Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)

I watched this a million years ago on Hulu and still regret it. Why do I keep watching these Paranormal Activity films? Lol I don't even like them. The only one I cared for was maybe the second one? But why did I watch the second one when I didn't like the first? The thing is I am a masochist when it comes to horror films. Well, a masochist in general, but especially when it comes to horror films. This is like one of my favorite genres, but for absolutely no reason, tbh, because I hate almost every horror film that comes across my path. I love the concept of scariness, I guess, but the execution is so often a fail. Also, horror, or what is considered scary, is 100% subjective. Do you know there are people who are afraid of clowns?? And there are like mad movies about ~scary clowns~ and even ~killer clowns~???? If clowns are killing anyone, it is themselves. 

You know what was a horror film to me? 12 Years a Slave. lol. As a black person, there's always this underlying threat of slavery being brought back. Especially since Obama is leaving office. You just get this feeling whites are gearing up, you know? And Donald or Hilary in office - either way, they gon' try to bring slavery back. So watching a film about my potential super-fun future, is horrifying. But a white person watching maybe will yawn and wonder what they are going to eat for dinner? Subway or Quiznos? How about neither because they are both gross.

The scariest films for me have actually been documentaries. I guess it's the realness factor? Like this happened to them, it can happen to me. But I even get scared watching documentaries about the fucking food industry. Yo, corn is terrifying. 

So I guess...it's just that what I find scary is not what is typically being presented in horror films. I am not into demon possession. That is not scary to me because *insert Timaya it's just not realistic gif*. Also, it seems like demon possession happens to the whites and Latinos (Catholic-types) moreso than the blacks, so I'm good lol. 

But here's the thing! I don't even think it's the subjectiveness of what is or is not scary to people, it is the execution simple as that. Killer Clowns are fucking stupid, but you can make a movie about that scary to almost anyone, if you know what you are doing and have good ideas. Also if you are not extremely lazy. So often I watch these movies and it's so clear they just threw any shit together. You can't be thinking or working super-hard to make these types of movies. And you can be sooo lazy with found-footage. I just need this entire genre to die because it's so stale and tired and as far as I can see, no one is putting it to good use. 

I have no idea what the fuck I was watching with Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones. But it was stale and whack from minute one to minute done. Like twenty minutes in I considered turning it off but 1. I hate not finishing movies, and 2. It was only like 89 minutes long, so I was just like sigh fine. 

KIND OF REGRET IT. The movie did not go on to improve. You know what was really terrible? My complete lack of concern for any of the characters. This is the main thing horror films keep fucking up: no character development at all. Idk about anyone else, but I need to care about characters in order to have any interest concerning what happens to them? Yes or no? You can't just be tossing scary faces at the screen thinking imma be spooked and it's all good. First of all: jump-scares are whack, lame, and an insult to even the dumbest idiot's intelligence. Stop. Also, jump-scares does not a horror film make. Nor do ~mysteriously moving~ objects. Or tired, lame actors acting out being possessed by a demon. How about acting out knowing how to act? That would be soooo cool!! 

Sigh, I'm over it. Loljk I will be watching every new Paranormal Activity movie, every new found-footage piece of trash; I will be watching any new Insidious sequels, I will be watching that sequel to The Conjuring, and if M. Night Shyamalan does a The Happening 2 my ass will be in theaters on opening day, so. All my pain and anguish is my own fault. When will Donald Trump become president so the world can finally explode?? :') Wait but are we forgetting that Ronald Reagan was president? Ronald Reagan who was like a B-List Hollywood actor? He might've even been C-List? Like he was below Van Heflin and possibly even Kent Smith omg. And America made his dusty ass president. President! And George W. Bush! He was president TWO TIMES!!!! And people are trippin' over Donald Trump? I can't fully hate someone who has dragged Rosie O'Donnell multiple times and to near-death, so you can miss me with the smear campaign. Trump '17, it's lit. Or is it '18. My brain is small and dying. I think it's the fluoride in the water.

Young & Beautiful (2013)

This movie was mad shallow, as most French films are wont to be. I watched it eons ago so barely remember what happened. Let's see, there was a young like 17 or 18 y/o French girl who's on vacation with her fam and she's eager to lose her virginity, I think. Well, the actress or the character or both never really expresses...eagerness. She sort of has this consistent blank expression which rarely conveys much of anything beyond ~dead inside French beauty~, which is cute for this movie, I guess? 

