In honor of my bae Olivia de Havilland's 100th birthday (!!!), I decided to watch one of her films and review it for my shitty blog. This is such an amazing present for her.
The fucking Screaming Woman was not my first choice. I wanted to watch The Heiress or something in that vein, but I couldn't find anything on the streaming sites I utilize. Netflix didn't even have Olivia fucking listed as an actor. You know how you can search actors? Her name wasn't even there! Lol like I was legit puzzled and upset. Hasn't Olivia been in like 12 million old timey movies?? They should at least have some Captain Blood mess or some such up there - I am distraught. Amazon Prime at least had her listed, but their only movie for her was The Proud Rebel and I was looking at that shit like..... Eventually I want to see it, but like...I was not in the mood for some dusty ass Western starring midget ass Alan Ladd. And I swear to god if I watched that and Olivia was playing Alan's mom or some shit. No. I couldn't do it. Definitely later, though! Sigh.
I almost decided to watch The Proud Rebel but then I remembered YouTube. Shitty booty ass YouTube. I swear I always find mad obscure old timey movies on the old tube. They're typically in the worst fucking condition, but I don't mind too much because it's free, and old movies usually look weird-quality to begin with, so it's whatever. There were several Olivia options. I chose the worst one. Because I have absolutely nothing to live for.
This movie is really bad and dumb as fuck lol but I enjoyed myself? Like it was kind of funny? Also it was only like seventy three minutes, so I didn't have to like strain myself to finish it. It was short and sweet. Had it gone one minute over, though, I would've been like "wtf?" because it was honestly truly stupid. I don't even know how they stretched this story out to the seventy three minutes that they did.
So the gist is that Olivia plays some rich old woman who's...I guess? Crazy?
Wait.
1. How old is Olivia supposed to be in this movie? Because they treat her like she's got one foot in the grave. I feel like Olivia can't be older than fifty in this lol but they're like YOU'RE SO OLD AND FEEBLE; YOUR MIND HAS GONE. Like everyone is always trying to sit her down, like she might crumble and fall away to dust at any moment. They kind of explain her condition in the movie by mentioning a recently deceased husband, so maybe she's gone off her head a bit from that? Okay girl I guess.
Olivia's son in the movie is trying to have his mom declared mentally incompetent so he can sell her house and land and shit. They try to make him not look douchey for some reason? Like he really cares about her and genuinely thinks she's crazy? They use the son's wife to play the real villain. She's like I WILL HAVE ALL YOUR MONEY MUAHAHA. At first I was rolling my eyes at their little soap opera theatrics, but it became really amusing to me as this mess went on. The son stayed in a turtleneck and his wife stayed saying wild shit to him like I was really getting my life lol. BUT LOOK: THIS MOVIE STARTS WITH OLIVIA'S CHARACTER FINDING A WOMAN BURIED ALIVE ON HER PROPERTY.
Forget all that goddamn flimflam about having the bitch declared incompetent and how they can't afford upkeep on the house and how the grounds people are going to fucking Santa Maria and he told you this, Mom - THERE'S A WHOLE ALIVE PERSON BURIED ON YOUR PROPERTY!! DIG HER ASS UP!!
They don't dig her up because Olivia is the one who finds the body and when she runs back to the house to report her findings, everyone is like "What is this crazy bitch going on about now?". I guess Olivia has a history of talking that bs, so no one even blinks at her being like THERE'S A GIRL BURIED ALIVE!! Joseph Cotten is there for some reason and he too does not believe Olivia. They do eventually go look where Olivia found the woman, but when they go back she can't locate her because the husband of the buried woman has come and sort of dusted over the area. But they literally looked for like two seconds?? It was weird how Olivia basically just scraped her hand over the earth lol and was like oh i guess she isn't here. Lol idk this movie is silly.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW POSSIBLY THIS MOVIE ONLY TAKES PLACE OVER ONE DAY?? This is important because I'm watching and it comes across--at least it did to me--that the movie takes place over several days, possibly even weeks. However, there is an alive woman buried underground, and time is of the essence. Am I buggin? Was it like super obvious this was just over the course of a day? Lol like eventually I noticed the son was wearing the exact same turtleneck the whole time, but...it's the seventies. Everyone is wearing skid-marked colored turtlenecks at all times always. I assumed he just had a closet full?? Girl, please help me. Please.
So no one believes Olivia. They do get the police over, but since the police have been over on numerous occasions for false calls, they do not take her seriously. The woman stays buried underground.
