Free State of Jones (2016)

Lol ummm hmmmmmmmm!!! 

No, I should not start off a review for a movie that involves slavery and murder and shit with some "lol um hmmm". But I'm writing this just coming from seeing the movie and honestly the last five or so minutes had me STRAIGHT CACKLING.

Lol um so, Newton Knight is the protagonist and I real quick just have to say that you can miss me with these fucking White Knight (!!!) Savior John Smith is My King & Prince ass movies. Lol like at this point it's comical. This shit stopped being cute and necessary after To Kill a Mockingbird. After Atticus shut it down, we were pretty much done. And Gregory Peck gives quadroon teas, so it wasn't even a COMPLETELY white savior moment. Also Atticus was mad humble and shit. Most of these White Savior messes the White Savior be mad...smug. Like even if they try to be humble it comes off smugly lol. Def Matthew McConaughey in Free State of Jones came off like this. He was portraying a real person, so more than likely the real dude was kind of like this. But lemme not go in too much on this nigga because for the most part he was "cool" and "down", so I'm not going to drag him to death. Best believe my grouchy wants to, though! But he did kind of do some good shit, so imma just try to let him have his moment and continue on with my never-ending, internal screaming.

Anyway let's skip to me explaining why I was cackling at this serious ass movie.

1. They showed a pic of the real dude at the end of the movie and Matthew McConaughey's exhumed ass looked EXACTLY like this nigga. But look this dude looked ONE HUNDRED. And exactly like any old timey photo from the Civil War you've ever seen lol.  I wonder if McConaughey's ugly ass is a descendant of that dude. Or do all whites just...look like that?? I am so happy I can be this offensive and horrific. I've still got it :') 

2. OKAY!!! So the majority of the movie is about Knight and what he doing in like 186something. But they also have this other sort of fast-forward story taking place about 85 years after Free State of Jones was erected. The story concerns a descendant of Knight's. His greaty great grandson or some such. He's in court because he married a white bitch, but LOOKY LOOKY he 1/8th negrum, and interracial marriage is ILLEGAL. It's honestly fucking crazy that it used to be illegal to marry outside your race. Like what? lol. No, not lol. This was real and that shit is fucking horrifying. Knight's descendant looks white (side-eye), but the one drop rule applies and that nigger gotta go to jail. Keep in mind this shit is happening in like Mississippi or something where...probably it's still illegal to marry outside your race. But bitch you can fuck and marry your whole cousin???? Okay girl.

WHY WAS I CACKLING? no one is screaming because no one reads this blog, oh because...they ended up putting Knight's greaty great grandson in prison. Which is not funny. Like they put him in for five years. For...marrying someone. Idek... WHAT WAS FUNNY was...like the actor. The actor playing the dude, man. Brian Lee Franklin. This nigga was a fucking...cornball. You have to see it to understand. Like...his voice...and then his voice with that shitty country ass accent. Idk. When they were pulling him away to jail and he was yelling to his wife that he loved her. That was honestly iconically hilarious. Should it have been? NOOOOO!!! BUT IT WAS!!!!! BUT. IT! WAS!!! 

I honestly feel like a piece of shit but they really blew it with that mess. Like it was not as effectual as it should have been because that nigga sounded like fucking Jimmy Stewart. Like imagine a movie tryna convince you Jimmy Stewart is a quadroon. Would I believe? Lol yeah. I think everyone is a quadroon. I just...really like saying that word. But just imagine Jimmy Stewart in a movie where he's playing a 1/8th nigga and he's being sent to prison because he got married to full-white Merle Oberon (SIDE EYE!!!). Anyway, it was ridick. But like sad also? So I felt bad for laughing. Kinda.

The whole of the movie...how do I feel about it? It was...good. I think. lol. Ummmm I mean...I'm more excited for The Birth of a Nation in October. That I think I will go hard way more. But Free State was still pretty good. It's exhausting, though, to watch these kind of movies. Slavery, war, barn burnings, children getting killed, crops stolen lol - like, it just makes you tired. Right away as soon as the movie popped off some kid was getting killed. And this movie had the audacity to make me immediately care about him, only to just as immediately remove him from the equation. AND THEN THEM OTHER KIDS GETTING KILLED. 

LIKE OKAY???

AND THEN MOSES. Killing off Moses was goingtoofar.com/inmyopinion. But I shoulda known they woulda sacrificed his black ass so the audience could be all *frowny face*. This nigga got lynched over fucking getting people registered to vote. America is so ugly. Like, still. Please like I need to stop watching these movies it makes me feel like going on some kill whitey spree. Killing people is just not my aesthetic. I'm a sleepy bih I don't have the energy for murder, I barely have the energy to consider it, you know? You know. 

What am i doing? Idk. Do you think this movie is gonna be an Oscar contender? I vote for nah. First off this shit coming out in the summer. Oscar voters' goldfish ass memories aint thinking about this shit come nominating time. And tbh, it's for the best. If yall gon' drag another slavery/war movie up to be judged upon, make it be Nate's. Lol idek if that movie is good. WHO CARES I WANNA SEE BLACKS NOMINATED FOR SHIT AND ESPECIALLY NATE PARKER AND THEM LIPS. Anyway, this is only one of many examples of why I will never be shit. Do you think I feel like residual oppression from my slave ancestors? Why I...gotta worry about residual oppression when there is like real, current oppression to experience literally every day in America wow pull urself together girl smh