Who's most eager for Young French Beauty to lose her virginity is her little brother? Which, okay? Why every time in French movies is there like weird, incestuous undertones? Like, I think at one point the lil bro is watching his sister masturbate? Um, okay. Who wouldn't be mad horrified and disgusted by seeing their sibling go to town on themselves? I guess it's supposed to be different here because 1. French, and 2. the sister is so ~beautiful~~~~~~. Like, she is, but she's still...his sister. Who is looking at their sibling like that no matter what they look like? You grew up with this person. You've seen them shit on themselves and cry over The O.C. getting cancelled, you should be attracted to them in no way. But okay!

Young French Beauty loses her virginity to some foreign dude. He's German or Swedish or something. She seems as passionate about this dude as she would about, like, air filtration systems, or obituaries that don't say how the person died. I guess she just wants to get it out of the way. The movie does not...explain why. She doesn't seem particularly...social. And by that I mean, she does not even appear very interested in dating or doing a slut phase or whatever, so it's like, what's the rush? She seems pretty introverted and like a loner so it's not explicit why she feels she needs to de-cherry herself, beyond just not having the virgin label anymore.

And okay, so she becomes a prostitute/escort. Which is also not...explained. She is not in need of money, it seems. So why do it? If it's just about the enjoyment of sex...........

1. They do not show her...like, expressing that she just wants to ravage the d and that's all she cares about. I can totally get behind a story like that. Especially made by the French, and I'm sure I've seen that movie before and I will watch it as many times as it's presented to me, but in Young & Beautiful, the main character (idk her name lol) was not presented as being super-horny or anything like that. Was it just the actress' sort of dead-eyed expression all the way through that was throwing me off?? 

2. And if it was just about enjoying the sex and getting the d, idk...why not just slut it up, sans, like, selling your body? I'm not all about the pro-sex work stuff. I've gone back and forth about it in my head, and have come to a pretty solid conclusion that it's not cute, and it destroys your soul. I mean, so does working fucking retail, and I wouldn't recommend anyone do that either. Unless they had to, and that brings me back to the fact that Young & Beautiful did not have to sell her body. She was like in school and had no major expenses, so??? 

Maybe this was just typical French existentialism emptiness. Beautiful eighteen year old bag of bones full of malaise gets her holes filled but can never be fulfilled blah blah lol or some mess like that. I shouldn't even be asking for explanations or deep meanings cuz likely there is none. The director just wanted to focus his camera on some pretty, vaguely depressed-looking bitch for an hour and a half. It's your money, dude, do whatever you want.

I still want to know what the Charlotte Rampling cameo was, tho. First of all I'm mad annoyed I can't stan for this wrinkled bih anymore because she said some typically French-racist shit during the Oscar controversy, so I gotta write her ugly, sad-eyed ass off. Great, thank you, Charlotte! Your birthday is the day after mine's! We could've been best friends!! 

Anyway, when will I die? Another question: Why did Y&b meet up with Charlotte? So her john dies when she's fucking him (lol bye) and so she meets up with his wife???????? Okay, sigh. Like who would do that, but anyway!! I feel like Charlotte was supposed to represent OLDER Young & Beautiful. But even so, why? What are you telling us by presenting that as such? Young & Beautiful would end up getting married to a man who loved her but never understood her sadness or whatever? Bitch, I don't understand your sadness either. Me and your future hubby who cheats on you with younger you are on the same page. 

Why did I watch this? I thought it was going to be some gross French sex film. I came here to be disgusted by one thing and left being disgusted by another: non-existent acting and lack of intriguing sex scenes. Except for that one I guess when he died while she was fucking him? But even that was lame. Like at first I thought he just came and fell immediately to sleep? Ah well at least he went out on top. Actually, he was on the bottom. You can't have it all. I refuse to understand this and like keep complaining about not being satisfied with these shitty ass movies? Get a man get a life!! 

Anyway, buy

on amazon!!!

Tangerine (2015)

I was not expecting to like this lol. As soon as this shit came on and I saw how low-budget and janky it was I just sighed and prepared myself for some grimy, Larry Clark-esque bullshit. Especially the opening sequence where Sin-Dee and Alexandra are just sitting talking. I was like...oh....nooooo lol. 

BUT! As the sequence went on I found myself laughing and being amused and just, like, getting into it. And that's what the fuck I'm talking about! *clapping emoji* This is what movies should do! Make me care! I am so dead inside :') I go into pretty much every movie like "This gon' be some bullshit." I mean, every movie. Every movie, every show, every fucking youtube video clip, vine, etc. I am prepared for the worst at all times, but also at the same time, expecting nothing but excellence. Demanding it even. Feeling entitled to it. Consuming media has become such a...both sadist and masochist endeavor for me. This is what happens when you don't kill yourself in eighth grade like you planned on doing. You just keep going on, existing as some sort of hardened over anti-soul. Things get weird, dark; but fun also. Hence this blog. What...am I doing??? 

