Thank god for Mo'Nique. This is a Mo'Nique stan blog. I wish instead of doing podcasts dragging everyone in Hollywood with her beard or manager or husband or whatever, she was, instead, being cast in every movie and TV show. With the recent public draggings of mad terrible white Hollywood dudes, I am thinking we're getting a Hollywood 2.0 pretty soon. Especially with streaming taking over, and people doing their own thing on youtube, etc, things are changing, and for the better, imo. So I am hoping this whole system where it's like...if you ~burn your bridges~ (allow yourself to be humiliated and mistreated) you don't get work, is eradicated. I understand this is how the world works as a whole, but that's bullshit. But I am biased because I am a burn your bridges type. I just feel if you're talented/skilled whatever, you should get work in your chosen field, because you can do your job well. Stop pretending that being an ~appropriate social person~ matters more than it really does. As long as you not turning up when work time comes, you should be employable. How the hell do you get blacklisted because you don't kiss someone like Lee Daniels' sus ass all the live long day? Lee Daniels. Everything must be torn down. I need Mo'Nique in everything I watch. I need her in The Sopranos, and Boy Meets World, and Entourage and Titanic and Fast & Furious 1000 (no Tyrese again, you guys!): Wheelchairs on the Moon and etc etc, like let's go!! This is the world we need to live in. Mo'Nique in On the Waterfront and fuckin' uh The Grapes of Wrath and shit. That's what I and everybody needs. It will cure all ails.
Anyway, I know at some point I will regret stanning 4 Mo'Nique cuz she seem like a pick me type. Like the auntie who tells you to put clothes on cuz one of your rapey uncles is coming through. Shit the rapey uncle might even be her own dude. Maybe Mo'Nique is not like this, but probably she is. As long as she keep that shit on lock and key we gon' be good!!
But anyway lol Mo'Nique was a breath of fresh air here and really lit this movie up. So funny. This, Almost Christmas, was primarily your sort of run of the mill holiday family movie, but with black people. I def want more holiday movies with black people. Let's make that a nice, meaty genre. I can only think of like two movies right now besides this one, and one of them has Chris Brown... So far the only movie I'd rewatch around Christmas-time is this one, so give me more, okay, so I have a lot of stuff to watch I really love the Christmas season but I need more holiday movies with the negroes, mkkay. Mmkay.
I don't like Danny Glover. lol, just...I just don't. But here he plays the patriarch of a family that has four kids, with some spouses and grandkids. Recently the matriarch has died, so it's all sad and shit. The four kids are played by...Romany Malco (barely cared about him), Kimberly Elise who is a doctor or something, Gabrielle Union who is a broke divorcée studying for a law degree, and some dude named Jesse T. Usher who plays the baby of the family, in college for basketball and addicted to pills something something a knee injury or whatever.
Romany's storyline is he is a politician and I am like gurl deleet his character - not needed. He's married to Nicole Ari Parker and has some kids so at least they bring a little something. It was funny @ dinner with the Jasmine reveal when their son was acting desperate for those pics lol and when JB Smoove asked Nicole to help him and she turned her head. Pure comedy gold that whole scene so at least they brought something but not Romany who used to be my bae on Weeds but idk now.
Kimberly's storyline is her husband, played by JB Smoove for some reason, is a dog. He smashes Keri Hilson (she is so pretty) and blah blah. But yo, why was Kimberly's character so rude to Gabby's??? She was going in on her for being broke and divorced and not having her law degree yet. Um, rude?? lol was I missing something like why was she dragging her sister so much?? Like chill, bitch, that's why you married to JB Smoove and he smashing honeys @ the fuckin' supermarket like cum on.
Gabby's storyline is she is broke af tryna get that law degree (her negative ass 300 something dollar balance had me ROLLING, but that shit was triggering lol) but she's one of those I don't need any help types. Let's agree to disagree lol. Also she has something going on with Omar Epps' character who she used to be friends with in high school and apparently he dissed her for prom?? Or she thought he did but didn't really? Iono, but this aint Love & Basketball days, so Omar's bloated ass needs to chill thinking he on Gabby's level. More and more people need to start finding whom they are equally yoked with so chaos can stop reigning, like I am TIRED! Do you hear me?!?!
Nah, lemme stop lol but the baby like I said is a doper and does b-ball. Also he's friends with some lil dude who keeps pushing up on Mo'Nique, and apparently she has vibrators older than him. That seems unhygienic and now I am concerned for her vagina. Upgrade, perhaps? You aint getting checks from Chaka and Stevie's blind ass?? lol cum on now.
All these storylines get a küte little wrap-up (I guess). Gab's was prob the best cuz she got $20k, but maybe it was the worst cuz she also gotta smash Omar. I guess that's the universe balancing shit out for ya. Tis what tis.
Anyway this movie was cute for what it was. I thought the comedy aspect was better than a lot of black sort of family centered dramedy type things I've seen. This coulda been extra-regular without the comedy. But I def really liked this and was cracking up multiple times. But let's talk about: 1. Kimberly Elise is a legit actress and please put her in significant properties lol no shade but it's getting ridiculous like I saw this bitch playing a fucking bus driver in Dope. More like Nope! Get her some good shit to do, please!!
2. Gabrielle Union is someone whom I see as a limited actor, however she has a ~quality~ that makes me want to watch her. I want her in more movies. Thank you!!
3. Again, put Mo'Nique in everything I will not repeat myself.
4. Put Nicole & Keri's liteskinted asses in more shit, too - stop playing games!!!
I don't care about any of the dudes lol. Maybe the kid who played Romany's son? Put him as a friend on Blackish or something. Also make more of these holiday movies. Make a Thanksgiving one, or a Kwanzaa one or some sit. Shh, I know, no one celebrates that shit, just pretend okay??? Like, all those white ensemble movies like Valentines Day and stuff? Do them with just an all black cast??? And then like one not-black. Like Keanu Reeves for no reason. Or like, all those shitty rom-coms that was coming out for a minute? Reblack them. How 2 Lose a Guy in 10 Days has a lot more ratchet potential then they allowed Goldie Hawn's daughter to portray onscreen. Do that movie with Gabby and it would be lit. Plus she seems really bitchy so I would buy it more. You know what I mean. Put me in charge of New Hollywood so I can blow everyone's asses apart with my amazing ideas, thank you.
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