Yikes. Why the fuck... Am I honestly sitting up here and watching these Star Wars movies?? I don't know who's reading, likely no one hopefully, but if someone is reading this, please understand about me that Stars Wars is like, literally the least shit I could care about, besides, like, baseball. Baseball is like the most dull, useless shit I have ever seent. At least Star Wars has lasers and shit. S p a c e. Space can be cool. If they played baseball in space, then maybe I'd give that dry shit a glance. But prob not because why am I watching niggas hit a ball in space? Find the aliens!!! Now. If you can get aliens cracking bats in space? Then. Then you have me.
So I give so little of a fucking shit about Star Wars. I've completely ignored the other movies with Harrison Ford and them from the seventies, and then the early-aughts movies with fucking Hayden Christensen for some reason. I only started getting into Star Wars more recently because they put a black dude as the lead (Baeyega), and I was like hmmm. Which I regret, because I was literally soooooo bored by that film. And I had literally no plans to see Rogue and I am not quite sure why I did. I think I saw some cute interview clips of Riz Ahmed and was like Bet. Which, why??? Why am I like this? This movie was literally SO BORING! Wtf.
I don't care all about what was going on, and was falling asleep half the time anyway, so I'm not going to even attempt to discuss the plot, that of which I'm sure barely existed. But excuse me, this movie was full of actors I love. Go Diego Luna, fucking Ben Mendelsohn's lispin ass, fucking...Mads' burn victim looking ass, Alan Tudyk (idk), annnnd Riz. lol not even that many. Def not enough to justify watching this in theaters instead of tearing my eyeballs out and feeding them to an owl. But whatever, I liked seeing them. It annoys me, tho, that movies like this tend to snatch up all these little good, interesting actors and do literally jack shit with them, but okay.
The only people I felt had something to play with were Donnie Yen and his blind man sage dude, and Alan Tudyk completely stealing the show as that CLEARLY GAY robot dude, or Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, but like not asexual, gay. These performances stood out and made me stop falling asleep for a few secs. Riz was giving me a little something with his fidgety kind of nervvy pilot, and Forest was giving me Battlefield Earth teas I guess, doing his mess, but overall this movie was shit and so, sigh, I guess I'll be seeing the next one. When is it? It better be soon and BETTER have my myspace emo queen Kylo in it or I'm popping. the. fuck. awf! (Do I secretly like these movies wtf is going on honestly).
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