Hush (2016)

This movie was lit af. Like Wait Until Dark but deaf meets The Strangers. Does that sound really bad and dumb? It does! And this movie totally could have went in that direction and maybe did several times, but, bitch, who cares?!, because I was getting my fuccckingnnggnLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFEEEE!! 

This is def the best horror film I've seen in a minute. I was yelling at the screen non-stop but it's like, girl...not only can the bitch not hear you cuz she in the screen...but...she deaf... 

You can tell a movie is lit when I'm yelling at a bitch who can't hear me on multiple levels. I had so much fun!  

So this shit starts out with this chick Maddie. She's cooking--poorly, it seems--and I'm just like sigh hurry up. Would I really hate a horror movie that just started immediately on the stabbings and demon possessions? No. I would...I think I would like that. But you know, I think the beginning ~boring shit~ really made me care about Maddie. I don't know if it's cuz she's deaf...or she was just likeable and sympathetic or she was likeable and sympathetic because she was deaf? I don't know, but I realized as the action was popping off that I, like, super-cared about her not being dead. 

Anyway, the boring shit beginning is only a short while. Ol' girl is cooking some nasty mess and then her friend-o comes over. It's some hype neighbor bitch who seems mad condescending and try-hard lol. Idk if that's just me projecting, but I would be annoyed if I was deaf and a Hearer was all up in my face doing poor sign language and asking me to come over to teach her how to fucking talk to me. Like, girl, be gone. Also her comments about Maddie's book...didn't seem... They were like something you'd say if you were trying really hard to find something positive about some shit you hated so much it made you want to throw up and die??? She was like..."wow...the ending! didn't see that coming!!!!" and..."ur such a...[forces down vomit] good writer." Who calls someone a good writer? That's some bullshit you say to your student if he handed in serial killer poetry. Omg Devon this is sooo...good. All while you calling up social services or something. Idk why I was focusing so much on this bitch lol maybe it was the actress or the way she was reading her lines? But she bothered me. However, seeing her...get shanked like...at least twenty million times...was not as pleasurable as I thought it was going to be. Wait! I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm so glad no one reads this blog or cares about my existence :')

The smoke alarm goes off while the neighbor bitch is over and she's all "IT'S SO LOUD!!!" and Maddie is like yeah, bitch...so I can feel the vibrations. CUZ DEAF. They hang out for a bit more, and then eventually neighbor bitch leaves. After neighbor bitch leaves, Maddie gets down to writing her novel. She's struggling with the ending, I guess? I never try to figure out what stuff in the beginning of the movie is going to factor in later on when I watch horror films. I'm just totally ignoring the writer shit and the alarm thing. Also a little bit the deaf thing. I'm just like ohhhh haha she aint gon' be able to hear her intruder. It's like bitch...they have to do a whole movie. It's not just going to be her sitting on her couch while the intruder dances in the background until he gets tired and decides to kill her. Though...I would watch that. 

Okay and then shit starts popping off in like a major way when Maddie goes in to clean up in the kitchen. First of all: is this a white people thing? Houses surrounded by glass doors and nothing covering the glass? People can see into your house. Yeah you live out in the middle of nowhere, but...I feel like that's even more reason to cover that shit up. What if a bear see?? Come on.

So while Maddie is cleaning in the kitch, her neighbor friend runs up to the door and is banging on it for help. But Maddie can t hear cuz she's - what? DEAF. 

The killer nigga fucking bow and arrows this ho, then comes up and starts stabbing her like crazy. I was like...

I was feelin...some type of way. I don't like gore stuff, tbh lol. Like I'm super into horror films but anytime there's like mad stabbing or sawing or punching or kicking or any sort of violent blows to the body I'm just like 

Feeling uncomf. He stabbed this bih...so much. Soo...many times. Please never do this again. But at the same time: yess. It's lit. I'm ready. I wish I wasn't like this please help.

So after Neighbor Bih gets the shanking of a lifetime!!, Maddie goes back to work on her book and it's cute that she has writer's block or whatever and she's just cute in general but it might be because she's deaf or maybe it's just cuz she's cute we'll never know. She gets a facetime call thing from her sis and this intruder nigga all up in the house. I was mad annoyed with him when he removed the phone while Maddie was talking to her sister. The sis was all "What was that? I saw something move in the background??" Like what a dummy. But why am i like...rooting for him to do a better job at murder games? Idk...

After Maddie talks to her sis, shit pops off again when the murder nigga starts sending photos of Maddie in real-time, to Maddie, from Neighbor Bitch's phone. It's mad creepy and I'm like yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas. THEN THE LIGHTS GO OFF AND IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF LIT DUE TO THE POWER BEING CUT OFF. 

