The Stanford Prison Experiment (2015)

At first I thought this gathering of ~hot~, young, irrelevant boy actors would be kinda lame. I mean, I was seeing fucking...Moises Arias, that chunky blonde bitch from Awkward, that whack bitch from Animal Kingdom, and a bunch of other super-ugly boi actors I be seeing in shit, unimpressing the shit out of me. When Michael Angarano is the fucking Pacino of your film, in my estimation you have a problem.

Wrong! Very wrong. This movie was EXTREMELY LIT, and Michael Angarano as the Pacino went THE FUCK AWF!!! 

Where to even begin. I watched this movie primarily for Ezra Miller, because that's where I'm at in my life. I am a fucking fan of Ezra Miller. Pleez. Also, Michael Angarano. Did it seem like I was shading him up there? Because I hope so, I was. But I been stanning for old boy...for a minute. I wanna say since Sky High, but I think it's been since before that. I think he was in some kid shit I used to watch all the time idk whatever who cares. I will definitely watch a movie or show if I know Angarano is in it. However I stan for Ezzie more and watched this shit the most for him, either way I want to die.

Okay so Billy Crudup plays some dude named Dr. Philip Zimbardo. He's doing some "study" about how prison affects the psyche or some shit idk. He advertises for a two week study that involves a bunch of men coming in and participating in a prison simulation. Some men will play prisoners, some will play guards. 

Zimbardo and his colleagues interview all the men, mainly kind of trying to see if any of them are mental, I think. Then he asks all of them if they want to be a prisoner, or a guard. Everyone says prisoner. Lol, WHAT? Who the fuck wants to be imprisoned??? What a bunch of whites lol. What a completely unclear idea of what it feels like to be oppressed and to have your rights taken away smh. I would say guard SO MOTHERFUCKING QUICK! And ask if I was getting a stick and taser, FUCK THAT!!  

But it don't matter what they say they want, Zimbardo and them flip coins and that's how they decide who will be prisoner and who will be guard. 

Notable prisoners: Ezra, Tye Sheridan, Johnny Simms (whom I have never saw it for, but he was good here), Chris Sheffield, and my bae Ki Hong Lee, who kept asking for his pills (vitamins) (me). 

Notable guards: Michael Angarano aka "John Wayne". And no one else. Michael Angarano as a guard was probably one of the most doing the most performances I have ever seen. It was iconic, honestly. Like, bro. THIS ISN'T REAL. He really went all in for like seven dollars an hour. Wait how much were they making? It wasn't a lot because I remember thinking they sounded sad when they were speaking of their pay lol. (Oh it was some shit like fifteen dollars a day! Bruh.) But Michael Angarano's character coming through and taking this shit sooooo seriously was so lit and legendary. I despised his character lol he was so ugly and hateful. Like, even though he was ~pretending~ for the ~study~, it was clear that was just really him lol. Like this study allowed him--Like gave him this safe space to be his truly awful self, and oh, cool, get paid for it. 

What was soooooo funny to me in the movie was how mad shit would be happening, right? And then like DAY 1 would pop up on the screen!!! Like I would be DYIINNNNNG, BITCH! I swear to god they were going the fuck in up in there and it'd be like two hours lol! Byeeee!!!!!!! Like how many times did Ezra get put in fucking what's it called? The isolation closet or whatever. He was there for TWO DAYS and tried to fucking overthrow the government like a million times, got his ass beat, tried to escape, was going through all this strife, had a breakdown and dipped. All this shit in two. days. 

I was annoyed when Ezra left the film lol?? Like I watched this shit for you?? But nah it was fine because Angarano was still turning up. Also I found other prisoners to care about like Tye Sheridan's character, killing me softly, and them other notable prison niggas I mentioned. Oh, I also a little cared about chunk from Awkward. I completely forgot entirely what all happened with him, but he had a good amount of screentime and I remembered caring.

While watching the film, I was primarily getting my life from shit happening in the "prison". But I was also a little bit getting my life from scenes with the doctory science people running the study. Zimbardo and his geek squad and Nelsan Ellis' random ass ex-fucking Alcatraz character. Wait which priz did he come from? Gitmo? Idk, but he came from some famously extreme prison environment. Zimbardo's coon ass black colleague was looking at Nelsan's character like WHY ARE YOU HERE, PLEASE? Like bitch mind ur bidness. 

