Aquarius (2016)

I became immediately obsessed with seeing this movie when I saw a screencap on Tumblr of Sonia Braga like emerging from the beach and the caption for the photo was just like: Aquarius (2016). I was just like, WHAT IS THIS WHERE IS IT. It had all the ingredients I need: beautiful older woman with crazy long hair, and my astro sign being referenced. I am so ugly like, Yes sign me tf up. Because I really have nothing going on upstairs. But in this instance I am glad I am so empty and shallow and that those major parts (only parts) of myself brought me to seeing this film, which I really enjoyed. 

I know Sonia Braga as that lady who was like always pregnant on The C*sby Show, and also from the one time Sam dated a lesbian on Sex and the City and she kept wanting to have deep lesbian conversations but Sam's sociopathic ass couldn't deal. Each time I saw Sonia I would gag over her hair and kinda indigenousy (a reach) looks. Like, who is she? Apparently some broad who's been acting forever. I lowkey thought she was one of those sometimey actors, like Lisa Bonet or something lol but maybe she does way more? Smh I have no idea but someone give her and a bunch of other older, sexy broads a TV show so I can get my life. But before that happens and I lose my shit, lemme talk about this here movie I came to talk about so maybe we can get #termites trending. It's time. 

 

Sonia plays a woman named Clara. I think the movie starts off in the past. She has short hair and I think recently entered remission for the cancer she had. The scenes with Yung Clara focus on an aunt of hers who her family is throwing some sort of party for? Maybe a birthday party, I completely forgot. The woman is really beautiful but she seems kind of uncomfortable, maybe, with her family hyping her so much? They go on and on praising her and saying she's a rare breed and super independent or something. I couldn't really read this scene. Especially the aunt's expressions. Was she uncomfortable or was that just her face? As the movie transitions to current-day and Clara is older and we see her live her life, there's obvious parallels to the life her aunt lived? And clearly they are similar and we see Clara is independent and strong and unique, but she also has these quiet little struggles and so I think I was picking up on the aunt feeling weird about the praise, just seeing everything Clara was dealing with? Idk, but I think. Like obviously that beginning part with the aunt was included for a reason and I am guesstimating foreshadowing for Clara. 

So current-day Clara. Her husband is dead, her kids all adults, out the house and living their lives. She's a retired music critic, I believe, which sounds like the douchiest title and I just love it for her lol. She lives in a flat (I'm from New Jersey), that I think she owns. It's full of records and shit and when a magazine comes to interview her about mp3s vs. vinyl or some bullshit she pulls out some John Lennon album and says some weird pretentious shit but coming from her I am just like yaaas preach you are saying a #word, lol. Everything Clara says and does is the right way to say and do them, and that's just how it is. 

The major conflict in the current-day scenes is that the people who own Clara's building want her to leave so they can turn the building into a hotel or some crazy bullshit, idk. A hostel for weird church people? No idea, but the point is they want her OUT. At first they are ~nice~. The owner and his son (hated him!) are coming to her place and trying to give her folders I guess detailing how much they will pay her to leave and what not. Clara is adamant that she is not going anywhere. They are like lol but please leave we have already asked you many times :) Clara is like lol and I have responded each time No I am not leaving :) And so they are like Please leave or else lol :) and Clara is like No :) 

It was literally like that?? And I was GAGGING. Like, LITERALLY, everyone else who lived in Clara's building has left. It is vacant except for her presence. I liked that they showed Clara looking kind of concerned that literally her whole building is empty, but also sticking to her guns. That would so be me but I would be crying myself to sleep every night lol like that is mad scary. 

Even scarier was when the building owner's son (whom I'll just call Javier even though I don't think that was even close to his name), starts to become hostile. He starts trying to guilt-trip Clara, no? It seems like the people who have already left the building haven't been paid yet for their leave? For some reason they are waiting on Clara? Is this a thing? AINT NO WAY I'm moving til I receive my fucking check, so I'm confused at why the other building tenants are turning up, sending their family and shit to harass Clara, like no one told y'all to act before getting that money. That's on y'all, but look: I have no idea how these things work lol. But if getting paid is contingent on EVERYONE falling in line and leaving the building, then they all shoulda came together to have that discussion before just jumping up and leaving. You're dumb, leave Clara alone.