This is my fave reaction pic. Who is this woman? Tammy-something from one of those reality shows? Bball wives? I saw a couple episodes of one of the first seasons. There was like a small cheerleader who was maybe a jump-off? And Gloria Govan the Lightskin Queen. That really pretty darkskin one who had an ugly husband and maybe he wore big suits? Shaq's wife.......... I'm sad I stopped watching cuz now iono who this is in the pic. I'm not gonna go back, tho. I saved myself. No regressions. Wha...WHAT AM I DOING?!?!?!?!

So anyway!! Omg!! *screams until the vibrations cure cancer across the world*

Sigh :(

I liked the movie lol. Loved Sin-Dee! Loved that ass!! She was like a lil Katt Williams in a wig and get this bitch her own show thanks. Also liked Alexandra as the straight-man counterpart. She was also very lovely, but girl, why did you smash PJ Ransone??? And then kept talking about how he aint shit and all this. Girl, okay, I guess you know best??? 

I felt...weird about the Turkish cabdriver dude or whatever and his whole...story. Like, yikes. But anyway let me skip over that. CAN WE TALK ABOUT METH BARBIE. I was legit screaming at that. Sin-Dee was really dragging this bitch all across town. I was kind of heated she missed Alexandra's show? But at least she went??? Oh no she didn't miss it! They did crack in the bathroom while Alexandra did her make-up everything is finnnnnneee. 

Sin-Dee and Meth Barbie made a hilarious pair. But who is really letting someone drag them all over town like that? Sin-Dee weighs three pounds. But I guess...meth? Or crack? Los Angel dust? All of the above? Fine. But dragging a bitch all over town over PJ Ransone's dusty ass? BYE! I was screaming when he turned out to be the pimp. Lowkey highkey I love him but also I hate him. Tell me why he was my fave of the dock season of The Wire? That season was trash but I lived for him and I think his character's name was Squirrel. Sigh, I need to gather my bearings. I really need to get things in order. 

Anyway, I almost didn't watch this cuz it had such a paltry rating on Netflix. I get whyyyyyyyyyy. I get why you wouldn't...like this lol, but I thought it was refreshing and funny. There's so much sameyness. Even with ~different~ shit, there's still a formula being followed. I mean, I guess here, too. I've def seen mad indies where all the events take place over a day and it's just people running around a city trying to fulfill some laughably insignificant or stupid goal, but...idk, Tangerine just felt different. Maybe cuz the characters were trans and then also street walkers? Neither things are new, but I rarely see this shit in movies. Like the most popular trans-focused movie is White Chicks? (sorry) and then the most-known movie about street walkers is fucking Pretty Woman? lol. So those are nice examples sarcasm. Would def be cool to see more trans stuff in the media. Yeah we have Transparent but the actor is not even real trans. And Jeffrey Tambor in a fucking wig and dress? GIRL, DELEET UR LIFE FOR THAT IDEA RIGHT THIS MINUTE. No shade to Jill Soloway's daddy if he looks like that irl lol. But bye if he does. 

Anyway, Netflix catch up and get your own version of Transparent but do it big and go hard. Give me lady boys. Give me Chi Chi DeVayne (i know she's not trans shut up!!) (sorry for saying shut up) (but be quiet!), give me like...a North Dakota setting. Or, like, Vermont. Give me the crackheads in Vermont. The trans ladyboy crackheads from Vermont. NO. GIVE ME TRANS METH HEAD ESKIMOS OMGGG. Wow I am being  extremely offensive but let's not pretend this is not how TV shows get created in the TV show lab. Like how did something like Empire get made? GIVE ME P. DIDDY, GIVE ME FUR COATS, GIVE ME MARY J. BLIGE MEETS PRECIOUS' MOMMA MEETS JOAN CRAWFORD IN THAT PEPSI BOARDROOM MEETING IN MOMMIE DEAREST. GIVE ME GAY. GIVE ME PRISON. GIVE ME ALS OR WHATEVER DISEASE LUCIOUS HAS. GIVE ME LIGHTSKIN. GIVE ME FAT! GIVE ME RAP! GIVE ME BOOTLEG NOT EVEN RIHANNA BUT TINASHE! BI-POLAR! UGLY! GOAT YODELING! PUT ACTUAL PRECIOUS IN THIS SHIT! THAT YELLY ONE FROM DREAMGIRLS!! CHRIS ROCK?? ALICIA..,.....KEYS??? CINCO DE MAYO?!?!? STEAL WHOLE SCENES FROM HUSTLE & FLOW AND SEE IF ANYONE NOTICES!!!

