Love (2015)

Yikes, um. If you're going to make an unlikeable ass film like this, at least have the protagonist be played by someone who doesn't make the back of my eyeballs itch. Like, Murphy is awful, yeah? That's unanimously agreed upon by everyone who has seen or will see this movie. But I don't understand the point of casting Murphy with an actor seemingly even more unlikeable than the written character. I know literally zero factazoids about Karl Glusman, and I am not sure I have even seen him in any other movies. For all I know, he's the best! However, like, acting-wise? I wanted to kick him in the throat??? And like, you need to understand I am almost disturbingly lazy. To be dreaming of lifting my leg up even a millimeter off the ground to kick someone in the neck? You know it's serious, okay? I was hating this dude really bad. 

I love...terrible characters. Murphy is a huge loser and on top of that, dumb, and not even cute. He looks weird and is stupid. This is like every character in a French film, so I am expecting this watching one. And I guess I should be also expecting an unlikable actor to be playing a character like this, because that's de rigueur for French films. Does it make a difference that I think this Karl dude is American? Maybe that's what was off? Like a lot of times in French films when dude characters are terrible (which is ALL THE TIME), they at least have that nonchalant French Cool thing to make up for it a bit. But Karl is like awkward and embarrassing? Like a lot?? He just wasn't pulling off being a piece of shit. It was hard to watch, and not in a good way like how most French films? I was distraught.

Is this even a French film? Pretty sure, not one hundred, but pretty is base one hundred for someone too lazy to like...look it up. Anyway, I got what I deserved. 

So this movie is supposed to be some horrible love story, I guess? Concerning this horrible dude named Murphy, and some beautiful bitch named Electra who, even tho a junkie and like also stupid???, deserved WAY better than Murphy? Like Electra was mad pretty and she had a cool accent and those beautiful spaced out comb teeth looking like fucking Betty Blue or some shit - like, I was so annoyed she was attracted to Murphy lol. Outta all the sexy ass French dudes you choose some gawky American asshole? Bitch are you for real? Maybe it was the drugs idk...

The movie starts out with Murphy and his current broad/baby mama Omi jacking each other off. I thought they were going to be the main couple of the movie, then quickly found out that wasn't the case thank god because I wasn't feeling their vibe. Murphy has a baby with Omi and I guess they're booed up. The movie tells the story backwards and eventch we find out that Murphy hooked up with Omi off a threesome he had with her and his former girl, Electra. Could've explained that better, but honestly what we really need to be talking about is how Omi was like sixteen???????????????????????????????????????? Since when are we doing threesomes with sixteen year olds??? Like you think because she has bangs it's okay? Ummmmmmmm nooooooooooooo?????? And like I wanna feel bad for Electra, I guess, for Murphy cheating on her with Omi and getting her pregnant, but flashbacks or whatever reveal Murph was always stepping out, which she knew about, and also she consented to the threesome with the sixteen year old and didn't find anything weird or wrong with it????? So like I don't care??? 

I don't know, this movie made me tired and I didn't, like, care about the shitty ~romance~. The director put some words in Murphy's mouth which I assumed were his own feelings, that said to me he thought he was doing some real new shit with this film. What with what I believe was non-simulated sex scenes, and how ~intimate~ they were. Murphy is supposed to be some ugly film student and he says to a girl in the film how he wants to create movies about sex and love and sex and love together or some such bs, and then also says to Electra how he wants his movies to be made of blood, cum and shit or something?? Because that's what ~~life~~ is or some idiotic pretentious shit. Like how many goddamn French films are just loaded with sex scenes and then book-ended with random scenes where characters have bare, non revealing in any way conversations about existential malaise and how they're so different and want to do things such and such a way because they are so ~out there~ and misunderstood and then someone whips their dick out and there's twenty minutes of that and then they go back to talking about how they want to die, but not like ~everyone else~, and then someone smokes a cigarette and then someone else takes their titty out and then a secondary character kills themselves and the main ones make it about how their romance is the most ultimate romance, and then always there's a threesome, and always there's some skinny bitch popping her pubic bone up on something and there's a bitch in a sundress with no bra on, and then someone drinks coffee out of what looks like a soup bowl, and then someone else drinks water out of what looks like an old timey milk bottle, but there's not milk in it, there's water. And sometimes it's okay because like Juliette Binoche is in it, or Xavier Dolan made it funny, but Love didn't have either of those things going on, so, it was a whomp for me. 

But nice try? #positivevibes2k17 #itwasweirdhoweveryoneelsediedin2k16butnotmelol:(