Amy (2015)

This doc felt mad intrusive. More so than any other doc? Maybe it's just because Amy hasn't been gone that long. But this shit felt hella...I don't know. She felt very alive while I was watching this. And then they had all that personal footage. I realized while watching that I did not actually know Amy's personality. Like I didn't really know she was funny, though that's not surprising, she's British and just has that look, never mind her sarcastic ass music. I also didn't know she sounded exactly like Minnie Driver? Who is sort of a ~funny type~ herself. She just seemed...idk, is "personable" the word? lol. When I think of "personable" I think of like a nice, charming person or something. Appropriately flirty. Amy definitely seemed charming, but nice?? Ummm. She had a bite, for sure. And appropriate to describe her ever? No. 

Just seeing her portrayed in this doc was a stark (almost) contrast from how I grew to know her in the media. Honestly my image of Amy Winehouse for forever was that ginourmous rats' nest on her head while she was out skittering about in the streets wearing bloodied, torn-up ballet flats looking like the centerfold of the month for Crackhead Magazine.

But anyway, seeing this doc was cool because I could stop thinking of Amy Winehouse as basically just a crackhead who could sing nice. And like, I'm a fan of her music, so............you'd think I wouldn't have classified her in my head in such simple terms but idk I'm a piece of shit, I guess. Every crackhead has a story. Amy's was sad and this doc made me uncomfortable???

And like, her story is no sadder than any other crackhead's? Or, like, I've heard worse, but there's this feeling she was so wasted. And...wow, didn't really have any help? It's difficult to pinpoint who honestly cared about her. Her friends from home...seemed like they loved her, but how much are friends honestly expected to do??? Her dad, no offense, seems like fucking trash. But Amy seemed to really cherish him, so idk. I mean, someone loving their dad doesn't mean they're a good person, so... And like he's always given me...icky feelings. Like he's always in the media speaking on her, and then in the doc it turns out he left the family, didn't seem to be around a lot, annnnd then when Amy became famous he's like pestering her about autographs and clearly relishing in being famous by association, which....yuck.

What about Amy's mom? She seemed like a certain type of absent, sort of head in the clouds type of mom. It was clear she was overwhelmed raising Amy and her siblings, and then I guess felt sort of broken from the separation and basically doing all the parenting herself? I don't want to come for mom because it seemed she had a lot on her plate...but just letting Amy do whatever and never reeling her in? Mmmm iono... Moms who are scared of their children...confuse me. Like, you gave birth to this demon. I mean, I guess I get it, but at the same time, not? At least not losing your power so early on in the game. When you're old, yeah, but still young, iono. I think they did mention the mom was ill, so...maybe it was that???

Who certainly did not give a shit about Amy and was absolutely no help was that Blake Fielder-Civil. Who was represented in the doc exactly as I've come to understand him in the media, though he looked slightly uglier here? What.........did Amy see in this nigga? Like his personality is dead on arrival and he has a receding hairline? Also he wears like fedoras? Um, okay???? 

There's just nothing redeeming about him. However, I know I have to reel myself back when it comes to watching documentaries. I always fall for whatever story they're trying to sell me. I am so gullible and easy to deceive. So maybe this doc had motivation to portray certain characters in a bad way, but at the same time, they still had the material with which to do that, you know? So even if Blake is not as bad as I think, he's close enough. 

And it's so obvious he came back into Amy's life when she blew up, and I'm heated! Like go away!! I'm confused why it felt like she needed him. I think in the doc it said she felt they were two damaged halves of a whole or some bullshit. Ugh. That is so...depressing. I'm not even going to come for someone's self-esteem or life decisions because 1. I'm a mess myself, and 2. This woman is deceased, so.......it doesn't matter now. But I just wish...she had been more fortified. But then, if she were...would she have been inclined to create? To sing those achey/scathing, deep from the heart ass jazz songs? Idk. But I am not team glamorize broken spirits so they can pump out art. I am team let's everyone get a good meal and a nice sleep so we can wake up the next day and put our best effort into whatever it is we do. And art does not inherently need to be fueled by suffering. If you're well enough, you can just imagine the suffering, and that's good enough!! 

I don't know, sigh. Seeing that footage of her body being pulled out on that stretcher...ugh I'm so sad. And like in the most awful way because I'm like, WE COULD'VE HAD SO MUCH MORE MUSIC!! I am so empty and ugly, sigh lol. But doesn't everyone think that?? Sigh. It still would've been nice for her to live and just be okay, even if she never produced a single piece of music ever again. She was so young it's completely ridiculous and this movie is depressing, but it has its good moments. Like getting to see Amy perform all those songs was so...refreshing to my soul. Where is today's Amy? Shit now I'm depressed again. Imma post these s/cs I took while watching (I am garbàge) to cheer myself up.

lol this was so funny. I completely forgot what the interviewer was asking but it was some shallow ass question and...Amy's faces, please. Why take a treasure like this when Taylor Swift is still alive? God is a bitch.

I'm a piece of shit...