That's how TV shows get made. So hopefully a meeting goes down in the near future where there's someone extra-eager in the room yelling out "TRANNIES! ESKIMOS! APPALACHIANS! WHEELCHAIRS! LUPUS!! TYRA BANKS!!" and we'll get something pretty interesting. I'm lit on fleek for the futch. 

Master of None, seas 1

Hmmm, I liked this. It's funny. I think at first I was watching it like...this shit is dryyyyy. Being mad judgmental hella early on lol. Like, five minutes in. But I was eventually won over as the first episode went on. And got all hyped like okay! more episodes! I didn't feel how I felt when I watched Kimmy Schmidt, tho. Primarily because there's no Titus. The closest thing to Titus here is...Arnold? Can we talk about how I love Tim & Eric and their whole...thing? Maybe. I like Tim more, actually. But Eric Wareheim is probably my fave thing about this show, so it's okay he's not Tim this time. Like just him and that Seal buddy thing is all I'll ever need in life. Hmmm, maybe I need to make some changes... Like get.......my life together...

...

My other fave character on the show is Denise!! I like that she's like this tall ass, sort of deep-voiced, sarcastic lesbian. Fun for me. Is she a little token-y tho? Like, yes. Eventho the star of the show is Indian.......Aziz is basically just like...a very tan white. I mean, Father John Misty?? Naming a show after a Beach House song??????? Come on. So yeah Denise is a little tokeny not just for the blackness but for the lesbianess. And then being kind of..................extra lol. But she's my fave. Like every time there's no Denise I'm like "Where's Denise?". Wait, so who's my fave: Denise or Arnold?

My fave is H. Jon Benjamin, NO MATTER WHAT. EVEN IF HE WASN'T IN THE SHOW, MY FAVORITE IS JOHN H. BENJAMIN WHICH WAY DO YOU SPELL IT?! WAIT I THINK IT'S JON. WHAT DOES THE H STAND FOR? I BET HIS NAME IS A JOKE. LIKE HE TOOK THE H OUT OF JOHN AND JUST PUT IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE. I'M SAD I STOPPED WATCHING ARCHER AND BOB'S BURGERS LOL BUT AFTER A CERTAIN POINT IT WAS LIKE OKAY, I GET IT. 

Mmm you know I almost take back what I said about thinking the show was funny and getting won over because weren't the last handful of episodes just about Dev and....sigh, Rachel's ugly little relationship? 

lol okay should I talk about Dev? Let's talk about Aziz. Aziz...can't act. Idk how I feel about Aziz, overall. Some of his stand-up is funny. I haven't seen the more recent ones about...love and relationships because............................I am...afraid lol. Idk what that mess is going to be, but the stuff I have seen is pretty...funny enough. It's Donald Glover stand-up from an Indian-American perspective which is just white people comedy with some references about being whatever cookie with a cream filling goes with your particular aesthetic. I did not...care about Tom on Parks & Rec. The suits and DJ Roomba all that....was annoying. But Parks & Rec in gen was annoying to me and I don't get the fascination. Thanks for Ron Swanson and Jean-Ralphio, tho, obvi. I'm not a complete monster :) loljk :'D

Anyway, Aziz can't act lol. He's like the same in everything. The only time he was...intriguing to me was in Funny People, right? He was playing that annoying ass Raaaaaaaaandy dude or whatever? Funny People is lowkey underrated, no? I mean, Judd Apatowness is annoying af at this point, but that movie kind of did things anyway why can't I focus, hmm? I WANT TO FOCUS ON DISPARAGING AZIZ. I'VE BEEN WAITING TO DO THIS FOR SO LONG PLEEEEASSE!! 

You know what I just got randomly annoyed about? John Mulaney's sitcom being whack af. Lol like. I have never been so inappropriately angry in my life. That shit was trash!! I'm so upset WHY WOULD U DO THIS?!?!?

Okay anyway lol. Aziz is funny..............ish. But he can't act, so...like, when the show got away from just being funny to...those horrid scenes with just him and Noël, and it was more serious...it didn't hold up. Never mind the fact that I didn't care about Dev's relationship with Rachel. Like a one night stand...should stay that way? I felt awkward when the show was tryna make me think their shit was cute? Were they trying to do that idk because then they had the relationship getting awkward and...like, they didn't know if they were sure about each other. But I was just like sigh @ the whole thing. It was mad passionless and bye @ Noël Wells. But they had Nina Arianda on the show playing an annoying bitch, and while I loved her performance and character lol, she's a wayyyyyy more intriguing actress, so it annoyed me to see her wasted on that. Like why can't the gf character be played by the interesting actresses? Noël Wells is not interesting. So not only do you have kind of bland Aziz...but then you have...even blander Noël?? And like, you expect me to care about this relationship and have whole episodes about it? Um, okay. But at the same time I can see how they match. Nina playing opposite Aziz as a legitimate love interest? Lol no1 would buy that. You'd be looking @ that shit like...wwwhyyyy would she want to be with him? Was that rude? God I hope so.