We also get scenes with the buried woman's attempted murderer, who I mentioned was her husband. His dog was trying to dig her up, which is how Olivia noticed her. I liked how they showed the dog like...being aware that this man buried his wife lol. There was like this shot of the dog looking like "Yo, this nigga buried a bitch alive. What I'm 'posed to do?". It was honestly iconic, as is this movie, which btw was a made for TV movie, I believe? If it wasn't, for shame.
Since no one at her estate will help Olivia dig this bitch up, she seeks outside help. *insert me screaming at the top of my lungs* PLEASE TELL ME WHY THIS BITCH WENT AND ASKED SOME LITTLE KIDS TO FUCKING HELP HER DIG THIS SHIT UP PLEASE PLEASEEEE?!?!?!?!?!?!?! *takes a breather* *continues screaming like that dude with the fly on his head from Troll 2* OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Okay, I'm done. Maybe. Olivia approaching those kids was what? ICONIC. And they was just telling this bitch all their info. This how you get kidnapped. And these were what? White kids, obvi. Olivia only really asked the boy one, though. The girl kids was tryna help dig too, but Olivia swiftly dismissed their weak asses. This is a MAN'S JOB! Digging up some made-up piece of jewelry Olivia claimed she dropped. Lol smfh. This the lie she told the boy to get him to help her. That she dropped a fucking earring or some shit. And then girl I guess it got buried? lol. And it's so funny because the boy, David, when he goes to dig, is all "How'd it get so deep?" lol, in relation to this fucking imaginary earring Olivia's ass allegedly dropped. This boy wanted to play the "this seems suss" game but didn't want to listen to his instincts from the very beginning. Again, this how you get kidnapped. He was suspicious from jump right away when Olivia approached them in the street, but he went right on along cuz she offered his thirsty ass a dollar. WOW, ONE WHOLE DOLLAR. Wait what was that in 197whatever? Couldn't have been that much. But I guess to a kid, maybe?
I WAS FUCKING SCREAMING WHEN THE BURIED WOMAN MADE A NOISE WHILE DAVID WAS DIGGING AND OLIVIA WAS LIKE "YOU HEARD THAT, TOO?!" OMFG DAVID'S FACE. AND THEN WHEN OLIVIA WAS EXCITEDLY LIKE "THERE'S A WOMAN BURIED UNDER THERE!!" OMFFFGJGIDDJENEJEME. AND THEN WHEN DAVID WAS RUNNING AWAY AND FUCKING OLIVIA FUCKING SAID "WHAT ABOUT YOUR DOLLAR???"
BITCHHH!!!!!3&:'le,l,ekmekjeneine
Oh my god I was screaming. What is this movie lol.
It was so funny to me how Olivia kind of just shrugged David running away off and went to seek more help lol. Like you're asking a little boy to help you dig up a body. Regardless of whether or not you're responsible for that body getting buried, pretty sure it's gotta be illegal to ask some little boy to help you dig it up. At the very least, that sort of thing is heavily frowned upon.
Eventually Olivia lands on the doorstep of the dude who buried the woman. And it's like...why would she go around asking for help not knowing who put her there? Like it's such a high chance it's someone who lives in the area, no? Idk maybe you wouldn't be thinking like that after finding an alive person buried on your property. And then no one believes you, and you barely believe yourself...I guess things can get pretty weird.
So she ends up at this dude's house and eventually figures out he's responsible. When Olivia asked him "Where's your wife, Mr. Nesbitt?" it was honestly ICONIC. Like BITCH, RUN!!! SHE ALL UP IN THIS NIGGA'S HOUSE!! I liked how he didn't immediately snap her neck. Like this guy is obvi not a profesh killer, he snatched his wife up because an argument got heated. She found out about the side bitch and it was on and poppin up in the Nesbitt household, and now Mrs. Nesbitt buried alive on some crazy old bitch's property. Oh, and Joseph Cotten. Someway, somehow: Joseph Cotten.
For some reason the popo show up at Nesbitt's house?? I don't remember why they were there lol. Maybe Olivia's son was looking for her and they were going around the neighborhood? Idk but when they show up to Nesbitt's house Olivia tries to tell them he's the dude who buried the woman but of course they ignore her and that's that. IT'S SO FUNNY TOO BECAUSE NESBITT LOOKED MAD SUSPICIOUS. THE POLICE DUDE ASKS HIM IF HIS WIFE'S HOME OR SOMETHING AND NESBITT IS LIKE NO SHE WENT OUT OF TOWN BUT I WAS ABOUT TO CALL HER WOULD U LIKE TO SPEAK TO HER?? NIGGA WAS SWEATING BULLETS LOOKING AGGY AF OMG THE POLICE DUDE JUST SHRUGGED IT OFF LIKE LOL NO THAT'S OKAY!! Useless.
