cameo? Nooooo?? Okay well then why was it even made hmmmm?? 

So whatever, Boyega was really cute, but this movie was givin' me hella ashy teas. Just drrrrrrrrry, bitch. Please, why am I like this? I was just really bored lol! Like half-way dozing off and shit. This movie was really corny omg I'm screaming. Are all the other movies like this? Like what was with the aliens and how they looked? That was some bullshit. This is 2016, and you got aliens out here still lookin like the shits from the seventies. Um, bitch, okay? Update this shit! The robots look all clunky and ridiculous lol omfg pleeeez. And Chewbacca... Like, what is that? What. is. that. Why is it making that noise and why is it covered in hair and why come Han can understand his ugly, annoying ass? But like I don't even really care? And oh boy it look like this bitch gon' be back for the sequel that I have to see cuz Kylo and Finn's tryhard ass are gonna be in it sigh :(

I hope Kylo has wayyyy more screen time in the next movie. I need way more of him hilariously pulling his Vader mask off and revealing his frankly, disturbing face and head. I love Adam Driver but he is a funny looking dude lol and when he first took off that helmet to reveal himself to Rey I was fucking screaming. Like why is it more horrifying than the mask lol where do they do this? The setting of where Star Wars takes place, I guess. What is it ca--CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW THEY WASTED MY BABY LUPITA ON SUM BULLSHIT? I'm staring at this ugly bug on my screen going whose voice is this : Tilda? Emma Thompson? Who dis? Only to cum and find out it's my beautiful, majestic African-Mexi princess Lupita Nyong'o. Um, bitch, okay? How you gon' hire this perfect bitch only to hide her under some ugly ass animated cartoon? Like, okay??? Where

deyyyyyyyy

do thiss

sssssss?????

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Anyway, when's episode eight comin out sigh