Zimbardo was entirely doing the most having Jesse there. Like ooooh a real life ex-con. He knows what REALLY happens in a priz. And like when dudes would try to leave the study, he'd be there to claim they were faking, or talk of how tough he had it or something, so they could take their ass right back on in there. DOING THE MOST CUZ, GUESS WHAT? NOT A REAL PRISON!!! Not a real prison. You want to do a study on how prison affects people, ummmmmmm I DON'T KNOW, take your ass to an actual prison?? The fuck. Zimbardo was just doing way too much for me. And he was mad excited by terrible things. Was I getting Frankenstein teas from watching this? Yeah I think at one point when Zimbardo's girl called him out??? Idk, it was lit. Like it was real bad lol, but like in an entertaining great way????? 

What made Zimbardo end the study? Was it Tom saying bastard so his fellow inmates wouldn't have to do push ups? Or was it Angarano and the other guards being weird and getting the prisoners to simulate fucking? I know for me it was Tom putting his morals aside to kowtow to John Wayne. That scene was lit, but I was pissed when Tom said bastard. Heartbreaking, and I am not even joking please watch this movie why was this made who decided to make this please.

The end interviews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With them post the study. Bitch, I got my entire life with the one at the very end with 8612 and John Wayne. It looked really contrived, like Ezra and Angarano had seen real footage of such interviews, and they looked like they were mimicking them to the t, especially Angarano. It was so bad it was good. Where the fuck is Angarano's appreciation?? I mean I know I was shading the shit out his pasty mealy ass but like, he Did That™. From beginning to end, bitch. Ezra was Ezra, per ush. Tye Sheridan made me really care about his character. What a come up from being the brother with like no lines in that long ass The Tree of Life. Who else? Billy was good. Very creepy, but he kept it from being over the top. It seemed like a realistic unhinged sciencey person performance, where the work takes precedence over the subject. Also really loved Nelsan Ellis. That scene where they were interviewing Johnny Simms' character for parole was iconic. When Olivia Thirlby looked down at his blank ass paper I WAS THROUGH! 

This movie was fun as hell to watch. But also disturbing. But I have a lot of problems so that didn't bother me too much. The kind of shitty seventies costuming did a bit? The facial hair was fucking tragic, but I'll allow it because the movie was so on point. But don't ever do those falling ass off lacefront moustaches and side burns again. You know you were wrong for that. You know you were.

The Burning Bed (1984)

So I love made for TV movies concerning domestic violence. Because I am severely damaged, and have pretty bad taste. Honestly, I just love the made for TV movie genre overall, even though so much is so bad. Well, that's why I like it. Bad storylines and bad acting - it's Heaven. So when I heard about this burning bed movie, concerning a white woman who turned up on her husband by setting his ass on fire, I was like (no pun intended mostly) "It's lit".

This movie actually broke the rules and tried to be legitimate, which is a huge no-no for me. I mean, a lot of made for TV movies don't know their place and they be out here tryna get Emmys and shit, when they know good and damn well that shit is preserved strictly for HBO specials, not for whatever bullshit they got on the Hallmark channel. The Burning Bed is an inbetweenie: in between HBO "prestige" and schlock ass Hallmark cards stretched into a seventy-three minute long movie garbàge. It's like, not a good movie, really. It's pretty corny considering the serious subject matter, but it has some really effective moments, that took it from She's Too Young syphilis outbreak ridiculousness, to being something I felt bad for laughing at. I don't want to feel bad for laughing at a made for tv movie, okay? Especially when the shit stars fucking Paul Le Mat's goofy ass as The Abuser.

Bitch, have you seen Paul Le Mat??

Girl, goodbye. Beating on whom?? NOT I!!!

No, but like he looked really stupid beating on Farrah Fawcett's ass. But I'm side-eyeing Farrah, because why was she thirsting after him at the sock hop?? She put herself in the path of an ugly goof and I don't want to say she deserved to be beaten, I just...don't understand why she expected anything else?? You know? LIKE NOT TO BE INSENSITIVE!! But Mickey was not cute, his hair was dusty and uneven, he was a loser. Couldn't get a job, lived with his parents. He had nothing to offer and again I must reiterate that he was not attractive so why bother? Chris Brown tears a non-male's ass up and you say about the woman: "Well, she prob thought he was cute", and that explains why she decided it was okay to go anywhere near a coyote crackhead. But Mickey didn't have Chris Brown's lightskin Eddie Kane good looks, he had NOTHING. Francine was str8 buggin' going after his pasty, doughy ass. Like she was mad cute!! If she was gonna get with trash, at least get with some hot greaser. A nigga in a gang with a cool leather jacket and he looks like Travolta circa the seventies before he became friends with those aliens.

