I have a crush on Barbra Streisand. She's sexy, with her nose and nails and oft-times (at least before the nineties) confusing coiffure. So I like watch her movies just to watch her. There are worse things, okay, so let's just...move on.
This movie...was bad. First of all, Ryan O'Neal is in it. Every time I look at Ryan O'Neal all I can think about is how awful of a father and human he is, and how he prob lowkey killed Farrah Fawcett. He's just, like, a demon. Or a white dude, whatever. Tomato schomato! So idk why I...watch things he's in. He's just one of those where I can't see past their monsterness. Like Kirk Douglas, or Will Smith. But I had to see this. Actually, I wanted to see What's Up, Doc? and for two seconds I thought maybe this was that, but quickly learned it wasn't, but was like okay fine can't find What's Up, Doc?, next best thing is...whatever the fuck this is.
What is this? Barbra plays some CEO or some shit of a fragrance company. She's rich, and then she's not when her manager or accountant or ex-husband or who the fuck ever tells her some dude ran away with all her funds? Or made poor investments for her? Or some other money jargon that I barely paid attention to. Just know Babs loses all her money. The only asset she has left is a boxer, played by Ryan O'Neal. I guess for some sort of tax purposes reason, she was advised to get rid of some of her money through buying this dude's contract. Ryan, who is obviously not a dude beating anyone up in a ring, but maybe in a marriage or crib, is not actually a fighter. Well, he used to be. But he realized he sucked or got weak or whatever, so is just chilling and collecting his paycheck from Babs.
Okay but she lost all her money, so no more paycheck. Babs gets it in her head, as clearly a desperate attempt, to go and visit Ryan at the boxing ring where he mostly just plays cards, and ask him for the money he owes her. I know I'm dumb, like, really dumb, but there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of logic being applied here. Lowkey it seems a lot of random shit is being made up, just to kind of have some shit to say until we can get Barbra and Ryan in a room and have the ~*~sparks fly~*~.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Wasn't feeling the chemistry between the two. Like their first meeting, I was kind of over the whole movie at this point. We're like twenty minutes in and I'm like....mmm no thanks. You know who I would have liked as the boxer? James Caan. Not sure if it would be believable--Like, there was a huge Loser element to the boxer character. Ryan O'Neal plays that well, obviously, but not like at all the boxer part? And then the being a believable romantic sparring partner for Babs??? James would slay that, I think? I mean, the chem between Babs and Ryan wasn't completely non-existent, and I did start getting into their little white people thing as the movie moved on, but definitely initially I wasn't seeing it, and I feel that was kind of important? Cuz you know it's gonna be some romance shit, so I want to see it immediately, not have to cringingly force myself to squint its existence into place so I can make the viewing experience slightly less unbearable. That's not how any of this is supposed to work.
So, natch, Babs figures a way for her to make money: Ryan will go out and do boxing and win championships or whatever. Okay, sis, just kill him and sell his organs. Like at this point you just making everyone uncomfortable with your embarrassing ass attempts to not have to resort to trying to sell your soul on ebay, and then ebay taking the listing down citing fraud or something, because they know you don't really have one to sell.
Ryan is not good at fighting because he is white and Ryan O'Neal. So he's losing and it's embarrassing. I guess he gets better at some point? Idk, but some money man comes on the scene, and implies that the moneymaker of their situation, is Babs and Ryan's contentious relationship. He suggests that's more intriguing and marketable than Ryan's comeback? I agree, I guess? But if you watch the movie it's just all really fucking stupid, so ultimately the moneymaker is everyone pretending this movie never existed, and moving on :)
Wait, can we talk about that weird stuff with Babs being the only woman in the cabin with all those dudes. And like, all black and some latino dudes????????????????? And she was all scared they were gonna rape her. And then it was implied they definitely were planning on it until some old head was like cum on guys!! And they didn't? But they clearly wanted to????????????????
The seventies, man.
This movie was bad.
But watch it so you have to see with your eyes what burned mine own. I will not go down alone.
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