Sigh, where to begin. I saw this movie on Netflix and read the description and very quickly added it to my queue. I love ratchet shit. No, that's a lie. Like, I can barely stomach the odd Love & Hip Hop episode. What I like is...badness. Things that are...trash. Ratchet is like...depressing bottom of the barrelness, I think. Trash is like...what is this? That's what I like, to just go: What the fuck, who would write/produce/create/publish this? Huge fan of having that feeling. Def thought I'd have that feeling watching Video Girl, and I was right!
There's a trash scale, though. I love high-quality trash, like Mommie Dearest, in that vein. Video Girl is def on the other end of that...scale. It's not even really super-bad (it's pretty bad), it's just kind of blah. Like, whilst being shitty, it's lowkey whack and boring lol. Definitely wasn't exploring anything new. It was like A Star Is Born meets BET: Uncut or something. Does that sound intriguing? It's like...weirdly not.
So Meagan Good (really cute, not the best actress but passable enough) plays some like shy bitch named Lorie. I think she's withdrawn because she got in an accident and is not really living the life she dreamed of, so is kind of down and not really feeling the social thing? She could just be shy in general, and then the accident and having to work with LisaRaye in that shitty antiques store sort of worsened it?? Idk.
Lorie used to be a ballerina! But she can't dance anymore because of her accident, but never thee mind, she can just be a video ho! Plié on some rapper d and get that coint! (kill me).
How does Lorie end up--oh! She goes to the club with her sis or something, right? Right, and there she sees Haylie Duff (please) whom she used to go to school with, I guess? Haylie is like some cokehead groupie type and through Haylie, Lorie meets "Shark" (die), who is a producer of music videos. Can I just say I was disappointed that Shark was white? I went into this preparing to see a very black ass movie, but Shark being a white, and not even an exotic one, kind of threw me off. I was wondering if they were trying to make a point? Like all the whites in the movie (Shark, Haylie, and that dude who tried to rape Lorie) were all kind of devilish and predatory, yeah? So I'm wondering if that was done on purpose lol. Idk, I wasn't feeling it. I would have preferred this movie be like a mostly all-black thing. But I get it why you would have all the "bad" roles played by whites. But it made me less interested, sorry. Like imagine if Shark was played by Blair Underwood or someone really ugly and horrible but enigmatic like that? This shit would've been lit af. But eh then you would have had to replace Meagan no shade but some shade. Idk if she would've been able to keep up with Blair and then okay maybe that explains weak ass whoever played Shark. Fair enough. (pun intended??)
So Shark invites Lorie to a video shoot and I'm kind of wondering why her shy, introverted ass goes?? And then when she gets there, just agrees to be in the video? Lol what? AND REMEMBER WHEN LORIE'S SISTER WAS LIKE TO SHARK "I HOPE UR NOT PUTTING MY SISTER IN ONE OF THOSE HOOCHIE OUTFITS LIKE THESE OTHER HOES" AND SHARK WAS LIKE NO I GOT SOMETHING CLASSY FOR HER AND FUCKING LORIE WALKED OUT WEARING LIKE TWO PIECES OF FUCKING STRING???? Like, what? Like how do we go from being little miss shy to wearing a thong as a shirt and sexily dancing in some shitty rapper's music video? Like what a leap lol.
So Lorie goes from some ratchet video shoot to becoming a huge video star. Are video hoes as stars still a thing? I feel that was a very late nineties to early-aughts sort of deal, but even then, no one really cares about video girls lol. Maybe they do in urban media? I'm bougie so I don't read shit like Bossip or Media Takeout or whatever, so maybe they are really more poppin than I think? But I feel like now "video stars" are like ~famous~ people. Sigh, idk, I don't fucking watch music videos lol. The last one I watched was maybe one of Zayn's? The video hoes in that video were...laser lights. Sigh, Zayn is such a geek.