Despite my many complaints...I still want to watch another season lol. But I'm not dying for it. I doooo need more Arnold and Denise, tho. And Benjahmin no j. I mean...I guess I could go back to watching Archer and BB?? Sigh, I could. And if I want more Eric I could watch that Father and Son sequence again? I mean, I have already seen that mess a million times already, but what's a million and one more? No but I really need to gain control of my life :) Please help me :')

eta: I'm screaming I can't find Father and Son anYWHERE ONLINE WHY DOES THAT BITCH GOD H8 ME SO?!?!

Oh My Venus, episodes 8-12

So I've realized I hate this k drama. Lol, like I want to die. This is like when I was watching Blood...or Nice Guy...or I Miss You???............I've realized I hate basically all k dramas lol like...........they are so bad and awful and make me sad and want to die :) Unfortunately for me, I am trash. And I have a lot of problems. A stable, like, okay sort of person would just not watch something they hate? But me?:) No. Lol. No no. I have to watch, do you understand?! I HAVE TO SUFFER SO I CAN TALK SHIT!!! I'm such a hate-watcher. Such...a troll. However, underneath a bridge is too fancy a home for me. I should live in like...Florida. 

I hate Oh My Venus and I want it to end. I just want everything to...stop. I hate like...all of the characters? Lol no like what's really saving this show are the two leads: Venus and John. Whyyyyyy does my ignorant ass refuse to learn their proper character names, hmm?? It literally says it right there in the description on dramafever!! I think Venus' name is Kang Eun??? And John's name is....Young Joon?? Pleeeeeezzzzz why don't I just go lookWHYAMILIKETHIS?!?!?!

But whatever, VENUS AND JOHN SAVE THE SHOW!:) sweetie:)) 

They are so cute, but...like I'm a little over all this chaste shit, yeah? I mean, this is the least chaste (<.<) k drama I've watched, which sort of makes the chasteness that is there...really glaring and awkward. John's old ass is nearly forty and you're telling me he's cool with just some little pecks on the lips? Yeah, okay. And Venus is tryna throw down!! WhyHAVEN'T THEY FUCKED YET???? This is like the only k drama I've seen where it looks like the characters will COMPLETELY SMASH onscreen?? Or at least they'll allude to it? But it's like...mad awkward that they don't?? Idk, I'm uncomfortable that John and V haven't fucked yet and even more uncomfortable that I'm so, like, eager for them to do so. Like, bitch, chilllllllllllllllll. Cringing @ me. 

But whatevsies, at least I like their romance. I've seen k dramas before where the main romance completely disgusted me and that's a no no. If I'm not rooting for the two main ugly idiots to chaste kiss on the lips @ the end, what are you doing? Looking @ you Nice Guy and I Miss You. So, AT LEAST I love the main romance. But bye @ them having John fucking bleeding from the ears in the last ep I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DO AN AMNESIA STORYLINE I'M FUCKING KILLING EVERYONE!! Don't ever play yourself, Korean dramas. Or maybe I'm playing myself by watching them??? Like, I KNOW there's gonna be some bullshit, so why even put myself through it? idk, i love pain :(

AND OMG AT THEM PUTTING THAT BOY I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT IN A COMA!!! I don't gaf about his mom and I especiallyespecially don't give a flip about her NOT EVEN RELATED TO THE GRAMMA ass son. Smh @ that whole...storyline. Why is that even here? Sigh. Like. Why would this dinky bitch expect the grandma to bestow anything to a grandson who isn't even blood related to her? I'm not even sure why the grandma married her son-in-law off?? So bizarre. Was it because she had no alive kids left?? But she had John............. Maybe something is getting lost in translation because this whole set-up is mad confusing and doesn't make any sense. And I don't understand why that bitch would be waiting on the grandma hand and foot like some damn slave and she not even related to her and there's like ZERO GUARANTEE her son's future would be secured. Like?? What????? 