I feel like this seems like I'm blaming Francine for her situation, and I am. Because Mickey was not cute and she should've known ugly niggas be the main ones turning up for no reason. Due to like insecurities and hate for the world because no one too much fuck with them like that cuz they not cute and no one wanna look directly into their ugly eyes for longer than zero seconds. But smh the movie played it like Mickey was mad cute?? Eventho he was played by Paul Le Mat and wasn't at all? Not one damn bit?? Lol I am seriously sitting here dragging Paul Le Mat's goofy looking ass for dear life because I am shallow and horrible but honestly at the end of the day in conclusion: If you're gonna get domestic violenced, have it be by someone who looks real sexy-like. Or can he at least not have a double-chin and six month post-maternity body? Ridiculous. 

Smh, so Farrah Fawcett (does a pretty good job here, acting-wise) plays Francine and she's just kind of going that path that women of her time, and probably a lot even now go: get married, have some dusty kids, and?? Die? Idk. Cook some bacon here and there, I guess. Literally Mickey proposes to Francine because she won't put out until she is married. So he's like I LOVE YOU BABY MARRY ME. And I'm like cum on. They get pregnant straight away and also straight away Mickey is beating on this bitch like it's his dick. Like, no, calm down before you get carpal tunnel syndrome and/or callouses. 

Francine can't do shit. She can't wear sexy Dress Barn outfits, she can't talk or look at other niggas, she can't go to school; she can barely go to the bathroom without this nigga being like "Um, excuse me?!?!?!". Mickey being ultra-controlling of Francine and beating on her for literally anything got exhausting real quick. Literally one of the first times he smacks her up in front of all their friends I'm like "Ight, I'm good on this" and the movie was barely twenty minutes in. And it was just like...jesus...so many more minutes to go of this. When this bitch gon burn his ass?

You know what I hated? They aint show her directly burning him. I saw this made for TV movie once that scarred my bitch ass for life. What's the name? David? It's named after a boy who was burned alive by his dad in a motel room. They like...showed him burning up. Not really his little boy body, but you knew David was in the bed and you could see the bed and that shit had me SHOOK. In The Burning Bed, they didn't film Francine starting the fire I don't think. If they did, which I don't remember, it was obviously ineffectual, as I don't remember it. They did show us the house on fire, but I was like whomp. Spend the whole goddamn movie seeing this bitch relentlessly beating on Francine and we don't even get to see her directly light his ass up? Smh, I guess.

The movie made up for it a bit, though, with the courtroom scenes. I thought they were emotional, and also maddening. Like when Mickey's mom went up there with her dumb, horrible ass. And then when Francine's daughter got up there and they asked her if she missed her dad and that bitch was like "Um, no" I was like yaaaaaaaaas drag his assss! Lol. But then the movie fucked up again by just abruptly ending the movie after Francine was acquitted and I was like okay. It was just awkwardly ended. I need to know what happened to this bitch, like what's going on with Francine these days? Did she ever get her business degree? Did she ever drag her momma for being useless as fuck when she needed her most? Do she see Mickey's goofy face in the flames of her lighter every time she light a cigarette? These are the questions that need answering!! 

But anyway, @ moviemakers: next time for the abuser cast someone who's either really cute, or at least looks like someone who could feasibly be beating upon another person. Paul Le Mat's lanky, awkward ass was beating on no one. In real life Farrah could drag his gangly, odd-shaped ass to hell and back. That bitch spent years with Ryan O'Neal. Anyone who endures Ryan O'Neal learns how to tear an ass or two up. Especially a Paul Le Mat ass. Anyway, this a Paul Le Mat appreciation post. 

The Harvest (2013)

Oh my fucking god lol.

