Identity Theft: The Michelle Brown Story (2004)

Lol okay. LET'S START WITH THE FACT THAT what set Connie off to single white female identity theft boring ass Michelle Brown, was some ugly ass skirt. Michelle Brown walks into the realtor's office or whatever that Connie works in, to get her loan papers or some shit for the house she bought and Connie is eyeballing this bitch like she Naomi Campbell or Charlize Theron or some shit. Except she's not? She's Kimberly Williams-Paisley?????? WHICH. No shade, Kimberly is a cute woman, but like...........who is looking at her like I WANT TO BE HER? Connie's basic, ratchet ass, that's who.  

So this movie is about a ghetto, greasy woman named Connie Volkos who steals the identity of a nice, hard-working teacher named Michelle Brown. Oh, and one of the London brothers is here. It's not Brendan Fraser, so it doesn't matter. Even if it was it still wouldn't matter, but we're getting off topic. Tbh, that's prob for the best, but I guess I came here to talk about Identity Theft: The Michelle Brown Story, so should prob follow thru. :/ 

My impression of ~identity theft~ was that it was...someone steals your social security number or whatever and takes a bunch of credit cards and shit out in your name. This movie makes it like someone sees your life and envies it, so decides to take it over, kind of?? Or like, copy everything you do?? Using credit in your name??? I thought it was weird that...Connie didn't just steal Michelle's shit and go. She was tryna be Michelle and it was weird. Bitch, just scam and keep it moving. She getting plastic surgery and shit to get Michelle's basic ass legs, like bitch whër? And then was kinda lowkey highkey stalking Michelle on top uh the shit???? Like what part of the game is this???? What a weirdo lol. 

I actually kind of liked this movie lol. Ummm it's not good or anything, I think it's some Lifetime thing, but it was enjoyable to me. I thought Annabella Sciorra was really good as Connie. Also, was she wearing a fat suit? Like I don't want to accidentally shade her body, but it looked like maybe? Which I thought was funny and like just added to her shitty character. I just loved Connie's whole shitty, trash aesthetic. But still she was kind of sympathetic? Well, honestly, not towards the end of the movie, but a bit before it started to get all ultra-crimey and ridick with drug running and suicide attempts in a seedy motel and all that extra ish. 

I also felt, of course, a lot of sympathy for Michelle. Like I was really worried about her house lol. Her Dream Home. I kept wondering if her boo would hook her up if she lost the house lol like I really wanted to know if Jason London would have her back. I don't think she ended up losing the house tho, right? She def missed some payments I think, not sure. But I think I would've remembered if they mentioned foreclosure. 

YOU KNOW WHAT PISSED ME OFF THO??? That bitch in HR or whatever at Michelle's school who like lost or didn't hand in Michelle's direct deposit form when she had to close her bank account and get a new one. I WAS PISSED! I knew that loopy broad was gonna forget! Really, everything was all that bitch's fault. How is the movie just gon' gloss over her as the real villain lol I'm heated. 

Wait but can we talk about the cop? Why did I feel he was shady????? Remember how kind of dismissive he was of Michelle? And then REMEMBER WHEN HE CALLED CONNIE?? I thought he was tryna conspire with her or something? Was it weird editing or acting? lol cuz it never panned out he was sketch. BUT LIKE REMEMBER WHEN MICHELLE GOT ARRESTED AND HE SHOWED UP AND IT LOOKED LIKE HE HAD DONE SOMETHING SHADY TO GET HER TO STAY IN PRISON BUT IT TURNED OUT HE CAME TO FREE HER??????????? Why did the movie allow that? Like allow it to look like that? W e i r d. Like there was literally no reason for red herrings or anything lol or like a plot twist but it's not actually one? Very bizarre. But anyway, what do you think Brad and Kimberly be talking about? Like what's their pillow talk?? I am desperate to know, and this makes me feel sad and tired. G'day.