Pretty soon after this, the nigga shows his "face". Which is some creepy smiley mask and I was hella rollin' my eyes at the mask. BUT BITCH WHEN HE TOOK IT OFF!! 

This dat mouth breather from stuff I've seen! I think most semi-recently Short Term 12? His dopey lookin' ass had me feelin bad for him and shit cuz Brie Larson was all emotionally crippled and shit. Aw but I wasn't feeling bad for him here omg his face PUT DEE MASK BACK ON, FELLA! No, I'm just kidding. He's an...alright looking white child. But that face reveal was...I screamed. Lol no. That's uncalled for of me. However. I did scream, so it is not a lie. (It's a lie, I actually laughed). 

Dude reveals his face because Deafy writes on one of her UNCOVERED BY CURTAINS OR BLINDS OR SOME SHIT GLASS WINDOWDOORS that she won't tell anyone; didn't see his face. Biiiiiiiiitch, this crazy nigga is clearly here to play games. Also she wrote that her boyfriend would be coming home soon. Lol, this crazy nigga not only took off his mask, but he proceeded to recite like word-for-word everything her sister said on the Facetime call about how she was worried about Maddie being all alone out in the woods or whatever. I was like hhaaaaaaaaaaaa this nigga gon' kill u

No! But I refused to allow my bae to die. She became bae pretty fast into the movie. I'm so glad, too. I hate when I'm watching horror movies and none of the characters are bae. I just be sittin' watching like...

when these niggas gon' die? BUT I DIDN'T FEEL THAT ABOUT DEAFY AND I WAS SO HAPPY AND WANTED HER NON-HEARING ASS TO WIN! 

And she did! Lol imma just skip over mad of the action because I have self-diagnosed ADD and terrible memory. But she gave Killery Nigga his money's worth. I was gettin' my life every time she pulled some new move on him. Usually she failed, but I was still cheering. When she tried that car alarm thing I was like yaaaaaas. When she did the flashlight thing: yaaaas, bitch, u did that!! Lol like I was really rooting for my baby. So glad her deaf ass didn't die spoiler alert. BUT MISS ME WITH THE FAKE-OUT ENDING WHERE KILLER BITCH WAS SMASHING HER FACE IN WITH A ROCK. I WAS SO MAD THINKING THAT WAS HOW SHE WAS GOING TO GO OUT AND THEN EVEN MADDER WHEN IT WAS REVEALED TO BE SOMETHING DEAFY IMAGINED! I hate fake-outs and like dream sequences and things of that nature. It's so like...filler to me and adding unnecessary thrills that take away from the flow of the story. It's super-insulting to the audience even though here they tried to make it fit by tying it to Maddie's writer brain and referencing back to how she has voices in her head. How bout you reference back to not fucking testing my patience!! 

But anyway and overall, (please): good job on the movie! However, I feel really uncomfortable being positive and giving compliments so I'm gonna post some screencaps I took and talk ignorant :'):

bae <3

I'm so ugly lol. I was screaming at Maddie's ex being black and I was losing my mind trying to get a screencap of his facetimey icon thing. Lol why am i like this

This...doofy piece of shit. Lol I was screaming he was mad dumb!!!!! THE SCENE LOOKED MAD SUSPICIOUS!!! AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS OL' BOY'S POLICE CAR, HUH?! WHERE WAS HIS POLICE SHIT?? HE TALKIN BOUT CAN I BORROW UR CELLPHONE AND UR OLD HUNKY-DORY ASS GAVE IT TO HIM!! Boy!! 

This was just so crucially dumb. Or he was. I just... I mean, eventually his slow ass caught on, but I can't even give him props because it was hella later than it should've been. I think the screencaps from above were the exact moment he knew he fucked up. Boy, the exact moment you fucked up was the day you were born. No, that's doing the most. But only if the most means the truth. Doing the truth. 

BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW MURDER BAE (Boy, I mean. Not, ha, bae...) (jesus) WAS AFRAID OF BLUE SHIRT?!?! HE WAS LIKE...AFRAID OF GETTING BEAT UP?? lol nigga don't you have killing tools? The fuck is u being scary for? I died, what a loser. I mean, yeah, obviously, he kills people for sport, hello!! omg...

I was finna skreem if he did something to the cat. I don't even like...cats. Or do I? I feel like I relate to them. They lazy, furry, and rude: das me!!! 

BIIIIIIIIIITCH HER HAND!! CAN YOU SEE THIS SHIT?! BUT BAE PREVAILED!! 

YES, BITCH!! GET!! HIS!! ASS!! STARE DEAD IN HIS BLANK, UGLY, REGULAR LOOKING WHITE BOY FACE!! 

YES, DO IT!!! SPONSORED BY NIKE BITCH!! TURN THE FUCK UPPPP!! 

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