OINTB, s5

So I actually really loved this season, I think. I didn't know what to expect after they killed off my bae Poussey. I was just thinking...like how are they just gonna have a regular ole season after her death? Like I thought they were just gonna jump into things, per usual, with some acknowledgments here and there concerning what went down last season, but literally all of this season was the immediate aftermath of what happened, and I was glad. I was watching the first couple of eps of this season and remember hoping they dragged the riot shit out for a while, but I wasn't expecting them to do it the whole season. It was pretty cool, and interesting that they did. I also felt it was probably the most appropriate/best response to deleting a fan favorite in such a horrible way. 

Okay so time for me to start going in on everything even though I mostly enjoyed this season and it was prob my fave after the Vee season (resurrect Vee, btw):

-I felt like Piper and Alex...Okay. I like Alex. I don't...care about her terrible relationship with Piper. Like on her own she interests me, so I don't really get irritated too much about her, but Piper annoys me mostly. This season it wasn't too bad with either of them tho, and I kind of liked them showing Alex as a reluctant or unintentional leader. That's very her. Also she's tall and has a deep voice and is lowkey bae, but we don't need to get into that. But look. Like ultimately? Piper and Alex could be completely written off at this point. No one needs this anymore. But again lol it wasn't that bad this season so fine. 

-I need way more Frieda. Her backstory was definitely my favorite, and I need way more of it. I kind of hate when the show does flashbacks but not of why a prisoner ended up in prison (like with the Muslim one). It sounds like she's been in priz for a minute. I want to assume she murked someone. But prob out of self-defense, prob. Maybe she killed her crazy ass daddy. BUT I DON'T KNOW, DO I? How about you tell me?? K thanks.

-Why am I talking about the white ones first? Idk, but...Nicky, that's bae. I've kinda loved Natasha Lyonne a lot since I watched Slums of Beverly Hills at like two in the morning once when I was twelve and I have just been here for whatever incredible disaster she has going on since. Love her as Nicky, but they didn't do too much with her this season. I kind of don't like how mad she gets at Lorna? Like you know she's not really where you are with the whole lesbian romance thing, never mind the fact that you're on drugs all the time usually? It just seemed like misplaced anger at Lorna this season. Like when Lorna was telling her she was preg and Nicky started going off about her being crazy and pathetic. I was like okay.... Like please you already knew this? Why you acting brand new now? Maybe cuz she was sober? Idk, but eyeroll. 

-I want Lorna to have happiness and love with her bae :/ I know she crazy and he's...him, but I ship it. It's beautiful :') But Jesus Christmas pray for that little Italian bean. 

-The best part about Red this season was Eyebrows calling her the Heat Miser, and imma just leave it at that. Wait - no. I felt her flashback was weak and also I was like "???". I thought the other girl was going to be the one playing Red, but then the skinny little one pulled off her scarf and she shook her hair out and I almost laughed? Like lol, I guess. But writing about it now I realize it was to make Piscatella shaving off her head more...impactful? Like Red is Samson or some shit. She was weak as hell this season. But she's weak in general, tbh, but it was making me uncomfy how she was just drugged up every episode and acting crazy running around posting up those pics of Pissy and his decorative table settings smh like girl who cares

-The meth heads are annoying. 

-I love Pennsatucky. Remember how she started on the show? I feel like Taryn Manning's performance is mad underrated?? Or maybe I don't read enough and people praise her a lot? I just feel she's like...completely in this role, it's insane. But anyway, are they really doing a woman romances her rapist storyline? I mean, really? A part of me barely cares, because I think Penn is in prison 4 lyfe, so...what else she got to do, you know? But she's one of the characters that really makes me want the next season cuz it's like what now?? If they do some storyline like she doesn't go back to prison and her rapist becomes her ~protector~ imma know these writers have a lot of problems that they aren't trying to work out through the writing, but trying to, like, luxuriate in. Like jerking off to their terribleness. I'm very excited.  

-I love the skinheads and that nationalist lol. Ummm, but I don't like when they remind me they're white supremacists :/ lol it's like YIKES!!!. But they're funny please I don't want to be like this.