This movie was kind of lit?? I was not expecting this lol. I thought this was going to be some harrowing kind of drama about a couple with a sick kid and there's a dark "secret" that maybe has something to do with Huntington's disease idfk - however, nah, this movie was not the indie-ass spectacle that I was expecting. I was deceived by the casting of two of my faves: Samantha Morton and Michael Shannon. They stay in mad intense, depressing shit. I mean, I guess The Harvest was that? Lowkey this movie is really bad and ridiculous lol. It's like a shitty horror film, but cast in kind of a cool way? Like cast with good actors I mean, so it elevates the material. Actually, the material could be worse. For a horror film. It could be wayyy more dumb, but it was def the appropriate amount of malarkey. 

Wait I can't decide if this movie was bad or good. I feel...I was tricked. It def veers way more toward BAD than GOOD. Just cuz it was mad crazy lol. Like Samantha Morton's performance alone. I feel...it was so hammy and campy and over-the-top, but also really amazing and give her Oscars??? Samantha totally made this movie omg.

Okay so wait. Samantha plays a doctor married to a MALE NURSE, and they have a son Andy, who is "sick". He's like in a wheelchair and kind of incapacitated and frail-looking and all that. Right away, though, I suspected he wasn't actually ill? Or if he was, Samantha was causing him to be ill. And I got hype cuz I live for Münchausen syndrome by proxy type storylines. You never get those anymore. It's like one or two Lifetime movies happened and then people were done. Whatever. 

There's this other storyline kind of going on adjacent to Andy's. A girl's parents have just died and so she moves in with her grandparents, who are sort of neighbors to Andy and them. Natch, the girl ends up befriending Andy. WHY? I DON'T KNOW! It's crazy because she's just trolling about the woods and she stumbles upon Andy and them's house and she like sees Andy sleeping through his window and goes up to his window and looks in and he like wakes up and sees her and she runs away but then this...special child...shows up to the house again the next day? What sort of bad ass kid is this that she is spying all up in people's windows?? 

Andy doesn't give a fuck tho. This loser has NO FRIENDS! His mom don't let his ass DO SHIT! And do you think Mommy is cool with Andy being friends with Maryann?? LOL! 

Omg the first time Samantha "meets" Maryann, she's in Andrew's room playing video games with him. IT'S SO AWKWARD OMG. Samantha just stands at the door staring at Maryann and she makes it so uncomfy that eventually Maryann is like "see you later!" to Andrew and leaves omg. Never let a bitch stare you down out of a room, Maryann. You 'posed to be some little Billy Badass? Stare down that crazy bitch back!! But no I will give Maryann some slack. She's like...13? lol and Samantha is an adult fucking crazy woman. Also, a DOCTOR. Never fucking forget it.

Wait can we talk about how superior Samantha feels because she's a doctor??? And she like belittles her husband, the ex-male nurse? Yo this bitch is mad rude, salty, bitter, ugly, nasty, loony, and eternally doing the most trademarked. Like remember when she told Andrew he had to study so he wouldn't become a nurse like his "father"? BITCH!! You still have to study to become a nurse so idefk too much whatchu even talking bout?? You mad ugly and why you marry this nigga if he was such a lowly peasant?? I KNOW WHY, BITCH! CUZ AINT NOBODY ELSE WANT YOUR CRAZY ASS!! You're ashy, dusty, and you don't have any friends. Wait..am i talking about...myself sigh

Oh remember how I had just put "father" in quotes? RIGHT SO SAMANTHA (not her character's name too lazy to look but prob it says MOMMIE DEAREST THE SEQUEL on imdb) and Michael Shannon are not fucking "Andrew"'s parents. Shocker. No but like...as the movie progressed and the mom was popping off multiple times on Andy lol I was like "...does she even like this little nigga?". Like at first it just seems like she's a super-obsessed mom doing the mostest for her sick son she probably made sick, but as time went on and Andrew was fucking with Maryann more, it lowkey started to look like Samantha wanted this little nigga to die? Lol I was like...but then why r u doing all this extra shit for him if u don't even like him?

