Nightcrawler (2014)

Explain...why my bae Jake Gyllyhaal was not nominated for an Oscar for this shit? You don't HONESTLY expect me to believe my ghey bae doesn't suck every dick he can suction his lips around in Hollywood, right? Or am I totally reading Maggie's brother wrong? Does he have morals and convictions? Lol nah, that can't be, he once upon a time starred in pap shots with Taylor Swift. There's no way--But, wait. Maybe he actually liked Taylor. Lol because why would he think starring in posed pap shots with that crazy binch would advance his career? Ew omg did Jake actually like her? That's even worse than if it were just a bearding sitch. I would respect Jake more if he was fake and just using Taylor to convince people of his ultimate straightness, just as Joe Jonas and that wolf stud from Twilight TRIED IT before him. Lol bye.

What was I doing? Oh, it's clear Jake is just like a terrible person. He dated Reese Witherspoon for like...a really long time. No one who dates Reese Witherspoon for a significant period of time is not not a piece of shit, you know? So I guess this explains why Jakey was not nominated for an Oscar for portraying Lou Bloom in Nightcrawler. He's human garbage and everyone in Hollywood knows it. And not "eh...idk.." iffy-type human garbage like a molester (Woody Allen) or a rapist (Polanski) or a molester and a rapist (Kirk Douglas), he's true human garbage in like...maybe he chews with his mouth open? I can see Jake doing some monstrous shit like that, and I can see Harvey Weinstein's fat ass looking across the table at him with disgust and deciding he will never let Jake wear some ugly ass Marchesa dress to stand by his side as his date to the NAACP awards or whatever. No, I can definitely see it. 

It sucks that the major awards are so...popularity based. The decision process is like "Best Actor, okay. Whom do I LIKE the most? Tom Hanks. I like Tom Hanks the most. Or maybe Matt Damon. He stays away enough and isn't overly Boston about it. His head is regular-sized. I like Matt Damon!" Please. Jake is too bug-eyed and a weirdo to be Tom Hanks-liked. He's also not dynamic enough to transcend people not liking him like Denzel, or a little bit Tom Hardy. I feel like everyone hates Tom except for Leo, which is cute but has me worried for Tommy. What happens if he loses Leo as his bennyfact? He gets a lil too serious during a rough-housing session one day. What then? Season three of Peaky Blinders? Sigh, I hope so :/

All these horrible unnecessary words are to say: Jake shoulda been nominated for FUCKING THE BEST ACTOR OSCAR. He could've taken Keaton's slot, tbh. Keaton is likeable, but he aint slayin these hoes! Michael Keaton has never slayed a ho in his whole entire life. And this is coming from a half-assed fan of his okay! Jake slays hoes. Hello, did anyone see Prisoners?? He did that!! I'm heated he aint get no respect for that, but Jake just shrugged and was like, Okay let me rev it up for the next shit. And he EXTRA DID THAT in Nightcrawler. I have never seen a more did that performance, I don't think? No I'm lying Jake aint no Tommy or DDL, but he's competing! Michael Keaton is not competing. Lol wait he aint even win the acting award. Who did that year? Eddie Redmayne (bye @ his name). I like Eddie but he aint no Ben Whishaw. Why does Eddie have an Oscar over...Ben Whishaw? Why does he have an Oscar over Tom Hardy?? Lol wait what am I doing I was talking about Jake. Jake is closer to being on Whishaw's level than Eddie's. Disclosure: I aint see that Hawking movie. It look dry af. BUT THERE IS NO WAY EDDIE DID THAT MORE THAN JAKE. I don't wanna hear it!! 

At the end of the day, these are all white niggas and I don't need to be expending my energy doing all this WHERE IS THEIR ACKNOWLEDGMENT!! GIVE THESE RICH WHITEYS TROPHIES BEFORE THEIR FEELINGS GET HURT :(!!! 

I don't need to be doing all of that. However, it's hard to see...what I personally consider to be really talented individuals get respect and praise over people I feel are inferior to them. And I wanna act like my opinion is subjective, I want to chill, but...1. it's not and 2. i can't. I'm right, you're wrong. Jake been quietly slayin' the game for a minute now and it's time these niggas start puttin' respeck on his name. I'm getting tired. Like, if you as a white nigga can't get acknowledgment and praise...you're lost. You have nothing. What's the point of being a typical "straight" white male if niggas gon' continually pay you dust? You at the top of the food chain but you still don't matter - the fuck? Jake must be secretly gypsy or something, there has GOT to be an explanation. 

My fave thing about me is I spent literally zero words discussing this fucking movie smh. Anyway, 8/10 would recommend.