Tangerine (2015)

I was not expecting to like this lol. As soon as this shit came on and I saw how low-budget and janky it was I just sighed and prepared myself for some grimy, Larry Clark-esque bullshit. Especially the opening sequence where Sin-Dee and Alexandra are just sitting talking. I was like...oh....nooooo lol. 

BUT! As the sequence went on I found myself laughing and being amused and just, like, getting into it. And that's what the fuck I'm talking about! *clapping emoji* This is what movies should do! Make me care! I am so dead inside :') I go into pretty much every movie like "This gon' be some bullshit." I mean, every movie. Every movie, every show, every fucking youtube video clip, vine, etc. I am prepared for the worst at all times, but also at the same time, expecting nothing but excellence. Demanding it even. Feeling entitled to it. Consuming media has become such a...both sadist and masochist endeavor for me. This is what happens when you don't kill yourself in eighth grade like you planned on doing. You just keep going on, existing as some sort of hardened over anti-soul. Things get weird, dark; but fun also. Hence this blog. What...am I doing??? 

This is my fave reaction pic. Who is this woman? Tammy-something from one of those reality shows? Bball wives? I saw a couple episodes of one of the first seasons. There was like a small cheerleader who was maybe a jump-off? And Gloria Govan the Lightskin Queen. That really pretty darkskin one who had an ugly husband and maybe he wore big suits? Shaq's wife.......... I'm sad I stopped watching cuz now iono who this is in the pic. I'm not gonna go back, tho. I saved myself. No regressions. Wha...WHAT AM I DOING?!?!?!?!

So anyway!! Omg!! *screams until the vibrations cure cancer across the world*

Sigh :(

I liked the movie lol. Loved Sin-Dee! Loved that ass!! She was like a lil Katt Williams in a wig and get this bitch her own show thanks. Also liked Alexandra as the straight-man counterpart. She was also very lovely, but girl, why did you smash PJ Ransone??? And then kept talking about how he aint shit and all this. Girl, okay, I guess you know best??? 

I felt...weird about the Turkish cabdriver dude or whatever and his whole...story. Like, yikes. But anyway let me skip over that. CAN WE TALK ABOUT METH BARBIE. I was legit screaming at that. Sin-Dee was really dragging this bitch all across town. I was kind of heated she missed Alexandra's show? But at least she went??? Oh no she didn't miss it! They did crack in the bathroom while Alexandra did her make-up everything is finnnnnneee. 

Sin-Dee and Meth Barbie made a hilarious pair. But who is really letting someone drag them all over town like that? Sin-Dee weighs three pounds. But I guess...meth? Or crack? Los Angel dust? All of the above? Fine. But dragging a bitch all over town over PJ Ransone's dusty ass? BYE! I was screaming when he turned out to be the pimp. Lowkey highkey I love him but also I hate him. Tell me why he was my fave of the dock season of The Wire? That season was trash but I lived for him and I think his character's name was Squirrel. Sigh, I need to gather my bearings. I really need to get things in order. 

Anyway, I almost didn't watch this cuz it had such a paltry rating on Netflix. I get whyyyyyyyyyy. I get why you wouldn't...like this lol, but I thought it was refreshing and funny. There's so much sameyness. Even with ~different~ shit, there's still a formula being followed. I mean, I guess here, too. I've def seen mad indies where all the events take place over a day and it's just people running around a city trying to fulfill some laughably insignificant or stupid goal, but...idk, Tangerine just felt different. Maybe cuz the characters were trans and then also street walkers? Neither things are new, but I rarely see this shit in movies. Like the most popular trans-focused movie is White Chicks? (sorry) and then the most-known movie about street walkers is fucking Pretty Woman? lol. So those are nice examples sarcasm. Would def be cool to see more trans stuff in the media. Yeah we have Transparent but the actor is not even real trans. And Jeffrey Tambor in a fucking wig and dress? GIRL, DELEET UR LIFE FOR THAT IDEA RIGHT THIS MINUTE. No shade to Jill Soloway's daddy if he looks like that irl lol. But bye if he does. 

Anyway, Netflix catch up and get your own version of Transparent but do it big and go hard. Give me lady boys. Give me Chi Chi DeVayne (i know she's not trans shut up!!) (sorry for saying shut up) (but be quiet!), give me like...a North Dakota setting. Or, like, Vermont. Give me the crackheads in Vermont. The trans ladyboy crackheads from Vermont. NO. GIVE ME TRANS METH HEAD ESKIMOS OMGGG. Wow I am being  extremely offensive but let's not pretend this is not how TV shows get created in the TV show lab. Like how did something like Empire get made? GIVE ME P. DIDDY, GIVE ME FUR COATS, GIVE ME MARY J. BLIGE MEETS PRECIOUS' MOMMA MEETS JOAN CRAWFORD IN THAT PEPSI BOARDROOM MEETING IN MOMMIE DEAREST. GIVE ME GAY. GIVE ME PRISON. GIVE ME ALS OR WHATEVER DISEASE LUCIOUS HAS. GIVE ME LIGHTSKIN. GIVE ME FAT! GIVE ME RAP! GIVE ME BOOTLEG NOT EVEN RIHANNA BUT TINASHE! BI-POLAR! UGLY! GOAT YODELING! PUT ACTUAL PRECIOUS IN THIS SHIT! THAT YELLY ONE FROM DREAMGIRLS!! CHRIS ROCK?? ALICIA..,.....KEYS??? CINCO DE MAYO?!?!? STEAL WHOLE SCENES FROM HUSTLE & FLOW AND SEE IF ANYONE NOTICES!!!

That's how TV shows get made. So hopefully a meeting goes down in the near future where there's someone extra-eager in the room yelling out "TRANNIES! ESKIMOS! APPALACHIANS! WHEELCHAIRS! LUPUS!! TYRA BANKS!!" and we'll get something pretty interesting. I'm lit on fleek for the futch.