It was scary when Javier and some of the builder dudes (???) came to the building late at night with a bunch of people and had an orgy I think in the apartment directly above Clara's. They were playing loud music and did I mention they were having an orgy. Also there was a dirty mattress. Clara gets annoyed at the loud ass music (oh, btw there was some pretty cool music in this film, I think like some Queen and other shits) and goes upstairs to see wtf and sees that wtf is Javier and co. doing orgy stuff. For some reason I would be SO SCARED to see that lol. Not because I am inherently afraid of orgies (they just seem musty), but just how like Javier and etc clearly wanted to bother her, are being extremely hostile, and also the orgy just looked gross. Like they just brought in some old, gross mattress and didn't put a plastic sheet or anything down lol. 

Ew and then like the next day after the party there's whole piles of shit on the stairs? Like what? Also later, Clara's housemaid sees one of the builder dudes burning mattresses out back the apartment building? What the fuck happened to those mattresses? (Or was it termite-related?) (SPOILER ALERT!!!)

 

Wait but can we talk about how Clara maybe got turned on by the orgy and ordered some yung dack to come through and fuck her? Or was it the anxiety that propelled her? Either way, I relate. But anyway, Javier is getting more and more bitchy. Eventually he and Clara have a confrontation that leads to him saying some pretty rude things to her, including some weird colorist/classist remarks that imply Clara is ~darkskinned~. LOL? Maybe in Brazil?? But not even?? Lol she is pale af and also I think the same color as Júan Pablo or whatever the fuck his name was? The comments def seemed to be a bit more classist. Oh, maybe Clara's family is ~dark skin~, and then I think she has a certain /ethnic/ look? But look it was completely a reach because she doesn't look any different from him?? Soo?? Also for some reason he thought he was special because he went to American Business School (lol, was it...DeVry??), but doesn't Clara say something like all those fancy degrees and you can't even get a little old lady to leave her apartment? Did she say that or did I just think it? I think she said it or something similar and it was like, DRAG HIM! But seriously after she went in on him I was afraid. He seemed like the type to murder if he don't get his way, and ULTIMATELY, that is what he was trying to do?? Or am I wrong?

OKAY, SO TERMITES! 

Sooo!!! SOOO!! There's a room upstairs that is locked and it's weird and creepy. These two builder dudes approach Clara on the street out of nowhere and attempt to warn her that Javier has ~done something~. I was scared because at first I thought these dudes were going to attack her, but they turned out to be weird pussies giving Clara vague, ominous warnings. She's like...um, no, tell me straight up wtf. So they take her to the locked room. And I'm SCARED AS FUCK!! Lol. Like...what's in this room. I am TERRIFIED. AND THEN THEY OPEN IT AND I AM LIKE WTF!! It looked like...idek. A bunch of wood and shit from the beach. Like, what's that shit called? Driftwood? Idk, but it looked like a bunch of rotting, like, pieces of a boardwalk, completely filling the room. And then there's all these black lines snacking all over the walls. I have NO IDEA WHAT THIS SHIT IS!!! BUT IT'S CREEPY AS HELL!! WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT'S THAT BLACK SHIT?! Lol I had no idea. Then they do the close up and it's just like millions of termites everywhere and I want to throw up and die. This is a straight up horror film. I am so creeped out and disgusted but also impressed. It was a nice moment, ngl, but it left me SHOOK! In like a bad way that was a good way? If that makes sense. 

So Javier and co. literally fucking transported a bunch of termite-infected wood to this building, to what? Have the termites eventually infect the whole of the building and it comes crumbling down without them having to directly bulldoze?? Genius and INSANE!!! Fucking insane! You can't win against straight crazy. Where did they even get this fucking wood????! Who does shit like this who thinks of shit like this. This what the fuck they teachin' @ DeVry??! Cuz if so sign me tf up, ngl.  

But wait, maybe Clara can defeat crazy??

BECAUSE, BITCH! SHE TAKES A CHUNK OF THAT TERMITE WOOD AND LUGS IT TO THE BUSINESS OFFICE OF THE DUDE THAT OWNS HER BUILDING AND SHE TAKES THAT SHIT OUT AND STARTS BREAKING PIECES OFF RIGHT IN HIS MOTHERFUCKING OFFICE AND I GAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGED! 

ICONIC!!!

I should calm down but this was one of the best, most satisfying endings to a movie I've ever seen??  HOWEVER, what happens to Clara after that? lol I feel like they would kill her? But maybe I should just be satisfied with the ending of a fictional movie and understand these characters don't continue to live after the screen goes black oh and also start looking for a therapist :')