The Burning Bed (1984)

So I love made for TV movies concerning domestic violence. Because I am severely damaged, and have pretty bad taste. Honestly, I just love the made for TV movie genre overall, even though so much is so bad. Well, that's why I like it. Bad storylines and bad acting - it's Heaven. So when I heard about this burning bed movie, concerning a white woman who turned up on her husband by setting his ass on fire, I was like (no pun intended mostly) "It's lit".

This movie actually broke the rules and tried to be legitimate, which is a huge no-no for me. I mean, a lot of made for TV movies don't know their place and they be out here tryna get Emmys and shit, when they know good and damn well that shit is preserved strictly for HBO specials, not for whatever bullshit they got on the Hallmark channel. The Burning Bed is an inbetweenie: in between HBO "prestige" and schlock ass Hallmark cards stretched into a seventy-three minute long movie garbàge. It's like, not a good movie, really. It's pretty corny considering the serious subject matter, but it has some really effective moments, that took it from She's Too Young syphilis outbreak ridiculousness, to being something I felt bad for laughing at. I don't want to feel bad for laughing at a made for tv movie, okay? Especially when the shit stars fucking Paul Le Mat's goofy ass as The Abuser.

Bitch, have you seen Paul Le Mat??

Girl, goodbye. Beating on whom?? NOT I!!!

No, but like he looked really stupid beating on Farrah Fawcett's ass. But I'm side-eyeing Farrah, because why was she thirsting after him at the sock hop?? She put herself in the path of an ugly goof and I don't want to say she deserved to be beaten, I just...don't understand why she expected anything else?? You know? LIKE NOT TO BE INSENSITIVE!! But Mickey was not cute, his hair was dusty and uneven, he was a loser. Couldn't get a job, lived with his parents. He had nothing to offer and again I must reiterate that he was not attractive so why bother? Chris Brown tears a non-male's ass up and you say about the woman: "Well, she prob thought he was cute", and that explains why she decided it was okay to go anywhere near a coyote crackhead. But Mickey didn't have Chris Brown's lightskin Eddie Kane good looks, he had NOTHING. Francine was str8 buggin' going after his pasty, doughy ass. Like she was mad cute!! If she was gonna get with trash, at least get with some hot greaser. A nigga in a gang with a cool leather jacket and he looks like Travolta circa the seventies before he became friends with those aliens.

I feel like this seems like I'm blaming Francine for her situation, and I am. Because Mickey was not cute and she should've known ugly niggas be the main ones turning up for no reason. Due to like insecurities and hate for the world because no one too much fuck with them like that cuz they not cute and no one wanna look directly into their ugly eyes for longer than zero seconds. But smh the movie played it like Mickey was mad cute?? Eventho he was played by Paul Le Mat and wasn't at all? Not one damn bit?? Lol I am seriously sitting here dragging Paul Le Mat's goofy looking ass for dear life because I am shallow and horrible but honestly at the end of the day in conclusion: If you're gonna get domestic violenced, have it be by someone who looks real sexy-like. Or can he at least not have a double-chin and six month post-maternity body? Ridiculous. 

Smh, so Farrah Fawcett (does a pretty good job here, acting-wise) plays Francine and she's just kind of going that path that women of her time, and probably a lot even now go: get married, have some dusty kids, and?? Die? Idk. Cook some bacon here and there, I guess. Literally Mickey proposes to Francine because she won't put out until she is married. So he's like I LOVE YOU BABY MARRY ME. And I'm like cum on. They get pregnant straight away and also straight away Mickey is beating on this bitch like it's his dick. Like, no, calm down before you get carpal tunnel syndrome and/or callouses. 

Francine can't do shit. She can't wear sexy Dress Barn outfits, she can't talk or look at other niggas, she can't go to school; she can barely go to the bathroom without this nigga being like "Um, excuse me?!?!?!". Mickey being ultra-controlling of Francine and beating on her for literally anything got exhausting real quick. Literally one of the first times he smacks her up in front of all their friends I'm like "Ight, I'm good on this" and the movie was barely twenty minutes in. And it was just like...jesus...so many more minutes to go of this. When this bitch gon burn his ass?

You know what I hated? They aint show her directly burning him. I saw this made for TV movie once that scarred my bitch ass for life. What's the name? David? It's named after a boy who was burned alive by his dad in a motel room. They like...showed him burning up. Not really his little boy body, but you knew David was in the bed and you could see the bed and that shit had me SHOOK. In The Burning Bed, they didn't film Francine starting the fire I don't think. If they did, which I don't remember, it was obviously ineffectual, as I don't remember it. They did show us the house on fire, but I was like whomp. Spend the whole goddamn movie seeing this bitch relentlessly beating on Francine and we don't even get to see her directly light his ass up? Smh, I guess.

The movie made up for it a bit, though, with the courtroom scenes. I thought they were emotional, and also maddening. Like when Mickey's mom went up there with her dumb, horrible ass. And then when Francine's daughter got up there and they asked her if she missed her dad and that bitch was like "Um, no" I was like yaaaaaaaaas drag his assss! Lol. But then the movie fucked up again by just abruptly ending the movie after Francine was acquitted and I was like okay. It was just awkwardly ended. I need to know what happened to this bitch, like what's going on with Francine these days? Did she ever get her business degree? Did she ever drag her momma for being useless as fuck when she needed her most? Do she see Mickey's goofy face in the flames of her lighter every time she light a cigarette? These are the questions that need answering!! 

But anyway, @ moviemakers: next time for the abuser cast someone who's either really cute, or at least looks like someone who could feasibly be beating upon another person. Paul Le Mat's lanky, awkward ass was beating on no one. In real life Farrah could drag his gangly, odd-shaped ass to hell and back. That bitch spent years with Ryan O'Neal. Anyone who endures Ryan O'Neal learns how to tear an ass or two up. Especially a Paul Le Mat ass. Anyway, this a Paul Le Mat appreciation post.