What was I talking about sigh. Oh, so Lorie ~~blows up~~ as a video ho, insert eyeroll. She only works in Shark's videos, though, and insert me going oh boy when this nigga goin' start snatching her ass up. Wait, before Shark starts doing a Rocky 4 all over Lorie's face and body (lol wait he never beats her up like that lemme chill lol), her sister dies. I thought the sister dying was mad extra and too cliché. But it did make me sad for Lorie because her sister seemed to be her only lifeline and it's like okay she dies so now Lorie has no one (except for Ruby Dee and her judging eyes), so of course she's gonna completely lose herself out in L.A. with no foundation or support. And like yeah I got in my feelings about it but also I was like this is mad...obvious. But it's cliché cuz it happens so sigh blah blah.
So Shark becomes mad possessive. Idek if he becomes, he obviously always was, it just didn't come to light until Lorie started trying to branch out on her own, be in other people's videos, do acting, etc. Shark was mad lame for tryna hold Lorie back. When she was like you should be happy for me I was like yeah wtf. I don't understand the mindset of trying to control someone to the point that they're solely dependent on you. If you're in a couple wouldn't more income and opportunities be good for you both as a whole? Or is this some incomprehensible ass male ego thing? Idk, but it's dumb. And then him being all extra when she was tryna go out and hang with her "friends". Tbh, I kind of agreed with Shark disproving and trying to keep her from going out because 1. she had work in the morning and 2. her friends were pieces of shit? Who gave her drugs? So?? But like no! Lorie is a grown woman, so chill with all the wrist-grabbing.
Anyway, Shark dumps Lorie and honestly it's the best thing for her because it (inexplicably) sends her to rock bottom. She has her little fake drug overdose, gets harassed by Webbie (?) and, eventually, she decides her ass needs to go home. Wait, did she decide or was she kind of sent there after those garbagemen found her behind that dumpster? Idk, doesn't matter, she goes home! Does AA or something? Wears a headscarf, I think? Still has those eyebrows? Hooks up with that basketball dude whom she paid dust to when he was a bum but now she's ruined and ready to settle lol turn up.
Anyway, let's talk about these "cameos"!! Or not? No, let's. So there were some ~famous~ music industry peeps in the movie. Angie Martinez's annoying ass, Melyssa Ford (lowkey the star), ummmm Bobby Valentino? It's so crazy to me how I used to love Bobby V for two seconds in high school and now he's mad embarrassing, four feet tall, and has an s-curl. But wait, he was always all of those things. Sigh I was such a mess in high school lol. My fave thing about Robert Valentino's cameo was that his only line was saying "wow" like twenty million times when Lorie came out in that tragic hentai girl meets little bo peep outfit with those fucking ridiculous dollar store ass extensions. Shark was like "Your hair grew!". SHUT YOUR WHITE ASS UP!!
Juelz Santana was in this. Remember when I used to love Juelz and Dipset and all that mess? Sigh, have I always been a tragic embarrassment? Has Juelz? Oui et oui. What was Juelz's problem tho when he and Lorie were filming the video? I thought her taking his hat off was a cute little sexy thing lol but he was getting HEATED. He was all WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?! Isn't it like, flirty to take a nigga's hat off? No? I could see if he was balding and felt some type of way, but Juelz has a hairline. What was his deal lol. I mean, yeah, Lorie was drugged up, but who isn't? Why Juelz acting brand new. Keep it profesh, mah dude. He had the bitch kicked all off the set and shit. Team Lorie in this scene, she was making your video, like goodbye, son.
Hoobastank. Lorie "made it" when she got cast in a Hoobastank video, imo. She wasn't just a video ho, she was a video *danny devito voice* whore as well. And that's really beautiful, that she could cross cultural lines like that, become relatable to all people. #we'reallonerace #thehumanrace #alllivesmatter. #exceptforpdiddy'sihatehim
Anyway 4/10 would recommend just so you can laugh and judge like me. Anyway I am completely alone. Get guddy!!!!!!!!!! *cries until shits*
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