I am so...tired. Anyway, here's some screencaps because release me from my misery legalize assisted suicide

Muscle Angel pleeeeeez deleet Venus from life. Can we talk about how they keep calling him "Sexy Guy" and all that? Do Koreans not have a word for "thirsty" or?? Like what woman is slobbering all over some nigga like this lol unless they're...a fan of theirs...(<.<). Or maybe it should just be cute that...Venus thinks her man is sexy. But ugh their relationship started because he was training her to be less fat and disgusting? Or cough to help her hypothyroidism? Anyway...

killllll meeeeeee. Can I just say I'm glad there's not MAD DRAMA in their relationship wait lol no spoke too soon because I just remembered John's bleeding ears and possible upcoming bitch ass amnesia storyline bye

idk....i was gettin' my life in these scenes pleez

dj kemie h ee,ow,

GET A CLUE, BITCH!!!

GETCHOR LIFE!!

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!! 

SUCK A DICK, GET A JOB!!!

WORRY ABOUT YOUR LIFE, AND YOUR CAREER!! 

smh ass bitch!!

i want korean emojis like what is that

HELLO I HATE THIS BITCH!!!! SHE IS STALKING CHEEKBONES!! IT'S NOT CUTE!!!!!!!!! SHE HAS SHOWED UP UNANNOUNCED TO PLACES HE'S AT LIKE FIFTEEN DUCKING TIMES THIS ISN'T FUNNY. Now, if he were to karate kick her ass, he'd be wrong, right? I hate this so much because I know this show is tryna link her and Cheekbones and I am so the opposite of here for it. Like I'm really upset it's mad disturbing. Like, they had that man stalker for Venus and it was all ooooh scary but I guess cuz this bitch a chick it's supposed to be endearing at best? BYE!! Cheekbones be lookin' mad frightened, but OKAYYY! 

Whooooo cares? Lol what is all this drama?!?!?! Why is this Anna Sue thing even a thing???? And all this dramatic like hiding out and putting the hoodie on lol whatever

Why was John............trolling around looking for like abandoned orphans and shit???? Hmmm @ John. 

i am...cackling. First of all: cursing!! Lol but it was like...bleeped?? Why even have it? Lol this fake ass ~mature~ k drama. But look: Who was Cheekbones yelling at???? Like, who are you getting loud with? Did John not just save your dusty ass from the brink of death? But um, OKAY.

PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY ORANGE HAIR CHEF LEFT HER FAT ASS SON WITH A STRANGER??? YOU DON'T KNOW THIS HO! THIS IS HOW KIDS GET MOLESTED, YOU GOOFY BITCH! 

omg.

Dead to the goddamn bed at this fat ass boy being unable to climb down off the toilet. That's a big ass boy...come on now. lol 

lol, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

pleeez pleez pleeez!!!!

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS MAD AWKWARD!!! WHEN ORANGE HAIR CHEF ASKED IF HER SON WOULD LOOK AS SEXY AS JOHN AND HE HONESTLY ANSWERED LIKE "I CAN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES" AND THEN ORANGE HAIR CHEF LOOKED LEGITIMATELY DISAPPOINTED OMG I WANTED TO SCREAM AND DIE FROM SCREAMING

Why did I cap this? Oh, I think Venus was staring like in a lustful daze @ John? Like, pleez.

BYE!!

"WHEN ARE THEY GONNA FUCK?!" -Me, continuously screaming at the top of my lungs while watching

Yeah he looks super in love with his stalker *rolls eyes*

omg is Cheekbones a virgin? Is everyone? That's what k dramas want me to think but there...are a lot of Asians, so...............someone's fucking. Bye I stole that joke, but...there are so many Asians why...are these shows so chaste? It's...aggressively contradictory, and making me uncomfy :')

I have been put to death and am currently being lowered into the ground. Loljk they just tossed my uncovered corpse into a dirt hole. But anywaysies!! I thot the...not blood related grandson was gonna try to come for John but he ended up coming for himself and, for that, I am glad :')

No but like, what's the deal?????? What. is.The?DEAL????!?!!?? *pterodactyl screeching as it burns in a volcano*

What was all this drama with Venus sitting on the steps rubbing her foot? It was mad extra. I knew John was gonna show up but deleet because she just waved bye to him in the car?? Lol anyway. And why did he show up just to immediately leave again? Deleet my brain from remembering anything that happened in this show, thanx.