FINALLY this bitch gets dug up because Olivia just says "fuck it" and goes out to the plot and starts digging it up with her old, crippled hands herself. Like bitch why you aint just do this in the first place, if it was all that? BUT ANYWAY!! Let me post the pic of what it looked like when that buried bitch emerged from the earth
*insert Olivia screaming (get it?) at the top of her lungs and me doing the same but for different reasons that are ultimately in the same category, scream-wise*
And here is Olivia looking pleased as punch about proving she wasn't crazy, there really was an alive bitch buried there all along! But chile...your actions trying to uncover the body...all that shit was bonkers. JUST BECAUSE YOU WAS RIGHT ABOUT THIS ONE THING, DON'T MEAN YOU OKAY. You got lucky finding this fake-dead bitch buried on your property. And speaking of your property, bitch...how you gon' afford upkeep? Your son say you can't pay on the house anymore, that's why he was trying to sell. What's gon happen with that? Is your ass getting a reward for digging up Mrs. Nesbitt?? BITCH, DOUBT IT!
Anyway imma post some other screencaps i took happy birthday Olivia I hope u not racist. I mean, you probably are. You're old and white. There's like...no way you aren't. I still love you anyway. You beat Joan. You lived longer. You're That Bitch™ and I will always respect you.
whatamidoingsendhelp.com/oliviawasborninjapansomaybesheasianandit'sfine
lol the opening credits. Beautiful.
YASS BITCH DIG INTO THAT ASS! Lol i don't even think Olivia was dragging anyone, but this is purely an Imma drag you to hell and back face, and I wish to superimpose it over my own.
Lightskin Quadroon Bae wearing like a fucking ascot prob to hide a tracheotomy scar or some shit lol please. Or maybe he like that bitch with the yellow scarf and you unravel it and her head fall off. That is so Joseph.
Bitch, bye! Olivia's ZESTY ASS son was really killing me. What he say to his wife right before this? Something like "Close your mouth, Caroline, your fangs are showing." IT WAS MAD WHACK AND THERE WAS LIKE A MAD LONG SILENCE AFTER HE SAID IT BUT, BITCH, I LIVEDT!!!!!
lol Queen David. He said his mom and dad were at home "taking a nap" and Olivia was like "I see..." LOL PLEASE. They at home gettin it in and their son bout to become the reason why America's Most Wanted was enacted. I'm through.
The most iconic scene in cinematic history. David was all "This earth sure is hardened over" or something when he started to dig I'M SCREAMING THIS NIGGA AN AGRICULTURALIST AND SHIT JUDGING THE SOFTNESS OF THE EARTH AND CONCLUDING SHIT NOT ADDING UP CUZ OLIVIA SAID SHE JUST DROPPED HER EARRING SO WHY THIS EARTH HARD, HUH?? DELEET THIS MOVIE NOW!!!
lol David's Daddy. Please explain why I took like four screenshots of this nigrum? Idk he was mad swarthy. Also he looked exactly like David? Am I whilin? Like David with dark hair?? Idk, but his acting was atrocious but at the same time I C O N I C. He read Olivia for filth in the most stilted, wooden way but I truly got my life. I really did.
Olivia's dramatic ass I Need My Smelling Salts reaction when David's Daddy slammed the door in her face. #actingbae
I don't know who this Burt Lancaster-bodied ass nigga was but he READDDDDD Olivia. I was like YASSSS HUNNY, THE LIBRARY IS OPENTED!! Nah but he needed to chill. Nigga was going off bout some damn building plans or some shit idk. He said Olivia aint want his white trash ass in her neighborhood. But bitch...you out here yelling at some frail old lady like she some nigga squaring up with you on the street, so, WAS SHE WRONG?? Lol like was she wrong or nah to try to get your hype ass outta the neighborhood?? This nigga turning up in a canary yellow sweater. You can wear all the canary yellow sweaters you want, but underneath you are PURE SHIT and TRASH. And Olivia could see, and she tried to take the TRASH out to THE CURB where it belongs. Stay mad!!
Olivia's face realizing things for 2k16. Also her face at this post, my blog, and life :') Live to 200, bitch, you got this!
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