OH UM BECAUSE SHE WAS HARVESTING HIS BODY PARTS AND ORGANS AND SHIT TO KEEP HER ACTUAL REAL-LIFE SON ALIVE WHO'S ON A FUCKING RESPIRATOR OR SOME SHIT IN THE BASEMENT. Even when they revealed that dead boy in the basement...I still couldn't...decide which son was Samantha's. It was obvious from the x-rays that one was hers, and one she kidnapped. I thought they kidnapped the basement kid because he looked younger? I thought they kidnapped him so he could provide organs and blood or whatever for Andy, but then Samantha ended up loving that boy, too? ANYWAY I WAS WRONG BASEMENT BOY WAS HER REAL SON AND ANDREW'S BITCH ASS WAS THE KIDNAPPED ONE. 

bye who just kidnaps a kid? Actually she stole him from the hospital, right? Where she works? Bitch, this is against the rules, I'm sure.

Okay so the real funny part is Maryann's snoopy, bad ass finds all this out. Maryann is lowkey a g, because bitch, it wouldn't have been me sneaking all around that house. I am afraid of Samantha and don't want to die lol. But clearly Maryann doesn't give a fuck and was sneaking all up in and through their shit, tryna find the tea. 

Maryann tries to tell someone. But not even really? She vaguely attempts to tell her grandad?? And he's just like "Maybe take some time away from the computer - read a book." Right but she had receipts. Why she aint show him? I feel like Maryann did not try hard enough to contact the proper authorities to handle this situation. But let's be real, she would have been dismissed. Also prob she'd get in trouble for snoopin around their house looking at files and shit or whatever. Samantha could tell cops "Um this little bitch keeps climbing through my window and setting up scarecrows outside my house - I am being harassed". And she would totally do that! And then Maryann, as punishment, would get sent to an integrated public school. 

So Maryann takes it upon herself to take down Sam and 'em. Lol this little bitch is legitly insane. At first she tells Andrew about the whole deal. He doesn't really believe her? But Maryann leaves a news article she printed out about a kidnapped boy (his ass!!) under his pillow. Andrew reads it, then drags his limp ass down to the basement to discover his "brother". lol. Then...what happens? What tf happens after this? Idek. At some point Samantha removes part of Andrew's liver to give to the basement boy lol but I think that's before the reveal. Anyway I forgot what happens after Andrew discovers his "brother", but Sam decides it's time to take his heart out so basement boy can get it. Fast-forward to Maryann being like nope and Superman/Hulk-smashing her way throughout this home to rescue Andy away from these loons. I loved when she was beating on Michael Shannon? As if that was going to do anything and if he turned out to be more inclined toward Samantha and her plan, he wouldn't have just killed Maryann? Like I was soooo worried for this little girl like WTF IS SHE DOING. I def like how she was made to be a heroine, but she was literally like thirteen years old fighting this major battle by herself and she had not one single gun or knife. Um okay? Where they do this at? Whitesville, USA, I guess. I loved everyone's sweaters. Cozy.

Anyway, Samantha, Michael Shannon, and basement boy get burned in a fire and that's how all movies should end. But wait what's gonna happen to Andrew? How Maryann and her old ass grandparents gonna explain this mess to the cops? Lol what if they just don't say anything? Prob for the best. Wait I'm forgetting they're white. They'll be fine. Can I get a follow-up sequel where Maryann and Andrew are going to school together and she keeps roasting him in front of everyone about how he used to be in a wheelchair and was kidnapped? I need that.

I took some screenshots:

These five are from when Samantha was beating the shit out of Andy for hanging out with Maryann lol

This was so fucking funny. The way she said it. She was so tired and horrified lol. AND it happened right after that scene where Samantha was tearing Andy's ass up. This movie is a treasure.

look @ him omg

Hush (2016)

This movie was lit af. Like Wait Until Dark but deaf meets The Strangers. Does that sound really bad and dumb? It does! And this movie totally could have went in that direction and maybe did several times, but, bitch, who cares?!, because I was getting my fuccckingnnggnLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFEEEE!! 

This is def the best horror film I've seen in a minute. I was yelling at the screen non-stop but it's like, girl...not only can the bitch not hear you cuz she in the screen...but...she deaf... 

You can tell a movie is lit when I'm yelling at a bitch who can't hear me on multiple levels. I had so much fun!  

So this shit starts out with this chick Maddie. She's cooking--poorly, it seems--and I'm just like sigh hurry up. Would I really hate a horror movie that just started immediately on the stabbings and demon possessions? No. I would...I think I would like that. But you know, I think the beginning ~boring shit~ really made me care about Maddie. I don't know if it's cuz she's deaf...or she was just likeable and sympathetic or she was likeable and sympathetic because she was deaf? I don't know, but I realized as the action was popping off that I, like, super-cared about her not being dead. 

