Monday, August 18, 2014

The Nature of the Beast (1995)



Eric Roberts is in my A-list. Which means I'll watch, unfortunately, anything he's in. I have an A-list, B-list, and C-list. An example of a b-lister would be, horrifyingly, Stephen Dorff. B-list means I'll watch most of his shit, but some stuff - fuck no. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it...Derff might be A-list. Ugh, Deuces Wild. C-list is for actors I either just like (Tom Hanks) or am uncertain about (Amanda Seyfried), so I will watch some of their movies because I am interested in them to a certain extent, but I'll be way more discerning. Which is a bold-faced lie when you consider how much Seyfried-starring garbage I've seen, which is basically everything she has been in post-Big Love. But I digress!

Eric is A-list, so I watch whatever he is in. To say the least, it's been a journey. Something recently I watched starring him, which came out around the same time this^ movie did, was a "film" titled Love Is a Gun. You know what's also a gun? That movie. Pistol jammed right through my shitty teeth, aimed towards the roof of my shit-covered mouth, at my dead dumb brain. I did not like it, is what I mean. Mainly because Eric plays a ~normal guy~ in it, but also mainly because it was fucking atrocious.

I knew immediately that I would at least a little bit like Nature of the Beast. For one, the title, and for two, because I assumed Eric would be playing some sort of maniac, which is my favorite thing for his clearly real-life crazy ass to do. The movie starts off with some dude being murdered in a car, but we can't see who's murdering him. I assume said murderer is Emma Roberts' dad. Like, come on, who else would it be? Then after that we're introduced to Lance Henriksen (Jack), who is doing a nosy ass slow-crawl by the aforementioned crime scene. I don't know what the movie wants us to think about Jack. Do they want us to assume he's a mild-mannered businessman out on the road doing sad traveling salesman type businessperson shit? He looks immediately suspect straight away.
Which probably has ALL to do with the fact that he's played by fucking Lance Henriksen who looks like every villain in every eighties movie ever. Exempting the teen movies from the aidsies. All those towheaded jock angel bastards were played by Billy Zabka, who is probably (hopefully) dead now.

First we're introduced to Lance/Jack, then we see Eric/Adrian/Dusty. Jack is driving down some desert road when he passes Adrian who is attempting to hitch a ride. First, good job, Jack. Never pick up hitchhikers, particularly if they're wearing a fucking jean shirt. Second, oh my god Eric Roberts looks ridiculous/amazing. His hair is professionally blown out for no reason whatsoever and he's wearing TWO EARRINGS ON ONE EAR.
(this is like all I could find of those fucking earrings COME ON LAZY GOOGLE SEARCH FRONT PAGE, DO BETTER)

From jump street it's clear Adrian is a bad ass beauty queen. And a little bit it makes you wonder why Jack didn't pull over. Stop frontin', Jack. "Stop frontin', Jack" became a theme with me while watching this movie, but I'll get to that later, but in all actuality I probably won't because I often bring up topics only to completely drop them because I think I might be in the early stages of schizophrenia lol

Jack stops at a diner or some shit and goes to use the bathroom. Then Adrian's jean shirt model ass comes in and is all like YOU'RE PRETTY RUDE, DUDE or some shit like that. Because Jack didn't stop to pick him up. One, how the fuck did Adrian catch up with Jack so quickly? I GUESS he got another car to pick him up?? Two, WHO THE FUCK does Adrian think he is??? No one HAS to pick you up. It's not some law, or even an unspoken rule that car-havers have to pick fucking hitchhikers up. He truly had the audacity to come into that bathroom and grill Jack on why he didn't stop for him. And what does Jack respond? Well, first, he says some bullshit like "I didn't see you, then when I did it was too late". What? Does your car not have the reverse button? (Can you tell I don't drive and also that I am an alien here to learn your secrets?) After that, I think, he asks Adrian how the fuck he ended up out there in the first place. E X A C T L Y. RED FLAG STORE IS GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE! Fuck no I'm not picking you up! Then, FOR SOME LOGICAL REASON, I'M SURE, Jack tells Adrian he'll buy him lunch or breakfast or whatever. UMMMMMMM. I'm going to stop right here to drop a maj' spoiler alert. Jack is Hatchet Man. There's a guy going around hacking people up, he calls himself, faggotily, Hatchet Man. I thought it was Eric/Adrian/Dusty the whole time. I HAD NO IDEA it was Jack. Writing this ~review~ with this knowledge makes me see the movie a little more differently, but not any more clearly. Like, 1, whhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy does Jack not kill Adrian from the start? He doesn't make any real attempt during their whole excursion, until they reach the cabin. He makes no attempt, actually. At the end, after Adrian finds out Jack is Hatchet Man, he asks him why he does it and Jack explains, beautifully, "For the fuck of it". So...I guess it's just random? But is it? I feel like there was an important reason to why he didn't try to kill Adrian, and just let him drag him along and harass him the majority of the movie. IMPORTANT GAY REASONS!