-Is Daya gone? because I'm over it. Was that Dascha's in real life daughter who played flashback her? I know that broad has like thirty year old kids lol. That girl looked and vibed exactly like her. Two little, non-acting Eeyores. Daya is whack for shooting the guard in his leg instead of his face and then tapping out of the riot like she didn't start it and then turning herself in. I mean, I guess she wouldn't have had to had the Golden Corral version of Martha Stewart not put her on blast, but why raise your hand? Maybe to get her off the show? If her raising her hand gets her off the show, then fine lol. Like, enough. Wait but can we talk about Daya's flashback with that Puerto dude being into that white ass girl lol and his rejection of Daya at the club. I don't know why, but all that was really funny. Maybe it was the actors. It looked like some after school special like warning latino dudes about their latina girl friends who feel entitled to them or something lol idk but it was hilarious but can we talk about how the real star of this show is Cesar? He had like one line and brought the fucking house down lol what an EYEKON. 

-I love Maria? Like I root for her. I want her to be with her family. I love her husband, too, how he cares about the baby and is quiet and all loyal and shit. I feel like one of those people getting all excited about a nigga doing regular shit, but it really makes me root for their love and their family. Wow, but ol boy's mom was kinda hot, right? Lol let's not do that right now. But look. I did not even care about Maria betraying Gloria, and like, literally everyone at the prison omg. I did not care. I wanted her to see her baby. And she did :') And I was happy :') But it was pretty fucked up :') 

-I felt bad for Gloria and her son and I hope he's okay but I am dying at her knocking Daya's stupid ass unconscious with that big ass like paper weight or whatever. Daya mentioned her head hurt multiple times and I don't know, but that shit was super funny to me. Like ol' girl coulda died I'm fucking crying.

-The whole Flaritza thing seemed lowkey offensive? But it was in keeping with their characters. Maritza had some good comedic moments, per ush. But hopefully next season they will get a little bit more to do, especially with them being possibly separated.

-I like the ne--I was gonna say I like some of the new ~HisPANIc Ones~*~, but idk. They're kind of annoying? And mad short lol idk why that's a negative, but it is. They add something to the story, though, so I'm not complaining yet. Loved when that one did impressions, that was pretty funny. My favorite thing about them, though, is how i don't know their names :')  

-It was weird how my bae Eyebrows was kicking it with Red & them the whole seaz? But I love her so idc where she at, long as she there. 

-So I've always liked Taystee, but I never thought Danielle Brooks was especially good at acting. From the beginning there has been some choppy acting with a lot of the prisoners, but if they were cute/funny/and or intriguing, I didn't care too much. Taystee is super-charming, of course, so Danielle isn't giving me Viola Davis, but she's appealing and amusing and it's fine. However, this season I felt she was almost giving me a performance. Which sounds...like insulting lol, but I mean it as a compliment mostly. It was pretty good. I was getting emotional and shit. But the most emotional I got was seeing Poussey come around from that shelf in the library. I was bouta cry? Lol. Felt some type of way!! And I loved how they showed Taystee was the one who was closest to Poussey, because, TBH, it was a competition and I didn't like how Asian Shailene Woodley was tryna act like she knew Poussey the best-most when she was only letting her eat her out for a second and a half. Girl, bye!! But anyway Taystee fucked up majorly with that deal lol like smh and WTF. Went from 0 to 100 extra quick in terms of promise for the future of the prisoners, smh. It's gone be on some other shit now. Good job!! (It's called SARCASM) 

-Black Cindy is Black Cindy, but can we get her talking about her daughter, please? Like, let's get into that!

-I have...no idea what the Muslim One™'s name is, and my lazy ass could look it up, but I'm not! Anyway I like her, but like WHAT. Do Muslims really be doing that Big Love type shit? I NEED MORE STORY ABOUT THIS! Lol and how she gon' act all hurt about the new wife assimilating successfully in the family? She didn't want a wife, she wanted a nanny, and it's like, girl...those exist? Like nannies exist?? So. BUT HOW DID SHE END UP IN PRIZ. Did they explain? Nah, I felt like I woulda remembered? Anyway her husband was cute. Pretend I put the eyeball emoji. 