Why did I cap this? Idk. But I do know I want to be dead. Nah, sigh I gotta keep living. They've never done a live-action Arthur movie, so. Gotta stick around for that :/

Nightcrawler (2014)

Explain...why my bae Jake Gyllyhaal was not nominated for an Oscar for this shit? You don't HONESTLY expect me to believe my ghey bae doesn't suck every dick he can suction his lips around in Hollywood, right? Or am I totally reading Maggie's brother wrong? Does he have morals and convictions? Lol nah, that can't be, he once upon a time starred in pap shots with Taylor Swift. There's no way--But, wait. Maybe he actually liked Taylor. Lol because why would he think starring in posed pap shots with that crazy binch would advance his career? Ew omg did Jake actually like her? That's even worse than if it were just a bearding sitch. I would respect Jake more if he was fake and just using Taylor to convince people of his ultimate straightness, just as Joe Jonas and that wolf stud from Twilight TRIED IT before him. Lol bye.

What was I doing? Oh, it's clear Jake is just like a terrible person. He dated Reese Witherspoon for like...a really long time. No one who dates Reese Witherspoon for a significant period of time is not not a piece of shit, you know? So I guess this explains why Jakey was not nominated for an Oscar for portraying Lou Bloom in Nightcrawler. He's human garbage and everyone in Hollywood knows it. And not "eh...idk.." iffy-type human garbage like a molester (Woody Allen) or a rapist (Polanski) or a molester and a rapist (Kirk Douglas), he's true human garbage in like...maybe he chews with his mouth open? I can see Jake doing some monstrous shit like that, and I can see Harvey Weinstein's fat ass looking across the table at him with disgust and deciding he will never let Jake wear some ugly ass Marchesa dress to stand by his side as his date to the NAACP awards or whatever. No, I can definitely see it. 

It sucks that the major awards are so...popularity based. The decision process is like "Best Actor, okay. Whom do I LIKE the most? Tom Hanks. I like Tom Hanks the most. Or maybe Matt Damon. He stays away enough and isn't overly Boston about it. His head is regular-sized. I like Matt Damon!" Please. Jake is too bug-eyed and a weirdo to be Tom Hanks-liked. He's also not dynamic enough to transcend people not liking him like Denzel, or a little bit Tom Hardy. I feel like everyone hates Tom except for Leo, which is cute but has me worried for Tommy. What happens if he loses Leo as his bennyfact? He gets a lil too serious during a rough-housing session one day. What then? Season three of Peaky Blinders? Sigh, I hope so :/

All these horrible unnecessary words are to say: Jake shoulda been nominated for FUCKING THE BEST ACTOR OSCAR. He could've taken Keaton's slot, tbh. Keaton is likeable, but he aint slayin these hoes! Michael Keaton has never slayed a ho in his whole entire life. And this is coming from a half-assed fan of his okay! Jake slays hoes. Hello, did anyone see Prisoners?? He did that!! I'm heated he aint get no respect for that, but Jake just shrugged and was like, Okay let me rev it up for the next shit. And he EXTRA DID THAT in Nightcrawler. I have never seen a more did that performance, I don't think? No I'm lying Jake aint no Tommy or DDL, but he's competing! Michael Keaton is not competing. Lol wait he aint even win the acting award. Who did that year? Eddie Redmayne (bye @ his name). I like Eddie but he aint no Ben Whishaw. Why does Eddie have an Oscar over...Ben Whishaw? Why does he have an Oscar over Tom Hardy?? Lol wait what am I doing I was talking about Jake. Jake is closer to being on Whishaw's level than Eddie's. Disclosure: I aint see that Hawking movie. It look dry af. BUT THERE IS NO WAY EDDIE DID THAT MORE THAN JAKE. I don't wanna hear it!! 

At the end of the day, these are all white niggas and I don't need to be expending my energy doing all this WHERE IS THEIR ACKNOWLEDGMENT!! GIVE THESE RICH WHITEYS TROPHIES BEFORE THEIR FEELINGS GET HURT :(!!! 

I don't need to be doing all of that. However, it's hard to see...what I personally consider to be really talented individuals get respect and praise over people I feel are inferior to them. And I wanna act like my opinion is subjective, I want to chill, but...1. it's not and 2. i can't. I'm right, you're wrong. Jake been quietly slayin' the game for a minute now and it's time these niggas start puttin' respeck on his name. I'm getting tired. Like, if you as a white nigga can't get acknowledgment and praise...you're lost. You have nothing. What's the point of being a typical "straight" white male if niggas gon' continually pay you dust? You at the top of the food chain but you still don't matter - the fuck? Jake must be secretly gypsy or something, there has GOT to be an explanation. 

My fave thing about me is I spent literally zero words discussing this fucking movie smh. Anyway, 8/10 would recommend. 

Girlhood (2014)

I liked this. I liked that it was about 1. black girls, and then 2. like chavvy French black girls. I don't know fucking shit about the black experience in France. I've seen some examples of the black males in movies, but very few. Black women and girls? Zero. None. Absolutely none, so this was like refreshing and nice, just to see their faces. 