Anyway, the boring shit beginning is only a short while. Ol' girl is cooking some nasty mess and then her friend-o comes over. It's some hype neighbor bitch who seems mad condescending and try-hard lol. Idk if that's just me projecting, but I would be annoyed if I was deaf and a Hearer was all up in my face doing poor sign language and asking me to come over to teach her how to fucking talk to me. Like, girl, be gone. Also her comments about Maddie's book...didn't seem... They were like something you'd say if you were trying really hard to find something positive about some shit you hated so much it made you want to throw up and die??? She was like..."wow...the ending! didn't see that coming!!!!" and..."ur such a...[forces down vomit] good writer." Who calls someone a good writer? That's some bullshit you say to your student if he handed in serial killer poetry. Omg Devon this is sooo...good. All while you calling up social services or something. Idk why I was focusing so much on this bitch lol maybe it was the actress or the way she was reading her lines? But she bothered me. However, seeing her...get shanked like...at least twenty million times...was not as pleasurable as I thought it was going to be. Wait! I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm so glad no one reads this blog or cares about my existence :')

The smoke alarm goes off while the neighbor bitch is over and she's all "IT'S SO LOUD!!!" and Maddie is like yeah, bitch...so I can feel the vibrations. CUZ DEAF. They hang out for a bit more, and then eventually neighbor bitch leaves. After neighbor bitch leaves, Maddie gets down to writing her novel. She's struggling with the ending, I guess? I never try to figure out what stuff in the beginning of the movie is going to factor in later on when I watch horror films. I'm just totally ignoring the writer shit and the alarm thing. Also a little bit the deaf thing. I'm just like ohhhh haha she aint gon' be able to hear her intruder. It's like bitch...they have to do a whole movie. It's not just going to be her sitting on her couch while the intruder dances in the background until he gets tired and decides to kill her. Though...I would watch that. 

Okay and then shit starts popping off in like a major way when Maddie goes in to clean up in the kitchen. First of all: is this a white people thing? Houses surrounded by glass doors and nothing covering the glass? People can see into your house. Yeah you live out in the middle of nowhere, but...I feel like that's even more reason to cover that shit up. What if a bear see?? Come on.

So while Maddie is cleaning in the kitch, her neighbor friend runs up to the door and is banging on it for help. But Maddie can t hear cuz she's - what? DEAF. 

The killer nigga fucking bow and arrows this ho, then comes up and starts stabbing her like crazy. I was like...

I was feelin...some type of way. I don't like gore stuff, tbh lol. Like I'm super into horror films but anytime there's like mad stabbing or sawing or punching or kicking or any sort of violent blows to the body I'm just like 

Feeling uncomf. He stabbed this bih...so much. Soo...many times. Please never do this again. But at the same time: yess. It's lit. I'm ready. I wish I wasn't like this please help.

So after Neighbor Bih gets the shanking of a lifetime!!, Maddie goes back to work on her book and it's cute that she has writer's block or whatever and she's just cute in general but it might be because she's deaf or maybe it's just cuz she's cute we'll never know. She gets a facetime call thing from her sis and this intruder nigga all up in the house. I was mad annoyed with him when he removed the phone while Maddie was talking to her sister. The sis was all "What was that? I saw something move in the background??" Like what a dummy. But why am i like...rooting for him to do a better job at murder games? Idk...

After Maddie talks to her sis, shit pops off again when the murder nigga starts sending photos of Maddie in real-time, to Maddie, from Neighbor Bitch's phone. It's mad creepy and I'm like yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas. THEN THE LIGHTS GO OFF AND IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF LIT DUE TO THE POWER BEING CUT OFF. 

Pretty soon after this, the nigga shows his "face". Which is some creepy smiley mask and I was hella rollin' my eyes at the mask. BUT BITCH WHEN HE TOOK IT OFF!! 

This dat mouth breather from stuff I've seen! I think most semi-recently Short Term 12? His dopey lookin' ass had me feelin bad for him and shit cuz Brie Larson was all emotionally crippled and shit. Aw but I wasn't feeling bad for him here omg his face PUT DEE MASK BACK ON, FELLA! No, I'm just kidding. He's an...alright looking white child. But that face reveal was...I screamed. Lol no. That's uncalled for of me. However. I did scream, so it is not a lie. (It's a lie, I actually laughed). 