-Um, can Janae get more lines? OKAY GREAT THANKS. But omfg...............................................White Dreamgirls........was the worst/best thing I have ever seen. That soulless ass And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going cut with baby Janae fucking crying HAD ME CHOKING!!!!! I was FUCKING DYING THAT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? And great! Now I need an actual White Dreamgirls. Can you imagine how awful? Please cast Gwyneth Paltrow as Effie White. No, I NEED THIS, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!! 

-Instead of killing off Suzanne and her lacefront slave hair, you got rid of Poussey, whose character you can actually do something with? Oh okay! No, fucking Samira Wiley smashing the writers or some shit and now she on Hulu, so that's why. SURE! FINE! Suzanne is annoying. And like, extremely disturbing? I thought it was cute when she was doing the massage thing with the guards but then those (latinos?) tied her up and she was crying and I know I should be most annoyed with them but I just...can't with her lol, like...enough. And when she wasn't helping her friend with the face infection and when she was causing that commotion about the dead guard...sigh. I was reading someone else's write-up about this season and they were saying how they lowkey hoped Black Cindy killed Crazy with the lithium and I was agreeing hard as shit, cept I highkey hoped, foh. But I feel weird because I know crazycrazy people exist and have people like me being like ugh, Enough.... lol. And like I'm crazy, too, but not medication crazy, so I feel bad being annoyed. Actually, I prob should be on medication? I always feel like I'm itching inside. That's probably not supposed to be happening...

-Can yall stop talking about Caputo's dick? I can't smash a fictional character, so it's just doing nothing for me.

-But yo, there was like mad dicks on screen this season? Lol I think they just showed that guard's little peepee and then caputo's monster coke can dick lol, but I was like WHOA DICKS. Cuz you don't see them that much. Or, I don't. I'm a virgin..

-Um, but can we talk about how the highlight of the whole season was that sus guard and his strip routine. AS SOON AS he mentioned what he did in college to make money, I WAS FUCKING READY. Lol I was getting my life?? LIKE..........!!! It was funny and cute and I kinda lowkey wanna see more of him? Or just like, more stripping men. No I'm jk that shit usually makes me uncomfortable. Like Magic Mike mad me feel like I needed to start doing heroin. I don't know...like, how to...who to ask to get sum? Do you just walk up to whoever's standing outside of Walgreens? Sigh, Wagreens is gross.

-Did I feel bad for Piscatella cuz his baefriend at the old priz he worked at was beaten and raped? No because he killed that dude with a hot ass shower, and so he got his vengeance and now that's over and it's time to move on, you big bitch! Like him breaking Alex's arm was for what?? Str8 whilin. Was anyone else mad that Taystee didn't kill him? lol like why not? He ended up getting killed anyway, smh it would've have more impact had she done it. Cop out! 

-So did all them in the pool get blowned up????? Maybe? I don't even think I really care? What if like next season it was all new people? Lol I would be hype. Keep the stripping guard, though, we need...to see more of him. His backstory and stuff, nothing weird! 

-Oh, I forgot to talk about Bailey. Is that his name? He was whack. You got off from killing someone, take your second chance and shut your bitch ass up. It was almost satisfying when he had his confrontation with Poussey's dad. He was like do you want me to validate your guilt? Nah!!!! So that was just a nice feeling for me but lowkey he shoulda shot Bailey for trespassing on his property and then not go to jail for it, cuz I think that's legal :) But maybe only when white people do it? :/

-lol but did anyone else notice similarities between this show and Kimmy Schmidt this season? Literally Kimmy Schmidt had a scene at the actual prison lol I wonder if Netflix made them do that? lol smh. Like when I was watching Chappelle's stand-up he just randomly shouted out Making a Murderer. I was fucking...dying (like Teresa when Steven was prob killing her) (I might have switched sides concerning Steven's guilt) (he sus).