Now!! Am I feeling some type of way that this was directed by a whitey???? Hmmm. It's like, on the one hand: Thanks............... But on the other hand.........It just had me personally wondering what a white woman knows about the experience of young black women, you know? Obviously someone who's like a great artist can put themselves in others' shoes, and it's certainly not against the law to portray an experience wildly different from yours, as that is all storytelling is, but...we can't pretend it's not superrrr loaded for a white person to attempt to tell a black person's story. Also I'm wondering if...there are like...even black women directors in France. You know? Which yikes. There might be so many tho I have no idea. Google and I are not on speaking terms. I don't like how right in the middle of its name are just boobs? Like okay?? Obscenity just to provoke? That's like, so 2010. 

So, anyway, I should be murdered. At the very least, I should have this blog taken away from me. That's not gonna happen though because no one cares. No one reads this shit. Well, actually, sometimes (three total times) people comment and say they do read this shit (keirdulleagonetomorrow.blogspot.com) and I just be staring at my screen like..."But why...? Why would you do this to yourself?" And it's not even low self-esteem. It's just like...being realistic, and frightened for other people because I am so aware, and they just are so obviously not, you know? I'm just worried, that's all :/

What was I doing? Idk, real quick I just zoned out for like five minutes straight. I entirely lost those five minutes. I think I have dissociative personality disorder? I definitely have a disorder. I am disordered. Please help me. 

So anyway! I really loved Vic, played by Karidja Touré. She's soooooooo pretty and I was just living. 

She's like mad cute and just giving me stunning teas as well? I'm annoyed to know she auditioned to play Storm in the upcoming X-Men movie but they gave it to that goofy bitch who played Aaliyah in a fucking Lifetime movie instead? Lol, woww. Like Hollywood is...embarrassing. But I am too for sitting up here acting like I give af about fucking X-Men. That shit is whaaccckkk! Karidja can go and get her a better, less cringe-worthy role in a movie. I get that it's good exposure or whatever, but can...but can movies that have ~good exposure~ roles for up and coming talent...be LESS FUCKING STUPID??? Like why do I have to see these dumb ass comic book movies and root for my fledgling faves in them? This shit has me heated these movies are fucking trash!! Lol please!! Ugh.

I also really loved Lady. She reminded me of a few different black girls I knew growing up. Like the mean, sort of rough, but pretty black girls. I'd be like scared of them and resentful of their intimidating demeanor because I had none, but I also wanted to fuck with them because they were pretty and cool. Dynamic, you know? So her character really took me back to my youth ugh kill me. Also...the like...fights? With two bitches scheduling to tear each other's asses up and everyone is all excited like Fight after school! Fight at the playground!! I have...sigh, definitely been a part of a few of those crowds. I have seen my fair share of casual acquaintances get their ass beat at a scheduled meeting place. That shit hurt when Lady lost her fight. But why would Vic think--Wait, no, Lady ultimately liked that Vic beat that chick's ass for her, right? Okay but in real life her friend would've been salty af and then ended up beating her ass. Prob woulda lost tho lol

So I was annoyed with the fucboi Vic was lusting after. It was all "I'm your brother's friend" when she had the cornrows, but then she got the weave and he all of a sudden wanted to tear the cheeks apart?? 

Bye!!!! Also what...what was the storyline? Lol...like. First of all, what was the deal with the bro? His character seemed familiar but at the same time I couldn't peg him completely. I guess he took over the role as man of the house? But he was doing three much for me. But at the same time that character was completely recognizable, however, there was this weirdness like...why was the relationship between him and Vic lowkey sexual?? Was I buggin? Prob, I'm always thinking something is sexual. Sigh, get a man, bitch!! 

Okay and then...what was this with Vic...like going to work for that Araby sort of dude and selling drugs?? I was like lol okaay. And then she was a tomboy, I guess to avoid being treated like shit? Because remember that scene where they were catcalling women and disrespecting them and Vic in her khakis was going along with it like she was one of the guys? Okaaay...like what was all of that?? I def felt at a certain point the movie was doing tew much. Why couldn't Vic have stayed at home and we sort of see how things evolved (or devolved) there? It just felt very like they felt they needed to change scenery. I don't need a bitch/dude from the hood selling drugs storyline every...fucking time, yeah? Every nigga not a gangsta. Bitch coulda stayed on the homefront and got that janitor job or whatever and we see how shit went for her with that. But then would I be complaining about her being a custodian and how it's typical? Tbh, PROBABLY. 

Anyway thanks for this scene

and this, bye.