Dude reveals his face because Deafy writes on one of her UNCOVERED BY CURTAINS OR BLINDS OR SOME SHIT GLASS WINDOWDOORS that she won't tell anyone; didn't see his face. Biiiiiiiiitch, this crazy nigga is clearly here to play games. Also she wrote that her boyfriend would be coming home soon. Lol, this crazy nigga not only took off his mask, but he proceeded to recite like word-for-word everything her sister said on the Facetime call about how she was worried about Maddie being all alone out in the woods or whatever. I was like hhaaaaaaaaaaaa this nigga gon' kill u

No! But I refused to allow my bae to die. She became bae pretty fast into the movie. I'm so glad, too. I hate when I'm watching horror movies and none of the characters are bae. I just be sittin' watching like...

when these niggas gon' die? BUT I DIDN'T FEEL THAT ABOUT DEAFY AND I WAS SO HAPPY AND WANTED HER NON-HEARING ASS TO WIN! 

And she did! Lol imma just skip over mad of the action because I have self-diagnosed ADD and terrible memory. But she gave Killery Nigga his money's worth. I was gettin' my life every time she pulled some new move on him. Usually she failed, but I was still cheering. When she tried that car alarm thing I was like yaaaaaas. When she did the flashlight thing: yaaaas, bitch, u did that!! Lol like I was really rooting for my baby. So glad her deaf ass didn't die spoiler alert. BUT MISS ME WITH THE FAKE-OUT ENDING WHERE KILLER BITCH WAS SMASHING HER FACE IN WITH A ROCK. I WAS SO MAD THINKING THAT WAS HOW SHE WAS GOING TO GO OUT AND THEN EVEN MADDER WHEN IT WAS REVEALED TO BE SOMETHING DEAFY IMAGINED! I hate fake-outs and like dream sequences and things of that nature. It's so like...filler to me and adding unnecessary thrills that take away from the flow of the story. It's super-insulting to the audience even though here they tried to make it fit by tying it to Maddie's writer brain and referencing back to how she has voices in her head. How bout you reference back to not fucking testing my patience!! 

But anyway and overall, (please): good job on the movie! However, I feel really uncomfortable being positive and giving compliments so I'm gonna post some screencaps I took and talk ignorant :'):

bae <3

I'm so ugly lol. I was screaming at Maddie's ex being black and I was losing my mind trying to get a screencap of his facetimey icon thing. Lol why am i like this

This...doofy piece of shit. Lol I was screaming he was mad dumb!!!!! THE SCENE LOOKED MAD SUSPICIOUS!!! AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS OL' BOY'S POLICE CAR, HUH?! WHERE WAS HIS POLICE SHIT?? HE TALKIN BOUT CAN I BORROW UR CELLPHONE AND UR OLD HUNKY-DORY ASS GAVE IT TO HIM!! Boy!! 

This was just so crucially dumb. Or he was. I just... I mean, eventually his slow ass caught on, but I can't even give him props because it was hella later than it should've been. I think the screencaps from above were the exact moment he knew he fucked up. Boy, the exact moment you fucked up was the day you were born. No, that's doing the most. But only if the most means the truth. Doing the truth. 

BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW MURDER BAE (Boy, I mean. Not, ha, bae...) (jesus) WAS AFRAID OF BLUE SHIRT?!?! HE WAS LIKE...AFRAID OF GETTING BEAT UP?? lol nigga don't you have killing tools? The fuck is u being scary for? I died, what a loser. I mean, yeah, obviously, he kills people for sport, hello!! omg...

I was finna skreem if he did something to the cat. I don't even like...cats. Or do I? I feel like I relate to them. They lazy, furry, and rude: das me!!! 

BIIIIIIIIIITCH HER HAND!! CAN YOU SEE THIS SHIT?! BUT BAE PREVAILED!! 

YES, BITCH!! GET!! HIS!! ASS!! STARE DEAD IN HIS BLANK, UGLY, REGULAR LOOKING WHITE BOY FACE!! 

YES, DO IT!!! SPONSORED BY NIKE BITCH!! TURN THE FUCK UPPPP!! 

What am i...