Like, Jack is crushin' on Adrian hard, right? That's why he kills the waitress who's snippy with Adrian and that's why he kills those kids Adrian was fucking in that van. Right? I feel like...this might be one of those movies where there's a ~big twist~ at the end, but when you go and watch it over again with this new-found information, it doesn't make sense. Like, the characters' actions make zero sense now that we know the truth. Now You See Me is a good recent example of this. Mark Ruffalo's entire character. It's like the writers wrote stuff specifically to throw you off track, but it entails characters coming off like they're aware they're in a movie and that they need to deceive their audience. NO.  

The title is referenced in a great scene during, I guess, the climax, when Jack and Adrian are playing cards and Adrian loses and is sore. He takes out his needle and heroin stuff to shoot up, and Jack makes some judgmental comments. At this point, Adrian does not know Jack is Hatchet Man. He says something to Jack like DRINK MOAR. Actually I think he slaps Jack's whiskey glass away when he says this. He's like really upset that Jack is coming at him for doing drugs. Then Adrian gets all up into Jack's personal space, lapsing into some intense monologue about how we're all born with a hole inside of us that we all try to fill with various substances/activities, instead of just accepting that we're empty inside and always will be. Something like that. He's saying all this, I think, to try to get Jack to see that he's not superior and to climb down off of his high horse and join his boyfriend Adrian in the pits of hell. The whole movie, Adrian would be saying similar things like this to Jack. But I never thought Jack was who he ~appeared~ to be, and I never thought he was coming from a position atop any horse. For some reason, I felt like he just made some sort of connection with Adrian and...cared about him? Is that just me projecting my love for gay shit? Like, he simply did not want his boo to hurt himself doing drug stuffs.

This monologue thing segues into Jack attacking Adrian, then tying him up to a chair and injecting him with a fatal dose of drug stuff. I can't remember what Jack said during this part, even though maybe it was important. But I do remember Adrian pleading "Please don't kill me, Jack" AND IT WAS ADORABLE. Jack watches Adrian "die" and at first seems excited (?) or pleased (?), but then covers his eyes a little and looks a bit horrified. Then he buries Adrian. POORLY, I might add. Because Adrian comes back to life and bursts free from his grave and shit. Oh my god, I'm totally blanking on how this movie ended. I think, Jack killed Adrian as Hatchet Man??? PROBABLY. The end.

What was this movie trying to say? Mid-way through I figured Jack was "the beast" the title refers to. All I needed to see were his alone moments in his motel room talking to his "mommy" and curled up sleeping with his hands between his knees, to know he wasn't a ~normal~. I figured he'd turn out to be the exact opposite. I'm so smart! EXCEPT NO, because I did not see him turning out to be Hatchet Man at. all. I never felt I had to question the fact that it was obviously Adrian. I thought that was why they were strangely drawn to one another. Adrian is a "beast" and he sees himself in Jack, a person attempting to conceal their beastness. But Eric's monologue towards the end semi-changed my mind on things, as well as with the reveal of Lance as Hatchet Man. I guess...maybe the movie is trying to offer an explanation for why murderers murder or why drug users drug use. THAT BLACK HOLE THING.

I don't know, I'm a dummy. That being said (not the right segue and also is segue even the thing that I am going for here??), I mostly really liked this mess. IMPROVEMENTS: Make this a two-person play/film only. And give me some neck kisses. There should've been WAY MORE gay shit
and WAY LESS side characters. I could have watched a 45-minute version of that scene of them in the cabin after Adrian lost the card game. 45 minutes of that and then the rest of the movie is just them being sassy-mean to each other in various seedy motel rooms while Jack is never not curled up in the fetal position with his pants off. ABRACADABRA, fixed, perfect film.

How did this movie rate on the E-Robs scale? Way closer to Star 80 then The Coca Cola Kid. Buen trabajo. (Confession: Did not fully see Coca Cola Kid. But...it was set in Australia, and E-Robs wasn't playing a fucking kangaroo so..............................................................................................)

And, maybe, coming soon, a Lance Henry scale?? STOP. But maybe. I might be into him now.



UGH. 


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