I don't think I care as much any more, but Andrew McCarthy used to be my favorite Brat Pack member. Who's surprised? (No one reads this blog!!). Andrew isn't even a good actor, like basically at all. The only thing he has in his acting tool box is widening his eyes like he's an owl on meth when he's about to cry. It's really weird. I don't understand why I care about him. I remember watching Pretty in Pink for the first time and hating it like wtf is this, and now I'm obsessed with it (mainly cuz of Steff, duh), but Blane's boring, blue-eyed, self-hating, woe-is-me yuppie emo shtick is like...one of the things that eventually won me over as I kept watching it for some reason?? And then I liked him in St. Elmo's Fire?? Which hasn't aged well, AT ALL!!!, but which I first saw in the early aughts, like twenty years after that shit came out but still liked it anyway?? Also Less Than Zero and Mannequin?? ¿Weekend at Bernie's¿¿¿¿¿ What am I doing with my life he is literally bringing nothing to the table except being white. He's not even charismatic... Look, imma be honest: He doesn't look like Charlie Sheen, and that's all I really need from my chalk actors. Yes, the bar is depressingly low. It's great!!
You know who's white whom I don't like, even tho they're white? lol Fuggin...Kevin Dillon's ugly ass lol. I liked him as Rat or whatever his name was on Entourage for the first seaz (kill me), but other than that, his head is too long and why does he talk like that? I am...disgusted. He's mad annoying here. What is this mess about smh. Oh okay, so Heaven Help Us is a movie about...like some Catholic school for boys...in the sixties, I believe. So they have crazy priests teaching the classes and everyone's wearing like a wool suit. It's gross.
The main thing about this movie is...that the boys are being abused by this one crazy ass priest dude, Brother Constance. He is going the motherfuck in on these kids. Like, beating them with paddles going in. This is actually supremely disturbing lol. This movie has this weird kind of lighthearted throwback Brighton Beachy sort of feel, I guess, and then there's this terrifying abuse happening and you're like, uhhhhh...
Like the scene when Brother Connie is smacking Michael's hands with that paddle?? And Andrew does his one acting thing and gives me some tear droplets and an obvious Academy Award level performance (no)?? It's like, insane. And then they break it up by having Kevin Dillon's character be a dick and everyone's laughing or whatever, I guess? And then the following scene Andrew and Kevin's characters are being punished in Brother Thaddeus' office by kneeling on their knees and holding their arms up with books in their hands? And I feel like the movie wants me to think this is funny, maybe? When I am primarily sitting watching with my mouth slightly agape, like..............is someone gonna call the police? Any day now...
I used to be obsessed with this movie, but rewatching it recently, I wasn't as into it. It's still good, I think. One of the better ones from that whole eighties teen movie movement. It has that extra-something, but I definitely was hyping it more than it needed to be hyped. This movie has Mary Stuart Masterson and she stands out from ~the regulars~ of her peer group. She's not Brat Pack, or even Brat Pack adjacent, she's next level, so that helps the movie. Her scenes with Andrew are really sweet and provide a nice, like genuine little main romance for the film. It really gives it some heart and allows Andrew to not look completely dorky and stupid for once :) Why am I going in on him, tho, when I'm a stan? Also shout out to legit actors Donnie Sutherland and my bae, John Heard who like Masterson take the movie to a higher level by giving me some non-cringe worthy performances. Oh, and the dude who played Brother Constance. Lemme look his ugly name up. Jay Patterson. You was on some other shit, but I was living. I think this...movie could've been better if it didn't have that hokey teen comedy aspect? There was like mad serious subject matter in the movie lol like it made me uncomfy. Like imagine Doubt directed by Judd Apatow. No one wants that, why would you do this, people who made Heaven Help Us? Whatever, it could've been worse. And good job using those Otis Redding songs, but bad job being a super white ass movie using black music to punctuate emotional moments :/
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